Zombie

I am tired, exhausted, sleepless, fatigued, weary - a Zombie.

I've mentioned before - Rylee hasn't been sleeping since we moved.

Case-in-point: Rylee played good and hard yesterday. She only had 1 nap, an hour and a half, early in the day. We thought for sure she'd sleep through the night considering she usually takes 2 naps per day about an hour each, or 1 nap 2-3 hours in length.

As she must always do things her way after she fell asleep at 9pm she proceeded to wake up not Once but 5 times before Midnight! That very same pattern she followed through the entire night. She wanted to get up and play.

Today, she only had One 20 minute nap in the car = bad nap. She fell asleep at 8:30pm and has been up several times now. At some point she has GOT to stop this. For her and my sake.

For me because I just want to be a sane person! For her because she needs me to be a sane Mommy. Not a short-tempered, easily frustrated - walking zombie.

I noticed awhile back that my insulin needs have steadily gone up over the last year - even when I was breastfeeding (not until after a good 9 months into it, though).

I've tried to figure out why. For breakfast this morning I had 2 pieces of toast and basically took a pregnancy rate of insulin for it at 1 unit per 5 grams of carbs - and still 4 hours after that my blood sugar only came down to 158. I have though maybe it's the birth control I'm on. Now I'm wondering if it has to do with my severe lack of sleep. The sleepless night have been like this for a very long time now. I'm just done.

So why am I still up now? Well, because I my stupid body clock is set for the wrong and stupd times. SO, I've just gotta try and retrain myself and hopefully break out of this.

Rylee, sweetheart, please let mama sleep through the night - more than one night would be so completely aweseom.

Thanks, sweety,

MamaBee.

Stupidity doesn't win

I love 3 day weekends. So relaxing and enjoyable. Kenny's job is giving him MLK Day off this year and it's been a pretty sweet weekend thus far. Getting up for Church but not caring too much (like we normally do) about not having another day to sleep in because we still got tomorrow! Ha. We're such lazy bodies.

I'm feeling so exhausted lately. I think that I'm Iron Deficient yet again. Dang Genetics! My Mom is usually Anemic, my littlest brother was just diagnosed as such and it always comes back to bite me as well. I always have to rule out my blood sugar control first as a possible reason of being so tired - maybe I'm high or low in the middle of the night or something - but that's not been the problem.

I am horrible with pills and taking the consistently. Which I actually find quite amusing, being diabetic and needing to remember to take insulin many times throughout the day. "Back in the day" When I was on the 2-shot-a-day or 3-shot-a-day regimens I still had trouble remembering to take a dang multivitamin! I forgot more times that I will admit to with my prenatal vitamins. It's a wonder I wasn't worse off than my one incident of passing out in the hospital. I've never had my blood checked since then and I was dangerously low at that point. It wouldn't surprise me if it's never really come out of that since I do NOT eat a balanced diet with lots of proteins and other iron rich food in it.

It's just finally catching up with me. We had a good long restful vacation. Rylee is sleeping well through the night. It's just ridiculous for me to be this exhausted. Guess I really gotta keep up on those vitamins! Maybe I'll get a protein supplment that actually tastes good or something so I'll remember to take it!

Anyways. My vitamin deficient sleep deprived self needs to get off here now!

Sleep, Mama.

My world, having been turned upside down by Munchkin, is still in the process of having the pieces put back in place.

When I was 8 months pregnant with her I couldn't wait to have her out of my body. I wanted nothing more than to just SLEEP again. People laughed at me - saying "enjoy it now, you'll wish you had this kind of sleep after she's here." I'm quite pleased to announce that they were sooo wrong.

I was getting NO sleep. From about 6 months pregnant on I had AWFUL heartburn. I didn't have food cravings - I had food aversions. (Okay, that's sorta a lie - there are 2 documented cases of cravings: One night, Pizza, another night a "Papa Joe" from our local Zips.). If I laid down I'd get some intense reflux happening and feel like puking. If I sat down she'd shove her feet into my ribs and everywhere else and cause some nasty heartburn and PAINFUL ribs (she broke 2 of them, remember). Of course, if I stood my back, legs and feet would kill me.

I was up all night most every night, throwing up more often than not because of the heartburn. AND I carried a bottle of Tums with me EVERYWHERE. If I didn't have some I would drive right down to a store and buy a new bottle!

When I was in labor with her the heartburn came back and I puked early on. Oh yes, I do NOT miss that. I am happy to report I am no longer a 20+ Tums caplets a day person. But now just a once in awhile eater for too much pizza. As it should be. Heehee.

I have gotten an abundance more sleep than I did than, and am quite happy about it. The difference this time, though, is this:

Then, running on no sleep I just had to deal with my Husband, my Brother (who was living with us) and my Dad (who I work for). No big deal, they knew well when to "Steer Clear" of me, and we were all great.

Now, running on little sleep with a Baby is much different. She doesn't know when to "Steer Clear" she just wants what she wants. Which is not always apparent right away, if at all. I am teaching her and helping her learn about life. She doesn't know when I'm grumpy or sad, happy or agreeable. She doesn't know that it really is time to be SLEEPING at 2,3 and 4am and I am NOT pleased to be up at those times.

Babies do not have "Tact" nor will they ever. This poses a different nasty problem for my sleep deprived state. I can still function - and function better than I did before - but my fuse is a bit shorter.

Sweet thing got my and Kenny's intense Stubbornness. Unfortunately for her we are both determined to out last her. This leads for some rough nights. Kenny works for us and is making most of the money these days, so I enjoy making sure his work days aren't awful because he stayed up with the baby all night.

The last two weeks, though, she has been sleeping awfully. SO badly, I really should lay down and sleep at the same time as she does. I usually want my "alone time" though and end up staying up too late. Making it *my* fault that I'm grumpy when she wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to play.

Fortunately God has given me the grace to wake up and be just as cheerful as ever. I just pray that I will have the strength and fortitude to continue on. I'd really like her to sleep through the night, but that will come when it comes and I will not force it before she's ready.

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In other news Munchkin is now saying MAMA! It totally rocks my world. It's only deliberate calling for me a little bit, most of the time she's just saying it to say it - but its becoming more purposeful. I'm stoked. Still working on "papa" but she doesn't really have that "pah" sound yet. In time, in time.

My baby food making also seems to be a success. Munchkin loves it and ate it up like crazy. I'm excited to make more. Now, I've just gotta figure out the cheapest way to keep making it! heehee.

Okay, in the interests of actually sleeping tonight, I must go.