Appointment Day

I did it. I kept my appointment. I made it on time, even though I went to the wrong clinic at first.  You'd think I have a serious phobia of doctors, it's just that I hate paying the co-pay and would much rather bless my hubby with a new video game, or sunglasses because he just lost his the other day.

Sooooo, I had an appointment this morning with my Endocrinologist (abbreviated 'Endo') . 

In all honesty when I first had to switch to her from my previous doctor a couple years back I was far from pleased.

Then through my pregnancy I started to like her a bit better, get along with her a little better. Of course, until the end when I was crazy hormonal and felt like she was just bashing all my hard work (which I can see now that she wasn't).

Finally getting along with my Endo we were able to talk about a lot of things today. Changing my pump rates up by 20%, to see if that will help with the funky blood sugar swings I've been dealing with these days.

I get to go in for fasting labs (the part where I go to vampires and willingly offer my arm so they can take umpteen vials of blood from me) where I'll also get my testing for Celiac.

When I mentioned what's been going with me on my doctor instantly said "Celiac, we'll schedule a blood test right a way" she also thinks that could be a major factor in my crazy blood sugar swings, if it does indeed come back positive. So, we'll see.

She is also sending out an appeals letter to my insurance company so :::hopefully::: they will cover the Infusion Sets I used to use and that never gave me problems like I've been having.

The bad news, which I guess I expected, is that my A1c is up to 9.1% which means my average blood sugar has been 240mg/dl over the last several months.

Of course that's something we're working towards fixing with the results of the upcoming blood tests. So, hopefully in the next couple days I'll be able to know better where to go from here!

Hypocritical

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite.

Like right now. I talk quite often about being healthy, eating healthy, being a "good" diabetic, good blood sugars, exercising properly.........

Fact is, though, I am SO not the epitome of health.

A couple months after Rylee was born I stopped really trying to take care of myself. Things were just getting more and more busy, Rylee was a very sweet and easy infant but a needy one. So, I haven't cared much about caring.

I feel hypocritical

I've put off seeing my Endocrinologist since before my daughter was born last year. I'm certain my A1c is atrocious. I've just cared less and less, until now.

And I feel hypocritical

Why now? Oh, many reasons. Realizing I feel like crap a lot these days (but do my very best not to show it), I'd really rather not. Rylee's 1st birthday is coming up VERY soon and I want to be able to enjoy every one of her birthdays for a good long long time. It also happens to be Diabetes Awareness month, I mentioned that yesterday, and I feel it's an appropriate time to really get my butt back in gear.

I'd like to get my A1c Back in the 6-7's again. I had never been below a 7.8 before pregnancy, but man, it felt awesome to be in the 6-7%'s. I'm sure I'm in the high 10's at least.

I feel hypocritical.

While I have mostly conquered the evil world that is eating disorders, it is not completely gone, nor will it ever be, I think. Some of that does hold me back still at times. If only I had realized what I had before being pregnant. Ha! It is better this way, though. I can see that.

I have wanted for a long time to have some sort of podium to shout from. Some way to communicate with others, specifically young girls/women who struggle with diabetes, eating disorders or both. I don't have a degree. I don't have any reason for anyone to listen to me ever, I am hypocritical. Maybe, though, someday I will be able to have a podium. Maybe this is it, or this is what God has planned for me, or he has completely different ones. Only time will tell.

In the mean time, I will move forward and do my best to stop being the hypocrite that I hate so much. I will strive to be the best I can for my Husband, for my Daughter. I will get my blood sugar in my control and no longer let it continue to control me.

Here's to bringing awareness by becoming aware myself.