My Diabetes Soap Box

I've said recently that I've been back on shots since December. For the most part it has gone okay. The daily swings, figuring out which way to adjust the Lantus shot, figuring out what time of day to take that shot, or if it should be split into two doses. Then figuring out when it peaks in your body (because contrary to what they say, Lantus does have a peak and I always go low).

Theeeeeeen, for me, there is that fragile balance of - too much of my long acting Lantus, and too little. A unit or two too little and I wind up with consistent 200+ averages. A unit or two too much - I wind up with lows all day. Then, if I add exercise, or work more than usual, or run around with Rylee more than I have been - I'll have lows all day anyway.

I added a new exercise routine AND have been working every day with my dad, very long hours the last couple weeks. Even decreasing my dosage hasn't keep the lows away and I've been low in the middle of the night (anywhere from 1am to 5am) every day for the last 2 weeks.

Then I had a couple times where I over estimated the amount of insulin I needed for food (that NEVER happens! ...no, that's a total lie. Haha), I came home and wound up with nasty lows twice this week. Lows wipe me out. I'd rather have high blood sugars than low blood sugars. Then I get told I'm going to kill myself if I don't get a handle on my lows. ...noooooooo. Long-term - high blood sugars are so much worse than the one or two lows a day. I'm not going to get into all the medical details regarding that statement. I also don't need (or want) to hear them - so don't bother. :)

I know, it's stupid and trivial. But - dang it! - it bothers me! People just don't understand how much freaking work goes into getting "only" 1 low a day, or sometimes no lows and sort of steady blood sugars the rest of the day. ...I miss my pump. I'll be back on it soon. Very soon.

Multiple Daily Injections

I've been on that regimen since shortly before Christmas. I had a lot of scar tissue build up and my pump sites were going bad after less than a day - my blood sugars would rise and I'd have to bring my basal rates up like crazy just to compensate and force the sites to last a little while longer - cause we weren't able to afford more sites. ....diabetes sucks worse when money is involved. Haha.

So, I have been back on the good 'ol Lantus and the new Apidra regimen.

After being on my pump for 3 years it was so weird going back to shots. It's gone pretty smoothly, surprisingly to myself.

I end up forgetting my Lantus shot in the evening (or morning) until the next morning (or that evening) when I've been fighting sugars THEN realize what I forgot to do. So sometimes things get all crazy, oh well. Life goes on, one day at a time. I'm ready for my pump to be back on, and I think some of my preferred infusion sets are actually covered with the new medical year having rolled over.

Tomorrow is my ******10th******* year with diabetes. It's crazy, I know. I actually thought it had only been 8 or 9 years and my sister recently said something that made me sit back and think about the math. Yep, it's been 10 years. Time flies when you're.... ....having fun? Haha. Yep! Diabetes is apart of my life, it's apart of me and has helped shape me into who I am - so, taking everything in stride (cause that how I like to live) I just didn't even realize.

I'll have a rad post some time tomorrow about 10 years with Type 1 diabetes.

P.S. Yes, that is 50 units of Lantus you see in the needle. I have never had to take so much basal in my normal life! I did when I was pregnant, but that is not 'normal' life. I have no idea what the deal is, I want my pump back! 

Cartridges, Pumps and Insulin - Oh Joy?

Oh, site change day, how I hate you - and yet, I am forced to love you.

Without taking the time out of my day to refill the cartridge with precious life-giving insulin I'd certainly be a lot worse off. A few minutes of the day really isn't so bad.

It does irritate me, a lot, though. While I certainly appreciate the blessing of having such a wonderful device to pump my insulin into me as I tell it - allowing me only one shot (if things go right) every 3 or 4 days instead of 6+ shots every day. It really is more convenient to my life to just punch a few buttons and have my insulin instantly on its way to me instead of having to draw up a needle every time I need it.

Okay, I'll try to be thankful, grateful, not so irritated every time I need to refill my pump. It only takes a few minutes, not several hours.

Oh, and these super cute pink infusion sets (a gift from a sweet woman in the diabetic community, as I had run out last week while still waiting for the insurance company to process thing), I guess they make it all a little more okay.

I love my pump, I love how it allows me to be as free and able to live life as I can. I love how it allows me to be a mother - skipping meals while taking care of my child, staying up all night as she gets up for the 100th time, chasing after her as she shrieks for joy. It allows me to be a wife, staying up late eating ice cream with my husband, going out for hikes, paint-balling...whatever the heck I feel like. I'm grateful, really, sometimes I just need some perspective.

Diabetes and Me

Kerri  started this yesterday, myself and several other d-bloggers thought we'd steal it for ourselves too. heehee.

What type of diabetes do you have:  Type 1  

When were you diagnosed:  March 22, 2002

What's your current blood sugar:  Post breakfast (I forgot to test before hand) 278mg/dl

What kind of meter do you use: Whichever one I can find that my daughter hasn't lost - currently the One Touch Ultra 2.

How many times a day do you test your blood sugar:  When I was pregnant 12+ times a day, now It's a struggle to get 6 times in.

What's a "high" number for you:  Lately it's over 240 mg/dl.

What's do you consider "low":  Anything under 70 mg/dl. 

What's your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater:  Child-sized apple juice boxes

Describe your dream endo:  Understanding, Not Judgmental, (maybe not classified as a "specialist"!), Knowledgeable, Good Natured. 

What's your biggest diabetes achievement: My sweet little baby girl - and the only 5.7 A1c I've had while I was pregnant with her.

What's your biggest diabetes-related fear:  Losing my eyesight or ability to be as active as I enjoy.

Who's on your support team:  My husband, parents, a couple of friends, the Diabetic Online Community! :)

Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime:  Nope. I really don't.

What is a "cure" to you:  At this point, I'd just love an Artificial Pancreas - but a real cure would be to have the entire auto-immune effects be reversed.

The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is:  "I could NEVER give myself shots!" - yeah, you would if your life depended on it!

What is the most common misconception about diabetes:  That my Type 1 Diabetes can be reversed by following some miracle diet for a couple months - my pancreas will start working again and I'll never need to take insulin anymore.

If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be: "Thanks for helping make me who I am today."

Kickin' it to the curb

- Fast Food, that is.

I've been eating out quite a bit over the last several months. Many things led to it - the first was moving. Driving back and forth 45 minutes across town one direction multiples times a day for a couple weeks - with a baby - made it almost a necessity to eat out more.

Then, finding it more difficult than I anticipated to adjust to our new home, I was spending more time away just "doing" things with Rylee - causing us to be out during times Rylee should eat - so I'd buy food out.

That led to just plain wanting fast-food a little more regularly.

There are several problems with this for me:

1. When I was working full-time - before Rylee was born - I was just buying food for me. I'd get the "cheap" items from Taco Bell or something and it wouldn't cost that much. NOW - I'm buying food for Rylee and myself, so eating out is costing me almost twice as much as it used to. - So it's getting expensive! With Kenny going back to school that's one expense that should definitely be cut out!

2. It's so not healthy! The Fat content, Caloric content and Carbohydrate content of fast food is just awful! Definitely not good for me, and not good for a growing baby! I do try and get the 'healthy' menu items as far as fast-food goes (I prefer Tacos over Burgers, that kind of thing). BUT - it's still not to be eaten often.

3. Along the "unhealthy" lines - it's awful on my blood sugars! It causes icky spikes - usually caused by the high fat and carbohydrate content. That's another little side-note: the high fat-content also just kills my stomach. My poor gall-bladder needs to come out at some point, and fat exacerbates it.

I've taken it upon myself to try and have the same control over my diabetes I did when I was pregnant. I was bound and determined to eat well, not snack, and keep my blood sugar in the best control I could - but I didn't beat myself up over a few bad days/numbers here and there.

To expect that I would have the exact same kind of control would be ridiculous - and honestly not realistic. Chasing after the munchkin every day is a full-time job itself, so is being back at work 2-3 days a week (where I get to bring munchkin with me), there is also my photography and and and and.... LIFE.

But because I am living life - it'd be best to live. So, I'm working on improving our overall quality of life by taking inventory of the things we eat as a family. I always feel so much better when I eat healthier - Kenny notices he feels better as well when we eat healthy together. So, I'm going back to that. I don't expect perfection, because sometimes its fun to go out and eat together, and sometimes you end up being stuck in town and necessity demands it. I'd like to make eating out the exception rather than the norm.

So, that's my new goal. And I like it.

Numbers, Blues, and Gadgets.

I've mentioned before that one of my biggest concerns - one I also have no way to do anything about - is that Rylee will become diabetic too. I know the signs and get a little panicky whenever I think Rylee is exhibiting any one of them. Then I force myself to realize that she's fine, it's a normal toddler behavior to drink and pee a lot - just because they are playing AND it's hot out, and she definitely doesn't do it all the time. Nonetheless, it's still always in the back of my mind. 

So, when she scratched herself pretty good the other night and had a nice drop of blood sitting on her nose Kenny and I thought "hey! We should test her blood sugar just because we shouldn't waste such a nice drop of blood" (uh, yeah, we're freaks).

Can you guess how surprised we were when this came up on the meter:

Yeah, Kenny and I both looked at each other with that "oh crap" look. Then we both thought, she's got to have sugar on her face, she's a kid - she's *always* got sugar of some kind on her skin. So I broke out the alcohol swabs (being a "pro" at being diabetic, I always feel that I have risen above the need to use those things), swabbed her hand, put a new needle in the Lancet - poked her hand a retested. I nice 104mg/dl showed up.

We breathed a sigh of relief - she did just have sugar all over her face - like usual. We both swear she's a sticky factory.

Moving on... sort of... I snapped this picture the other day:

Cause it struck me funny.

No, I really don't love that shade of blue. Seriously. I'm more of a bright/turquoise-ish blue person. My pump is that color blue because I was tired of Black and Silver - and Blue was the only other choice I was allowed. My phone's case is only that color blue because it's the case that came with my phone - not the color I would have chose if I were, you know, choosing it. My meter - well, that just happens to be the particular one I could find in a pinch last week and it made its way into the rotation for the currently used meter.

I didn't even realize that my main gadgets were all matching until the day I snapped that picture. I had them all sitting next to each other during a infusion site change (yes, it took me until they were all right next to each other). Seriously, though, that's not my favorite color.

My new pump -  it's going to be lime green! It'll match my bed spread and I'll probably lose it in my sleep. But it'll be great.

Okay, I'll leave you with this:

I said it was falling apart. There's more to the "falling apart" but that's the most notable/visible.
Come ON doctor! Get that dang prescription faxed back to Animas stat!!!

Still Waiting

Well, I put in all the information for my new pump to Animas last week. After playing phone tag back and forth with the pump rep we finally got a few thing hammered out. It seems that although my current insurance company didn't pay for my original insulin pump AND my coverage says that it's covered as long as I pay the deductible and 20% of the total cost - they are still being hesitant to completely approve it.

I had to fax them 30 days of blood sugar logs (do you know how annoying that is? I HATE, and I mean HATE - absolutely Detest logging, I could barely keep it up while I was pregnant). Animas called me back later to "confirm" that my current pump is malfunctioning - before the insurance company would approve it. - it is, it's definitely falling apart. I should post pictures of my poor sad pump, maybe I will try to tomorrow.

So, as of last Wednesday all we were waiting on was the prescription from my doctor and final insurance company approval before they could finalize the whole thing. Gr. That's about all I have to say about that. It's really irritating to me. I can be a very patient person, but I would really like my new pump now. My current pump is falling apart, I question how much longer it will last me in its present state. Also, I HATE - absolutely HATE the infusion sets I'm being forced to use through my prescription plan.

I think they are a huge cause of why I've been able to get sick so easily these days. These infusion sets fail so much faster than my old ones. They are about 20 inches too long, so they get caught on EVERYTHING. I have found holes in my tubing more times than I can count with this brand. All in all I am beyond fed up. - Why is this part of getting a new pump? Well, once I meet my deductible I can get the infusion sets that I like (or that I KNOW will actually work) via the Durable Medical Equipment clause and end up paying just a couple bucks more than the prescription plan.

Kenny and I've both decided it's worth the couple extra dollars to not constantly have failed infusion set sites.

So, I'm sick of waiting now. I've been "good" and not plagued Animas with phone calls just to see where we're at in the process, but I think I might tomorrow. Heehee.

In the mean time, I'm alive and well. My little episode last week didn't linger on past Thursday. I've been catching up on my house work and errands that got seriously set back from my 2 days down and out cold.

Rylee has had a major growth spurt and is seriously taller than most of the children her age that we regularly see. I wish she'd quit growing. I miss my little infant child.

Aaaaand to finish this all off - Kenny goes back to school in a month! It's going to be an epic year, that's for sure!

Doctor Stuffs - Part 2

Yesterday I went in for what's called a HIDA scan.

I got to spend an hour laying underneath this funky contraption:

When I got there the really really nice technician started an IV and injected this dye into it. I had to lay on that thing for 30 minutes doing nothing but twiddling my thumbs - except not really twiddling because you have to lay *really* still. So I just laid there wishing I could twiddle my thumbs. We were waiting for the dye to become fully active - or something like that.

When the technician came back in he brought the computer screen over to where I could actually see it and showed me that my gallbladder was almost where they "wanted it". The screen looked similar to this:

That bright glowing thing is a gallbladder! Behind it is the liver and to the right side of it is the pancreas. (See all the cool things you can learn at a doctor appointment! haha!)

So, I guess when it was glowing "enough" or something like that he injected something similar to Bile into my IV - basically trying to make the gallbladder do it's thing so they could watch how well it was functioning. At that point I was supposed to tell the Tech how I was feeling - if I was feeling any pain, discomfort, nausea or nothing at all. Almost immediately my stomach started hurting. A few minutes later he gave me a second does and - Nausea! - I thought I was going to puke right there and ruin the whole test.

In order to get an accurate look at how the gallbladder is functioning I had to lay there another 30 minutes before I got to be done and go on with my day - waiting for a call from the doctor - or something - I wasn't really sure what was going to happen at that point.

A couple hours later the Urgent Care doctor I saw on Tuesday called me and said "Well, according to what we saw - your gallbladder didn't function at all and you're pain confirmed it! We'll get you set up with a surgical consult and get you on your way to feeling better."

I've got the surgical consult coming up in a couple weeks, not sure when, though, the actual surgery is going to happen yet. There are so many life variables going on right now.

Animas never got back to me about the process of getting a new pump. I'm assuming it's because it is so freaking hard to get a hold of any one that knows anything within our insurance company. - Or at least I'm hoping that's what it is, because Animas has always been so great to me. Heehee.

So, I feel a bit "validated" in a way - I haven't been feeling so terrible for nothing! I'm hearing of more and more people I know that have had their gallbladder out. I'm really not concerned about it at all. I'm looking forward to the minor surgery because then I'll be on my way to being a normal person again, considering this has been going on since before Rylee was born.

The question I've gotten from a few people that's surprised me (although I guess it shouldn't have) is if this is "related to my diabetes." Uh - No. People having their gallbladder out is far more "normal" than I knew before and definitely not anything to do with me being diabetic - just to clear that up!

No, my body just has a superiority complex and is deciding to allow all the non-essential organ fail me! Haha!

Okay, I'll leave you with that thought for the night.

Breaks, Insurance (again), and Pumps

So, I've been taking a bit of a break from most social-networking. I've still been on facebook, just not as much. It's been a nice break. Sometimes for the sake of my sanity I need to disconnect from everything.

Anyhow, I think I'll be back more regularly again.


The glutton for punishment that I am - I'm going back into dealing with my insurance company.

My Insulin Pump's warranty has been gone since February. It's been proven that my pumps only last me about 6 months at a time before I need them to send me a new one - just because I'm so hard on them in every day use. The battery case ends up cracked, the rubber on the buttons wears off leaving electronics exposed, it refuses to prime... and so on.

In the name of tradition - my pump is rapidly falling apart. The rubber over the buttons is peeling off - and I've already done my best to preserve that. I accidentally exposed it to several X-Rays last week- it doesn't seem to have done any damage, but it's just another risk to it seriously failing me soon. I've already noticed some problems where it's not actually priming even though it says it is - leaving me with awesome high blood sugars, usually overnight.

When changing my infusion site the other day I realized that I will either

A. Need to order more supplies soon

B. Go back to Multiple Daily Injections (MDI)

or C. find out exactly how much a new pump is going to cost and see if that's even an option

I decided I've got a little bit of time before I'll need to order more supplies (a few weeks) so I'll call Animas and see what we can get going for me there. I had them run the numbers with my insurance company to help me figure out how much money I'll actually have to pay out of pocket after my 20% deductible and possible trade-in value for my current pump.

No one told me it takes 48 hours for them to talk to my insurance company and figure everything out so - impatient me called them yesterday afternoon and then I felt like an idiot after they told me it takes 48 hours so they'll call me tomorrow (now today). Ah well. I'll know more at some point today, I hope.

I kind of exciting prospective with possibly getting a new pump (under warranty!!!) is that we might be able to do a CGMS system for me too - we'll meet the deductible for the year and all the rest of my supplies will be covered 100% for the remainder of the medical year. - We'll see, though. Everything is all just "possibilities" right now and nothing is set in stone.

I'm really really really really hoping it'll all be feasible, though. The pump at least. If we can meet the deductible too - that would just be awesome. I absolutely HATE the infusion sets that I'm being forced to use right now because they are all that is covered under my prescription part of my medical plan. I could get the ones that I want under Durable Medical Equipment but at at 20% copay per box - it's just not a do-able option right now.

Here's a vent - Why does diabetes have to be so expensive!? It's irritating that my medical condition takes away from things I could be doing/getting for my daughter. It takes away from going out to dinner once in a while with my husband. Gr.

My husband is so sweet, though. Yesterday I told him I was feeling bad about possibly getting a new pump because it makes me a really expensive spouse - he told me "I married you knowing you're going to be expensive. I still love you!" Okay, he's definitely a keeper and the sweetest guy ever.

Alright, so I'm going to wrap this up for now. Here's to being back to some regular-ish posting!

2 years for my Angels

The past few days have been a little bittersweet for me.

It was 2 years ago yesterday that our Twins would have been "due." We all know that "Due Dates" really don't mean a lot for when babies will actually be born, but it was the date.

We weren't ready for children, so we thought. We were just married, only 4 months before we found out that I was pregnant.

In honesty, when I first found out I cried. I thought "my life is over." We were both going to go to school and had so many other plans - a child just wasn't in that plan yet, in my mind. Kenny was sweet and supportive, although it wasn't in our plans he was excited to be a Dad (or 'Papa' as we later decided).

Being Diabetic and not planning that pregnancy I knew that I was in bad shape. I got into the doctor has fast as I could, it still took 2 weeks and my best guess was that I was at least 8 weeks along already.

I went to that first appointment alone. The initial stuff was boring - family history and all. Then after figuring out I could very well be 12 weeks along after the doctor said I had a "good sized uterus" they used a "Doppler" to hopefully hear the baby's heartbeat in the exam room without an ultrasound.

Upon not finding it they just assumed the baby was hiding or I wasn't as far along as they thought they sent me down for blood work than back for an Ultrasound in a couple hours.

I was excited. I had a couple weeks to pour over every article I could on the internet in that amount of time. I was getting used to the idea of having a baby. I was already attached, although I told myself not to be, I didn't know if it was really real.

Got into the ultrasound room, laid down on the chair. The really nice Ultrasound Technician plopped that gooey ooze onto my belly and started rubbing that wand around. I quickly spotted not one but TWO blobs on the screen. I didn't say anything but I was freaking out inside - "Twins!?" Really!? Am I seeing that there are Twins inside me!?"

After a lot of silence, a LOT of looking and looking and more looking, I had never been to one, no one ever told how they happen or anything, I had no idea what to expect. When she turned the screen off she looked at me and told me "I'm sorry, Hon. It looks like this is a pregnancy that just isn't going to work out." She turned the screen back on and tried to show me what I should see if the babies were alive.

I still didn't know what I should see at that point (though at my next ultrasound with little blob Rylee I immediately knew the difference), so I just nodded, asked if there were twins and tried to keep it together until I get the heck out of that office and call Kenny. I texted my best friend while sitting and waiting for the Doctor to come in and tell me what happens next, she offered to leave work right then and come be with me. I just wanted to be alone. I was supposed to go back to work, I wasn't going to. I didn't even want to call and explain why (Kenny was a dear and later did that for me).

Doctor H was really nice, he explained my options and told me why he thought which one was best for my circumstances. Considering I was carrying twins, should have been about 11 weeks along and they both died between 6 and 8 weeks it was unlikely I would be able to miscarry naturally - and if I did there would be so much bleeding I'd wind up in the hospital needing a transfusion. So a D&C was the best option and the one I chose. It was 2 days later.

The two days waiting for my D&C were agonizing. I went to work the day in between. I just wanted to get back on with my life. I wanted to do anything I could to keep my mind off of the dead babies in my belly. The babies we wanted, though unexpected. Kenny and I both longed for twins when we would someday have children.

The day of the D&C we were also already scheduled to go out of town for the weekend to a music conference with our Church Worship Team. I went ahead with that as well. I didn't care that I 'should be home and rest.' I needed to keep doing, keep going, keep moving with life. Our babies were no more, they were in heaven and I just didn't know what to do with my life. I didn't understand why I would never get to meet my babies in this life. I still don't fully understand, yet I wouldn't have my Rylee either, considering the timing of the events.

The following month was difficult. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life. Every time I found myself alone I cried. I longed for the babies I could never hold. The babies that would never touch my arms. The babies whose faces I would never see, cries I would never hear, skin I would never touch, lives I would never see unfold in front of me.

One day, while I was laying on the couch, silently sobbing with the tv on - hoping I would not bother Kenny - He got up and went to our bedroom and stayed there for a long time. Finally I went in and asked what was bothering him. He told me he couldn't handle all my tears and crying anymore. It hurt him too much to see me so upset. At that point I stopped. No more tears. No more crying. Nothing.

I missed my babies I only knew about for 3 weeks, loved like I didn't know I could in those 3 weeks, but they were no longer mine, they are with Jesus now and are his. I'll get to see them someday.

5 months later I would find out that we were expecting Rylee. Again, not in our plans. Apparently normal birth control pills aren't effective in my body! Still, the most beautiful blessing in our lives she has been.

I love her so much and am beyond thankful that I get to be her mother. I sometimes wish I could have her and her twin siblings all together here on this earth. I know it wasn't meant to be. I know that they are in a better place. I know that God knows why I wasn't allowed my first children. Perhaps he looked into their future and saw that it would be unsafe for them. Or maybe he knew my health at the time would cause problems for all of us in such a way that we'd all be adversely effected. I don't know. It took a bit to come to terms with and just say "I don't know why, but I accept it."

Rylee, our only child, at this point 'for good,' is the light of our lives. We love seeing her grow and blossom, and I think I enjoy it more than I would have - had I not gone through losing my other babies.

So, happy 2 years, my little angels. Mommy has shed a few tears tonight, missing you, loving you. Wishing and waiting for the day when the 5 of us can all be together in the presence of our Lord.

Sick? Naw, just High

With a nasty rash of illness going through the house, Starting with Rylee, then Father and Brother-in-law, then to Kenny - where he ended up with Strep Throat - then onto my Mother-in-law I thought that MAYBE I escaped since it has been 2 weeks and I have yet to come down with the symptoms.

Beyond disappointed doesn't even describe the feeling when this morning it appeared that I had the symptoms everyone else did. Your fine one moment then it just HITS you. I got up, got Rylee started to do something then I instantly felt like I was going to Puke.

Feeding Rylee breakfast was an interesting feat,  I couldn't stay standing or sitting upright for more than a couple minutes at a time.

After I got back to the couch to lay down for the rest of the day I ached. I was nauseous, weak, THIRSTY, and my lower back hurt. A lot. I started with my blood sugar at 180mg/dl this morning, then without any food at all it shot up to 488 (I suspect fowl play on the part of my meter).  No amount of bolusing would bring it down. Not entirely a-typical of illness with diabetes.

Retracing the thoughts of my symptoms in my head to figure out what I could do to not feel so terrible it occurred to me that my lower back hurt, but it was more internal like my kidneys hurt.

Playing Diabetic Detective, as we must do almost daily, I had to wonder if my insulin didn't spoil when I left it out in my car overnight a few days ago, and I had just refilled my pump yesterday.

Ironically enough it was my last vial and I am waiting for my insurance company to send my next 3 month supply so I didn't have any readily available to test my theory out.

Anyone just love their doctor? I do! We've had our irritations in the past but she is ALWAYS there when I need her. I called them up, let them know my symptoms and why I thought my insulin had spoiled - they came through with not just one vial of insulin but 2 insulin pens (which I haven't used in years) as well! I was able to give myself a huge shot right outside the office back in our car (Oh, did I mention that Kenny, who had just gotten home from work early, drove me there so I wouldn't have to limp along feeling as absolutely horrid as I did!? Well, he took me and he's awesome!).

Still running higher blood sugars at the moment but starting to finally feel better. I'm thankful I recognized that my insulin was bad. I would have gone all day essentially with no insulin and certainly would have wound up at the hospital for diabetes related problems for the first time in 5 years. I like to avoid visits like that. As I am sure most everyone likes to avoid trips to the hospital when it can be avoided.

Since pregnancy my symptoms of High and Low blood sugars have changed. Also the way my body handles things have changed dramatically. Before I would be able to (as an eating disorder riddled fool) let my blood sugar run high with no insulin in my system and handle it just fine with no 'side effects' other than thirst and peeing every 10 minutes. 

Now, a single night running high with no insulin lays me out flat in borderline Diabetic-Ketoacidosis and sore kidneys to boot.  Not to mention the extra priorities of taking care of my Munchkin even when I'm sick - which is a feat in and of itself.

So, back to hoping I don't get sick from what everyone else has and hopefully back to a "normal" day tomorrow! :)

Making the Low Go - Day 2 for Diabetes Blog Week

Day 2 for Diabetes Blog Week! "Making the low go"

Recently I have picked up my exercise routine in hopes to gain better control of my life - health/diabetes.

I started Pilates a few weeks ago. It's been fantastic, I'm absolutely loving it, I feel so energized when I'm done. Also I've started that C25K running program again. We'll also mention the fact that I chase after a toddler all day too.

A nasty consequence to really picking up the exercise is low blood sugars. It's nice to know that I'm doing something right and the exercise is helping lower my over all blood sugars. However, it's unpleasant when you wind up at 60mg/dl all day and have to stop to eat, yet again (annoyingly negating all the exercise you just did).

My favorite things to treat those nasty lows are usually Fruit Punch Glucose Tablets 

They are yummy and kinda like candy. When I need something quickly those are my go-tos. ...of course, that's only when I keep them stocked. Once I run out I am terrible about replenishing my stock. ...speaking of that...

Moving on.


I really love to eat Apples and Peanut Butter

I generally try to pick out small apples so they are about 15grams of carbohydrates, and the protein in the peanut butter makes it the perfect snack for me.

The carbs are just enough to bring my blood sugar up and the peanut butter helps keep it up for a longer period of time than just the quick acting glucose tablets.

After those are exhausted or I need something REALLY quick (like those 3am 40mg/dl lows) Capri Suns are awesome. Quick, effective and yummy.

 So, that's how I chase my lows away (when I'm being a good girl and not devouring everything in sight because I'm "that" low). Check out everyone else and see what they use too!

A Day in the life... With Diabetes

Karen over at Bitter-Sweet had a great idea to do a Diabetes Blog Week. We all thought it would be a great idea and Karen says there are at least 95 blogs participating!!

Today's focus is A Day in the Life... With Diabetes So, here we go,

A Day in the life... Diabetic Mommy Style

Being a mom is one of the most wonderful things in the world, next to being Wife to the worlds best Husband.

It's been quite the learning experience to balance Diabetes with Baby starting with the day I found out I was pregnant. We weren't planning her, I didn't have control over my diabetes. I had just started to get my butt in gear, ironically enough, so I learning to keep my blood sugars strictly between the 80-120mg/dl range was difficult. Definitely worth it for the health of my baby girl.

Fast forward to having a nearly ***17 Month Old*** toddler (!!) it's another new world of Diabetes+Motherhood.

She's always on the move. I'm always chasing after her as she shrieks in delight. 

Between getting up in the morning and making breakfast and lunch for Hubby, Myself and Rylee - then getting on with my day which could include anything from grocery shopping, going to work 3 days a week, taking the munchkin to the park, house work, puppy training, making dinner, bath time.... and on and on - all the while making sure Rylee gets the love and attention and discipline she needs - the time to take care of myself and diabetes slips through the cracks all too easily.

Today, for instance,  I woke up with a low blood sugar at 61mg/dl - I had a hard time getting breakfast ready and was pleased Rylee stayed asleep for once.

I had a dentist appointment. Finally wrapping up the TONS of dental work I've needed done. I forgot my Mom is several States away this week due to my Great-Grandmother dying last week, she usually watches the munchkin for me. Last minute I remembered this and begged my wonderful mother in law to watch her for "a couple hours" for me.

That "couple hours" turned into 4 after having to treat a low blood sugar right after the appointment, dealing with the car-licensing (which is another post in itself!), and picking up another late mothers day present.

Miss Rylee was so happy to see me at home. We ate some lunch together (where I forget to test my blood sugar before hand) and read some books.

I'm trying so hard to get a handle on my Diabetes control these days, so I'm trying to incorporate her into it. We went for a run together, I'm jumping back into that Couch to 5k program again - it was a wonderful bit of exercise today and did wonders for my blood sugars! Stupidly I forgot to check my blood sugar before going for my run/walk/interval training and when I got back I was low at 61mg/dl.

No, I didn't bring my meter or back up sugar in the jogging stroller with me. Yes, I am that stupid. - Which is a huge issue for me that I need to resolve.

What would happen if I was to go low enough to pass out or just not be able to even move on the side of the road with Rylee buckled into the jogging stroller? I do bring my phone but if I'm low enough to pass out there isn't any point to the phone. - That's another thing - a medical i.d. bracelet. I have always been terrible at wearing one. Does anyone in the 'real world' wear those anymore? I really should have one "just in case" that worst case scenario does happen.

Anyhow, back to the day.

After we get back Rylee and I play around outside, then inside, then her Papa gets home and we help him clean out his work car. It was a little out-of-the-ordinary for a normal day but that's our 'normal' life. Every day is different. Nothing is ever set in stone and we're flexible to anything.

I had to leave shortly after that again - this time for Pilates. I LOVE Pilates! I feel so energized and awesome afterward. Before starting class I checked my blood sugar at was dismayed when I saw 71mg/dl pop up on the screen - especially when I realized that I also did not have any snacks to bring it up before starting my class. Disconnecting my pump I went ahead with the night, realizing I'd probably have to leave 1/2 way through.

Surprised and pleased I finished the class at 71mg/dl. It didn't budge one bit. First stop on the 30 minute drive back home was at Taco Bell for some good low fat, low grease food.

I've spent most of my day on the low side of the blood sugar realm. Which tends to be tricky when handling a toddler. My energy gets zapped and I don't feel like keeping up with my very active toddler, sometimes I get short tempered with her as she's screaming "ah!ah!ah!" at me for the 100th time. Yet, I still have to be a Mother. I still have to be a Wife. I am still Diabetic. There is no break from any of the 3. 

Some days are great. Some days are rough. Chasing after a toddler is awesome. I'm always busy and she is so full of life my days are wonderful, regardless of what happens in the diabetes realm. I love her, I love my husband - and because I love them I must incorporate diabetes into my every day. even when I am "too busy" or "forget." (...just another excuse for getting a CGMS...)

My baby girl is going to be a great adversary to me, as my husband is. 

Real Life

Real Life is what I enjoy blogging about. The wonderful thing about blogs is that Real Life is different for every person, for every family.

The Real Life of our family is our own story. One that surrounds Life with A rapidly changing and growing 16 month old, A husband that is on his way back to school this fall, and Life with Diabetes.

I don't write type about my daily struggles for sympathy, attention, recognition or any such thing . I write type about my daily struggles with diabetes - the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the funny and the frustrating - because it's Real Life for us, for my family, for me.

There are also other aspects I enjoy blogging about, breaking up the posts about the medical life, such as my adorable daughter and wonderful husband. The joys and frustrations of motherhood. How much I love my husband, or he loves me.

Without a functioning Pancreas the Low and High Blood Sugars happen when I try and think for my Pancreas. However, I don't know everything my body is going to do to me or why something may or may not happen - so I wind up with blood sugar swings. They can be frustrating so I write about them.

There are days (today) when I go from 286 to 54 to 48 in the matter of 45 minutes while I'm in the middle of my weekly grocery trip. Those times might require me to rip open a bag of candy and eat it while I'm walking up to the register to pay. At which point there might be a dozen people people glaring at me for doing such a thing.

There are also days where every thing that comes out of my mouth is "No Rylee" "Rylee, please don't do that." "Rylee, we don't feed the puppy sweettarts, please stop" "Rylee, don't climb on..."

Of course there are those days that are just blissfully fun, like Saturday when I got the opportunity to spend a couple hours taking my Sister-In-Laws engagement pictures.

These are all just part of our Real Life. Nothing is picture perfect, and I like that. It keeps things Real. It makes us all the individuals we are. It makes us all have our different opinions and different views of the world.

Although I like to keep things Real, Doom and Gloom isn't my style either. I prefer to see things as they are but as a glass half full in most scenarios. I love the life that God has given me and I appreciate all that it is and all that I have.

That is why I like to blog about life, what our Real Life is for our Individual Family.

Appointment Day

I did it. I kept my appointment. I made it on time, even though I went to the wrong clinic at first.  You'd think I have a serious phobia of doctors, it's just that I hate paying the co-pay and would much rather bless my hubby with a new video game, or sunglasses because he just lost his the other day.

Sooooo, I had an appointment this morning with my Endocrinologist (abbreviated 'Endo') . 

In all honesty when I first had to switch to her from my previous doctor a couple years back I was far from pleased.

Then through my pregnancy I started to like her a bit better, get along with her a little better. Of course, until the end when I was crazy hormonal and felt like she was just bashing all my hard work (which I can see now that she wasn't).

Finally getting along with my Endo we were able to talk about a lot of things today. Changing my pump rates up by 20%, to see if that will help with the funky blood sugar swings I've been dealing with these days.

I get to go in for fasting labs (the part where I go to vampires and willingly offer my arm so they can take umpteen vials of blood from me) where I'll also get my testing for Celiac.

When I mentioned what's been going with me on my doctor instantly said "Celiac, we'll schedule a blood test right a way" she also thinks that could be a major factor in my crazy blood sugar swings, if it does indeed come back positive. So, we'll see.

She is also sending out an appeals letter to my insurance company so :::hopefully::: they will cover the Infusion Sets I used to use and that never gave me problems like I've been having.

The bad news, which I guess I expected, is that my A1c is up to 9.1% which means my average blood sugar has been 240mg/dl over the last several months.

Of course that's something we're working towards fixing with the results of the upcoming blood tests. So, hopefully in the next couple days I'll be able to know better where to go from here!

Irritable Highs

Rylee woke up numerous times during the night to the point I finally just got up and slept with her on the couch till Kenny's alarm went didn't go off at 7:23 this morning.

I instantly felt the moody side of me head towards irritation. Shake it off, you're just tired.

We went about our morning. Breakfast, cleanup, Rylee and I had some Bible time, shower, cleanup. Rylee was ready for a nap and I get a little more done. No, I didn't check my blood sugar all morning.

"What the heck?" was the first thing in my mind when this popped up:

It seems that the new pump site I put in yesterday before church didn't last. I figured it wouldn't. It hurt so bad going in and stung for hours later. When the pain subsided and I wound up low last night I thought I'd get at least 2 days out of it. Evidently not.

It seems that there is a lot of caked blood in the cannula that I pulled out this morning. Duh, there is no insulin going in! 

Irritability often strikes me when my blood sugar is on the high side. It also takes me too long to realize when there might be a real problem. I'm trying real hard to improve this area of my life. I prefer to deal with everything and fix everyone else, then sometime later I'll get to me. At times its hard to remember that I need to be healthy to be the best I can be for my family. I know it's for the best, though, and that my Husband would appreciate it. My Husband deserves it, my baby deserves it. SO, I'm going to keep my Endo appointment tomorrow. I'm gonna ask her for the blood tests for Celiac. Aaaaaand I really really don't want to! Oh well. I'll grin and bear it and it'll be a good day! Haha!

Conundrums

A few months ago Rylee brought home a nasty stomach bug she decided to share with me and caused us both to be laid out flat for a week. She, of course, recovered quicker than I did so it was all I could do to keep her entertained and not be running to the bathroom to puke while Kenny was at work.

When I finally decided food would be awesome  the first thing I did was make myself homemade bread. It was YUMMY.

Then I got sick again. This has got to be the stomach bug from hell! I thought.

About a week later once I was feeling a little better again and I wanted nothing to do with bread a foreboding thought entered my mind: Celiac Disease.

I've known about it for years. When I was first diagnosed with Type 1 8 years ago there were very few websites for diabetics - especially for young diabetics. I spent tons of time on www.childrenwithdiabetes.com and there were a lot of things on that site about Celiac. So I learned just because I can and I love to learn anything medical.

I knew that being Type 1 was a risk factor for Celiac as it is also a Auto-Immune disease. As soon as that thought entered my head I then started thinking about all the other things that have been "going on" with me the past year and it all just fell into place.

As research addicts do, research I did. I found not only would I need a blood test to 'confirm' I would also need a biopsy of my small intestine to really know. ...So I've been putting it off. Still putting it off.

I hate co-pays. I know that the insurance companies deserve them, it's not a huge co-pay for the amount of 'costs' they cover. Yet, I hate them, so I avoid going into the doctor all the time.

So, there has been a tiny battle going on in my brain for the last couple months: Self diagnose and cut out gluten just to see, or bite the bullet and go in to the doctor? You have to have a minimum of 6 weeks of gluten in your system for the tests to reflect accurately. ...Self diagnose and cut out gluten just to see, or bite the bullet and go in to the doctor?

This week I've gone a couple days 'gluten free' and I've definitely noticed the difference.

With the recent event of my car blowing up I'm still not entirely sure what I'm going to do. I'd like to just have the diagnosis - because it's a huge lifestyle change and I'd love to not make it if that's not what the problem is. However that is a lot of money in co-pays that we won't have because of having to buy a new car.

I'm still debating this conundrum in my head even now. Maybe I'll have an answer in a few days! ...or maybe not...

Type 1 Diabetic 8 Years and Counting!

It's been 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The anniversary of this came and went this year (March 22nd or 23rd, I don't remember which! Haha!) without my paying any attention to it due to moving and other insanities.

I don't 'celebrate' it or anything. I think that would be silly. However, I do reminisce. 

My Dad had been on a wonderful mission trip to India. That trip changed his life, and our families life, and it was awesome. We kids, who had been Home-Schooled until that January were attending a "Co-Op" or Private School with other Home-schooled nerds like us. Life was going awesome. I loved being nerdy with other like-minded nerds.

While my Dad was away I started needing TONS of water through the day, always hungry, peeing as much as I drank. I was 14, so it was attributed as just 'normal teenager growth.'

I remember going out with my Mom, my 4 siblings, my Mom's bff and her 4 kids to McDonalds. I ate 2 Big Macs, fries and drank a TON of Soda. I had never been able to eat that much at a sitting, but no one thought too much of it. I was pretty skinny, so again, it was attributed to normal teenager stuff.

Then I got sick. I got really sick. Puking, Serious Shakes that were vibrating the couch I was splayed out on. Drinking and Peeing equally. I felt like I couldn't get enough fluids, but I also was puking whatever I ate. I didn't get off the couch except to pee for a week.

My mom didn't think much of it. She has 5 kids. Kids get sick and a week isn't so bad for a nasty bug. Yet, I wasn't getting better. I was still just as bad and not improving. SO, the trip to the doctor was made.

The trip where they checked my mouth, my ears, listened to my stomach, my heart... ya know, all those things they do when they are just looking for a virus. Not finding much they decided to take a little finger prick and asked me to pee in a cup. I was so dehydrated at that point it took me awhile of misery sitting in that room to finally do it.

A few minutes afterward the Doctor came back in. I was laying on my mom's shoulder, exhausted and feeling as crummy as it gets. I heard him tell my mom that I had lots of sugar in my urine and my blood sugar was clocked at 344mg/dl at the time. We should go home, pack some stuff up and head straight to the hospital emergency room.

I had no idea what was wrong with me, just that I needed to go to the hospital for some reason. Mom packed some things up for me while I just slumped in a chair while Mom filled Dad in on the sketchy details. Off to the hospital we went. I laid across the backseat in the van because I was rapidly feeling worse. By the time we got there, I just didn't care. I wanted to sleep, I was exhausted, I was thirsty.

When we finally got to my room on the pediatric floor I just crawled into that bed and laid there while the nurses tried to get an IV into my severely dehydrated hand. The nurses gave my mom a backpack she started looking through. My mom showed me the cutest teddy bear that was in the backpack and asked me if I wanted it. Of course I did, I have a huge love for teddy bears even still. I cuddled with that thing all night while the nurses poked and prodded me. Come morning it was all explained to me. 

The funny thing? I took it all very well. I understood all of it. I was really really upset about missing a fairly competitive tournament I was involved in that was taking place that day.

My Mom was just awesome. She helped me figure things out. Told me that my Grandpa, her Dad, was Type 1 diabetic too. When we got home she helped work out my dinners, measuring my foods out, weighing everything, buying things 'just for me.'  She asked my opinion on what things I'd like to have for treating Low Blood Sugars. She was really concerned when I would have a high blood sugar.

The totally awesome thing? She let me spend the night at one of my best friends houses a week after I was diagnosed. She was also Type 1 Diabetic, diagnosed at 7 years old. It was a fun time getting to be with another that actually understood - she understood it all far better than I did at the time.

My poor parents were in for a roller coaster far worse just after that. I am grateful for my awesome doctors, my awesome parents and the awesome support I had through church - and my husband. My husband is my best friend and is always there for me. I love him, and I love that he can tell when I'm Low or High - even if he does sleep through the nasty Lows in the middle of the night when I smack him in the head trying to get out of bed.

It's been 8 years of learning and guessing and fun and crap. 8 years of growing up, Getting married, Becoming a Mommy. I am excited for many many more years to come!!

In which I complain of my Genetics

It's funny how genetics always catches up with me. Type 1 diabetes runs in my family on both sides, I inherited my Dad's low blood pressure - an awesome trait most of the time (excluding the lightheaded-ness that frequently accompanies it).

Then there are the dental issues. My mom has great teeth and rarely has an issue more than needing a "deep cleaning" because they don't have dental coverage. My Dad, though, his teeth are awful. Cavities and Root Canals are no strangers to my Fathers mouth. I learned from my orthodontist years ago that everyone inherits their jaws separately - so you could have your top teeth from your mom and bottom from your dad, or both from one or the other. I've been 'blessed' with teeth from both my parents.

I waited a year to get my teeth worked on because we couldn't afford it on our old dental plan provided us through Kenny's awesome job. When it came time to "re-enroll" and chose from our options of health care plans we found that there was a way better/cheaper dental plan that would cover all the costs of the work I needed. So, I've been having that stuff finally done the last few weeks.

The first time I had 2 teeth out. While uncomfortable for a week it wasn't too bad. The first day ended up being more painful because I was out all day and didn't get back home to take my Hydrocodone (Vicodin) until very late and the anesthesia had long since worn off.

Today, I only had 1 tooth taken out and, strangely enough, I'm not doing as well. My mouth has been hurting a ton more than last time. I've laid around all day - which I do not do. When I had my wisdom teeth out I took a drive test for drivers ed a couple hours afterward.

Tonight, I took another dose of the Hydrocodone, snuggled with Miss Rylee and ate some toast. Shortly afterward my blood sugar shot up from 138mg/dl to 264mg/dl and I felt like I was having a super bad low blood sugar - the sort where I feel almost like passing out. I thought at first it was because I was using test strips that were expired by a couple months, I checked them against strips that are not expired and found that - Yes, I am indeed at 264 give or take a couple digits.

Yuuuuuck. I don't like feeling so crappy, and I don't like the balancing act of diabetes and any sort of "surgery." Diabetes in a guessing game all day every day as it is. Then you throw something else at it and it's still just as much of a guessing game - with another variable.  :::sigh::: I'm so happy the extractions are all finished!

Funtimes

I had managed, thus far, to not ever need to run out of the house in the morning with my hair un-done from my shower while also not having make-up on. I am a tad bit vain and do not like to leave without my hair done. Usually I'll find time to do my make-up at red lights or before I get out of my car at my destination. My hair, though, I'm self conscious about.

This morning everything took me at least twice as long mas it should have. I realized too late that I needed to be driving already to make it to Rylee's well-child-check-up on time. So, I grabbed my purse, then puppy (in her crate) and baby in the other arm and split like a banana. Fresh out of the shower hair and makeup-less.

It took nearly 3 years of marriage and 1.5 years of motherhood, I skillfully avoided this incident, but today fate finally caught up with me. I had myself a little laugh about it as I pulled into the parking lot of our doctor's office, because I enjoy finding irony and humor in any situation.

...speaking of situations...

My pump battery died on me some time this morning. I have no idea when but far enough back to cause this lovely number to show up on my meter:

See, that darn pump is supposed to give me that "low battery" warning for a couple days. Then it will tell me "Go change this freaking battery because I won't do a damn thing until you do," and I'm a slave to my technology - so I do.

Not this morning. It just quit working. It happened after leaving in a huge makeup-less flurry that I realized there was no life in my pump at all. Upon returning home I was able replace the battery and dump 17 units of insulin back into my body and proceeded to eat nothing for the rest of the day.

Later this evening as my Mother in Law was asking me questions about how I was feeling (because we're living with them now and I get to see her every day) I ended up explaining to her that Diabetes is far from an exact science.

Most days a blood sugar like that would just totally ruin the day and I wouldn't be able to function. Today, though, it strangely enough didn't bother me one little bit. I took a nap with Rylee and life was just fine and dandy. Some days a simple 70mg/dl low blood sugar will send me over the moon with a nasty headache for the rest of the day. Other times a 38 will just be crappy in the moment and no problems for the rest of the day.

Diabetes is so far from an exact science it's not even funny. We can do the same thing every single day and every single day end up with different results, different highs and lows, different feelings - a whole different kind of day. Diabetes is a guessing game more than anything. We make it up as we go along. Diabetics end up knowing their bodies more intimately than most people ever will. We can tell you how we'll feel after just a single sip of regular soda, or what a mcdonalds cheese burger will do to our blood sugars. We know how to compensate less insulin for 1/2 an hour of exercise - while know it's possible that a low could creep up overnight as a 'side effect' of the earlier exercise.

Again, I am amazed at my body's resilience and I am so thankful for such supportive family and my ability to handle things I otherwise wouldn't. I'm thankful that my daughter even helped me out and took, such a long refreshing nap while I was helping my sugars come down from the clouds.

Now that we're back to our demented version of "Normal" - I'm off to bed.