My Baby Girl

My Baby Girl

Loves diving for her pacifier

Longs to play outside

Placates Mommy's need to take pictures every waking moment

She loves playing with my ipod

She is beautiful

I hope and pray I will be able to raise her so she knows that she is beautiful and no one will be able to convince her otherwise. 

She is my Sunshine

Living to our potential

Wouldn't it figure that just as soon as we're able to start saving money, instead of spending to get ahead, everything would go awry?

I went back to work for the first time in nearly 3 weeks today. 

This payday I made the decision to buy curtains to finish off "the look" of our room (and hide my storage bins) to maintain my sanity. It was going to be the last thing I was going to buy toward that end for quite awhile. I'm sick of spending money on this darn little area. Upon bringing the curtains home it became evident that I bought them 2 feet too short.

I made my trip back to Target this morning to exchange them, in doing so I also found what looked to be the cutest tank top to wear at work because I had planned my wardrobe poorly for the newfound spring weather (AND it was 75% off!). Only to realize it was a jumpsuit tank top, not JUST a tank top! Haha!

My stomach has been having problems lately - serious frustrating problems. I've felt pretty sure for several months now that I have something along the lines of Celiac  Disease and have put off getting actually tested for it because I'm a cheapskate and don't want deal with the numerous co-pays it will take to get all the proper testing done. I have cut gluten out of my diet just to see if there is a difference and there certainly is. I resolved today that I'm going to bite the bullet and actually go to the doctor to have the testing done.

Go figure it would also happen today that my car just dies. Driving home about a mile and a half - two mils from home and it just quit on me. Not a battery thing either. The engine more or less exploded, probably due to a lack of oil because of an oil leak.

Now I'm carless and we're having to shop for a new one.

It's really inconvenient timing (as if a dead car is ever convenient!). With Kenny going back to school, we're trying to save money (especially for a new insulin pump for me with mine out of warranty), I'll be, once again, set back and continuing in my super cheapskate ways and delaying the blood tests a little longer. I'd really just love to get the Dexcom system I've talked about before and that's another huge Durable Medical Equipment co-pay, like my insulin pump.

I think God allows these things in our lives to encourage us to live up to our full potential. Taking life in stride as it comes to us. I try to do my best, and have taken the whole car-exploding-thing quite well this evening. It's "par for the course" and, well, doesn't phase me as much as it should.

Of course when I sit down and think it all out I get a little more depressed about it, knowing how much we'll have to spend to get a "new to me" car. We just paid off our credit card and I'm bummed about having to put money back on it. Tonight I feel like we have taken many steps backward and are gaining no forward motion, like we have planned on.

Again, we are being spurred on to live to our full potential. How will we handle this hurdle? How will we deal with everything that is thrown at us? I don't know! We'll take one day at a time. For now, I'm not sweating the car. It's just a thing. God knew this was going to happen. It will all work out somehow, though I have NO idea how yet!

Type 1 Diabetic 8 Years and Counting!

It's been 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The anniversary of this came and went this year (March 22nd or 23rd, I don't remember which! Haha!) without my paying any attention to it due to moving and other insanities.

I don't 'celebrate' it or anything. I think that would be silly. However, I do reminisce. 

My Dad had been on a wonderful mission trip to India. That trip changed his life, and our families life, and it was awesome. We kids, who had been Home-Schooled until that January were attending a "Co-Op" or Private School with other Home-schooled nerds like us. Life was going awesome. I loved being nerdy with other like-minded nerds.

While my Dad was away I started needing TONS of water through the day, always hungry, peeing as much as I drank. I was 14, so it was attributed as just 'normal teenager growth.'

I remember going out with my Mom, my 4 siblings, my Mom's bff and her 4 kids to McDonalds. I ate 2 Big Macs, fries and drank a TON of Soda. I had never been able to eat that much at a sitting, but no one thought too much of it. I was pretty skinny, so again, it was attributed to normal teenager stuff.

Then I got sick. I got really sick. Puking, Serious Shakes that were vibrating the couch I was splayed out on. Drinking and Peeing equally. I felt like I couldn't get enough fluids, but I also was puking whatever I ate. I didn't get off the couch except to pee for a week.

My mom didn't think much of it. She has 5 kids. Kids get sick and a week isn't so bad for a nasty bug. Yet, I wasn't getting better. I was still just as bad and not improving. SO, the trip to the doctor was made.

The trip where they checked my mouth, my ears, listened to my stomach, my heart... ya know, all those things they do when they are just looking for a virus. Not finding much they decided to take a little finger prick and asked me to pee in a cup. I was so dehydrated at that point it took me awhile of misery sitting in that room to finally do it.

A few minutes afterward the Doctor came back in. I was laying on my mom's shoulder, exhausted and feeling as crummy as it gets. I heard him tell my mom that I had lots of sugar in my urine and my blood sugar was clocked at 344mg/dl at the time. We should go home, pack some stuff up and head straight to the hospital emergency room.

I had no idea what was wrong with me, just that I needed to go to the hospital for some reason. Mom packed some things up for me while I just slumped in a chair while Mom filled Dad in on the sketchy details. Off to the hospital we went. I laid across the backseat in the van because I was rapidly feeling worse. By the time we got there, I just didn't care. I wanted to sleep, I was exhausted, I was thirsty.

When we finally got to my room on the pediatric floor I just crawled into that bed and laid there while the nurses tried to get an IV into my severely dehydrated hand. The nurses gave my mom a backpack she started looking through. My mom showed me the cutest teddy bear that was in the backpack and asked me if I wanted it. Of course I did, I have a huge love for teddy bears even still. I cuddled with that thing all night while the nurses poked and prodded me. Come morning it was all explained to me. 

The funny thing? I took it all very well. I understood all of it. I was really really upset about missing a fairly competitive tournament I was involved in that was taking place that day.

My Mom was just awesome. She helped me figure things out. Told me that my Grandpa, her Dad, was Type 1 diabetic too. When we got home she helped work out my dinners, measuring my foods out, weighing everything, buying things 'just for me.'  She asked my opinion on what things I'd like to have for treating Low Blood Sugars. She was really concerned when I would have a high blood sugar.

The totally awesome thing? She let me spend the night at one of my best friends houses a week after I was diagnosed. She was also Type 1 Diabetic, diagnosed at 7 years old. It was a fun time getting to be with another that actually understood - she understood it all far better than I did at the time.

My poor parents were in for a roller coaster far worse just after that. I am grateful for my awesome doctors, my awesome parents and the awesome support I had through church - and my husband. My husband is my best friend and is always there for me. I love him, and I love that he can tell when I'm Low or High - even if he does sleep through the nasty Lows in the middle of the night when I smack him in the head trying to get out of bed.

It's been 8 years of learning and guessing and fun and crap. 8 years of growing up, Getting married, Becoming a Mommy. I am excited for many many more years to come!!

In which I complain of my Genetics

It's funny how genetics always catches up with me. Type 1 diabetes runs in my family on both sides, I inherited my Dad's low blood pressure - an awesome trait most of the time (excluding the lightheaded-ness that frequently accompanies it).

Then there are the dental issues. My mom has great teeth and rarely has an issue more than needing a "deep cleaning" because they don't have dental coverage. My Dad, though, his teeth are awful. Cavities and Root Canals are no strangers to my Fathers mouth. I learned from my orthodontist years ago that everyone inherits their jaws separately - so you could have your top teeth from your mom and bottom from your dad, or both from one or the other. I've been 'blessed' with teeth from both my parents.

I waited a year to get my teeth worked on because we couldn't afford it on our old dental plan provided us through Kenny's awesome job. When it came time to "re-enroll" and chose from our options of health care plans we found that there was a way better/cheaper dental plan that would cover all the costs of the work I needed. So, I've been having that stuff finally done the last few weeks.

The first time I had 2 teeth out. While uncomfortable for a week it wasn't too bad. The first day ended up being more painful because I was out all day and didn't get back home to take my Hydrocodone (Vicodin) until very late and the anesthesia had long since worn off.

Today, I only had 1 tooth taken out and, strangely enough, I'm not doing as well. My mouth has been hurting a ton more than last time. I've laid around all day - which I do not do. When I had my wisdom teeth out I took a drive test for drivers ed a couple hours afterward.

Tonight, I took another dose of the Hydrocodone, snuggled with Miss Rylee and ate some toast. Shortly afterward my blood sugar shot up from 138mg/dl to 264mg/dl and I felt like I was having a super bad low blood sugar - the sort where I feel almost like passing out. I thought at first it was because I was using test strips that were expired by a couple months, I checked them against strips that are not expired and found that - Yes, I am indeed at 264 give or take a couple digits.

Yuuuuuck. I don't like feeling so crappy, and I don't like the balancing act of diabetes and any sort of "surgery." Diabetes in a guessing game all day every day as it is. Then you throw something else at it and it's still just as much of a guessing game - with another variable.  :::sigh::: I'm so happy the extractions are all finished!

Just get over it!

Frustrated. I shouldn't be. The day was great, the weekend was pretty good all in all.

Had dinner with my family Saturday night. I was SO excited about it, I was having withdrawals as I hadn't really seen them much recently. We played Apples to Apples, my Dad and I tied for first. That game is seriously fun for laughs.

We didn't go to church yet again. I'm so sick of that. So sick of not going consistently I could cry (and would if it wouldn't wake Kenny and Rylee up, downside to living all in the same room now). I want teaching, I want fellowship, I want to be spurred on and challenged again. I want to be reading my bible constantly, as a family too. I want to pray before meals and bed with Rylee. I'm hungry for church and need to be in it, and it frustrates me every week that goes by where we do not attend any church in the area. I do not want to be the one always dragging us to church, either. I extremely dislike dragging Kenny, cause then he's grumpy and I hate when he's grumpy, like this evening. It gets me grumpy and ticked.

Tonight I'm sick of life and everything I think about is setting me off. Loads and Loads of laundry for no appreciation, My daughter is the pickiest eater and wastes so much food, I just realized Kenny wasted 1/2 his lunch from this afternoon, I hate the clutter. Oh gosh - I hate the clutter. I hate everything just stuffed and shoved somewhere. I hate having things fall down around me everytime I try and get at another thing.

I hate the dentist. Tomorrow morning I have to get another tooth pulled, and one filled.

Our dog is horrible with housebreaking, but that's the nature of Chihuahua's. Kenny is so frustrated with her it's bugging me. Then there is Rylee's nearly incessant whining. It makes me go crazy when it's stuck in the middle of a conversation or something that is already going on.

Tonight I am mad at the world. A little better. I needed to just write it all out. It's my blog, and I can vent if I want to! Now I'll go work on getting over my idiotic frustrations.

Funtimes

I had managed, thus far, to not ever need to run out of the house in the morning with my hair un-done from my shower while also not having make-up on. I am a tad bit vain and do not like to leave without my hair done. Usually I'll find time to do my make-up at red lights or before I get out of my car at my destination. My hair, though, I'm self conscious about.

This morning everything took me at least twice as long mas it should have. I realized too late that I needed to be driving already to make it to Rylee's well-child-check-up on time. So, I grabbed my purse, then puppy (in her crate) and baby in the other arm and split like a banana. Fresh out of the shower hair and makeup-less.

It took nearly 3 years of marriage and 1.5 years of motherhood, I skillfully avoided this incident, but today fate finally caught up with me. I had myself a little laugh about it as I pulled into the parking lot of our doctor's office, because I enjoy finding irony and humor in any situation.

...speaking of situations...

My pump battery died on me some time this morning. I have no idea when but far enough back to cause this lovely number to show up on my meter:

See, that darn pump is supposed to give me that "low battery" warning for a couple days. Then it will tell me "Go change this freaking battery because I won't do a damn thing until you do," and I'm a slave to my technology - so I do.

Not this morning. It just quit working. It happened after leaving in a huge makeup-less flurry that I realized there was no life in my pump at all. Upon returning home I was able replace the battery and dump 17 units of insulin back into my body and proceeded to eat nothing for the rest of the day.

Later this evening as my Mother in Law was asking me questions about how I was feeling (because we're living with them now and I get to see her every day) I ended up explaining to her that Diabetes is far from an exact science.

Most days a blood sugar like that would just totally ruin the day and I wouldn't be able to function. Today, though, it strangely enough didn't bother me one little bit. I took a nap with Rylee and life was just fine and dandy. Some days a simple 70mg/dl low blood sugar will send me over the moon with a nasty headache for the rest of the day. Other times a 38 will just be crappy in the moment and no problems for the rest of the day.

Diabetes is so far from an exact science it's not even funny. We can do the same thing every single day and every single day end up with different results, different highs and lows, different feelings - a whole different kind of day. Diabetes is a guessing game more than anything. We make it up as we go along. Diabetics end up knowing their bodies more intimately than most people ever will. We can tell you how we'll feel after just a single sip of regular soda, or what a mcdonalds cheese burger will do to our blood sugars. We know how to compensate less insulin for 1/2 an hour of exercise - while know it's possible that a low could creep up overnight as a 'side effect' of the earlier exercise.

Again, I am amazed at my body's resilience and I am so thankful for such supportive family and my ability to handle things I otherwise wouldn't. I'm thankful that my daughter even helped me out and took, such a long refreshing nap while I was helping my sugars come down from the clouds.

Now that we're back to our demented version of "Normal" - I'm off to bed.

Lows, Animas, CGMS, Dexcom, Resilience

Life has been a tad busy, a post I'll get to hopefully tomorrow.

Surprisingly my blood sugars have been doing pretty good amongst all the insanity that has been my life these days. I thought for sure they would be just awful  and I would have to do some serious fixing after things settled down. It hasn't been too bad, though.

Over the weekend (My BFF is Married!!) I had a blast, hardly ate a darn thing, enjoyed several glasses of champagne with the girls, Drank Coffee and not nearly enough water. I opted to go Insulin Pump free once I slipped on my Bridesmaid dress around 3pm and didn't put it back on until after 10pm. I hooked up a couple times to 'boost' myself, but the highest number I saw was 220 and I never went low, but rather stayed around 120-150. I was impressed/surprised/pleased.

Now, though? Sunday was great, had a minor low, nothing of note. Then Monday. Monday after waking up and having breakfast with Kenny I went back to sleep with Rylee on the couch. Lo and Behold I wake up with my blood sugar at a wonderful 38mg/dl! Oh yes.

I dislike that low of a number. I didn't realize it at first either. I felt lightheaded and was seeing fuzzy dots. Not until we got upstairs did I think to check, having thought I was just dehydrated and we'd both get lunch. I called Kenny right away (we were the only ones home that morning) and told him what was up. We talked for awhile as I shoveled food down my throat and made sure I wasn't going to pass out and need help or anything like that. After the 'All Clear' life went on as normal with that headache a person gets after a fairly bad low blood sugar. That headache that just won't go away no matter what.

In thinking about it, I am quite thankful at how incredibly resilient my body is. Many many many others would have passed out, been completely incoherent at that point. I have been much lower at a 26 before and able to keep my wits about me enough to get out of the low into 'feel really crappy the rest of the day.'

Funny thing is that when a Low Blood Sugar like these strike they totally sneak up on me. I end up feeling a million times worse after I start coming back up into more reasonable numbers, like 50-70mg/dl. At that point I start getting all shaky, sweaty, clammy... Not before.

I would just LOVE to have a CGM from Dexcom. That is something that has taken me awhile to "Get on bored" with. Much like my pump. I went into it kicking ans screaming and really just don't want to go back to shots ever again. Animas and Dexcom are supposed to be working on a Pump integrating the CGM system, which only Minimed offers at this time. It's supposed to be out at the end of this year. We'll see!

I know CGM systems are not a fix for checking blood sugars regularly. I would just like assistance in catching trends upward or down. Helping me work toward a little more fine-tuned goals. Hopefully catching those downward trending moments and preventing nasty 38's when I'm home alone with my daughter. I don't like that and they, honestly, frighten me a bit. I try not to let much frighten me, especially things that I don't have a lot of control over - I would like to have more control over this one. Soon, I really really hope, soon.

For now I am still thankful that I have the ability to be as self aware as I am and that my body is so resilient.