BeeMusings

Infected Sites and RC Cars

2011-06-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

First, the Great parts of the weekend, then the Ugly.

This weekend was a total exhausting whirlwind. - Not because I went on vacation, it was more of a working weekend.

Friday I got to photograph one of my dear friends' weddings. We haven't really gotten to see each other since Highschool but have kept in touch thanks to Facebook.

The wedding was absolutely fabulous. They were SO cute, and SO much fun! She wore hot-pink heels -

The whole wedding was a Photographers Dream.

Got home late Friday night and 5am Saturday morning my husband was up and heading out to a huge area-wide RC car race, I followed a few hours later - taking pictures for my Husband and a Family Friend.

E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D.

Pretty awesome watching all the guys race their trucks, though. They were all great, good-natured people, helping each other out when a part would break. Kenny didn't get to finish 2 races due to broken parts - but it was still fun.

The Ugly:

Sunday night I was changing out my infusion site. Didn't even look at the old one (cause it was around my lowerback/ upperbutt area, and I rarely find a need to actually look at the site when you can just feel for the adhesive and rip it off.).

I noticed it was a bit sore that night, but that is pretty normal for an hour or two after the site change (well, for me it is).

The next morning I realized it was hurting much worse, so I looked at it while getting into the shower - HOLY CRAP IT WAS RED AND HUGE AND PUFFY AND HOT AND HARD.

....crap... I've heard of this from other Diabetic Pumpers, but have yet to experience it myself in 5 years of pumping.

Drug myself into the doctor yesterday. Yep. Staph infection. Antibiotics, Hot Pad and lots of water - hopefully I won't have to go back and have it drained.

Yeesh, I had no idea an infected site could hurt so bad! Just to have anything touching or rubbing or push against it is like torture. ...okay, maybe that's a little dramatic - but it's awful.

Consequently the infection plus the antibiotics I'm not at my greatest.

My baby sister is graduating on Friday, and a full weekend ahead, and pictures to deliver. Best get back to it!

My Diabetes Soap Box

2011-03-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

I've said recently that I've been back on shots since December. For the most part it has gone okay. The daily swings, figuring out which way to adjust the Lantus shot, figuring out what time of day to take that shot, or if it should be split into two doses. Then figuring out when it peaks in your body (because contrary to what they say, Lantus does have a peak and I always go low).

Theeeeeeen, for me, there is that fragile balance of - too much of my long acting Lantus, and too little. A unit or two too little and I wind up with consistent 200+ averages. A unit or two too much - I wind up with lows all day. Then, if I add exercise, or work more than usual, or run around with Rylee more than I have been - I'll have lows all day anyway.

I added a new exercise routine AND have been working every day with my dad, very long hours the last couple weeks. Even decreasing my dosage hasn't keep the lows away and I've been low in the middle of the night (anywhere from 1am to 5am) every day for the last 2 weeks.

Then I had a couple times where I over estimated the amount of insulin I needed for food (that NEVER happens! ...no, that's a total lie. Haha), I came home and wound up with nasty lows twice this week. Lows wipe me out. I'd rather have high blood sugars than low blood sugars. Then I get told I'm going to kill myself if I don't get a handle on my lows. ...noooooooo. Long-term - high blood sugars are so much worse than the one or two lows a day. I'm not going to get into all the medical details regarding that statement. I also don't need (or want) to hear them - so don't bother. :)

I know, it's stupid and trivial. But - dang it! - it bothers me! People just don't understand how much freaking work goes into getting "only" 1 low a day, or sometimes no lows and sort of steady blood sugars the rest of the day. ...I miss my pump. I'll be back on it soon. Very soon.

10 Years with Type Diabetes!

2011-03-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

As of Today I have spent the last 10 years of my life with Type 1 Diabetes. Actually, I thought it was at the earliest next year that I'd be 'celebrating' this day. I had completely forgotten and didn't realize that it had been this long already.

Seriously time flies when you're... um.... giving shots, checking blood sugars, measuring and counting your food, obsessively reading food labels, dating and marrying, shots, working, living life, blood sugars, getting pregnant, chasing after a toddler, dealing with insurance companies......

Yeah, time flies. 10 years means I've given myself a minimum of 10,000 shots and of 16,000 blood sugar checks.

So, how did I celebrate? Well, by keeping things normal, of course!

My husband is enjoying his week of of school before he goes back to a new set of classes on Monday. We took care of some phone-type stuff at AT&T, then to save on gas (because, seriously, how is it really possible for gas to jump so high so quickly!?) he decided to tag-along with me to help my dad out at work. Family day out, got Arby's (their new Jr.Turkey sandwhich was SO great and nice on the blood sugars!), worked, got home and have continued the night just like any other. ...oh yeah, except for the part where we stopped at the library and there is a $45 lost book charge on my card!? What the heck!? ...but that's not what this post is about.

I've been on a pump break. Scar tissue build up caused me to need to go back to Lantus and Apidra 4+ daily shots. It actually has worked pretty well. But, I'm ready for my pump now. I also just found out that Minimed's Mio infusion sets are now available on my prescription plan. So, hopefully I'll actually be able to get affordable sets that hopefully will work for me. We all know the quickset drama I've had and how much I abhor using them.

Anyway. Happy 10 Years to me!!!! Doubly happy 10 years and complication free! ...now... to get my 8-something a1c down in the 7's... Heehee.

Happy day/evening to all the rest of you lovely people!!!

Multiple Daily Injections

2011-03-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

I've been on that regimen since shortly before Christmas. I had a lot of scar tissue build up and my pump sites were going bad after less than a day - my blood sugars would rise and I'd have to bring my basal rates up like crazy just to compensate and force the sites to last a little while longer - cause we weren't able to afford more sites. ....diabetes sucks worse when money is involved. Haha.

So, I have been back on the good 'ol Lantus and the new Apidra regimen.

After being on my pump for 3 years it was so weird going back to shots. It's gone pretty smoothly, surprisingly to myself.

I end up forgetting my Lantus shot in the evening (or morning) until the next morning (or that evening) when I've been fighting sugars THEN realize what I forgot to do. So sometimes things get all crazy, oh well. Life goes on, one day at a time. I'm ready for my pump to be back on, and I think some of my preferred infusion sets are actually covered with the new medical year having rolled over.

Tomorrow is my ******10th******* year with diabetes. It's crazy, I know. I actually thought it had only been 8 or 9 years and my sister recently said something that made me sit back and think about the math. Yep, it's been 10 years. Time flies when you're.... ....having fun? Haha. Yep! Diabetes is apart of my life, it's apart of me and has helped shape me into who I am - so, taking everything in stride (cause that how I like to live) I just didn't even realize.

I'll have a rad post some time tomorrow about 10 years with Type 1 diabetes.

P.S. Yes, that is 50 units of Lantus you see in the needle. I have never had to take so much basal in my normal life! I did when I was pregnant, but that is not 'normal' life. I have no idea what the deal is, I want my pump back!

New Life....

2011-03-19T21:55:00.002-07:00

Today is supposed to be the first day of Spring. It certainly does not feel very spring like, there is a cold icy wind outside and it's cloudy, no buds on our trees and we got an inch of snow yesterday morning (it's all melted now).

Spring signifies new life, but I can't help be sad today - a dear friend of mine said goodbye to her baby girl yesterday. She delivered at about 24 weeks, the little one was diagnosed with Anencephaly and the little one was going to make it past birth if even to full term.

They chose to induce labor, she was born yesterday morning, and went to be with Jesus at the same time. They got to hold her and spend some time with her and their families.

Any mom/parent can instantly feel that pang in their heart at the thought of losing their baby. Having lost my own, I know how heartbreaking the whole process can be.

So thankful for my little Rylee girl. It's actually been a bit of a rough weekend for me, not sure why. Rylee almost certainly being our only child hit me (again) this weekend. I'm totally enjoying her development. Yesterday it became apparent that she has hit a new stage - being genuinely scared of things.

She's growing up. Playing. Talking. Choosing to "Play with toys" over her dinner. Requesting that we play with her. Laughing when the rest of us laugh to be 'apart of the group.' My baby is rapidly running away from me. I really do enjoy every moment. She is my entertainment, I prefer to watch her for hours on end over TV. She's so funny to watch. I've said it before - but I LOVE to watch the way her brain thinks about things.

I'm sick of not being in Church. It's been over 2 years since we've been there consistently. I was so frustrated this morning because I wanted to go to church, was getting up to get ready and realized I had forgotten that we have to get up at about 7 just to be able to get in the shower as there are 5 of us that take them on Sunday mornings - and the hot water just doesn't last that long. I know it sounds so trivial... but we are a family of obsessive people that all need a shower to function in the morning, so there isn't much of a way around that.

Kenny's got 2 quarters of school down and [hopefully] only 6 more! It's 2 more years of school, but thinking of it as 6 quarters feels more attainable/shorter. I'm pretty sure he's got a 4.0 or close in all his classes. I'm so proud of him. I also can't wait to be living in our own house again.

I just miss it, ya know? Every time I see our storage pile of stuff I wonder why I'm even keeping it - oh yeah, I love it and would really like to use it again. ...but maybe we should sell it and just get new stuff... ....no.... that would cost so much more... but.... yeah. I'm a downer on this Sunday.

Colds colds go away!

2011-03-12T18:13:00.000-08:00

Rylee has never been as sick as she has this week. Took her back to the doctor last night because I knew there was something more going on than just a cold. We found an ear infection this time, a new development from last week. So, we've finally got a prescription that'll take care of her ear-infection and most likely her chest problem too. Didn't sound like Pneumonia, but if it was something bacterial it should be taken care of with the the antibiotic.

So, while we were waiting for her prescription to be filled yesterday I took her across the street and shot these delightful photos! I love having a dress-up-doll (toddler)!

And today my awesome husband took us on an impromptu drive up to Mt.Spokane and after doing my share of picture taking my husband made me get In-Front of the camera!

Heaven-forbid I'd actually be in-front of the camera. Heehee. No, I spend life looking through a lens. I love it. I love having our daughters life documented and I love helping to document other people's children as they grow too.

She's 2 years and almost 3 months, now. Kenny's Birthday is in a few days. I am in no way ready for his birthday. I always have plans, I always have his gift purchased weeks-months in advance... not this year. It's been a little nuts, though, between school-work-work-kid-life. I'm hoping that I'll have it figured out later tonight, or by Monday at least. Haha.

Cabin Fever

2011-03-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

We're suffering from cabin fever majorly here at my house. Rylee wants to go play outside so bad, but our stupid "spring" weather can go from 20 degrees to 40 degrees to 16 degrees in a day. It can also go from sunny, to rainy, to snowy, to hail, to sun, to rain to.... all in a day as well. The ground is mushy and everything is wet and gray. There is dog poop up to our eyeballs in our backyard because it's been so gross no one wants to go out and clean it up. Some random neighborhood dog has been laying huge piles in our front yard - so that's out as a play area too.

When I'm not working either on photos, returning emails & phone calls, or helping my dad out we almost always end up taking a trip to Target or a thrift store just to go out. Usually I'm really good and the most money we spend is on a juice or something 'special' from the gas station. Other times I just can't help myself when I find a great prop from a thrift store.

Rylee is also on month 2 of non stop colds. Everytime she gets over one she ends up exposed to another from a friend or cousin and gets sick all over again. I finally took her to the doctor a couple nights ago just to make sure it wasn't something more serious that she'd need an antibiotic for - nope! Just another freaking cold. Doctor Mom here says it's an Upper Respiratory Infection. I've had more than my fair share of those darn things and this time it acts and sounds just like one. Poor kid is so congested she can hardly breath when she naps/sleeps - so she sleeps badly. Then she's cranky and clingy the rest of the day - with happy moments here and there.

I've got the humidifier doing full-time duty the last few days, I've got the Vicks liquid added to the humidifier water, the Vicks alternated between her chest and feet, Ibuprofen to help inflammation....

So done with this. I've gotten very few pictures edited from my Sunday photo session because every time I go to work on one the kiddo needs me again. Kenny is in Finals week at school and it doesn't end until next Friday - but that's his last day of school for the quarter - and we're off for a week.

My best friend is gonna have a baby any time (well, her due date isn't until the 27th, but all mom's know how due-dates and labor actually works) and I'm so excited to head back down to Portland to do her newborn photos.

Spending the weekend at her place for her babyshower was so much fun. Doing her maternity photos was a total blessing for me. I'll leave you with a few of her maternity photos for today, enjoy!

Can you say that again?

2011-01-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

Rylee: "bebast ime, mama"

Me: "Huh?"

Rylee: "bebast ime, mama!"

Me: "I don't understand what you're saying, sweetie."

Rylee: "Bebast ime, Mama!!!!"

(this continues for several minutes)

Me: "OH! Breakfast Time?"

Rylee: "YEAH! bebast ime, mama!"

As she's playing with her toy kitchen and plates. She proceeds to bring Kenny and I plates with pretend food and then gives us bites of pretend food. Takes the plates back to her kitchen and says "Rylee's cooking bebast."

"Here's mama's bebast"

"This ones papa's bebast"

Oh, to watch life through a child... and decipher their babble.

I can't help myself...

2011-01-16T23:24:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my wonderful family I have a new addiction.

Photo Props.

I asked for props and gave examples of little things to get me for Christmas. Well, my family came through and I got props! ...Which sparked my almost inability to hold back now. I was good for about 3 weeks after Christmas. I played with my new ones as much as a person can when it's subzero and snowy outside and no one wants pictures out in that weather.

Theeeen I started going back to thrift stores. I've scored some seriously adorable things and that has just fed into my addiction.

My sister-in-law is knitting me some awesome props for newborn sessions I've got coming up.

I fear etsy may actually become a dangerous place for me too. Thus far I've only ever bought 1 or 2 things from there. But there are SO many adorable photo props available to me that I don't think I'll be able to contain myself much longer. ...I might need to go to an A.A. meeting for photographers ...or something like that. Heehee.

But seriously. I can't help myself and my daughter is also helping feed this problem by producing delicious almost edible pictures like this:

:::SIGH::::

Follow me as you enter...

2011-01-13T21:43:00.000-08:00

::::::::THE TODDLER-ZONE::::::::

(Twilight Zone music)

Yep, we have definitely entered into The Toddler-Zone.

It is so much fun, it really is. We're watching her become a real person. She's playing "pretend" all the time now. Pretending she's cooking things on her kitchen stove, in her play microwave making "Beep"ing noises when pushing the pretend buttons.

She pretends to talk to her Aunts on the phone.

Pretends to feed her numerous baby-dolls bottles, makes them go "nigh-night," says "Baby woke up!" or "Baby hungry too!!" when it's time for breakfast.

She's talking and repeating everything. EVERYTHING. It's totally adorable and I'm thankful we haven't had to do any speech correcting (i.e. "No, Sweetie, that's not a nice word").

Rylee talks about herself in the 3rd person. It's the funniest thing. I think it's largely due to us always saying (almost from the day she was born) "Is Rylee hungry?" "Hi Rylee!" "What's Rylee doing?" "Is Rylee Pretty?" ...and so on. Getting her to make the association with her name as soon as possible.

Anyway, it gets really funny when she starts really chatting. "Rylee hungry, Mama. Rylee eat soon?" "Buh Bye soon?? Rylee coming too???"

She's also REALLY polite! It's so adorable! When I give her a meal in her high-chair she says "THANK you, Mama!!!" (Or Papa). She says "You're welcome" after we tell her 'Thank You.'

---Back to The Toddler-Zone.

Oh boy. Can we say GIRL? Cause she is awesomely manipulative. She has also gotten quite demanding for whatever it is that she is wanting at the moment. We tell her "Rylee, you need to say 'Please'" and she'll get all smiley and say "YEAH!" as in: "Yeah, Mama, 'Please' - you just said it for me." She does it all with a smile so that makes it "Okay" in her mind.

"Please."

That is a whole different struggle. She does NOT want to say "Please." It's seriously like we're asking her to go live with a different family.

She gets her strong-willed personality honestly from both of her parents. So it makes for an interesting fight. It's not that she doesn't understand what we're asking her to do. She completely does. It's an outright defiant act.

Asking for her Pacifier in a screaming and demanding manner earns her a "Say Please and settle down a little bit, then you can have it." She will instantly calm down, cross her arms in front of her chest, tilt her head up, and walk away.

Rylee LOVES her pacifier. But when told she needs to say please for it will go ALL DAY, without it until she finally says it at some random point in the evening quietly and timidly.

Tonight - she was coloring in her coloring books. All fine and well - then I realize that she's coloring on a table, a toy and the tried to color on some adorable wooden blocks I bought a couple days ago. So, we have the "Paper Only" discussion, again. A few minutes later I hear quiet giggling over in the corner. I quietly got up and walked over to see what she was doing... coloring on her baby doll's head.

"Rylee, is that paper?"

...silence...

:::Meltdown:::

Ooooooh, Yes. We have definitely entered into The Toddler-Zone. That time in you and your child(ren)s life where everything is SO cute and adorable, and so challenging all at once.

Not a Baby anymore

2011-01-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

My kiddo is growing so much! I was going through pictures they other day trying to dig up some old ones for my up and coming photography website, and to put a better portfolio in order for myself - and I realized that we moved into my in-laws nearly a year ago. My little baby girl was still baby-ish at the time, she's totally not anymore! I'm so sad!!!

Her hair has grown at least twice as long, she's gotten REALLY tall, her feet have grown a TON. She's using real sentences now. Kenny and I were realizing the other day that she actually has better sentence structure than a lot of jr.highers and highschoolers these days. Yeah, I'm bragging a little.

She is in love with babies, thomas the tank engine - and - Toy Story!

It's totally cute, she loves Buzz and Woody and Jessie and Bullsye.

I wish she had a sibling. There. I'm saying it. Had to get it out of my system. She would be an excellent big sister, and would (hopefully) help with her serious mama-jealousy and problems being around other kids. She's so antisocial it's pretty awful. We're working on that.

See what I mean, though?

She's a real person these days. Not just a baby any more. A person.

::::::SIGH::::::

Merry Christmas! (the post that was supposed to be on Christmas)

2010-12-26T23:57:00.000-08:00

A 2 year olds birthday in pictures

2010-12-19T20:59:00.000-08:00

My sweet little baby girl turned 2 on Friday. It was a fun day.

Sneak Peeking

2010-12-17T14:46:00.000-08:00

I spent the better part of yesterday working on these lovely things

This evening is going to be fun. We're leaving in a little bit to take Rylee out to get her a Thomas Balloon that I had ordered for her. Gotta grab a few last minute items AND I have yet to get my birthday picture of Rylee in her cute birthday clothes because Kenny slept in till noon AND Rylee has been a little cranky today so she's taking a nap.

My plans are all thrown off, but I'm flexible. That's what I do, throw aside plans and go with whatever happens.

So, we've got not much time for the rest of the day. But it'll be fun anyway!

Precious Down-Time

2010-12-13T23:57:00.000-08:00

We had a lazy day at home today. The first I have had in a very long time. I'm so so so SO. Freaking. Tired. I'm always running around like a chicken without a head.

Working working working, whether it's for my dad or my own photography or household errands or holiday parties, or or or or...

Our official vacation starts in 2 days. I'm SO excited. ...aaaaand a little apprehensive. Rylee's birthday is on Friday. We had a little precursor to that party yesterday. All the husbands side of the family was over here at our house for a christmas ornament/gingerbread house making day. There were so many people over, and we're only going to add to that by 6ish more people when my side of the family comes over to celebrate Rylee's 2nd year.

I don't mind people, I LOVE people, lots of people. ....but not in small spaces. I forgot that we had this exact same number of people at our little apartment last year, and felt the same apprehension about having that so many in so small of a space. But it was okay. So this will be okay too, right?

Tomorrow I've gotta start preparing for said party. Getting the rest of the decorations, the baking supplies, baking the cake and cupcakes, wrapping her presents, cleaning..... aaah! I probably should have started on all that today, but I didn't. I needed to rest. I was so lazy. Sat on my butt screwing around with pictures or facebook or here. Took breaks to make and eat food. Also played with my kiddo a bunch.

Got her to actually enjoy her bath tonight! She got sick a little over a month ago and for some reason hasn't liked baths since then. Probably some association with baths and puking. Huge accomplishment there, I'm pretty happy about it.

She feel asleep SO adorably tonight, with her hands clasped... almost like when she was a newborn. I miss my newborn.

Maybe someday I'll have another. ....maybe. When we don't have 2 more years of school. When we have a house with at least a separate bedroom for the kids.

Rylee still isn't sleeping through the night and I've resorted to letting her sleep in bed with us again. Which happens to be more interesting than ever! She's now 2 years, so bigger than ever and we've downsized our bed from a Full-Sized bed to some in-between full & twin sized futon. I needed the space conservation in our room, so a futon or hide-a-bed seemed the most logical. A futon is what presented itself cheapest.

Yep, real college kids we are. Living in our parents' basement, sleeping on a futon, a steady diet of top-ramen and canned foods. Ha! It'll all be worth it in the end. Even if it was just to build our character and Kenny doesn't end up with a job in his degree. Heehee.

WOW!

2010-12-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

I've been away for so long! 2 months since my last post, I've got so much catching up to do!

I've taken a serious social networking break, partly out of necessity because of how extremely busy I've been. But also because I've been burned out, and then there is the endless family drama that a soap opera couldn't handle!

Of course I have been on facebook, but then if I wasn't on there I wouldn't be up on all the drama that is my family. Haha.

Kenny finished his 1st quarter of school last week!!!! .................

..............................................Only ***6*** more to go.

If all goes well he'll be finishing fall quarter of 2012.

2 more years. 2 more years. 2 more years. 2 more years. 2 more years. 2 more years.

Okay, on with the recap. Rylee is TWO next Friday! We're having a little family party, nothing huge, she's got plenty of years to care about big parties, but for now she's mine and she doesn't care, so we'll have a little party.

I've been busy with photographing families, babies, weddings, couples... whatever. It's been awesome and the funnest thing I've ever done. I love it.

Rylee is talking all the time these days. The love of her life (other than me) is Thomas the Tank Engine. So, you can guess what we're doing for her birthday.

We are officially on a 2 week vacation starting this Thursday. I'm pretty excited. "Real" paychecks again is going to be awesome! ...isn't that funny? Kenny has to take 2 weeks of paid vacation in order for us to get 'real'/'normal' paychecks. Well, I think think it's funny.

Anyways, I'll be back to posting more normally for the next couple weeks, at least. Some serious down-time is in my future and I am SO SO SO excited!!!

And here is a picture of my growing girl to leave you with:

"She might love you if you learn to play guitar"

2010-09-29T08:14:00.001-07:00

I saw this as a comment on a friend facebook post and loved it too much not to re-share! Especially because the reason my husband and I even noticed each other after going to the same church camp for 5+ years is because we were both in the snack shop one day playing our guitars.

Diabetics and their toys

2010-09-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

Yep! My new pump FINALLY got here today!

And because I am the kind of person that scours the internet looking for pictures (good pictures) of certain things I'm considering getting, want to find out more information about - whatever. I'm a visual person, I like pictures (obviously). So, I'll just grace this post with pictures of my new toy.

Rylee was almost as excited as I was...

...She couldn't keep her fingers out of my new toy! (I'm the kind of person that loves to look at and play with my new toys before everyone else, and no one should open my stuff before me. Ever.) But she was SO cute saying "Pump!" "Mama's Pump!" over and over and over again.

I thought the Ping was considerably larger than my old pump, really it's just a 1/4 of an inch at most longer.

And how cool is it that there is an actual moving animation on the screen of the meter?!! My husband has been saying that these things should do a lot more than they have been capable of. After just a few hours using it - I LOVE being able to see the status of my pump from the meter. I LOVE being able to give myself a bolus from the meter. I love that it's way easier to access the food list in the meter. So far, it's awesome.

Doesn't it look just right on my hip? Perfectly at home in my colorful house, my colorful wardrobe and personality. I'm in love with a stupid gadget.

Apparently I'm supposed to go through "training" with my doctors office to be on the pump. It's almost identical - as far as the functions go. So, I went ahead and hooked myself up anyway. I'll keep my appointment with my doctor, like a good little girl. But I'm a geek and like to go through manuals and figure things out myself. My own basal rates, my own insulin to carbohydrate ratios, my own insulin sensitivity factors... you get the idea.

Anyhow, There's my new toy. Sorry to put you to sleep with pictures (...okay, I'm not really sorry), but I love seeing pictures of everyone else's diabetic crap - so there's some of mine too.

Have a great night!

Cartridges, Pumps and Insulin - Oh Joy?

2010-09-16T00:22:00.000-07:00

Oh, site change day, how I hate you - and yet, I am forced to love you.

Without taking the time out of my day to refill the cartridge with precious life-giving insulin I'd certainly be a lot worse off. A few minutes of the day really isn't so bad.

It does irritate me, a lot, though. While I certainly appreciate the blessing of having such a wonderful device to pump my insulin into me as I tell it - allowing me only one shot (if things go right) every 3 or 4 days instead of 6+ shots every day. It really is more convenient to my life to just punch a few buttons and have my insulin instantly on its way to me instead of having to draw up a needle every time I need it.

Okay, I'll try to be thankful, grateful, not so irritated every time I need to refill my pump. It only takes a few minutes, not several hours.

Oh, and these super cute pink infusion sets (a gift from a sweet woman in the diabetic community, as I had run out last week while still waiting for the insurance company to process thing), I guess they make it all a little more okay.

I love my pump, I love how it allows me to be as free and able to live life as I can. I love how it allows me to be a mother - skipping meals while taking care of my child, staying up all night as she gets up for the 100th time, chasing after her as she shrieks for joy. It allows me to be a wife, staying up late eating ice cream with my husband, going out for hikes, paint-balling...whatever the heck I feel like. I'm grateful, really, sometimes I just need some perspective.

Bleh, that's about it.

2010-09-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted. Rylee has slept through the night, or almost through the night 3 times in a row now (**knock on wood**) and my body is telling me how little sleep I have gotten in the last 6 months since we moved (yep, it's already been six months, 2 years to go).

My mother-in-law, Kenny and myself are all getting hit with a nasty cold following the cold my father-in-law had a week ago. It's definitely a nasty one, and my blood sugars are all wonky to prove it. I'm betting it'll either not get any worse than this, or it'll head into a full blown upper respiratory infection. It's that time of year, and I usually get one right about now.

Anyway, that's all.

Anniversaries, Sleep, Getting hit on...

2010-09-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

My parents' 27th Anniversary was yesterday, the 10th. We celebrated it as a family - barbecued, had cake, did a few little presents - all in all, I think it was a fun day. I'm so grateful my parents have been together for 27 years. I know it couldn't have been easy for them. Marriage is hard, no matter how much you love each other.

Rylee slept through the night last night - probably due to how much fun she had playing with her grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousin.

Kenny and I have decided that whenever she sleeps through the night she gains a new level of sentience. She's never ever been one to sit and watch tv. She's never been one to sit still very long at all except when she's falling asleep. Today - She got a pillow, blanket, and set herself up on the floor propped up on the pillow and was beside herself with excitement at the movie I was putting on for her (sleeping beauty). She sat at watched that movie for nearly a 1/2 an hour!

She also brought a book to me, like she frequently does, and sat and paid attention to the entire book. Something she hasn't done before either - again, she's had an extremely short attention span that we've been working on.

It's really cute, I love it.

I'm exhausted, the one random night Rylee sleeps through the night always makes me more tired than I realize before. I'm used to running on no sleep - when I get it I can't handle it! ha, okay. Anyway.

Tomorrow we're going to a new church. I hope it goes okay. I'd really love to find a new church home to stay for awhile.

Oh - the highlight of my day!

Kenny and I went to a gas station so we could get some soda before we headed to a family gathering. A biker drove up and parked next to me (I had my window down, arm hanging out). We both nodded and said "hi." (Kenny was inside getting the drinks). Biker Guy, who was at least 55, starts to walk in to the station - then stops and comes back to my window and says "Hey, You're kinda cute, wanna go for a ride?" Heehee! Oh, it was funny and I had a really hard time not laughing. I didn't laugh, though, I was kinda and polite - I didn't want to crush his cute (for an older guy) ego. I just replied: "No, sorry, my husband is inside getting us some drinks." He said "Oh! I'm sorry!" and went on his way.

A couple things about this struck me funny - other than that I got hit on by a biker. Rylee is very much in plain view in the backseat - if I were to have gone with him, what about her? The other is that after Kenny came back we proceeded to have a lively conversation about going with bikers.

That particular guy I might have actually gone for a ride with - if I had no ties to a boyfriend/fiance/husband/child. He was really nice, helping out another fellow biker - bought the guy some gas and gave him some money. It was also major biker territory around there and they all look out for each other. Also, I found out that if a Hot Biker Chick asked Kenny to go for a ride - he would have too. Of course providing he had no girlfriend/fiance/wife/child ties in the world either.

So, we learned something new about each other today. And I was considered "Sort of cute" by an old biker guy. Haha!

Back to that exhausted point I made above - I'm going to bed early.

Then end, for now.

Diabetes and Me

2010-09-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

Kerri started this yesterday, myself and several other d-bloggers thought we'd steal it for ourselves too. heehee.

What type of diabetes do you have: Type 1

When were you diagnosed: March 22, 2002

What's your current blood sugar: Post breakfast (I forgot to test before hand) 278mg/dl

What kind of meter do you use: Whichever one I can find that my daughter hasn't lost - currently the One Touch Ultra 2.

How many times a day do you test your blood sugar: When I was pregnant 12+ times a day, now It's a struggle to get 6 times in.

What's a "high" number for you: Lately it's over 240 mg/dl.

What's do you consider "low": Anything under 70 mg/dl.

What's your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater: Child-sized apple juice boxes

Describe your dream endo: Understanding, Not Judgmental, (maybe not classified as a "specialist"!), Knowledgeable, Good Natured.

What's your biggest diabetes achievement: My sweet little baby girl - and the only 5.7 A1c I've had while I was pregnant with her.

What's your biggest diabetes-related fear: Losing my eyesight or ability to be as active as I enjoy.

Who's on your support team: My husband, parents, a couple of friends, the Diabetic Online Community! :)

Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime: Nope. I really don't.

What is a "cure" to you: At this point, I'd just love an Artificial Pancreas - but a real cure would be to have the entire auto-immune effects be reversed.

The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is: "I could NEVER give myself shots!" - yeah, you would if your life depended on it!

What is the most common misconception about diabetes: That my Type 1 Diabetes can be reversed by following some miracle diet for a couple months - my pancreas will start working again and I'll never need to take insulin anymore.

If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be: "Thanks for helping make me who I am today."

Oh sweet bedtime

2010-09-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

some days I feel like the time when Rylee goes to bed for the night (or the couple hours before she starts her wake up crying-make mommy lay her back down a dozen times routine) can't come soon enough.

Today was one of those days.

Rylee insisted on pushing every single one of my buttons almost from the moment she got up this morning.

My blood sugar was coming back down after a nasty overnight high due to a pump failure - so I was a little more on edge than I would normally be.

My new pump was still not at all in the actual works to get to me - which also meant that I wasn't going to be able to order more infusion sets and I'd be back on shots indefinitely.

- I was in a baaaaaad mood for well over 1/2 the day until...

Can I just say I LOVE the Diabetic Online Community!??!

I made a little rant this morning on facebook (I'm also rethinking even posting anything like that on facebook any more at all... some places just aren't okay to be "real" anymore...) and several of my fellow diabetics reached out and offered to send me some Infusion Sets until my insurance company gets their act together! Awwwwwwe, I love my diabetic friends. So thankful for you guys!

Anyway, the kiddo was out to get me today, diabetes was out to get me today, my "house" was out to get me with the clutter that won't end, and I think I was just cranky in general from the serious lack of sleep.

Tonight I'm happy my kiddo is in bed. So I'm enjoying a couple of "childless" moments to write this post. Now I'm heading to bed.

I love me some hiking!

2010-09-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

This morning I got the privilege (I'm not joking) of waking up before 5am to get ready to go hiking. I love hiking tons, but I haven't had the chance to go on a good hike since Kenny and I got married. My Father-in-law was awesome and invited me to come along with him and his uncle and my brother-in-law.

Such an awesome day! We had just started out on the trail and it started snowing! ...the only (only!) problem with this is that I had dressed expecting this hike to go like all other hikes - start out the hike with the weather a bit chilly then shed the layers as you continue on. Not so today, it started out clear and beautiful (although morning chilly) and just got colder, windier, and foggier.

Despite the unforeseen weather and the lack of appropriate clothing - it was a gorgeous climb to the top of the Roman Nose Summit.

I had (I think) a minor low blood sugar at the bottom of the hill before we even started the actual climb and by the top of the hill (a 3 hour climb to a 7200 elevation peak - freakin awesome) I was so pleasantly pleased to see this number on my meter:

119 is not bad at all for such a strenuous hike! When I had the low I realized I forgot to mess with my pumps basal rates before starting the climb, so I decreased them by 60% and did fantastically the rest of the day. After just a sandwich at the peak I ended the fun at 181mg/dl - I'll take it. Not a bad day at all considering it's been years since I've done this sort of thing and wasn't sure how much food I might need to make it through - I definitely had a stash with me.

I hope I can go hiking more - also hopefully with Kenny and later in her sweet life with Rylee too. We were considering taking Rylee today - I'm so glad I didn't! It was an awesome hike - but it would have been pretty much impossible with her.

Well, I'm exhausted so I'm gonna call it a night. Maybe more pictures another time. :)

Kickin' it to the curb

2010-08-27T22:52:00.000-07:00

- Fast Food, that is.

I've been eating out quite a bit over the last several months. Many things led to it - the first was moving. Driving back and forth 45 minutes across town one direction multiples times a day for a couple weeks - with a baby - made it almost a necessity to eat out more.

Then, finding it more difficult than I anticipated to adjust to our new home, I was spending more time away just "doing" things with Rylee - causing us to be out during times Rylee should eat - so I'd buy food out.

That led to just plain wanting fast-food a little more regularly.

There are several problems with this for me:

1. When I was working full-time - before Rylee was born - I was just buying food for me. I'd get the "cheap" items from Taco Bell or something and it wouldn't cost that much. NOW - I'm buying food for Rylee and myself, so eating out is costing me almost twice as much as it used to. - So it's getting expensive! With Kenny going back to school that's one expense that should definitely be cut out!

2. It's so not healthy! The Fat content, Caloric content and Carbohydrate content of fast food is just awful! Definitely not good for me, and not good for a growing baby! I do try and get the 'healthy' menu items as far as fast-food goes (I prefer Tacos over Burgers, that kind of thing). BUT - it's still not to be eaten often.

3. Along the "unhealthy" lines - it's awful on my blood sugars! It causes icky spikes - usually caused by the high fat and carbohydrate content. That's another little side-note: the high fat-content also just kills my stomach. My poor gall-bladder needs to come out at some point, and fat exacerbates it.

I've taken it upon myself to try and have the same control over my diabetes I did when I was pregnant. I was bound and determined to eat well, not snack, and keep my blood sugar in the best control I could - but I didn't beat myself up over a few bad days/numbers here and there.

To expect that I would have the exact same kind of control would be ridiculous - and honestly not realistic. Chasing after the munchkin every day is a full-time job itself, so is being back at work 2-3 days a week (where I get to bring munchkin with me), there is also my photography and and and and.... LIFE.

But because I am living life - it'd be best to live. So, I'm working on improving our overall quality of life by taking inventory of the things we eat as a family. I always feel so much better when I eat healthier - Kenny notices he feels better as well when we eat healthy together. So, I'm going back to that. I don't expect perfection, because sometimes its fun to go out and eat together, and sometimes you end up being stuck in town and necessity demands it. I'd like to make eating out the exception rather than the norm.

So, that's my new goal. And I like it.

Numbers, Blues, and Gadgets.

2010-08-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned before that one of my biggest concerns - one I also have no way to do anything about - is that Rylee will become diabetic too. I know the signs and get a little panicky whenever I think Rylee is exhibiting any one of them. Then I force myself to realize that she's fine, it's a normal toddler behavior to drink and pee a lot - just because they are playing AND it's hot out, and she definitely doesn't do it all the time. Nonetheless, it's still always in the back of my mind.

So, when she scratched herself pretty good the other night and had a nice drop of blood sitting on her nose Kenny and I thought "hey! We should test her blood sugar just because we shouldn't waste such a nice drop of blood" (uh, yeah, we're freaks).

Can you guess how surprised we were when this came up on the meter:

Yeah, Kenny and I both looked at each other with that "oh crap" look. Then we both thought, she's got to have sugar on her face, she's a kid - she's *always* got sugar of some kind on her skin. So I broke out the alcohol swabs (being a "pro" at being diabetic, I always feel that I have risen above the need to use those things), swabbed her hand, put a new needle in the Lancet - poked her hand a retested. I nice 104mg/dl showed up.

We breathed a sigh of relief - she did just have sugar all over her face - like usual. We both swear she's a sticky factory.

Moving on... sort of... I snapped this picture the other day:

Cause it struck me funny.

No, I really don't love that shade of blue. Seriously. I'm more of a bright/turquoise-ish blue person. My pump is that color blue because I was tired of Black and Silver - and Blue was the only other choice I was allowed. My phone's case is only that color blue because it's the case that came with my phone - not the color I would have chose if I were, you know, choosing it. My meter - well, that just happens to be the particular one I could find in a pinch last week and it made its way into the rotation for the currently used meter.

I didn't even realize that my main gadgets were all matching until the day I snapped that picture. I had them all sitting next to each other during a infusion site change (yes, it took me until they were all right next to each other). Seriously, though, that's not my favorite color.

My new pump - it's going to be lime green! It'll match my bed spread and I'll probably lose it in my sleep. But it'll be great.

Okay, I'll leave you with this:

I said it was falling apart. There's more to the "falling apart" but that's the most notable/visible.
Come ON doctor! Get that dang prescription faxed back to Animas stat!!!

Still Waiting

2010-08-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I put in all the information for my new pump to Animas last week. After playing phone tag back and forth with the pump rep we finally got a few thing hammered out. It seems that although my current insurance company didn't pay for my original insulin pump AND my coverage says that it's covered as long as I pay the deductible and 20% of the total cost - they are still being hesitant to completely approve it.

I had to fax them 30 days of blood sugar logs (do you know how annoying that is? I HATE, and I mean HATE - absolutely Detest logging, I could barely keep it up while I was pregnant). Animas called me back later to "confirm" that my current pump is malfunctioning - before the insurance company would approve it. - it is, it's definitely falling apart. I should post pictures of my poor sad pump, maybe I will try to tomorrow.

So, as of last Wednesday all we were waiting on was the prescription from my doctor and final insurance company approval before they could finalize the whole thing. Gr. That's about all I have to say about that. It's really irritating to me. I can be a very patient person, but I would really like my new pump now. My current pump is falling apart, I question how much longer it will last me in its present state. Also, I HATE - absolutely HATE the infusion sets I'm being forced to use through my prescription plan.

I think they are a huge cause of why I've been able to get sick so easily these days. These infusion sets fail so much faster than my old ones. They are about 20 inches too long, so they get caught on EVERYTHING. I have found holes in my tubing more times than I can count with this brand. All in all I am beyond fed up. - Why is this part of getting a new pump? Well, once I meet my deductible I can get the infusion sets that I like (or that I KNOW will actually work) via the Durable Medical Equipment clause and end up paying just a couple bucks more than the prescription plan.

Kenny and I've both decided it's worth the couple extra dollars to not constantly have failed infusion set sites.

So, I'm sick of waiting now. I've been "good" and not plagued Animas with phone calls just to see where we're at in the process, but I think I might tomorrow. Heehee.

In the mean time, I'm alive and well. My little episode last week didn't linger on past Thursday. I've been catching up on my house work and errands that got seriously set back from my 2 days down and out cold.

Rylee has had a major growth spurt and is seriously taller than most of the children her age that we regularly see. I wish she'd quit growing. I miss my little infant child.

Aaaaand to finish this all off - Kenny goes back to school in a month! It's going to be an epic year, that's for sure!

Getting hit by a train

2010-08-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

- figuratively, of course.

I've read stories from other Type 1 Diabetics where they go from feeling fine to DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis) just from being mildly sick with something that wouldn't typically phase "normal" people - but I had never experienced it myself.

...until Tueday.

Oh my gosh I was so sick. There are only 2 other times in my life I can recall being so sick:

1st time: The week leading up to my diagnosis as Type 1 Diabetic.

2nd time: being a stupid teenager and not taking care of myself I wound up in serious DKA that landed me in the ICU for several days, unconscious and a dozen wires hooked up to me.

This time - it hit me like a train.

My husband was out of town for a few days starting Monday. A few hours after dinner I realized I felt funny - checked my blood sugar and saw "HI" (blood sugar over 600mg/dl). "CRAP!" My infusion site had failed on me so I changed it out, had a new one going and took a ton of insulin. I put our daughter to bed and decided to sleep on the couch - I don't like sleeping alone in the bed - it's too lonely.

I woke up around 2am and wondering why the heck I'm awake if my daughter is still asleep - that shouldn't happen - I casually checked my phone, and my email - then it hit me: "I'm going to puke!" From the point on Tuesday was spent in agony.

SO thankful to be living with parents that day - my mother-in-law took Rylee and took care of her, while I continued to puke every hour or more. She brought me water and toast - none of which I could keep down for more than an 30 minutes (and the dang dog kept eating the toast!).

At one point I considered having my Mother-in-law take me into the doctor but I thought if I could just get my blood sugar under 300mg/dl I'd be okay. It was 2pm by that time and I hadn't been able to see a number under 300 despite taking tons of insulin. An hour later it finally broke and I got down to 209, then a little later 126mg/dl - but I still felt like dying.

My husband came home a day earlier because they got the jobs they were working on done quickly. He came home and saw me sprawled out on the floor - it was cooler there and my back didn't hurt as bad on the floor either.

I told him I thought we needed to go to the ER, I hadn't been able to keep anything down all day, my blood sugar was 84mg/dl and I was afraid of then having a nasty low blood sugar reaction due to the serious lack of food and hydration. He called a nurse - packed me up and away we went.

After getting to the ER they got me into a bed quickly. I almost (mind you - *almost*) felt guilty - they got me in ahead of every one else sitting in there except a little infant - she got to go ahead of me just by minutes.

They got an IV started, gave me an IV line of anti-nausea meds AND some Morphine. I started feeling better once that Morphine kicked in. I've never had the stuff before and let me tell you - it was the strangest sensation as it hit my body. But it took away my back pain, the raging migraine I'd had all day and all the other aches and pains - because everything hurt. I was able to relax finally - no longer feeling the intense need to throw-up and getting rid of all the bodily aches.

After some blood-work they determined I had some sort of infection, possibly from food poisoning or some other bug. They gave me another IV bag of antibiotics, another full bag of fluids, and a prescription for antibiotics for the next couple days to make sure whatever was getting me would be gone.

The attending doctor was a neat guy, he gave me a prescription for anti-nausea meds too - for "in the future" if I do get a stomach bug again I can take those and hopefully avoid another ER trip.

Looking back I don't think this trip was avoidable at all, like I said: it hit me like a train. I came home from a full, but good day out helping my dad and running errands. I was hungry so had some left-overs in the fridge, since Kenny wasn't going to be home I didn't need to worry about making dinner. I had a snack later - realized my infusion site was bad - fixed that - went to bed - woke up ILL. No signs. No warnings - nothing.

No, this one hit me hard. Hard enough that the next day I spent napping - except for having my mother-in-law take me to the store. Today I *still* felt weak. It's frustrating not being up to my normal self! I'm a "go go go" person, not having the energy or strength to do it is strange.

So now I guess I do understand a little better how something so simple as a stomach bug can hit us diabetics harder than normal. It just might change the way I think about being around sick people too - I certainly would like to avoid a repeat of the last few days!!!

JDRF

2010-08-16T00:51:00.000-07:00

Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation

This organization helped me SO much when I was first diagnosed nearly 9 years ago when I was a a lost 14 year old. Their website was one of the few out there at the time where a kid could go and find some sense of acceptance and normalcy to this new life of Type 1 Diabetes.

When I was in the hospital I got this awesome backpack - in it was a bunch of goodies: A Rufus Bear (Being a teenager I wouldn't admit it to friends, but I snuggled that thing at night for years), A One Touch Ultra meter kit (it was the latest and greatest at the time), A lot of literature on how children with diabetes can live perfectly normal lives, and a bit more I don't remember. Most of it had that good 'ol JDRF stamp on it.

I spent hours on their website (and www.childrenwithdiabetes.com too). Researching diabetes, learning the ins and the outs. Learning about complications if I don't take care of myself, teaching myself all the tricks of the trade from other more seasoned Diabetics. Being the book worm I am the internet opened so many more avenues of learning for me - so I made sure I was always up-to-date on the latest and greatest treatments and gizmos and gadgets.

What is it about a nice new gadget? I just LOVE to have a new thing - even if they are nearly always diabetes related. I love new treatments that will help make things "easier" to deal with. Yet, I've never been one to jump on all the latest trends. When CGMS first came on the seen I was excited about it, but knew it was too new to be accurate enough to be worth it for me - AND those first receivers were freaking huge! Haha.

Anyway, I have wanted to, pretty much since I was diagnosed, participate in The Walk to Cure Diabetes. as My husband and I went down to the park it was being held at the first year we were married - we walked around and talked to some of the vendors - it was really cool to talk to people who "understood" me. Real people, Tangible people. I LOVE the DOC (Diabetic Online Community) it has been my only real support group of people who understand the life since I was diagnosed. So being with people who were real was a whole different experience, and I liked it!

So this year I decided would be the year, rather impulsively tonight, I would join in the walk! I don't anticipate raising tons of money or anything of the sort - but just to go down and meet some others, maybe I can help be a support to other young women or mom's who are concerned for their kids living with this blasted disease - that would just be such a blessing to me.

It doesn't hurt to ask, though, if you do feel like donating no matter how small, that would just be awesome. My Walk fundraiser page can be found here.

Diabetes is not an easy thing to live with day to day. There is no "vacation" from it. We have to make choices every day that most people would consider trivial like "do I eat toast or cereal for breakfast" can actually be a big deal - "Well, toast doesn't raise my blood sugar as much as Cereal, but my blood sugar is a little low this morning so maybe Cereal would be the better choice in this case..."

Like Cancer and so many other things, we'd also like a cure to come around some day.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

It's a Beautiful Day

2010-08-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

In the Neighborhood

To go out and get some donuts for breakfast with my husband and daughter. To go play at the track with hubby's truck

Then later go out to a small lunch and get some pictures of a potential spot for family photos

Yeah, it's been a pretty awesome Sunday.

Doctor Stuffs - Part 2

2010-08-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went in for what's called a HIDA scan.

I got to spend an hour laying underneath this funky contraption:

When I got there the really really nice technician started an IV and injected this dye into it. I had to lay on that thing for 30 minutes doing nothing but twiddling my thumbs - except not really twiddling because you have to lay *really* still. So I just laid there wishing I could twiddle my thumbs. We were waiting for the dye to become fully active - or something like that.

When the technician came back in he brought the computer screen over to where I could actually see it and showed me that my gallbladder was almost where they "wanted it". The screen looked similar to this:

That bright glowing thing is a gallbladder! Behind it is the liver and to the right side of it is the pancreas. (See all the cool things you can learn at a doctor appointment! haha!)

So, I guess when it was glowing "enough" or something like that he injected something similar to Bile into my IV - basically trying to make the gallbladder do it's thing so they could watch how well it was functioning. At that point I was supposed to tell the Tech how I was feeling - if I was feeling any pain, discomfort, nausea or nothing at all. Almost immediately my stomach started hurting. A few minutes later he gave me a second does and - Nausea! - I thought I was going to puke right there and ruin the whole test.

In order to get an accurate look at how the gallbladder is functioning I had to lay there another 30 minutes before I got to be done and go on with my day - waiting for a call from the doctor - or something - I wasn't really sure what was going to happen at that point.

A couple hours later the Urgent Care doctor I saw on Tuesday called me and said "Well, according to what we saw - your gallbladder didn't function at all and you're pain confirmed it! We'll get you set up with a surgical consult and get you on your way to feeling better."

I've got the surgical consult coming up in a couple weeks, not sure when, though, the actual surgery is going to happen yet. There are so many life variables going on right now.

Animas never got back to me about the process of getting a new pump. I'm assuming it's because it is so freaking hard to get a hold of any one that knows anything within our insurance company. - Or at least I'm hoping that's what it is, because Animas has always been so great to me. Heehee.

So, I feel a bit "validated" in a way - I haven't been feeling so terrible for nothing! I'm hearing of more and more people I know that have had their gallbladder out. I'm really not concerned about it at all. I'm looking forward to the minor surgery because then I'll be on my way to being a normal person again, considering this has been going on since before Rylee was born.

The question I've gotten from a few people that's surprised me (although I guess it shouldn't have) is if this is "related to my diabetes." Uh - No. People having their gallbladder out is far more "normal" than I knew before and definitely not anything to do with me being diabetic - just to clear that up!

No, my body just has a superiority complex and is deciding to allow all the non-essential organ fail me! Haha!

Okay, I'll leave you with that thought for the night.

Doctor Stuffs

2010-08-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I posted about having stomach problems and suspecting it to be Celiac Disease considering it's also an auto-immune disease it makes me a little more likely to have it.

Finally keeping a doctors appointment I asked her to have me tested for it - she willingly obliged and the tests came back negative.

Back to square 1.

For awhile I decided to try the gluten free thing just to see if I'm "gluten intolerant" and it initially seemed to help but the symptoms never really went away and then started coming back just as bad.

Alright, it's not that for now. My stomach has been hurting more and more so I drug myself into an urgent care doctor cause I didn't want to wait a month to get set up with a doctor to "look at my problems." That was one of the best decisions I've made in awhile, Haha. They were very nice and I suggested to them possibly a gall-bladder issues - so we started doing tests for that.

They drew blood and sent me down for x-rays of my stomach just to rule out anatomical problems like a twisted intestine. The next morning was an ultrasound to check out the gallbladder, kidneys, spleen and (I think) liver. That found nothing too - no gallstones or anything.

The doctor I saw that morning, though, was even better than the previous one. She told me it definitely sounds like gallbladder. The blood tests the previous doctor ran were the wrong ones to check for gallbladder problems, apparently, so we had to re-draw those. She's also sending me in for a dye type test to check the gallbladder function. I've got that going this morning (so I should wrap this up and get ready to go).

I hope that they'll find find something there so at least I'll have an answer and can do something! Haha.

Breaks, Insurance (again), and Pumps

2010-08-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

So, I've been taking a bit of a break from most social-networking. I've still been on facebook, just not as much. It's been a nice break. Sometimes for the sake of my sanity I need to disconnect from everything.

Anyhow, I think I'll be back more regularly again.

The glutton for punishment that I am - I'm going back into dealing with my insurance company.

My Insulin Pump's warranty has been gone since February. It's been proven that my pumps only last me about 6 months at a time before I need them to send me a new one - just because I'm so hard on them in every day use. The battery case ends up cracked, the rubber on the buttons wears off leaving electronics exposed, it refuses to prime... and so on.

In the name of tradition - my pump is rapidly falling apart. The rubber over the buttons is peeling off - and I've already done my best to preserve that. I accidentally exposed it to several X-Rays last week- it doesn't seem to have done any damage, but it's just another risk to it seriously failing me soon. I've already noticed some problems where it's not actually priming even though it says it is - leaving me with awesome high blood sugars, usually overnight.

When changing my infusion site the other day I realized that I will either

A. Need to order more supplies soon

B. Go back to Multiple Daily Injections (MDI)

or C. find out exactly how much a new pump is going to cost and see if that's even an option

I decided I've got a little bit of time before I'll need to order more supplies (a few weeks) so I'll call Animas and see what we can get going for me there. I had them run the numbers with my insurance company to help me figure out how much money I'll actually have to pay out of pocket after my 20% deductible and possible trade-in value for my current pump.

No one told me it takes 48 hours for them to talk to my insurance company and figure everything out so - impatient me called them yesterday afternoon and then I felt like an idiot after they told me it takes 48 hours so they'll call me tomorrow (now today). Ah well. I'll know more at some point today, I hope.

I kind of exciting prospective with possibly getting a new pump (under warranty!!!) is that we might be able to do a CGMS system for me too - we'll meet the deductible for the year and all the rest of my supplies will be covered 100% for the remainder of the medical year. - We'll see, though. Everything is all just "possibilities" right now and nothing is set in stone.

I'm really really really really hoping it'll all be feasible, though. The pump at least. If we can meet the deductible too - that would just be awesome. I absolutely HATE the infusion sets that I'm being forced to use right now because they are all that is covered under my prescription part of my medical plan. I could get the ones that I want under Durable Medical Equipment but at at 20% copay per box - it's just not a do-able option right now.

Here's a vent - Why does diabetes have to be so expensive!? It's irritating that my medical condition takes away from things I could be doing/getting for my daughter. It takes away from going out to dinner once in a while with my husband. Gr.

My husband is so sweet, though. Yesterday I told him I was feeling bad about possibly getting a new pump because it makes me a really expensive spouse - he told me "I married you knowing you're going to be expensive. I still love you!" Okay, he's definitely a keeper and the sweetest guy ever.

Alright, so I'm going to wrap this up for now. Here's to being back to some regular-ish posting!

Living Life!

2010-07-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

To say things have been busy would be an understatement!

Almost 2 months ago (I think?) I "officially" jumped into the world of photography. It's been a blast and I've had a fairly consistent number of jobs, about 1 a week or so, and it's been really wonderful. I'm learning a lot - like how to write things down in my schedule book (or even having a schedule book!) making things more "presentable" and just how to organize my computer/external hard-drive! I love it, though. A LOT. I could do this every day for the rest of my life and be quite content.

Kenny is completely registered for school! We got the financial aid numbers in and it looks like we'll be okay! Things will be a little iffy when his hours go down to part time (that's another thing - his boss created a part-time position for him!!) we'll probably have little to no money extra, and I may end up getting an additional part time job too. We'll see, all in time.

Rylee is on a food strike this week. It's frustrating me to no end. I know kids do that, it's normal. However, she's been getting more and more lethargic, grumpier easier AND dehydrating herself. Usually I end up giving her 10+ 10oz bottles a day with either Gatorade or Milk in it and she drinks them all down. Yesterday - she had 2, and only wet 2 diapers enough to kinda warrant a change. She'll sit in her highchair over an hour, just sitting there doing nothing - not touching her food except for when she thinks it might need to be slightly moved or (when I'm not looking) tossed on the floor for the dogs. Not much else to do except watch and make sure she doesn't need a doctor visit from dehydration. - That itself is frustrating to me.

I'm still having a hard time not having my own house, but I've come to accept that I'll always have a hard time not having my own place. It's just something I'll deal with until we move out. My in-laws are awesome, things are really great. Kenny has been able to have something to do with his Dad - which is awesome because Kenny needs projects, it's in his nature. Rylee has a fenced yard to play in, I can let her out back to play with the dog without being too worried about her. We're near by a river, which has been a nice little option for when it gets hot out.

Our dog is **finally** almost housebroken! It's a miracle! Haha, okay, maybe not really quite that extreme. We got a mini dog door (cat door) for her to go in and out of our room so she's better outside trained. She still has accidents - but that's WAY better! Accidents are where we wanted to be a couple months ago. Accidents are okay, they happen with puppies being the nature of a accident. It was just killing and frustrating us SO much that when she would go in the right place(s) it was more of an accident that she got it right.

Kenny blessed me last week by carpet cleaning (this will be the 4th time since we moved in) before I got home. Our room has smelled SO awful I did actually spend some time crying about it. I can't stand places that smell bad - neither can Kenny.

I can't wait for school to start for Kenny and see where things end up. I feel like it's taking forever to really get the new rollercoaster ride going, as if the past few months haven't been one of their own. My lovely sister in law is getting married this weekend and it's going to be a beautiful wedding. I'm pretty darn excited for her. - So that'll be keeping me very busy for the next few days until it's over.

So, that's it for this morning. Have a great day!

Summer Fun Times!

2010-07-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

So, I've been remiss about my blogging lately. Summer is (FINALLY) in full swing and so are weddings, and the photography fun and everything else in between!

It's late and I'd like to be in bed now, so I'm just gracing the world with a quick update in pictures!

She loves swinging!

She's my little dare-devil with the slide love!

She's Mommy's little helper!

Rylee's Got a Secret!!!

(Okay, not really, but we thought it was hilarious!)

She looooooooved the teeter-totter

Okay, so that's my picture update for today, a real life update coming soon! I promise!

I'm not cut out for this

2010-07-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

(I apologize in advance for the mess this post might be)

I don't come from a 'broken family' I don't know how to handle the insanity that comes along with 'broken families.'

My brother is so screwed up. Are you kidding me!? You tell the woman you knocked up and had a kid with that you don't love her and leave to go drink with friends that hate her and are only going to screw up your head more!? Seriously!?

That's another thing - where in the hell do the 3 of you get the beer?! You're all under-age, so who is buying it for you?

I'm not against alcohol. I enjoy the crap, so does my husband, and we have a drink together every few weekends or so. Yet we don't get drunk and we have far better things we would like to waste our money on than drinking enough alcohol to get drunk.

We ALL (Kenny, Myself, my Parents, Her Parents) told him they needed to work on their relationship BEFORE he moved out and got their own apartment. We told him he wasn't stable enough to handle it. I want to scream "I TOLD YOU SO!" from the top of a mountain. I also want to scream a lot of obscenities in his face in hopes I'll be speaking his language and maybe something will get through his thick skull!

I just can't believe him. I can't believe that my brother, raised in the same family with the same wonderful parents (who do have their own problems, but we all do) can be such an ~~Asshole~~ irresponsible jerk!

I hate this. I'm not cut out to be a relationship counselor for family. I do it for friends. Family is a whole different level of crazy that I just wish I didn't have to have any part of. This sucks. Royally sucks.

and I hate it.

No I have not!

2010-07-03T00:39:00.000-07:00

Not been ignoring my blog, that is.

Okay, maybe I have been a little preoccupied.

The last couple weekends it has been one thing to the next, and it won't stop for the next month or so.

Last weekend, I had the ~~insane time~~ pleasure of making a cake for a dear old friend of mine. After much turmoil (like dropping an entire layer on the ground) and then Rylee beating the crap out of a corner with my rolling pin (why no, I wasn't so mad I threw the rolling pin on the ground after ripping it out of her hands). After all that - it was actually a beautiful cake!

That same weekend I did a photoshoot for a really sweet family of girls. Quite energetic and full of life. We had a blast. ....however I will not be quadruple booking myself for things like that again. I was supposed to be at a wedding while I was finishing up the cake and I know there was something else that I was supposed to do that also ended up not happening.

It's been a fun week. We had our first 'no-show' for a photography session. It's okay, I really don't mind, I'm sure she forgot with the kiddos - and I failed to give her a reminder call the day before. I'm learning as I go. I now know I'll be upgrading parts in my computer to be able to better handle the volume of photos I've been taking recently. I'm learning to keep better records of appointments, making reminder calls/emails, how many photos per session is actually realistic, and what kind of pricing is the 'right' one.

Rylee gashed her head open yesterday - falling down a couple stairs. A pretty darn good cut, if I do say so! I didn't do anything for it right away except stop the bleeding and bandage her head. Head wounds bleed - A Lot - I know that. So I wasn't concerned. It wasn't until about 4 hours later that I was finally able to get a good look at the cut in between bleedings and decided to take the trip to urgent care to see about a stitch or two.

She's got such a good memory it's amazing. At her 12 month check-up she remembered getting shots at 9 months. At her 15 month check-up she really remembered and the entire appointment was filled with screaming because she was afraid of the doctors. Everything since then has been the same way - if I go to the doctor - she screams, if Kenny goes - she screams.

As soon as that stethoscope touched her chest the screams came. They didn't stop until we were back in the car. The doctor (who was a very sweet woman) initially wanted to put a stitch in it but Rylee was screaming so much just seeing the doctor she thought that 'gluing' it would be more appropriate. I thought that would be best too - it really just needed help to stop bleeding. So that's what they did and all is well again.

She's a trooper. It did break my heart when (shortly after it happened) she was pointing to her head and whimpering in the saddest most pathetic way I've ever heard. I pulled over at the most convenient store and quickly bought her some tylenol and other goodies. It makes me sad to see my baby hurt like that. To see the saddest tear-filled eyes look at me and just say "mama fix it, it hurts" without saying any real words. My baby shouldn't hurt like that. Yet, it's really just the beginning. So come the toddler years of pain.

Anyways. I'm trying to get back to regular blogging again, I promise.

Diabetes - A Silent Disease

2010-06-24T22:48:00.000-07:00

Many times a day Diabetes can be seen by people paying attention. Seen in the form of blood sugar testing, taking insulin, replacing Insulin Pump Sites.

Yet, there is a whole different aspect of the disease that is rarely seen, and is very silent.

The every day drivel we live with.

Annoyances of taking the time to test our blood sugar, or taking the time to count carbohydrates in every bite of food so we can take insulin for it.

I think it's all annoying and tedious. I hate doing it. More than that, though, I hate when Ketones creep up for apparent reason at all. More than High Blood Sugars they make me feel TERRIBLE.

Kenny noticed this morning that I wasn't my normal self. I sleep lightly and normally, I'll wake up at just him walking by me. Or, as he put it, it's like I can feel someone staring at me in my sleep. He could barely wake me this morning, which was okay. I've been exhausted lately working really hard helping my dad out and baking a big cake for a friend this weekend.

It took me a little over an hour to figure out that I had ketones. Nothing I could determine caused them. Gulped down lots of water and a couple hours later things are peachy again.

Stupid little diabetes related things can completely ruin a day - and it's out of my control.

Sometimes just the wrong food combination for breakfast can cause the most awful sugar headache that I can't get rid of for hours. Or a snack that doesn't agree with my blood sugars. Random ketones. Low blood sugars. All of it - can alter my day irreparably. I hate that.

It bothers me that sometimes that sugar headache makes me so grumpy I can't be a good Mommy for Rylee. She deserves a better mommy than the grumpy diabetic mommy. My husband deserves a better wife than that.

I've been making small changes here and there to better myself. It's not good enough, though. I need to be better. I need to not be so careless. It's just wearying. I do the bare minimum to get by day to day. Bare minimum isn't good enough. Time to do better.

Father's Day Fun!

2010-06-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

Fathers Day got off to a great start - on Saturday!

Saturday was an Annual Canoe race thing in town. My Father-in-law and Brother-in-law raced in a Canoe,

While my Husband and Dad raced in a Kayak.

The excitement of the day started bright and early, figuring out how to get 2 canoes/boats/kayak - things strapped to the truck. Making sure there were life vests, whistles and oars. Getting everything ready for a day at the park after the boating festivities.

After much rushing around we were finally ready to leave - everyone else piled in my Father-in-laws truck and I got Rylee and buckled into my car (not wanting to hassle with moving carseats around and making sure there was enough room, I decided to take my own car).

They pull out and I follow them. Suddenly the truck pulls over and I'm also getting a call on my cell phone from my Husband. I'm thinking that something must be wrong in the truck or the canoes need readjusting- not...

That we had left my husband behind at the house!!!

I felt terrible. Poor guy!

Fast-forward and we made it to the fun, and everyone seemed to have a great time!

(Yes, she knows she's cool!)

Kenny and my Dad got 1st in their division (we'll not say that they were the only ones in their division) and My father & brother-in-law got 2nd in their division. Everyone won prizes in the raffle drawing!

Rylee tried to be as helpful as possible.

She loved watching her Papa play video games on Fathers Day (Sunday).

And I LOVE this goofy picture of her increasingly toothy smile!!

Father's Day, both days, was awesome.

Fat Lips and Summer

2010-06-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

Summer seems to have made a brief appearance the last few days. I'm hoping it'll show up slightly more often. Saturday and Sunday felt like a heat wave tipping the thermostats at just a bit over 80º degrees. A nice, though stark, change from the 50-60º degrees with rain and wind the last month.

I had bought Rylee a really cute blow-up wading pool a month ago and on that very day it got nasty- and has stayed that way since.

So I got out that pool yesterday (Pictures of that to come later)! Determined to make some use of it through this so far drizzle-y summer.

Of course while we're out playing with the pool Rylee decided to give her self her first real genuine fat-lip. She's had minor ones in the past - but not a real good one.

Looking at it today it almost looks worse than yesterday. She's got a scrape from the right side of her nose down to her lip and Her lip is all visibly cut up. Poor kiddo.

She's been a good sport and a real trooper. Of course that 'good sport' and 'real trooper' only pertains to the fat lip. She's still teething and still grumpy. She was in the weirdest mood today - throwing random fits for reasons I cannot explain at all. So, I assume it's because of teething. - I can't wait to be out of this part of her development. Heehee.

Defiance

2010-06-11T00:06:00.000-07:00

My sweet sweet baby girl is growing up. Just a week shy of 18 months, finally starting to mimic a few words instead of just "Eh! Eh! Eh!" She's incredibly smart and a problem solver. She's known how get passed the screen lock on my iPod touch for months now. She opens up the music and flips through all the albums until she finds a very specific one - then continues to flip through the songs until she finds the very specific song she wants to listen to.

Tonight my Baby displayed quite the act of open defiance. I haven't seen one quite this bad from her thus far (though a few have come close).

We had such a pleasant evening. A nice dinner followed by quite the long walk/hike (can I just say I LOVE my Mei Tai!) with the entire family, in laws and all. Upon getting back to the house I let Rylee down to run around the yard while Kenny drove his RC Truck up and down the street.

Rylee knows better than to run out in the street. I taught her this awhile back, I don't want her getting too excited one time and running out in front of a car - no matter where we are at.

So, she stands at the edge of the driveway, next to her Papa, watching his car go up and down the street. She accidentally dropped her pacifier and it went into the street. Rylee points and beseeches that we get it for her so she doesn't go into the street. We applaud her for being such a good girl, and waiting for us to get her pacifier for her.

She runs and plays. Gets in and out of her little red (soaking wet from rain) car. Runs around the yard. Stops, watches the car go back and forth and jump off the curb. Continues on her way running around and getting in and out of her little red car.

Then

She wanted to run out in the street. Staying in the yard/driveway was no longer good enough.

Rylee ran and stopped about 3 feet from the street. Turned. Looked at me. She took her pacifier out of her mouth and tossed it down - while looking at me. Upon seeing that it did not go into the street she looked back at me, then kicked it. "Darn, still not in the street" She looks back at me, and again kicks it closer to the street. Not close enough still, she kicks it finally into the street after looking at me before she does the act.

Now in the street Rylee expects us to let her get it.

As I stood there next to her informing her that it's in the street now and she cannot have it back - Kenny took his RC Truck, drove it up close, and ran over it! Then he did it again! Oh the look of horror on my daughters face, it was priceless.

Then he carefully drove his Truck over top of the coveted pacifier, hiding it from site. Rylee became distraught, trying to bend any way she could to see it so we could get it for her.

I bent down, looked at her in the eye and told her She kicked it into the street and couldn't have it back right now. I grabbed her hand and together we walked inside the house. No fit, no screaming and crying, just submission.

It always shocks me to see such defiance out of my sweet little baby girl. I don't think I would expect anything less out of her, though. She is after all, human. She is also My daughter - and Kenny's. We're both strong willed idiots. Why wouldn't our daughter be as well? I think it helps me to see little bits of insight into her mind and deeper personality. So I can prepare myself for a much longer battle than the momentary ones. So I can, hopefully, handle it with grace - having prepared myself for those moments.

I love my Daughter and I love being a Mom - Even in the Defiant moments.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-09T15:34:00.001-07:00

All is not well today

2010-06-07T22:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently we're unfit to be parents of a Dog and a Child.

Our Idiot Puppy is no closer to being potty trained than the day we brought her home - if not further from it!!

She is CONSTANTLY peeing on the floor AND my Couch! The floor I can mostly handle, it happens, I'll just carpet clean again soon - and will continue until (if) the day she is house trained. My couch, though, we Love our couch. I know, it's a silly thing to love. But we do. It was in practically new condition when we bought it. It's the ugliest green 70's couch - but it's awesome and LONG and Comfortable.

I have done everything 'in the book' to get this dumb dog housebroken. I have done everything not in the book. I have exhausted almost all ends short of sending her to some 'school' thing that I can't seem to find one in town that'll deal with housebreaking versus other trainings.

Leaving Kenny at home with the Baby and the Puppy for any length of time is almost impossible. Withing 15 minutes of me being gone he starts to lose it already because the dog is terrified of him - she pees. Rylee freaks out for whatever reason. Then we have a frazzled husband. I can't get out of the house for 2 hours a week without ending up having a bad rest of the evening because of this Freaking Dog!

I do love her, she's so stinkin cute. But she will not train. I haven't been to work in nearly a month just so I can stay home and try and get her trained as much as possible. I want to pull my hair out. Chihuahua's are among the most abandoned dog because people don't realize how hard they are to deal with at first - I will not be one of those statistics. I knew the dumb dogs are, Well, Dumb. Yet - OH MY WORD she is beyond the worst!

I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of the constant strain it's actually putting on Kenny and I.

Rylee loves the puppy. Rylee is the reason we got her in the first place. What a mistake that has turned out to be. I do not want to get rid of her, for Rylee, for me, but maybe it'd be better? I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm frustrated and tired. I'm sick of life yesterday, today, probably tomorrow too.

It's stressing me out, pissing me off, straining our relationship, and frankly - I don't like who I am these days.

Okay, I'm done Venting.

Photography!

2010-06-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

AH!

I'm SO nervous and anxious and excited!

We just launched everything tonight for the starts of my photography "business"!

I think business is a silly thing to say about it. I just love photography with everything that is in me. Passionate just doesn't quite describe it properly.

I was getting teased the other night: We were all hovered around the kitchen table busily making Wedding Invitations for my Beautiful Sister-in-law's upcoming wedding and my Mother-in-law was wanting pictures taken. Someone suggested I go get my camera and several others quickly chimed in "are you sure you want her to do that!? How many pictures do you want taken of you?" "She'll probably take at least 1000!" ...Okay, 1000 is an exaggeration. My Mother-in-law is still blown away by the 200 photos I took in an hour on Mothers Day. What can I say? It was a fun hour to take pictures!

This is something I've wanted for probably as long as I can remember - or at least since there was a monster created out of me after getting my first 35mm.

Well, now we'll see how this goes. Where it goes. If it goes! haha!

Brutally Honest

2010-06-02T01:41:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be brutally honest, like it or not, ready or not - here it comes:

I'm Homesick.

Not for my parents' home. For MY home. It doesn't matter what home, just MY home. A building of MY own (or rented!) that I don't share with anyone but my Man and my Munchkin (and dog). Where I bake cookies and leave things a mess.

I know, I know - I know why we moved here. I know that if we didn't move here we'd have had to anyway because we wouldn't have been able to make Rent for the next month and we wouldn't have been able to pay for a new car and we wouldn't be able to send Kenny to school and we wouldn't be able to even buy the Growing Baby the clothes she needs and we wouldn't be able to...........................

I know that I had equal parts in the decision. NO - I am NOT regretting our decision at all. It is still the best move for us. It's still the best thing.

Written down on Paper (or "Paper") it is perfectly logical. The best thing. I know in my heart and mind that this is the best thing.

I want MY home, though. Where much like we brought Rylee to from the hospital

Where, much like Rylee enjoyed her first Christmas at 1 week old

and later her 2nd Christmas

I want my own place where Rylee gets to experience new things - with us. Just the 3 of us.

Like Playing in the Snow for the first time.

I miss these times from her infancy:

I want to experience more of those memories - at our own place.

No, I am not unhappy here, in that sense. I love my In-Laws. They are wonderful and things are going SO well.

We met with the counselor at the college last week and realized some harsh truths about the schooling. Ones I already had in the back of my head but didn't want to face. Possibilities of Kenny going to work part time elsewhere and all sorts of other craziness I will not go into detail about at this time.

I love my husband, and I love our life together. I love that he finally wants to go back to school. I love that he has such a drive and passion for it now. I 100% support him in his endeavors to live a 'better' life than the currant one. I am glad that we have made this decision - in the long run.

In the long run a 'real' house is in the mix. In the long run a good paying job is in the mix - and one that he Wants to do. In the long run - everything will be just wonderful.

In the here and now, in the moment, I miss my own house (apartment).

I have found myself becoming upset within me when Rylee says a new word or does something new and the rest of the family hears/sees it first - and I don't. That's why I don't work at a job I can't bring her with me to - I get to experience it all. ...or, I used to. I don't want them to just stop telling me when she does something new either. It just saddens me that I'm not 'the only one' generally with her during the days any more. I relish that time we had together like that.

I am so thankful that I did take almost her first year off and simply enjoyed every bit of it. I knew that things would change - she would grow too quickly and we'd be in different situations in the future. Little did I know this would be that different situation. Thinking about it - it seems this is harder now after we had been looking and looking and looking at houses to actually buy.

I miss being just a moments drive from my family. Now I have to schedule when I can go over, because gas is just too much to jaunt here and there whenever.

Frankly, I can't believe how much harder this move has been on me than I thought it would be.

Like I said, it's still okay. It's still the best thing. It's still where the Lord wants us. It's still right.

I want instant gratification and don't want to go through the 2+ year waiting period until my innermost desires are granted. We don't even know what will happen after Kenny graduates - or while he's in school! It's all tentative. It's all walking in faith and trusting that this really is the right thing to do.

Today/Tonight, I'm having a hard time with it. I miss MY stuff, MY place MINE MINE MINE! Heehee! I'm so selfish. Who knows? Maybe this is a lesson for me to learn not to be so selfish and be more selfless?

Whatever the case. That's how I feel - being Brutally Honest - tonight.

2 years for my Angels

2010-05-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been a little bittersweet for me.

It was 2 years ago yesterday that our Twins would have been "due." We all know that "Due Dates" really don't mean a lot for when babies will actually be born, but it was the date.

We weren't ready for children, so we thought. We were just married, only 4 months before we found out that I was pregnant.

In honesty, when I first found out I cried. I thought "my life is over." We were both going to go to school and had so many other plans - a child just wasn't in that plan yet, in my mind. Kenny was sweet and supportive, although it wasn't in our plans he was excited to be a Dad (or 'Papa' as we later decided).

Being Diabetic and not planning that pregnancy I knew that I was in bad shape. I got into the doctor has fast as I could, it still took 2 weeks and my best guess was that I was at least 8 weeks along already.

I went to that first appointment alone. The initial stuff was boring - family history and all. Then after figuring out I could very well be 12 weeks along after the doctor said I had a "good sized uterus" they used a "Doppler" to hopefully hear the baby's heartbeat in the exam room without an ultrasound.

Upon not finding it they just assumed the baby was hiding or I wasn't as far along as they thought they sent me down for blood work than back for an Ultrasound in a couple hours.

I was excited. I had a couple weeks to pour over every article I could on the internet in that amount of time. I was getting used to the idea of having a baby. I was already attached, although I told myself not to be, I didn't know if it was really real.

Got into the ultrasound room, laid down on the chair. The really nice Ultrasound Technician plopped that gooey ooze onto my belly and started rubbing that wand around. I quickly spotted not one but TWO blobs on the screen. I didn't say anything but I was freaking out inside - "Twins!?" Really!? Am I seeing that there are Twins inside me!?"

After a lot of silence, a LOT of looking and looking and more looking, I had never been to one, no one ever told how they happen or anything, I had no idea what to expect. When she turned the screen off she looked at me and told me "I'm sorry, Hon. It looks like this is a pregnancy that just isn't going to work out." She turned the screen back on and tried to show me what I should see if the babies were alive.

I still didn't know what I should see at that point (though at my next ultrasound with little blob Rylee I immediately knew the difference), so I just nodded, asked if there were twins and tried to keep it together until I get the heck out of that office and call Kenny. I texted my best friend while sitting and waiting for the Doctor to come in and tell me what happens next, she offered to leave work right then and come be with me. I just wanted to be alone. I was supposed to go back to work, I wasn't going to. I didn't even want to call and explain why (Kenny was a dear and later did that for me).

Doctor H was really nice, he explained my options and told me why he thought which one was best for my circumstances. Considering I was carrying twins, should have been about 11 weeks along and they both died between 6 and 8 weeks it was unlikely I would be able to miscarry naturally - and if I did there would be so much bleeding I'd wind up in the hospital needing a transfusion. So a D&C was the best option and the one I chose. It was 2 days later.

The two days waiting for my D&C were agonizing. I went to work the day in between. I just wanted to get back on with my life. I wanted to do anything I could to keep my mind off of the dead babies in my belly. The babies we wanted, though unexpected. Kenny and I both longed for twins when we would someday have children.

The day of the D&C we were also already scheduled to go out of town for the weekend to a music conference with our Church Worship Team. I went ahead with that as well. I didn't care that I 'should be home and rest.' I needed to keep doing, keep going, keep moving with life. Our babies were no more, they were in heaven and I just didn't know what to do with my life. I didn't understand why I would never get to meet my babies in this life. I still don't fully understand, yet I wouldn't have my Rylee either, considering the timing of the events.

The following month was difficult. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. Every time I found myself alone I cried. I longed for the babies I could never hold. The babies that would never touch my arms. The babies whose faces I would never see, cries I would never hear, skin I would never touch, lives I would never see unfold in front of me.

One day, while I was laying on the couch, silently sobbing with the tv on - hoping I would not bother Kenny - He got up and went to our bedroom and stayed there for a long time. Finally I went in and asked what was bothering him. He told me he couldn't handle all my tears and crying anymore. It hurt him too much to see me so upset. At that point I stopped. No more tears. No more crying. Nothing.

I missed my babies I only knew about for 3 weeks, loved like I didn't know I could in those 3 weeks, but they were no longer mine, they are with Jesus now and are his. I'll get to see them someday.

5 months later I would find out that we were expecting Rylee. Again, not in our plans. Apparently normal birth control pills aren't effective in my body! Still, the most beautiful blessing in our lives she has been.

I love her so much and am beyond thankful that I get to be her mother. I sometimes wish I could have her and her twin siblings all together here on this earth. I know it wasn't meant to be. I know that they are in a better place. I know that God knows why I wasn't allowed my first children. Perhaps he looked into their future and saw that it would be unsafe for them. Or maybe he knew my health at the time would cause problems for all of us in such a way that we'd all be adversely effected. I don't know. It took a bit to come to terms with and just say "I don't know why, but I accept it."

Rylee, our only child, at this point 'for good,' is the light of our lives. We love seeing her grow and blossom, and I think I enjoy it more than I would have - had I not gone through losing my other babies.

So, happy 2 years, my little angels. Mommy has shed a few tears tonight, missing you, loving you. Wishing and waiting for the day when the 5 of us can all be together in the presence of our Lord.

Zombie

2010-05-27T00:39:00.000-07:00

I am tired, exhausted, sleepless, fatigued, weary - a Zombie.

I've mentioned before - Rylee hasn't been sleeping since we moved.

Case-in-point: Rylee played good and hard yesterday. She only had 1 nap, an hour and a half, early in the day. We thought for sure she'd sleep through the night considering she usually takes 2 naps per day about an hour each, or 1 nap 2-3 hours in length.

As she must always do things her way after she fell asleep at 9pm she proceeded to wake up not Once but 5 times before Midnight! That very same pattern she followed through the entire night. She wanted to get up and play.

Today, she only had One 20 minute nap in the car = bad nap. She fell asleep at 8:30pm and has been up several times now. At some point she has GOT to stop this. For her and my sake.

For me because I just want to be a sane person! For her because she needs me to be a sane Mommy. Not a short-tempered, easily frustrated - walking zombie.

I noticed awhile back that my insulin needs have steadily gone up over the last year - even when I was breastfeeding (not until after a good 9 months into it, though).

I've tried to figure out why. For breakfast this morning I had 2 pieces of toast and basically took a pregnancy rate of insulin for it at 1 unit per 5 grams of carbs - and still 4 hours after that my blood sugar only came down to 158. I have though maybe it's the birth control I'm on. Now I'm wondering if it has to do with my severe lack of sleep. The sleepless night have been like this for a very long time now. I'm just done.

So why am I still up now? Well, because I my stupid body clock is set for the wrong and stupd times. SO, I've just gotta try and retrain myself and hopefully break out of this.

Rylee, sweetheart, please let mama sleep through the night - more than one night would be so completely aweseom.

Thanks, sweety,

MamaBee.

Sick? Naw, just High

2010-05-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

With a nasty rash of illness going through the house, Starting with Rylee, then Father and Brother-in-law, then to Kenny - where he ended up with Strep Throat - then onto my Mother-in-law I thought that MAYBE I escaped since it has been 2 weeks and I have yet to come down with the symptoms.

Beyond disappointed doesn't even describe the feeling when this morning it appeared that I had the symptoms everyone else did. Your fine one moment then it just HITS you. I got up, got Rylee started to do something then I instantly felt like I was going to Puke.

Feeding Rylee breakfast was an interesting feat, I couldn't stay standing or sitting upright for more than a couple minutes at a time.

After I got back to the couch to lay down for the rest of the day I ached. I was nauseous, weak, THIRSTY, and my lower back hurt. A lot. I started with my blood sugar at 180mg/dl this morning, then without any food at all it shot up to 488 (I suspect fowl play on the part of my meter). No amount of bolusing would bring it down. Not entirely a-typical of illness with diabetes.

Retracing the thoughts of my symptoms in my head to figure out what I could do to not feel so terrible it occurred to me that my lower back hurt, but it was more internal like my kidneys hurt.

Playing Diabetic Detective, as we must do almost daily, I had to wonder if my insulin didn't spoil when I left it out in my car overnight a few days ago, and I had just refilled my pump yesterday.

Ironically enough it was my last vial and I am waiting for my insurance company to send my next 3 month supply so I didn't have any readily available to test my theory out.

Anyone just love their doctor? I do! We've had our irritations in the past but she is ALWAYS there when I need her. I called them up, let them know my symptoms and why I thought my insulin had spoiled - they came through with not just one vial of insulin but 2 insulin pens (which I haven't used in years) as well! I was able to give myself a huge shot right outside the office back in our car (Oh, did I mention that Kenny, who had just gotten home from work early, drove me there so I wouldn't have to limp along feeling as absolutely horrid as I did!? Well, he took me and he's awesome!).

Still running higher blood sugars at the moment but starting to finally feel better. I'm thankful I recognized that my insulin was bad. I would have gone all day essentially with no insulin and certainly would have wound up at the hospital for diabetes related problems for the first time in 5 years. I like to avoid visits like that. As I am sure most everyone likes to avoid trips to the hospital when it can be avoided.

Since pregnancy my symptoms of High and Low blood sugars have changed. Also the way my body handles things have changed dramatically. Before I would be able to (as an eating disorder riddled fool) let my blood sugar run high with no insulin in my system and handle it just fine with no 'side effects' other than thirst and peeing every 10 minutes.

Now, a single night running high with no insulin lays me out flat in borderline Diabetic-Ketoacidosis and sore kidneys to boot. Not to mention the extra priorities of taking care of my Munchkin even when I'm sick - which is a feat in and of itself.

So, back to hoping I don't get sick from what everyone else has and hopefully back to a "normal" day tomorrow! :)

Happy Day!

2010-05-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

So, after deciding to go back to cloth diapers I scoured ceaselessly the DiaperSwappers website until I found a few choice diapers for the right price, that would allow me to be able to get us enough of a supply to ::hopefully:: make it work this time.

I ~~was~~ am quite giddy that a couple packages came today that contained 3 of the 8 that I ordered!

As soon as Rylee was up from her nap I tried them on her and much to my VERY pleasant surprise Green Acre Design (GAD's) Cloth Diapers are now my VERY favorite, with FuzziBunz taking a close second now, they were my number 1 favorite previously.

Look at her adorably cute skinny little butt in the GAD's!

I must admit I was a little worried about putting her back into cloth diapers for a fairly selfish reason - they might make her pants/shorts not fit well anymore. It seems that little girls clothes aren't given the same amount of "room" as they used to be, so the extra fluffy butt makes the legs of her pants harder to walk in. These GAD's, though are super slim and totally awesome on her! SO super duper cute! I would absolutely LOVE to have more of these in my collection, if I could afford it. For now, though it's not in our cards. Ah well, I'm so happy to have the ones that I do.

ALSO

If you'll notice the New Button on the Top Left Side Bar on my blog For Sweet Little Cupcakes you should totally check out that wonderful little Etsy store!! Britni over at A Little Sugar-N-Spice makes the most adorable hair flowers!

I've got 3, thanks to that wonderful friend of mine and I just LOVE putting them in Rylee's Hair!

Getting Back To It

2010-05-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

When we started Cloth Diapering Rylee last year in August when she was just 8 months old we discovered she had awful sensitive skin to cloth diapers (or the cloth set it off because after that it was many many months of non stop bleeding diaper rash).

I kept at it and kept trying for a couple months, especially because we had no money at all and didn't have much of a choice at that point.

Try as I might I could not keep her diaper rash free. It took me a long time to get the ammonia smell out of the dipes and even upon accomplishing that I couldn't clear that pesky diaper rash. I think part of the problem was that I didn't have enough cloth diapers to change her as frequently as she needed to be.

So, it was back to disposables. Which, also, caused diaper rash. I took her to the doctor several times over it, was plastering on several different kinds of ointments at once. FINALLY it cleared up a couple months ago. She's been diaper rash free since then and I've only been putting her in Pampers - the only once that worked well enough that she wasn't leaking in an hour.

Jessi over at Welcome to the Zoo has been posting about all her cloth diapering lately and it got me thinking about trying it again, now that Rylee has gotten a little older and her skin doesn't seem to be as sensitive now.

A couple weeks later both Jessi and my dear friend Britni at A Little Sugar-n-Spice posted about Pampers and the "facts" they state on their website. - Being as I have been using Pampers what the company said bothered me a little bit and pushed me to think about Cloth even more.

Rylee has been using more diapers than ever (for some reason I thought the number would go down as she got older, not up) as she's gone from not wetting much at all to wetting through diapers constantly if I don't make sure she's changed regularly. It's not a problem with the diapers either, it's simply just because she's a very heavy wetter these days.

So, I figured since we're already trying to save money by living at my In-Laws until Kenny is done with school, this might be a good way to save more for the next 6ish months until she's potty trained.

And as obsessive as I am, I've been scouring Diaper Swappers incessantly trying to get the best deals. So far I've got 6 more coming to me putting my stash up to 11 dipes now. I'm kinda excited. Kinda apprehensive. I feel like I HAVE to make it work this time or I'm gonna get laughed at by Kenny and everyone else, and seriously disappointed in myself. Ha.

So, here we go again. :)

A little bit crazy

2010-05-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little bit crazy tonight.

I had every intention to follow through with Diabetes Blog Week but everything went crazy on me. Most of all Rylee got sick after a very awesomely fun birthday Party at Chuck E. Cheese for her Cousins.

She ran the worst fever she's ever had for 3 days and I got no sleep.

My husband is about ready to get rid of my puppy. He grew up with Chihuahuas (I, on the other hand, did not have a single dog while growing up) and should have known before we committed to buying her that she would be a pain-in-the-rear to house break.

It started off with how she was disciplined in the first place - it wasn't the right style for her - and she got terrified of Kenny and it was a major set-back to the whole potty-training thing leading to submissive peeing.

So, I've been back peddling while trying to still make progress and coming up with new ways to help get through to her, figure out what disciplinary style will work for her.

I can't leave the house ever or pay sole attention to my child without *me* being in trouble because of the puppy. She's clearly not getting it.

So, back to the drawing table I go to figure out another way to get her trained. Starting with keeping her on a leash and with me at all times, any time she's not she'll be in a crate, which I'll (hopefully) score off craigslist.

She's gotten horridly fond of people food which irritates me to no end. Hopefully being in a crate when it's meal time will help with the peeing and pooping wherever too.

~~~~~~~~~~~

We turned Rylee's crib into a toddler bed tonight. I revamped that idea pretty quickly. I'm ready for her to start learning, she's ready to start learning.

However, being as how I've gotten so little sleep this weekend and she decided it was play time shortly after she'd fallen asleep it was quickly apparent I couldn't handle it tonight. So, the crib bar went back on and I'm ensured another night of sleep (or... I hope I am anyway. She's not been sleeping well since we moved.). So, it'll probably work out that the crib bar is off during the day and she'll take naps there and get used to it in general but the bar goes back on at night for bed. Soon the bar will come off at night too. She's a quick learner so I'm sure it won't be too terribly long. ........I hope........

I'm so tired these days. Rylee really hasn't been sleeping since we moved. She gets up 3-10 times at night and screams. Since we're in the same room now I can't just let her cry back to sleep because Kenny has to work in the mornings and I don't want it to disrupt his sleep. There have only been a literal handful of times she's slept through the nights (meaning, only woke up once) in the last 2 months.

Oh yeah, it's been two months now that we've lived here.

Between Rylee's illness this weekend and Kenny's allergies hitting him full force and making him completely useless/grumpy, I'm just done/frustrated/crazy.

Also, today is Rylee's 17 month Birthday on the 17th.

(can you tell I'm a little bit sleepless?)

Kenny went to bed early. Rylee almost did but then decided she wanted to play more (Again, a problem with us being in the same room these days, I can't just let her play herself to sleep when she knows I'm sitting right there). Now I'm up too late cuddling with my dog that got shut outside the last 1/2 of the day because my Husband is fed-up with her.

Ah. Okay, cry of frustration is done.

Hopefully back to normal posts tomorrow.

Mother's Day

2010-05-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

A week late to the Mother's Day picture game, but it's all I've got time (or energy!) for tonight!

Making the Low Go - Day 2 for Diabetes Blog Week

2010-05-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

Day 2 for Diabetes Blog Week! "Making the low go"

Recently I have picked up my exercise routine in hopes to gain better control of my life - health/diabetes.

I started Pilates a few weeks ago. It's been fantastic, I'm absolutely loving it, I feel so energized when I'm done. Also I've started that C25K running program again. We'll also mention the fact that I chase after a toddler all day too.

A nasty consequence to really picking up the exercise is low blood sugars. It's nice to know that I'm doing something right and the exercise is helping lower my over all blood sugars. However, it's unpleasant when you wind up at 60mg/dl all day and have to stop to eat, yet again (annoyingly negating all the exercise you just did).

My favorite things to treat those nasty lows are usually Fruit Punch Glucose Tablets

They are yummy and kinda like candy. When I need something quickly those are my go-tos. ...of course, that's only when I keep them stocked. Once I run out I am terrible about replenishing my stock. ...speaking of that...

Moving on.

I really love to eat Apples and Peanut Butter

I generally try to pick out small apples so they are about 15grams of carbohydrates, and the protein in the peanut butter makes it the perfect snack for me.

The carbs are just enough to bring my blood sugar up and the peanut butter helps keep it up for a longer period of time than just the quick acting glucose tablets.

After those are exhausted or I need something REALLY quick (like those 3am 40mg/dl lows) Capri Suns are awesome. Quick, effective and yummy.

So, that's how I chase my lows away (when I'm being a good girl and not devouring everything in sight because I'm "that" low). Check out everyone else and see what they use too!

A Day in the life... With Diabetes

2010-05-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

Karen over at Bitter-Sweet had a great idea to do a Diabetes Blog Week. We all thought it would be a great idea and Karen says there are at least 95 blogs participating!!

Today's focus is A Day in the Life... With Diabetes So, here we go,

A Day in the life... Diabetic Mommy Style

Being a mom is one of the most wonderful things in the world, next to being Wife to the worlds best Husband.

It's been quite the learning experience to balance Diabetes with Baby starting with the day I found out I was pregnant. We weren't planning her, I didn't have control over my diabetes. I had just started to get my butt in gear, ironically enough, so I learning to keep my blood sugars strictly between the 80-120mg/dl range was difficult. Definitely worth it for the health of my baby girl.

Fast forward to having a nearly ***17 Month Old*** toddler (!!) it's another new world of Diabetes+Motherhood.

She's always on the move. I'm always chasing after her as she shrieks in delight.

Between getting up in the morning and making breakfast and lunch for Hubby, Myself and Rylee - then getting on with my day which could include anything from grocery shopping, going to work 3 days a week, taking the munchkin to the park, house work, puppy training, making dinner, bath time.... and on and on - all the while making sure Rylee gets the love and attention and discipline she needs - the time to take care of myself and diabetes slips through the cracks all too easily.

Today, for instance, I woke up with a low blood sugar at 61mg/dl - I had a hard time getting breakfast ready and was pleased Rylee stayed asleep for once.

I had a dentist appointment. Finally wrapping up the TONS of dental work I've needed done. I forgot my Mom is several States away this week due to my Great-Grandmother dying last week, she usually watches the munchkin for me. Last minute I remembered this and begged my wonderful mother in law to watch her for "a couple hours" for me.

That "couple hours" turned into 4 after having to treat a low blood sugar right after the appointment, dealing with the car-licensing (which is another post in itself!), and picking up another late mothers day present.

Miss Rylee was so happy to see me at home. We ate some lunch together (where I forget to test my blood sugar before hand) and read some books.

I'm trying so hard to get a handle on my Diabetes control these days, so I'm trying to incorporate her into it. We went for a run together, I'm jumping back into that Couch to 5k program again - it was a wonderful bit of exercise today and did wonders for my blood sugars! Stupidly I forgot to check my blood sugar before going for my run/walk/interval training and when I got back I was low at 61mg/dl.

No, I didn't bring my meter or back up sugar in the jogging stroller with me. Yes, I am that stupid. - Which is a huge issue for me that I need to resolve.

What would happen if I was to go low enough to pass out or just not be able to even move on the side of the road with Rylee buckled into the jogging stroller? I do bring my phone but if I'm low enough to pass out there isn't any point to the phone. - That's another thing - a medical i.d. bracelet. I have always been terrible at wearing one. Does anyone in the 'real world' wear those anymore? I really should have one "just in case" that worst case scenario does happen.

Anyhow, back to the day.

After we get back Rylee and I play around outside, then inside, then her Papa gets home and we help him clean out his work car. It was a little out-of-the-ordinary for a normal day but that's our 'normal' life. Every day is different. Nothing is ever set in stone and we're flexible to anything.

I had to leave shortly after that again - this time for Pilates. I LOVE Pilates! I feel so energized and awesome afterward. Before starting class I checked my blood sugar at was dismayed when I saw 71mg/dl pop up on the screen - especially when I realized that I also did not have any snacks to bring it up before starting my class. Disconnecting my pump I went ahead with the night, realizing I'd probably have to leave 1/2 way through.

Surprised and pleased I finished the class at 71mg/dl. It didn't budge one bit. First stop on the 30 minute drive back home was at Taco Bell for some good low fat, low grease food.

I've spent most of my day on the low side of the blood sugar realm. Which tends to be tricky when handling a toddler. My energy gets zapped and I don't feel like keeping up with my very active toddler, sometimes I get short tempered with her as she's screaming "ah!ah!ah!" at me for the 100th time. Yet, I still have to be a Mother. I still have to be a Wife. I am still Diabetic. There is no break from any of the 3.

Some days are great. Some days are rough. Chasing after a toddler is awesome. I'm always busy and she is so full of life my days are wonderful, regardless of what happens in the diabetes realm. I love her, I love my husband - and because I love them I must incorporate diabetes into my every day. even when I am "too busy" or "forget." (...just another excuse for getting a CGMS...)

My baby girl is going to be a great adversary to me, as my husband is.

Cute!

2010-05-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

I love my 16.5 month old Baby!!

Her Smile Lights up our Life

She thinks about a lot

She's CUTE!

Lazy

2010-05-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

You know those lazy days?

Those really awesome ones where the baby lets you sleep through the night - she only woke up once! - then you get to sleep in until 9am and then lets you lay on the couch with her until nearly 11am?
You then get to take a nap with her later from 1- 4pm! Yeah, it was one of those days.

The only 2 things that would have made it better would have been

1. Not waking up with a nasty headache. Apparently I was super grumpy and short tempered.

2. Not finding out that my Great Grandma was taken to the hospital via ambulance with some major unknown (at the time) bleeding.

A very nice nap and a handful of ibuprofen later and my headache is gone. It was a much brighter day after that.

My heart is saddened about my Grandma, though. She's 89 and I am so grateful to even have a Great-Grandma. I had 3, One who my middle name is after and died while I was still a baby, The other died last summer at 95 (give or take a year), and this one.

Later today we found out She has internal bleeding from too much aspirin and may need surgery to fix it. She's had several blood transfusions from losing so much all day. I can't help but think that her chances of recovering from this are very high. She was still living at home because she's an awesome spunky little thing but her health has deteriorated a lot the last 2 years, and more so the last year.

I hate that She is in the Midwest and I'm in the Inland Northwest. I hate that because we had to replace my car there will likely be no way for me to bring Rylee to go see her. I also hate that if she dies I probably will not be able to go to the funeral.

She is the closest Great-Grandparent to me (Grandma-L). I would have loved to know the one I am named after (Grandma-D). She helped bring my Daddy to Jesus and sounds like she and I would have just gotten along so well, all the spunk, feisty, and stubbornness combined. I never met in person Grandma-R, who died last summer, so I never felt that close to her. I was saddened for my Mom, though as She got the opportunity to spend a couple weeks the last few years in the Midwest visiting her family.

Grandma-L, though, she and I used to write each other all the time. I was excited every week to get my letter from her and I was so excited to write her back. Then she got a computer with internet and she even e-mailed me for a couple years! Her computer died and because she doesn't have any technological genius's like my Husband over there it never got fixed. So we went back to writing (she had the most wonderful cursive!) until her hands got too arthritic then she would type me letters on an old-fashioned type-writer.

She's such a sweet lady.

My poor husband has dealt with grandparents and family members dying since he was very young. I haven't had to deal with that yet. Instead I've had friends as close as brothers and sisters die the last few years and a grandparent - my Dad's Dad. We saw that coming, he was a die-hard drinker and smoker all his life and his body just gave out.

I know this is to be expected with my Grandma-L too. It just saddens me. I don't typically get emotional over things like this. Many view me as emotionally cold. Kenny is that way too (a good indication of why we're perfect for each other). Yet knowing that it's unlikely my Grandma-L will recover very well from this and she's probably not long to this world has brought some emotions to the surface today. Probably a good reason for my lethargy and ability to even take such a long nap.

So, I'll go back to my lazy awesome evening and play some video games while my daughter sleeps a few feet away.

Humility

2010-04-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I purchased a much coveted (cheap press-board) bookshelf to store some more of my crap on. To help me feel like our stuff is more organized. Cutter makes me go batty, it has to stop somewhere sometime.

Kenny had gotten home from work bright and early that day too. So, while the baby was napping my husband played some video games while I put together my brand new black bookshelf (I have a thing with my wood furniture matching).

Feeling very proud, I sat and took an inventory of all the different pieces of furniture we'd gotten that I had put together myself, or moved myself, got in the car -> out of the car -> and inside myself. I thought "I should ask Kenny if it makes him proud that his wife is such a handy person!"

Lo and Behold when I got it all together and stood it up - I had put those cheap cardboard pieces that go along the back on backward! Instead of a nice beautiful black inside to match the rest of my black shelf it was gray cardboard. In my loud exclamation Kenny looked up from his game, saw the problem, and laughed. With good reason!

I laid it back down on the floor and tried to take those mean little nails out of the cardboard without ruining it - a much harder feat than it looked. I tried and tried before asking for help because, you know, I'm prideful like that. Finally I asked Kenny to help me (after he'd offered several times) he got the nails out without causing much damage.

Able now to start over on that last little detail I did it right. Stood it up and was happy with it. I decided I wouldn't ask Kenny if it makes him proud that his wife is so handy. He'd probably just laugh at me. Besides, it turns out I wasn't as handy as I thought I was!

An amusing dose of humility to my week. Thank you bookshelf, for getting the better of me.

Real Life

2010-04-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Real Life is what I enjoy blogging about. The wonderful thing about blogs is that Real Life is different for every person, for every family.

The Real Life of our family is our own story. One that surrounds Life with A rapidly changing and growing 16 month old, A husband that is on his way back to school this fall, and Life with Diabetes.

I don't ~~write~~ type about my daily struggles for sympathy, attention, recognition or any such thing . I ~~write~~ type about my daily struggles with diabetes - the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the funny and the frustrating - because it's Real Life for us, for my family, for me.

There are also other aspects I enjoy blogging about, breaking up the posts about the medical life, such as my adorable daughter and wonderful husband. The joys and frustrations of motherhood. How much I love my husband, or he loves me.

Without a functioning Pancreas the Low and High Blood Sugars happen when I try and think for my Pancreas. However, I don't know everything my body is going to do to me or why something may or may not happen - so I wind up with blood sugar swings. They can be frustrating so I write about them.

There are days (today) when I go from 286 to 54 to 48 in the matter of 45 minutes while I'm in the middle of my weekly grocery trip. Those times might require me to rip open a bag of candy and eat it while I'm walking up to the register to pay. At which point there might be a dozen people people glaring at me for doing such a thing.

There are also days where every thing that comes out of my mouth is "No Rylee" "Rylee, please don't do that." "Rylee, we don't feed the puppy sweettarts, please stop" "Rylee, don't climb on..."

Of course there are those days that are just blissfully fun, like Saturday when I got the opportunity to spend a couple hours taking my Sister-In-Laws engagement pictures.

These are all just part of our Real Life. Nothing is picture perfect, and I like that. It keeps things Real. It makes us all the individuals we are. It makes us all have our different opinions and different views of the world.

Although I like to keep things Real, Doom and Gloom isn't my style either. I prefer to see things as they are but as a glass half full in most scenarios. I love the life that God has given me and I appreciate all that it is and all that I have.

That is why I like to blog about life, what our Real Life is for our Individual Family.

Only the Child of a Diabetic!

2010-04-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a nasty low blood sugar. The kind that make you want to eat everything you can get your hands on. Weak, sweaty, hungry just needing food.

It took me several tries to get my blood sugar because I was so spacey from the low. After the number finally clocked in at 48mg/dl I made my way upstairs to shovel food in.

Afterward I climbed back into bed and forgot to put my meter away. This morning as I was trying to clean up other things and only realized I left my meter down where Rylee could get it after seeing this:

Only the child of a diabetic! My 16 month old already understands how to work my meter! Ha! She'll be great at babying her mommy when she needs it. It's bittersweet that she should even 'need' to know those things. It's the hand of cards I've been dealt, though! So, we make the best of it and find amusement in the little things!

Remember When

2010-04-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

You remember those times a child when you're so sick you just wanna lay around and do nothing all day. Then video games became the thing to do - so you might lay on the couch and play a video game while you're sick (But then your mom says if you're well enough to play a video game you can do your homework?).

Your mom finally decides your sick enough to actually go to the doctor (she's a veteran to child illnesses by now and doesn't jump at the first sneeze or cough anymore), they steal some blood and maybe a gagging throat swab. Then send you on your way and say you'll (your mom) will hear back in a couple days.

I never really cared. I still don't really care. I don't have a good reason for not caring, I just didn't, nothing really meant anything to me other than I might have an infection for which I might need antibiotics - not a huge deal. I was begging for the swallowable pills when I was 8 because I hated the taste of normal childrens medicine.

Rylee and I went to the clinic yesterday and got 8 vials of my blood sucked out of me (those darn vampires!). Rylee thought for sure it was going to be her - she whimpered pathetically in my arm as she watched the needle go into mine.

I've gotta admit, it's been so long since I've had labs drawn that weren't pregnancy related that I am anxious to know the results.

The last time I had real labs drawn I was still living at home, still dealing with eating disorder stuff - I REALLY didn't care at that point in my life.

I'm not sure if my doctor will call me with the results either. I don't recall ever getting a call before for previous lab draws and just finding out at my next appointment. So, I'm also not sure when is an appropriate amount of time to wait before pestering. I'm thinking maybe tomorrow at the earliest, but probably a week before I give them a call.

It's not that I want "another diagnosis" but I'm really hoping that the tests come back positive for celiac. I'm not sure what else the 'problem' would be, it seems that celiac would be the easiest to deal with/diagnose. I really want to know what's wrong with me and since that's the only real test we've done to see, I don't want to have to wait months before finding out what the heck is up with my stomach problems. They really are miserable. I've taken them as something normal for the last year and almost a half. Realizing recently that it's not normal, and I think they've gotten worse, it's really bugging me (and becoming a bit embarrassing!). I just want to know what's going on. Hopefully the tests will show something at least and my Doctor will be on top of the game and let me know before I call! Ha! Thank you to those who helped encourage me towards actually getting the blood tests.\\

The waiting game - I hate it. In the meantime I'm going to go play my Nintendo DS and go to bed, then work and hopefully I'll get to spend time with my husband this weekend.

Appointment Day

2010-04-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

I did it. I kept my appointment. I made it on time, even though I went to the wrong clinic at first. You'd think I have a serious phobia of doctors, it's just that I hate paying the co-pay and would much rather bless my hubby with a new video game, or sunglasses because he just lost his the other day.

Sooooo, I had an appointment this morning with my Endocrinologist (abbreviated 'Endo') .

In all honesty when I first had to switch to her from my previous doctor a couple years back I was far from pleased.

Then through my pregnancy I started to like her a bit better, get along with her a little better. Of course, until the end when I was crazy hormonal and felt like she was just bashing all my hard work (which I can see now that she wasn't).

Finally getting along with my Endo we were able to talk about a lot of things today. Changing my pump rates up by 20%, to see if that will help with the funky blood sugar swings I've been dealing with these days.

I get to go in for fasting labs (the part where I go to vampires and willingly offer my arm so they can take umpteen vials of blood from me) where I'll also get my testing for Celiac.

When I mentioned what's been going with me on my doctor instantly said "Celiac, we'll schedule a blood test right a way" she also thinks that could be a major factor in my crazy blood sugar swings, if it does indeed come back positive. So, we'll see.

She is also sending out an appeals letter to my insurance company so :::hopefully::: they will cover the Infusion Sets I used to use and that never gave me problems like I've been having.

The bad news, which I guess I expected, is that my A1c is up to 9.1% which means my average blood sugar has been 240mg/dl over the last several months.

Of course that's something we're working towards fixing with the results of the upcoming blood tests. So, hopefully in the next couple days I'll be able to know better where to go from here!

Rage

2010-04-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

Frustrated just doesn't quite sum it up properly.

My blood sugar has been running high all day. Nothing below a 280. I've been taking extra insulin ALL.DAY.LONG. Doubling the amount of insulin I'd normally to take for food, I was starving so wanted to eat anyways.

My sweet husband took me to my Pilates class tonight, since my car is dead. We stopped off at Arby's for a nice "date" dinner without the kiddo, who my in-laws were watching for us, because they are awesome.

I check my blood sugar after getting home and what do I find from my meter?! "HIGH BLOOD GLUCOSE" Which means it's well over 600mg/dl. This, frankly, pissed me off. I already changed my site once today - only a day after my last site. 3rd Insulin Pump site in a day!

The emotion that describes my feelings that moment: Rage. All I could see was $ signs at the thought of putting in yet another site.

After putting in a new site I continued with the normal routine of loading a new vial (cartridge) of insulin only to find that my Insulin Pump seemed to not be working! "Great. That's just what I need. A broken car to replace and a broken insulin pump." Rage.

I was about ready to break loose with a mountain of tears. I held off until I called the wonderful people at Animas they helped me figure out that my pump isn't broken! Hooray!

Here's the irony, though: The problem is with the pump tubing given to me from CVS Pharmacy - who gave me hell a couple months ago!!!

The privilege has been bestowed upon me of calling them up tomorrow and demanding a new box of sets because I've had to waste so many tonight!

I'm very pleased, blessed that my pump isn't broken. Really ticked at the high blood sugar. I don't feel crappy right now, just thirsty as can be. I know I'll feel just terrible once it starts getting back into normal range. But, again, I'm just thankful my pump isn't broken. I'm not sure I'd have been able to bounce back real well after that breaking too.

Onto a better day tomorrow!

Irritable Highs

2010-04-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

Rylee woke up numerous times during the night to the point I finally just got up and slept with her on the couch till Kenny's alarm ~~went~~ didn't go off at 7:23 this morning.

I instantly felt the moody side of me head towards irritation. Shake it off, you're just tired.

We went about our morning. Breakfast, cleanup, Rylee and I had some Bible time, shower, cleanup. Rylee was ready for a nap and I get a little more done. No, I didn't check my blood sugar all morning.

"What the heck?" was the first thing in my mind when this popped up:

It seems that the new pump site I put in yesterday before church didn't last. I figured it wouldn't. It hurt so bad going in and stung for hours later. When the pain subsided and I wound up low last night I thought I'd get at least 2 days out of it. Evidently not.

It seems that there is a lot of caked blood in the cannula that I pulled out this morning. Duh, there is no insulin going in!

Irritability often strikes me when my blood sugar is on the high side. It also takes me too long to realize when there might be a real problem. I'm trying real hard to improve this area of my life. I prefer to deal with everything and fix everyone else, then sometime later I'll get to me. At times its hard to remember that I need to be healthy to be the best I can be for my family. I know it's for the best, though, and that my Husband would appreciate it. My Husband deserves it, my baby deserves it. SO, I'm going to keep my Endo appointment tomorrow. I'm gonna ask her for the blood tests for Celiac. Aaaaaand I really really don't want to! Oh well. I'll grin and bear it and it'll be a good day! Haha!

Silly Sunny Sunday

2010-04-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time we've had such an absolutely fantastic Sunday! It was sunny and beautiful. We went to church and then played outside All.Day.Long.

Check out this beehive!

Those darn bee's have a hive in my Mother-in-law's birdfeeder. Evidently they've been there for a couple years. I think it's pretty cool!

Kenny spent the a lot of Saturday evening and Sunday early afternoon playing around with this Go-Kart/Motorcycle contraption that is affectionately called the GoCycle

It's ghetto and awesome.

It was a darn good day!

Conundrums

2010-04-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

A few months ago Rylee brought home a nasty stomach bug she decided to share with me and caused us both to be laid out flat for a week. She, of course, recovered quicker than I did so it was all I could do to keep her entertained and not be running to the bathroom to puke while Kenny was at work.

When I finally decided food would be awesome the first thing I did was make myself homemade bread. It was YUMMY.

Then I got sick again. This has got to be the stomach bug from hell! I thought.

About a week later once I was feeling a little better again and I wanted nothing to do with bread a foreboding thought entered my mind: Celiac Disease.

I've known about it for years. When I was first diagnosed with Type 1 8 years ago there were very few websites for diabetics - especially for young diabetics. I spent tons of time on www.childrenwithdiabetes.com and there were a lot of things on that site about Celiac. So I learned just because I can and I love to learn anything medical.

I knew that being Type 1 was a risk factor for Celiac as it is also a Auto-Immune disease. As soon as that thought entered my head I then started thinking about all the other things that have been "going on" with me the past year and it all just fell into place.

As research addicts do, research I did. I found not only would I need a blood test to 'confirm' I would also need a biopsy of my small intestine to really know. ...So I've been putting it off. Still putting it off.

I hate co-pays. I know that the insurance companies deserve them, it's not a huge co-pay for the amount of 'costs' they cover. Yet, I hate them, so I avoid going into the doctor all the time.

So, there has been a tiny battle going on in my brain for the last couple months: Self diagnose and cut out gluten just to see, or bite the bullet and go in to the doctor? You have to have a minimum of 6 weeks of gluten in your system for the tests to reflect accurately. ...Self diagnose and cut out gluten just to see, or bite the bullet and go in to the doctor?

This week I've gone a couple days 'gluten free' and I've definitely noticed the difference.

With the recent event of my car blowing up I'm still not entirely sure what I'm going to do. I'd like to just have the diagnosis - because it's a huge lifestyle change and I'd love to not make it if that's not what the problem is. However that is a lot of money in co-pays that we won't have because of having to buy a new car.

I'm still debating this conundrum in my head even now. Maybe I'll have an answer in a few days! ...or maybe not...

My Baby Girl

2010-04-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

My Baby Girl

Loves diving for her pacifier

Longs to play outside

Placates Mommy's need to take pictures every waking moment

She loves playing with my ipod

She is beautiful

I hope and pray I will be able to raise her so she knows that she is beautiful and no one will be able to convince her otherwise.

She is my Sunshine

Living to our potential

2010-04-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it figure that just as soon as we're able to start saving money, instead of spending to get ahead, everything would go awry?

I went back to work for the first time in nearly 3 weeks today.

This payday I made the decision to buy curtains to finish off "the look" of our room (and hide my storage bins) to maintain my sanity. It was going to be the last thing I was going to buy toward that end for quite awhile. I'm sick of spending money on this darn little area. Upon bringing the curtains home it became evident that I bought them 2 feet too short.

I made my trip back to Target this morning to exchange them, in doing so I also found what looked to be the cutest tank top to wear at work because I had planned my wardrobe poorly for the newfound spring weather (AND it was 75% off!). Only to realize it was a jumpsuit tank top, not JUST a tank top! Haha!

My stomach has been having problems lately - serious frustrating problems. I've felt pretty sure for several months now that I have something along the lines of Celiac Disease and have put off getting actually tested for it because I'm a cheapskate and don't want deal with the numerous co-pays it will take to get all the proper testing done. I have cut gluten out of my diet just to see if there is a difference and there certainly is. I resolved today that I'm going to bite the bullet and actually go to the doctor to have the testing done.

Go figure it would also happen today that my car just dies. Driving home about a mile and a half - two mils from home and it just quit on me. Not a battery thing either. The engine more or less exploded, probably due to a lack of oil because of an oil leak.

Now I'm carless and we're having to shop for a new one.

It's really inconvenient timing (as if a dead car is ever convenient!). With Kenny going back to school, we're trying to save money (especially for a new insulin pump for me with mine out of warranty), I'll be, once again, set back and continuing in my super cheapskate ways and delaying the blood tests a little longer. I'd really just love to get the Dexcom system I've talked about before and that's another huge Durable Medical Equipment co-pay, like my insulin pump.

I think God allows these things in our lives to encourage us to live up to our full potential. Taking life in stride as it comes to us. I try to do my best, and have taken the whole car-exploding-thing quite well this evening. It's "par for the course" and, well, doesn't phase me as much as it should.

Of course when I sit down and think it all out I get a little more depressed about it, knowing how much we'll have to spend to get a "new to me" car. We just paid off our credit card and I'm bummed about having to put money back on it. Tonight I feel like we have taken many steps backward and are gaining no forward motion, like we have planned on.

Again, we are being spurred on to live to our full potential. How will we handle this hurdle? How will we deal with everything that is thrown at us? I don't know! We'll take one day at a time. For now, I'm not sweating the car. It's just a thing. God knew this was going to happen. It will all work out somehow, though I have NO idea how yet!

Type 1 Diabetic 8 Years and Counting!

2010-04-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's been 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The anniversary of this came and went this year (March 22nd or 23rd, I don't remember which! Haha!) without my paying any attention to it due to moving and other insanities.

I don't 'celebrate' it or anything. I think that would be silly. However, I do reminisce.

My Dad had been on a wonderful mission trip to India. That trip changed his life, and our families life, and it was awesome. We kids, who had been Home-Schooled until that January were attending a "Co-Op" or Private School with other Home-schooled nerds like us. Life was going awesome. I loved being nerdy with other like-minded nerds.

While my Dad was away I started needing TONS of water through the day, always hungry, peeing as much as I drank. I was 14, so it was attributed as just 'normal teenager growth.'

I remember going out with my Mom, my 4 siblings, my Mom's bff and her 4 kids to McDonalds. I ate 2 Big Macs, fries and drank a TON of Soda. I had never been able to eat that much at a sitting, but no one thought too much of it. I was pretty skinny, so again, it was attributed to normal teenager stuff.

Then I got sick. I got really sick. Puking, Serious Shakes that were vibrating the couch I was splayed out on. Drinking and Peeing equally. I felt like I couldn't get enough fluids, but I also was puking whatever I ate. I didn't get off the couch except to pee for a week.

My mom didn't think much of it. She has 5 kids. Kids get sick and a week isn't so bad for a nasty bug. Yet, I wasn't getting better. I was still just as bad and not improving. SO, the trip to the doctor was made.

The trip where they checked my mouth, my ears, listened to my stomach, my heart... ya know, all those things they do when they are just looking for a virus. Not finding much they decided to take a little finger prick and asked me to pee in a cup. I was so dehydrated at that point it took me awhile of misery sitting in that room to finally do it.

A few minutes afterward the Doctor came back in. I was laying on my mom's shoulder, exhausted and feeling as crummy as it gets. I heard him tell my mom that I had lots of sugar in my urine and my blood sugar was clocked at 344mg/dl at the time. We should go home, pack some stuff up and head straight to the hospital emergency room.

I had no idea what was wrong with me, just that I needed to go to the hospital for some reason. Mom packed some things up for me while I just slumped in a chair while Mom filled Dad in on the sketchy details. Off to the hospital we went. I laid across the backseat in the van because I was rapidly feeling worse. By the time we got there, I just didn't care. I wanted to sleep, I was exhausted, I was thirsty.

When we finally got to my room on the pediatric floor I just crawled into that bed and laid there while the nurses tried to get an IV into my severely dehydrated hand. The nurses gave my mom a backpack she started looking through. My mom showed me the cutest teddy bear that was in the backpack and asked me if I wanted it. Of course I did, I have a huge love for teddy bears even still. I cuddled with that thing all night while the nurses poked and prodded me. Come morning it was all explained to me.

The funny thing? I took it all very well. I understood all of it. I was really really upset about missing a fairly competitive tournament I was involved in that was taking place that day.

My Mom was just awesome. She helped me figure things out. Told me that my Grandpa, her Dad, was Type 1 diabetic too. When we got home she helped work out my dinners, measuring my foods out, weighing everything, buying things 'just for me.' She asked my opinion on what things I'd like to have for treating Low Blood Sugars. She was really concerned when I would have a high blood sugar.

The totally awesome thing? She let me spend the night at one of my best friends houses a week after I was diagnosed. She was also Type 1 Diabetic, diagnosed at 7 years old. It was a fun time getting to be with another that actually understood - she understood it all far better than I did at the time.

My poor parents were in for a roller coaster far worse just after that. I am grateful for my awesome doctors, my awesome parents and the awesome support I had through church - and my husband. My husband is my best friend and is always there for me. I love him, and I love that he can tell when I'm Low or High - even if he does sleep through the nasty Lows in the middle of the night when I smack him in the head trying to get out of bed.

It's been 8 years of learning and guessing and fun and crap. 8 years of growing up, Getting married, Becoming a Mommy. I am excited for many many more years to come!!

In which I complain of my Genetics

2010-04-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

It's funny how genetics always catches up with me. Type 1 diabetes runs in my family on both sides, I inherited my Dad's low blood pressure - an awesome trait most of the time (excluding the lightheaded-ness that frequently accompanies it).

Then there are the dental issues. My mom has great teeth and rarely has an issue more than needing a "deep cleaning" because they don't have dental coverage. My Dad, though, his teeth are awful. Cavities and Root Canals are no strangers to my Fathers mouth. I learned from my orthodontist years ago that everyone inherits their jaws separately - so you could have your top teeth from your mom and bottom from your dad, or both from one or the other. I've been 'blessed' with teeth from both my parents.

I waited a year to get my teeth worked on because we couldn't afford it on our old dental plan provided us through Kenny's awesome job. When it came time to "re-enroll" and chose from our options of health care plans we found that there was a way better/cheaper dental plan that would cover all the costs of the work I needed. So, I've been having that stuff finally done the last few weeks.

The first time I had 2 teeth out. While uncomfortable for a week it wasn't too bad. The first day ended up being more painful because I was out all day and didn't get back home to take my Hydrocodone (Vicodin) until very late and the anesthesia had long since worn off.

Today, I only had 1 tooth taken out and, strangely enough, I'm not doing as well. My mouth has been hurting a ton more than last time. I've laid around all day - which I do not do. When I had my wisdom teeth out I took a drive test for drivers ed a couple hours afterward.

Tonight, I took another dose of the Hydrocodone, snuggled with Miss Rylee and ate some toast. Shortly afterward my blood sugar shot up from 138mg/dl to 264mg/dl and I felt like I was having a super bad low blood sugar - the sort where I feel almost like passing out. I thought at first it was because I was using test strips that were expired by a couple months, I checked them against strips that are not expired and found that - Yes, I am indeed at 264 give or take a couple digits.

Yuuuuuck. I don't like feeling so crappy, and I don't like the balancing act of diabetes and any sort of "surgery." Diabetes in a guessing game all day every day as it is. Then you throw something else at it and it's still just as much of a guessing game - with another variable. :::sigh::: I'm so happy the extractions are all finished!

Just get over it!

2010-04-11T23:41:00.000-07:00

Frustrated. I shouldn't be. The day was great, the weekend was pretty good all in all.

Had dinner with my family Saturday night. I was SO excited about it, I was having withdrawals as I hadn't really seen them much recently. We played Apples to Apples, my Dad and I tied for first. That game is seriously fun for laughs.

We didn't go to church yet again. I'm so sick of that. So sick of not going consistently I could cry (and would if it wouldn't wake Kenny and Rylee up, downside to living all in the same room now). I want teaching, I want fellowship, I want to be spurred on and challenged again. I want to be reading my bible constantly, as a family too. I want to pray before meals and bed with Rylee. I'm hungry for church and need to be in it, and it frustrates me every week that goes by where we do not attend any church in the area. I do not want to be the one always dragging us to church, either. I extremely dislike dragging Kenny, cause then he's grumpy and I hate when he's grumpy, like this evening. It gets me grumpy and ticked.

Tonight I'm sick of life and everything I think about is setting me off. Loads and Loads of laundry for no appreciation, My daughter is the pickiest eater and wastes so much food, I just realized Kenny wasted 1/2 his lunch from this afternoon, I hate the clutter. Oh gosh - I hate the clutter. I hate everything just stuffed and shoved somewhere. I hate having things fall down around me everytime I try and get at another thing.

I hate the dentist. Tomorrow morning I have to get another tooth pulled, and one filled.

Our dog is horrible with housebreaking, but that's the nature of Chihuahua's. Kenny is so frustrated with her it's bugging me. Then there is Rylee's nearly incessant whining. It makes me go crazy when it's stuck in the middle of a conversation or something that is already going on.

Tonight I am mad at the world. A little better. I needed to just write it all out. It's my blog, and I can vent if I want to! Now I'll go work on getting over my idiotic frustrations.

Funtimes

2010-04-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

I had managed, thus far, to not ever need to run out of the house in the morning with my hair un-done from my shower while also not having make-up on. I am a tad bit vain and do not like to leave without my hair done. Usually I'll find time to do my make-up at red lights or before I get out of my car at my destination. My hair, though, I'm self conscious about.

This morning everything took me at least twice as long mas it should have. I realized too late that I needed to be driving already to make it to Rylee's well-child-check-up on time. So, I grabbed my purse, then puppy (in her crate) and baby in the other arm and split like a banana. Fresh out of the shower hair and makeup-less.

It took nearly 3 years of marriage and 1.5 years of motherhood, I skillfully avoided this incident, but today fate finally caught up with me. I had myself a little laugh about it as I pulled into the parking lot of our doctor's office, because I enjoy finding irony and humor in any situation.

...speaking of situations...

My pump battery died on me some time this morning. I have no idea when but far enough back to cause this lovely number to show up on my meter:

See, that darn pump is supposed to give me that "low battery" warning for a couple days. Then it will tell me "Go change this freaking battery because I won't do a damn thing until you do," and I'm a slave to my technology - so I do.

Not this morning. It just quit working. It happened after leaving in a huge makeup-less flurry that I realized there was no life in my pump at all. Upon returning home I was able replace the battery and dump 17 units of insulin back into my body and proceeded to eat nothing for the rest of the day.

Later this evening as my Mother in Law was asking me questions about how I was feeling (because we're living with them now and I get to see her every day) I ended up explaining to her that Diabetes is far from an exact science.

Most days a blood sugar like that would just totally ruin the day and I wouldn't be able to function. Today, though, it strangely enough didn't bother me one little bit. I took a nap with Rylee and life was just fine and dandy. Some days a simple 70mg/dl low blood sugar will send me over the moon with a nasty headache for the rest of the day. Other times a 38 will just be crappy in the moment and no problems for the rest of the day.

Diabetes is so far from an exact science it's not even funny. We can do the same thing every single day and every single day end up with different results, different highs and lows, different feelings - a whole different kind of day. Diabetes is a guessing game more than anything. We make it up as we go along. Diabetics end up knowing their bodies more intimately than most people ever will. We can tell you how we'll feel after just a single sip of regular soda, or what a mcdonalds cheese burger will do to our blood sugars. We know how to compensate less insulin for 1/2 an hour of exercise - while know it's possible that a low could creep up overnight as a 'side effect' of the earlier exercise.

Again, I am amazed at my body's resilience and I am so thankful for such supportive family and my ability to handle things I otherwise wouldn't. I'm thankful that my daughter even helped me out and took, such a long refreshing nap while I was helping my sugars come down from the clouds.

Now that we're back to our demented version of "Normal" - I'm off to bed.

Lows, Animas, CGMS, Dexcom, Resilience

2010-04-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

Life has been a tad busy, a post I'll get to hopefully tomorrow.

Surprisingly my blood sugars have been doing pretty good amongst all the insanity that has been my life these days. I thought for sure they would be just awful and I would have to do some serious fixing after things settled down. It hasn't been too bad, though.

Over the weekend (My BFF is Married!!) I had a blast, hardly ate a darn thing, enjoyed several glasses of champagne with the girls, Drank Coffee and not nearly enough water. I opted to go Insulin Pump free once I slipped on my Bridesmaid dress around 3pm and didn't put it back on until after 10pm. I hooked up a couple times to 'boost' myself, but the highest number I saw was 220 and I never went low, but rather stayed around 120-150. I was impressed/surprised/pleased.

Now, though? Sunday was great, had a minor low, nothing of note. Then Monday. Monday after waking up and having breakfast with Kenny I went back to sleep with Rylee on the couch. Lo and Behold I wake up with my blood sugar at a wonderful 38mg/dl! Oh yes.

I dislike that low of a number. I didn't realize it at first either. I felt lightheaded and was seeing fuzzy dots. Not until we got upstairs did I think to check, having thought I was just dehydrated and we'd both get lunch. I called Kenny right away (we were the only ones home that morning) and told him what was up. We talked for awhile as I shoveled food down my throat and made sure I wasn't going to pass out and need help or anything like that. After the 'All Clear' life went on as normal with that headache a person gets after a fairly bad low blood sugar. That headache that just won't go away no matter what.

In thinking about it, I am quite thankful at how incredibly resilient my body is. Many many many others would have passed out, been completely incoherent at that point. I have been much lower at a 26 before and able to keep my wits about me enough to get out of the low into 'feel really crappy the rest of the day.'

Funny thing is that when a Low Blood Sugar like these strike they totally sneak up on me. I end up feeling a million times worse after I start coming back up into more reasonable numbers, like 50-70mg/dl. At that point I start getting all shaky, sweaty, clammy... Not before.

I would just LOVE to have a CGM from Dexcom. That is something that has taken me awhile to "Get on bored" with. Much like my pump. I went into it kicking ans screaming and really just don't want to go back to shots ever again. Animas and Dexcom are supposed to be working on a Pump integrating the CGM system, which only Minimed offers at this time. It's supposed to be out at the end of this year. We'll see!

I know CGM systems are not a fix for checking blood sugars regularly. I would just like assistance in catching trends upward or down. Helping me work toward a little more fine-tuned goals. Hopefully catching those downward trending moments and preventing nasty 38's when I'm home alone with my daughter. I don't like that and they, honestly, frighten me a bit. I try not to let much frighten me, especially things that I don't have a lot of control over - I would like to have more control over this one. Soon, I really really hope, soon.

For now I am still thankful that I have the ability to be as self aware as I am and that my body is so resilient.

We're Done!

2010-03-31T23:22:00.000-07:00

Well, my hands are raw, my fingers are cut up into a million pieces - just in time for my best friends wedding on Saturday.

But,

We are completely moved out. Had our inspection done. I got angry and near tears. My sweet husband took me out for Qdoba, our favorite "special" spot. I started feeling better (food helps when you've scrubbed and scrubbed all day, were just dealing with a minimal low blood sugar and you're completely exhausted because you've done nothing but deeeeep clean, take care of the babies all day for the last week.)

I felt proud for using the numerous plastic bags I accumulated for packing instead of buying packing materials for the dishes that'll be put away till... ....yeah. Heehee.

I feel confident that when I take my precious dishes out of their safe storage spot that no tears will need to be shed on behalf of a few of my favorite things.

I'm happy to be finally done with that. I'm happy to no longer be driving back and forth every day to clean/organize/store/clean. No more juggling baby and puppy with cleaning an apartment. No more spending way too much money on gas every day just to drive back and forth so much.

My best friends wedding is on Saturday. Maid of Honor duties for me. I couldn't be more excited for her. I just hope that I'll be able to make her day as special as she helped make mine nearly 3 years ago now!

Long week

2010-03-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a terribly long week. I hate the company that "Landlords" our apartments and a dozen (or more) others in the area.

It's simply ridiculous how much they expect of their tenants upon moving out. They already require 1/2 the deposit you put down for cleaning purposes. Then they can keep the rest and charge you for every hour their 'special' cleaning person is there ($14.00/hour). On top of that they get to charge per thing that needs extra cleaning.

I'm not talking normal things here, like the stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer/dryer... I'm talking insane things to expect people to clean:

The light-switches and plug-ins must be scrubbed clean, there can't be dust ANYWHERE - even on top of the doors and the "door sills." All the lightbulbs, light fixtures, door knobs, grout. The stove and refrigerator must be pulled out and cleaned all around, vacuumed under and scrub every part of the actual appliances.We've gotta take the windows out of their tracks and scrub them all around. There can NOT be ANY streaks on any of the glass or mirrors.

...how do I know all this? Well, of course they provide a handy dandy cleaning sheet to help remember it all.

This would also happen the 2nd time around with this company.

When I was 6 months pregnant with Rylee we moved from a 1 bedroom at this same apartment complex into a 2 bedroom to accommodate our new little miss. We gave ourselves just a couple days between the move out of the old one to the move into the new one.

It wasn't that bad all in all, my mom, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law all came and helped clean. You would think that between the 5 of us we could clean a 640 square foot apartment to a satisfactory condition.

Nope.

Not only did we not get back the other 1/2 of our deposit - the charged us $20 for "ALL" the extra cleaning they claim was needed.

Granted, I didn't really look at the move out list. No normal person would think to wipe down the plug-ins or on top of the door-sills for barely visible dust.

I also know that they check these things. Our land-lady did it right in front of me. I was a little more than angry.

This time I've spent a week on this place. I'm sick of cleaning. I'm sick of driving back and forth. I've driven over 1200 miles just between houses trying to get crap moved and cleaned.

Tomorrow is the 31st, it's our last day there. It's my last day of cleaning. Then I'll be done. I'm getting up bright and early to be OCD one last day to finish the job that will never truly be done. They'll find other ways to charge us. There will always be something wrong for these people. Kenny pointed out today that it's basically like they want to be able to perform surgery in there. Ha! I should be boiling everything! Whatever. I'll just OCD clean the grout with my kitchen knives getting all the little bits of grime and dirt out.

I think I'll be doing a little happy dance tomorrow around 5-6pm. Depending on how the actual walk through goes - it might be a little later than that because I might have to recover from dealing with the evil landlady (we really don't like her as an individual). After this it's on to better, awesomer things!

Spaceships and Cars

2010-03-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

My lovely, loving, baby doll playing daughter wears pj's with space ships

She also plays with trucks and cars

Yeah, she's totally awesome like that.

Rylee, Sobie and New Adventures

2010-03-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

I promised pictures earlier so here they are!

I thought this was so awesome, with her tongue sticking out

Don't you wish your belly could stick out like this, while having a curvy butt and thighs and still look this cute!?

Aaaaand we have our first diabetes mishap with the puppy.

She gnawed on my super long tubing that I can't keep tucked away properly no matter how hard I try. Oh well. It was actually really funny (or, I thought it was) and it forced me to change my site that was quite overdue.

That's all I got.

Today is Tuesday

2010-03-23T16:20:00.000-07:00

Well well well.

I'm exhausted. There has been much going on and it won't stop till next week after we get the rest of our stuff moved out and the apartment cleaned and we sign the official 'we're gone!' papers.

I may have had 2 teeth (molars) removed yesterday out of the top right side of my mouth. So, I might have a swollen chipmunk cheek.

My Mother in Law was so sweet and took care of our new puppy (the day after we got her, may have been bad timing in the whole puppy purchase, oh well. We're completely taken with her) while I was at the tooth removal appointment.

I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed with my body's resilience in healing. Everyone told me I looked terrible yesterday. I felt fine for the most part. I was 1/2 a step away from crying by the time I got home because I had to stop at 3 stores to grocery shop/pick up prescriptions afterward - I wouldn't take the pain killers until after I got back. After I got some in my system I was feeling fine, just a little sleepy - though I stilled looked awful.

Kenny let me sleep with the puppy on the couch last night. Haha! It sounds hopelessly pathetic but Sobie is "his" puppy so I appreciated it a lot. She's so sweet and loving. REALLY good with Rylee and Rylee is really good with her. I'm quite impressed.

We got the puppy at just the right age for Rylee. She's not quite to the age yet where she wants to pick up and carry around everything. Had we waited even a month or two longer she'd have been there. So now she does a "rub rub" to the puppy and is happy. Sobie jumped and licked and played allll over Rylee this morning when they both woke up. It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

The teeth I had pulled were not my wisdom teeth - I already had those out years ago. They were two that had cavities so deep the could not be root canal-ed or anything to save them (one already had a root canal previously). In the process of getting the root canal-ed tooth out it broke. So they had to take it out in 4 pieces. Also, because they were so hard to get out the bone was completely exposed and they had to file down the bone so there wouldn't be any rough spots or 'bone spurs' to cause me pain afterward. It was quite unpleasant. Surprisingly enough they said I was the most calm patient they had seen in years. I hate dental work and avoid going every time I can. I guess I just figure when I get in there I might as well relax or it will be more unpleasant.

The rest of this week, after another Pilates class tomorrow, I'll be spending the majority of my time at the old apartment - getting the rest of our stuff out and cleaning. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. The last time we moved out of an apartment from the same property management we got CHARGED because of "all the extra cleaning" they had to do. Total BS on their part. I had that place immaculate. I know how to clean a house for moving - I've done it with my mom a dozen times. We had my mom, mother in law, sister in law and little sister (and myself) cleaning that little 640 sq foot apartment and evidently it wasn't "good enough" so not only did we not get our deposit back - we got charged.

I'm determined to not get charged this time. I don't care if we don't get our deposit back this time, they'll do everything they can to take us for as much money as they can. Kenny has already stated that if they try to charge us he'll say "screw you" and not pay. I would just rather not having to do that if it can be avoided. Heehee.

Well, I've rambled enough for now. I've got more puppy pictures for later, and a few new Rylee ones too. Now, I'm going to go try finding something to fill my empty stomach with soft foods that don't fill.

In love, again.

2010-03-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

We're head over heals in love with our newest family addition. She's precious. So loving. So cuddly and snugglie. She's our SoBe Puppy.

She already waves 'Hi'!

She's as cute as can be! With her bandit eye coloring and white tipped tail.

We're proud owners of the most adorable Chihuahua ever! (Yes, I'm quite biased)

My Baby

2010-03-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

I love her

Adjusting

2010-03-17T23:17:00.000-07:00

As it turns out *I* am the one having the hard time adjusting to the move.

Me, the one who has moved all across town over a dozen times. Not Kenny who can only remember 2 real moves in his childhood and said the last time we moved apartments that the next time would be into a house of our own. Not Rylee who is the baby who should be having a hard time adjusting to a new house.

"Why am I have such a hard time adjusting?"

Well, not because I don't love my In-Laws. They are great. Kenny's parents have just been awesome. Very accommodating, very easy-going, just wonderful. Kenny's Mom has watched Rylee several times for us while we were moving. So we got to 'go out' and have lunch - sorta a mini-date. Those were definitely cool times for us.

Yet, it's not MY house. That's just the problem. It's not MY house - and being as how we were looking at houses to buy before Christmas it feels like a step backwards. I know all too well that it is NOT really a step backwards. Rather a step forward, for schooling and a "better" life. Or, whatever God has in store for us.

I know that God's timing is perfect. It's been so clear in so many ways. I'm really excited that we'll actually be able afford a new Insulin Pump for me in a few months (when hopefully the latest and greatest thing will be out). For now I continue to be ginger with mine and hope it lasts so I don't have to go back to shots.

I really don't like getting used to new stores. I LOVE the Northside of town. I don't like the valley. I love the people at the places I shop at on that side of town. My brother, his girlfriend and my nephew are over there and I'm not able to just stop by and see them now. You know what? I'll be fine. I think that once I've finished going through the stuff still back at my old place and have it all cleaned up - turn over the keys and everything - I might be able to actually sit back and relax. It's probably just too much hanging over my head right now to really focus on settling in.

Ramblings

2010-03-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

I had something else I was going to post about tonight but I don't remember what it is.

Since we're already off kilter about the whole blogging post thing tonight I'll just ramble on.

Rylee is adjusting well to the move. Her one problem is she thinks she doesn't have to listen to Kenny and I now that we're at Grandma and Grandpa's house all the time. We realized it last night so we caught it early at least, and she's even starting to adjust well to that.

I still have a ton of crap back that the apartment that I need to sort through and clean out. I'm totally not looking forward to that. It's scaring me a bit and making me feel overwhelmed. I know I need to do it, though, so hopefully the rest of the week I'll be able to get my act together.

I started Pilates last week and it's pretty amazing already. I haven't actually even done any real exercising either. My first meeting there (they require you to go to 3 or more personal training sessions so you can handle the real classes and keep up with everyone) the Lady (We'll call her, A) was able to tell that I carry Rylee on my right side more dominantly than my left. I was pretty impressed. She's had me working the rest of the week on my posture and breathing. It's almost like being in an etiquette class except for exercise! Haha!

I've noticed quite the improvement in my posture already, though, and I am thrilled about that. Soon I'll start up my running routine again as the weather seems to be getting nicer again, and I'm hoping that it'll stay that way being as it's actually time for spring now. ...and we won't talk about Friday night when we were in a minor blizzard coming home from our second trip of moving our crap.

I still need to buy curtains for the rest of our room. It's driving me nuts. It's also driving me nuts how much money we've spent in this move. I'll get over it. We'll be saving a lot so it's spend some to gain a lot, I guess.

I ordered a new clip for my insulin pump tonight.

I'm pretty excited. It's been driving me INSANE. Not just Nuts, but INSANE that my pump falls off EVERYWHERE. It'll be at least a week before I have it in my hands, I'm sure. I'm excited nonetheless.

Rylee's been teething hardcore style too. So it's been a BUSY week! I'm exhausted and I go back to work tomorrow and already have a lot to do there. SO, I'm out for tonight!

Happy Birthday, Sweety!

2010-03-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

I've been MIA, due to moving. It's been ridiculous. I didn't think we'd really start until Late Saturday or Sunday but Kenny wanted to start Friday - so that's what we did. It's been a busy busy weekend and Today is Kenny's Birthday! He got a "surprise" day off of work because there was no work to be had in town today and 1/2 the workers were without today, so - he got to lay low. It was pretty sweet.

I think he enjoyed himself, what about you?

Aftermath

2010-03-11T00:03:00.000-08:00

Sunday night, after my adorable Nephew was born, we all got home and hung around the house. Rylee got grumpy and it was definitely bedtime. I had been up for about 36 hours with only a 1/2 hour nap amidst the baby being born and my best friends Bridal Shower (that I was hostessing).

I feel I have no reason to really complain about that, so I won't. I've had many of my share of sleepless nights like that with a baby in the house. Evidently I was a lot more exhausted than I thought I was.

Before falling asleep on the couch, Rylee was cuddling and falling asleep with me. She was irritating me because all I wanted to do was fall asleep ( I was practically asleep as it was) and she kept head-butting me in the chin. Turns out after we had both fallen asleep I shoved her off the couch onto the ground (I hope that she just 'fell off' but I feel that wasn't the case....)!

Kenny thought it was too funny and snapped several photos of this precious sleepy moment.

Afterward he tried putting Rylee back up on the couch to cuddle with me. In the process she kind of woke up and started moving all around trying to get comfy again. I, in my sleepy-zombie-like stupor, thought I had JUST fallen asleep and felt quite irritated. So I got up, laid her down in her crib then went and passed out (but not before trying to play with my ipod touch before falling asleep) in bed.

I love my Husband, My baby and Sleep!

A Husband Post

2010-03-09T23:02:00.000-08:00

Being the absolutely wonderful guy he is, he tries to keep me always honest. So I have to let you all know that this picture

That I posted a few days ago when I was talking about the endless job of packing was not actually apart of the packing. Kenny took that box several weeks ago (when I wanted to throw it out) and started playing games with Rylee, as he's such a good Papa. He got her diving inside to retrieve toys and pacifiers out of it. Then he cut a hole as you see there, and she started putting things inside that hole - then trying to pull them back out. Or dive inside after the object that she dropped through the hole. It was a lot of work on Kenny's part to get her to do that.

Then he started putting it on her head. She hated it. Kenny tried to show her it was fun.

But she didn't want to do it at first. He finally got her liking it. She walked all around the house in it. Running into things and falling over - it was so freaking cute!

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Also. In watching The Biggest Loser this evening Kenny decided that we should call it the "Fat Parade." I told him I might use that in the company of each other but not in mixed company. He asked "why? - I didn't have an answer. Then he asked why I wouldn't blog about it. So, here I am. Blogging about it.

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Finally, my SO awesome Husband treated me like such a princess tonight! I was bored and going crazy needing to do stuff on my house but being 'stuck' in the process. We need to get boxes out of storage so I can start packing up our dishes. I need to put another coat of paint on several walls but have to wait for the current one to dry. - I don't like being stuck and feeling unproductive - and bored.

He sent me out of the house to get my hair dyed and cut!!

He took care of Rylee and put her to bed. I got a couple baby-free hours without anything else going on like a baby being born, bridal shower, painting.... just time for me!

I LOVE my new wonderfully ammonia-scented-dark-brown-with-slight-red-tones-hair-color!

The last time I dyed it was a few weeks before Rylee was born. It's been well over 14.5 months. My hair had grown out to its natural color and I was ready for a new one. Kenny pushed me into doing all of it. I was just going to get a trim - as I'm also growing it out. The stylist was awesome and gave me a deal on the color and styled my hair a little bit more for me while keeping the length intact.

Such a great night. I feel totally pampered and special. I love my Husband. He treats me so well!

Baby Malik!

2010-03-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

In the wee hours of the morning we waited.

Little baby Malik was born At 3:50am, March 7th, 2010.

He's a Precious 9 pounds 2 Ounces at 39 weeks, 5 days. Beat Rylee by 2 ounces at 38 weeks. They already have a lot in common.

Even Rylee loved her new (and first!) Cousin!

Yes, he's precious. I'm so SO excited to be an Aunt, and Kenny to be an Uncle

My Brother and Andrea will make great parents. I'm so excited for them!!

Productivity

2010-03-06T00:56:00.000-08:00

After being set back by my own self last night. Having gotten off of work late, went to Home Depot late, got out of Home Depot late.... it was too late to go out to my In-Laws to get started on the carpet cleaning I wanted to do.

Tonight, though, was the night. I got the carpet cleaned. My wonderful Mother-in-Law helped me get started on my painting! She has all sorts of wonderful tools for painting! Step Ladders, a TV Tray so my paint tray doesn't have to be on the ground when I'm trying to paint up high... she's genius!

Yes, I painted that wall a bright vibrant turquoise-ish color.

I'm a bit bummed. I forgot my 2 inch tape at home and didn't tape the ceiling before I started painting. SO... I got paint on the ceiling. Oh well. I'll just have to touch it up. - And not do that on any other walls to save myself the extra work.

It was a pretty productive night. While I was gone away painting our new home, Kenny was at our apartment tearing it apart and re-building his computer.

Yep. It was a busy, busy, busy, productive night. One that isn't over yet. I'm now off to help Kenny finish cleaning this mess before daybreak and Rylee.

Boxes Boxes Boxes Boxes.

2010-03-03T22:06:00.000-08:00

What's going on around here these days? Not much, just a lot of this:

All that stuff on the counter? Came out of the drawer you see pulled out there. And there's more - a grocery bag full of garbage came out of there too. How did I manage to fit it all in there? I have no idea. But, I did it. Even though it was the only think I accomplished tonight as far as packing goes - I feel pretty good about it.

Oh yeah, and as soon as I brought boxes home to start packing: Rylee decided they were the best play things. Like every little child should!

Yep, just a lot of fun packing.

A Beautiful Mommy-to-Be!

2010-03-02T18:44:00.000-08:00

She's got a beautiful smile and definitely glowing like a mommy-to-be

An old friend from High School allowed me the pleasure of doing her maternity photos today.

Just the most beautiful baby bump at just a little over 25 weeks.

Her Son will be so blessed to have her as a Mommy. Such a wonderful heart and spirit this sweet and so awesome chick has!

Definitely excited for this little boy to come!

Happy to just go out and trapse up and down the hills of one of our best parks all day for a gazillion pictures.

I just can't help but love these photos with such a beautiful Mommy-to-Be.

I had a blast taking them. Even with my own daughter screaming her head off a couple feet away. It was worth it, screaming child, laying on the ground and nearly falling off some rocks to achieve some pretty sweet shots.

Yeah, she'll be an awesome Mommy!

Busy Bee's

2010-03-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

Things are busier than bee's in the summer around here!

We had 2 awesome birthdays last week for my Lovely Sister-in-law and my Awesome Brother.

No nephew to be held and loved and cuddled yet, he's still snug as a baby in the belly. Although there is a chance of Induction tomorrow because her Amniotic Fluid Level was really low last week (mine was really high, so it's cool to see the differences in pregnancies). She's 39.5 weeks now so there should be a new baby here soon!

Things are in full swing for the upcoming move. Our house is becoming more chaotic. The Walls are empty, rooms are echoing, I'm feeling more overwhelmed as I realize that there is still much to do.

My Mother-in-law is a freaking Ninja. Her house is almost completely rearranged for us. She managed to stuff most all her Sewing/Stamping/Scrapbooking things into the smaller room - it's amazing! The room we'll be moving into is now almost ready for us to start doing stuff with!

I get to paint!

I'm so excited. I love painting. I'm excited to be able to at least do that and make our new living place more 'our own'. I've had colors in my head for years to paint a room someday, so those are the colors I'm going to do.

Everything is coming along and I think we'll be in there much sooner than we had originally thought. It's going to be crazy, and awesome. Hopefully we can all stay sane and be able to stand each other by the time we actually move in. Just kidding, my in-laws are awesome.

Musician in the Making?

2010-02-27T21:58:00.000-08:00

What do you think of this little musician in the making?

She was just so tickled when I put her up on Grandma's Piano Bench and let her plink away on those ivory keys!

She couldn't help but grin, then turn back and concentrate hard on what she was doing.

Don't you just love how her fingers so daintily touch the keys?

Yes, she just loved all that piano time.

My little musician in the making.

Unconventional Mom

2010-02-27T01:24:00.000-08:00

We don't live on a daily schedule. The most the schedule we have is I get up every morning, get Kenny's work clothes, Make us both Breakfast, Make Kenny's lunch, Get a shower, Get Rylee up and fed and dressed. After that - Who Knows!? After that the day is open for whatever may come. Work, hanging around the house, running countless errands - or what will soon to be - packing/moving. And, at the end of the day she does best going to be from between 9-12, depending on the rest of the day.

I let her run and play all through the house.

I don't have child locks on my cabinets.

I let her play with old-school trains (the same one I had as a child myself!) that have the paint peeling off.

We let her drink as much as she wants through the day (when I breastfed she got the boob whenever she wanted it).

I let her climb on top of the baseboard heater and attempt to then climb on the kitchen chairs. The worst that'll happen will be a little fall and possibly bumping her chin/biting her tongue. I'd be right there and she'll be okay.

We laugh and and tell her it's funny and she's "okay" when she falls down (Unless, of course, she instantly starts crying). Consequently she really doesn't mind falling down, even when it's a 'hard' fall. She picks herself back up again, sometimes wants a hug, and keeps going.

We let her watch tv, play with the tv, push buttons, change the contrast, the settings, the channels.

I let her play with my iPod Touch.

She plays with my Cell phone. She's very good about it too because we've taught her "gentle" or "careful."

I let her pacifier fall on the floor - anywhere - and almost always give it right back to her.

I don't care that her juice bottle fell on the floor in Arby's - no that single momentary contact with the floor is not going to giver her the swine flu.

We delayed Vaccinations. Let her Jaundice clear up on it's own by taking her out for drives on the sunny days through the wintery week after she was born.

Didn't give her the flu shot and especially not the swine flu shot.

Yes, I let her play with pens. She is good with them, and has learned very quickly that you can draw with them, but only on paper.

I started 'disciplining' her as soon as she started crawling and actually understanding things. She is a very big girl and understands a lot.

I let her climb up on things all the time. I'm there when she falls, she learns not to do it again because it 'hurts' her. I let her play in boxes, play with old pop bottles, and other 'garbage' that won't do her any harm.

We joke around that Rylee never "had a chance" to not ~~like~~ love electronics. We've got almost 4 (Kenny's building the 4th one) computers between us, for work/school/personal purposes. We only have cell phones, no home phone. 4 ipods, 2 Nintendo DS's, a Wii................. so we are just teaching her moderation.

Times change and so do children and the things they grow up with. Our daughter is growing up in the age of technology. So, we focus on teaching her moderation. She absolutely loves being outside, and I also hope to nurture that much much more with our pending move.

I don't care when she feeds a dog and gets dog drool on her hands - then puts them in her mouth. I'll wash them if I can get to her right away - but I am not going to freak out about it in the slightest.

I also don't care if she is fussing and screaming through a grocery store. I will not do *everything* I can to stop her screaming. She will get disciplined for it in the store, and will learn that it is not okay behavior.

I bring her to work with me, and I let her run around. I let her play and climb and get into things - of course she is supervised and of course she never is allowed anything that will harm her. I love that she gets to grow up in similar work that I did. I hope that she will also learn a good work ethic eventually too. All we can do is provide her the right environment and tools for her to really learn these things. That's what we hope to do.

We let her play with other random electronics. USB cables, alarm clocks, computer mice. Oh gosh, computer mice. She loves those darn things. Especially the laser mice - she loves picking them up and shining that light onto the desk when it's plugged in. She still likes clicking it when we unplug them - but it's not as cool as when that laser is there to play with.

Yes, I give her chocolate and other sweets. We do try and keep it to a minimum - but she does get those. They are good, we enjoy them, why shouldn't she? We know that she could develop a 'sweet tooth' but by keeping them from her we're just creating a much worse monster - rather than teaching her moderation in the long run.

I get looks and stares. I can tell when other women (and friends) talk behind my back about how they "can't believe I let my daughter do ____." But I can handle it. It's how I am.

I don't mind being a dork for my daughter. Dancing around like an idiot, making stupid noises, singing and playing and walking around in a sheet because she thinks it hilarious. - Whatever it is.

It's how I am. I don't buy into the new 'trends' in parenting these days. I don't buy into the crap that says tv makes children ADHD. I don't buy into all the hand sanitizing - kids have to be exposed to germs to be able to be immune to anything in the first place. Kids that are constantly washed and not able to build those immunities are sick more often.

I don't buy into the new 'thing' that says you can't tell your children "No" because it will mentally/emotionally damage them. I was told "no," I was grounded, I was ::gasp:: spanked! I appreciate it! I am who I am today because of how my parents raised me. I have 4 younger siblings and I appreciate being raised with all them too.

My daughter loves me, hugs me, rubs me, kisses me. Begs to be held, played with, given attention. She is a sweetheart and doesn't like it when she knows she's disappointed me and tries to make up for it.

I am an Unconventional Mom. I'm proud of it!

Diaper Rash, and everything else.

2010-02-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

Rylee has had diaper rash for a month and a half now. We've changed the brand of diaper we use (we even did cloth at one point and loved it until Rylee's butt proved too sensitive for that, which was a bummer), the type of baby wipe, slathering her butt in Desitin Paste, A&D, Cortizone 10. Yeast infection cream - per doctors orders. Letting her run free and loose as the happiest naked baby for an hour+. Gotten prescription meds. Seen the doctor for it twice.

Still, the danged rash persists.

The final 'straw' was pulled today when I was changing her diaper, as normal, she started sobbing in pain and I came to see that she was actually bleeding in a couple spots from the sores on her butt! I called the doctor right away after slathering her more with ointments to at least relieve the pain. We got an appointment for first thing tomorrow. I want this cleared up! I want them to tell me I'm doing something very wrong, or she's got an uber sensitive butt and I need to do other things, or that she's got something else that's making her 'sick'!

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I'm now in the process of trying to figure out where we'll store everything that we won't be bringing directly with us and won't 'need' for the next year or two.

I applied for financial aid tonight, we'll see how that goes. I'd love to be able to take at least a year of schooling in Graphic Design and Photography.

I still can't believe how much is going to change in the next month for us. I haven't even started sorting through ANYTHING! ...mostly I'm waiting for our tax return so we can get plastic containers to store our crap in for who knows how long. After that happens, (hopefully tomorrow!) I'll be in the full swing of the life that is moving.

For now, I gotta get off of here so I can make sure I get Rylee to her appointment on time tomorrow!

The Scoop:

2010-02-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

Most of you know Kenny and I were looking at houses all winter when we realized it was actually a possibility for us. There were a lot of great houses, a lot of options.

Shortly before we started looking at houses we found out that Kenny's job will pay for schooling up to 9 credits a quarter/semester and he only has a little more than 2 years left for his BA in Computer Science. (Catch is we have to pay for the tuition up front then they reimburse us)

After deciding it would just be foolish not to take advantage of such a sweet perk from his job we started getting ready to send him back to school this fall. Coming to terms with the fact that a house would have to wait. We didn't want to be strapped for cash anymore than we already are. heehee.

We searched for a new place to live that would save us money for all the gas that will be spent driving out to the College (it's a good hour drive) all the time, and the potential loss of work hours, all we came up with were places that just weren't suited to living with a young toddler.

We knew both My parents and Kenny's parents would graciously open their homes to us should we need it. My parents' house is a bit full these days and about to get a little more full with the addition of a new grandbaby any time now. So, if we were to go to one or the other, it would be Kenny's parents.

At first we didn't explore that train of thought too much. We've been married near 3 years and haven't even considered moving in with parents unless we were sometime in dire need. It was honestly a bit of a pride issue for me. I like my stuff my house "mine mine mine" heehee.

Upon realization that housing is just too expensive to handle with school, baby, loss of work hours............ we explored the idea of moving in with our Parents a little more. The more we talked about it, the more we thought about it, the more we prayed about it - the more it made sense.

As Kenny and I were talking I thought we would just take over his sisters old room, it'd be a really small for the 3 of us, but I thought we could manage okay. I didn't realize he was talking about his mom's sewing room!!

The poor woman! With only one kid left at home these days she had just turned that room that was once the craft/school room completely into her craft room. She was in heaven. Happy to go down and just sit in that room just to sit, because it was her craft room.

Kenny was adamant that her craft room would be the best room for us to move into, the most 'room' for the 3 of us if we were to move in, if they were really okay with us 'coming back.'

So, we drove on out and laid our request before them. They were beyond gracious, even though Doreen would lose her beloved craft room. I couldn't believe she was actually as accepting as she was. ...I mean, I believed it, she's totally awesome like that. Yet, it's her room and she loves it. It's an amazing sacrifice for her, and I am SO grateful!

So, through the next few weeks we'll be helping get their house rearranged and moving out of our cute little apartment into a cute little room with our parents! It'll be a wonderful adventure! Allowing Kenny to go to school, and quite possibly, I might get my chance to go to school as well.

It feels so surreal. I can't believe we're actually going to do this. It's gotta be one of the craziest things we have done! It is going to be great, though. I'm excited for the next year, possibly couple years. So, here we go!

The Toddler Stage

2010-02-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

That is the stage we are in now. You know those years they call the "terrible twos"? Well, it's a lie, just like "Morning Sickness" Is a lie. It's "All Day Sickness" and it's the "Terrible Toddlers."

Rylee hit that 'terrible two' stage all too early for me. I knew it would happen. I could see it coming. It hit in full force the last few days, though.

I attributed some of it to her probably teething again. She's only got 4 teeth and all her peers have 8+, I'm not worried about her development at all - I just figure it's high time for her to be teething again and I'm pretty sure she's got another couple trying to break through. If the last year has been any indication it could be well over a month, though, before we see any relief on the teething front.

However, there has been a major shift in her attitude. I couldn't believe it at first. We do our best to be very consistent in our discipline, so she does not get confused and knows that there is a very clear line between what is right and okay for her to do - and what is wrong and not okay.

Just a few days ago she started deliberately hitting me - in the face - she definitely knows better. She has also started that toddler thing where she looks at you before she touches/does that forbidden thing, makes sure I am watching, I tell her "No No, Rylee," and she deliberately does it anyway. Then turns and runs away to hide from punishment.

It makes me so sad to have to discipline her so often. She is growing and stretching her wings. Finding herself and pushing boundaries. So, we are letting her. All the while teaching that there are indeed consequences to her actions - the good ones as well as the bad ones.

It does stress me out, though, when she screams and screams and screams because she repeatedly does what she knows is not okay. Causing my blood sugar to skyrocket - then I become short-tempered with the short-tempered baby. I need to remind myself of this, and do my best not to stress it. She is a child and children will behave this way. It's in our nature. I just need to sit back, be patient, and take it all in stride.

My sweet sweet, always happy, very very good little baby girl was replaced by a monster today! Where did this little missy run off to?

Random thoughts

2010-02-21T00:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a great weekend for us so far. ...you know, aside from all those negative things that felt like they just lined up to beat me in the face.

Friday we went and walked around downtown for awhile, looking at a camera shop, pricing out lenses, walked to the mall, got a pizza. Came back home (after rushing to the car because of the failure to put money in the meter), Kenny went to a poker night where he won back 3x as much as he went in with (it was a very small buy in, nothing big but still fun).

Today. ...Today was a crazy day. I've been up since 7:30 (on a Saturday!!) because of a lovely low blood sugar. I spent the morning checking out new housing.

Kenny is going back to school this fall for sure. His job will pay for his tuition up to 9 credits. It's really an amazing perk! The catch is that we have to foot the bill first off and he has to finish the classes with a 'C' or better before they will reimburse us the cost. He want to finish his Computer Science degree he started out doing a couple years ago but got sick of school and couldn't see an end in sight. Now he's ready to go back and it's a tangible thing! We're paying off our only remaining debt with our tax return, and will be able to actually handle the cost of the schooling without any student loans or anything like that.

The only really impractical things that have been stopping us have been:

- Gas and Driving. The college is an hour away and gas isn't cheap these days. We weren't sure how we were going to be able to afford that.

- Living. We weren't sure how just living was going to work out. Haha! With the added cost of gas, possible (probable) hours lost at work, and extra needs that will arise - we just didn't know how it was going to happen.

Searching around for weeks and especially today brought me to the realization that there was no real way to 'break even' and ensure we'd be able to make it month to month. We don't know how Kenny's hours will hold up - things have been up and down for the last year. Some weeks at 50 hours, other weeks at just barely 25. If he gets any less than 35 while working and going to school there'll be no real good way to make the bills.

So... after much discussion and deliberation... we made a decision. A huge decision. It's so crazy we both can't quite believe we're going to do it. Haha! It'll be great. It'll be different. And, Hopefully, if all works out we'll come out very much on top!

I'm going to leave it a mystery tonight! Just because I can!