Sunday, January 31, 2010


In case you haven't realized it yet, I love taking pictures of my little girl.

She's just so darn cute and such a huge part of my life, I can't help but document it all the time.

Maybe someday, She'll have a sibling so I can document the two of them laughing and wrestling and fighting together.

But for now, I have her. I love her with all my heart and enjoy every.single.moment.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Note to Self:

Make sure to eat food when you're working on big projects. Not eating leads to not thinking very well and low blood sugars at the most in-opportune times.

Make sure to drink liquids when you're working on big projects. Not drinking leads to a serious fuzzy-minded-me on top of the already fuzzy-minded-hungry-me.

Remembering to do these things will help you remember to:

A. NEVER EVER Drink the baby shower punch!! It is NEVER sugar free or made with diet soda.

B. Remember to ALWAYS bring your own drink to a baby shower! They don't think to serve something as simple as water.

C. By remembering to eat and drink during your big projects you won't feel the need to binge eat/drink whatever you can get your hands on.

D. NEVER EVER EVER try something new and untested the night before deadline. Ever.


I Spent my day at work yesterday to run from that to my parents' house to finish working on a baby shower cake for today. Not just any baby shower cake, though. It was the biggest cake I have ever made. It was for my soon to come baby Nephew.

I have done so much this week preparing for last night. Little steps all along the week to make the actual putting together of the cake go as smoothly as possible.

Last minute I decided to try a new technique for this cake. Mistake #1. That one mistake snowballed into me not getting home until 4:30 and getting into bed and falling asleep until 5am after getting Rylee back to sleep.

It's 6pm here now and just barely 13 hours since I fell asleep and it's been 9 hours I've been on my feet and busy today.

I am exhausted. I am irritated. I am enjoying sitting on my butt typing this out. I wish Rylee would stay asleep until we get up for Church tomorrow so I can sleep from now until church tomorrow. I'm keeping myself from napping, though, because I won't sleep well tonight if I do. And Murphy's law makes it so that as soon as I start drifting off to sleep in my nap Rylee's nap will end. So, I just stave that off by not napping.

My camera quit working last night so I don't have my pictures of my Cake. My mom has them on her camera. I'm really bummed I can't be sitting here right now fiddling, editing and sharing. Soon, though, I will.

I'm going to end this for now so I can stop looking like a complete idiot on here and continue my looking and behaving like an idiot back in my real world.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

This was just the weekend I needed!

What started with Rylee Projectile Puking on Friday night turned into quite a nasty weekend.

Saturday morning we woke up Rylee still wasn't feeling 100% right away, poor girl. I noted that I was feeling just the faintest bit nauseous but nothing crazy. I went about our morning making breakfast, cleaning up, getting showers and giving cuddles to the still slightly under the weather baby.

I start to feel a little worse, but really need to go to the store, which gets delayed by other little things constantly coming up. My blood sugar is 224. Finally when I'm able to go I don't feel well at all and decide to abandon my trip to the store - who needs baby wipes when you're down to 4 anyway?

The rest of my day is spent on the couch. I felt TERRIBLE. My blood sugar is 214. I haven't felt that bad since 2004 when I was in serious DKA after being sick for several days and the batteries in my meter were bad so I wasn't able to treat my blood sugars properly.

I only ate breakfast yesterday. I couldn't keep anything down. Even a sip of water had me dry heaving and then crying. Rylee constantly wanted to cuddle with me on the couch but she wanted to move around all the time - something I was not feeling up to dealing with. Poor baby didn't understand and I felt awful I couldn't do anything for her without running back to the toilet.

Finally got Rylee to bed with Kenny's help. I slept on the couch the rest of the night. It was while I was laying there writhing that it occurred to me my blood sugar wouldn't budge below 200 and I hadn't been able to keep even a sip of water down. Crap. I was going to be making a trip to Urgent Care in the morning to get some fluids pumped into me to get my sugars down and then hopefully get over this stupid stomach bug.

Fortunately one last dry heave middle of the night episode seemed to be the last of the worst. I was finally able to sleep and woke up feeling 100x better this morning. Though still queasy I am quite happy to take that over what I was dealing with yesterday. Quite pleased to be able to keep fluids and some toast down, and able to give my baby attention again. Quite pleased that no urgent care visit was going to be needed. My blood sugar has still hovered in the low 200's today but I'm okay with that. Actually really okay. I was so terrified of crashing into nasty lows because I wouldn't be able to treat the lows- then I'd really be going to the Urgent Care.

Kenny was a total Dear last night. Put Rylee to bed after she fell asleep with me. Went in for her when she woke up in the middle of the night screaming. Laid her back down. She woke up again, he brought her to bed with him! He cuddled her when she woke up crying "mama!mama!mama!" She wasn't feeling her best yet either.

We're both much better today, not fantastic but definitely on the mend! This little adventure was NOT in my plans for the weekend! I was hoping to maybe go on a date with Kenny. Get some photography in of my brothers girlfriend. Play with Rylee outside in the beautiful weather we've been having. Well, maybe in the next couple days. Now I have to focus on what I'm going to do for a baby shower cake I'm making for this coming weekend, which hopefully will got like a normal weekend!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Scrapes, Scratches and Puke

Yesterday Rylee had her first major run-in with Concrete. I tried real hard to get a picture but she was not in the mood to allow a decent shot to show the full extent of the damage done. Skinned up her nose real nicely. One of those very sad, yet humorous things for a parent to watch. New found freedom in the outdoors after many months of very wet, very cold days, she's running along and trips - as toddlers do innumerable times through the day. She puts her hands out to catch her, as usual, but the momentum she had built up carried her straight through onto her face.

Poor baby was gun shy the rest of the day from going anywhere on that darn cement. Of course she was back at it today.

Today is another story, though.

She slept in late. When she got up she just wanted to be held. I tried to give her breakfast but she wouldn't touch a SINGLE THING I gave her. She chose to just sit there in her highchair for 20 minutes with a lot of different food choices in front of her and didn't touch any of them.

I passed it off, sometimes she does this because she's just not ready to eat yet. She finally snacked on some french fries and chicken nuggets later then a few cheese-its through the rest of the day, while I worked away and my mom watched her.

It was a looooong day at the office. Things were going great until just ONE silly little thing had to go wrong, of course, and then it snowballed from there - making a job that we were going to be done with at 2pm not be done until nearly 6pm.

Anyway, once we got home Rylee was happy to play, though she was quite clingy for me - which she had been all day. She really didn't want to be with anyone but me. She tolerated other people but wanted me. She didn't even want to sit with Kenny tonight. She ate some pizza then took a nap with us on the couch. Which she fought so hard - Kenny wanted to lay with her and nap with her but she didn't want it. We compromised and she sorta got to lay with both of us.

When she got up a little while later she just wanted to sit with me still. She didn't get off the couch to play. She didn't have any toys in her hands to play with. Just laid her head in my lap and sat up from time to time. I got up for something and when I came back she projectile puked allllllllll over my legs as I was standing in front of her. She kept puking after that.

I hate puke. HATE. I made a deal with Kenny that I'd do all the dirty diapers if he cleaned up the puke. Guess what didn't happen tonight? Yep, I cleaned up that puke.

He did give her a bath, though. There really is only so much you can do at a time with a puking baby, though, so he bathed her and I cleaned it up - gagging most of the way.

After that she just wanted to sit with me again. Sit she did until she fell asleep for the night, with sips of gatorade in between cuddles.

Our little girl has her first stomach flu. Her first major scrape on her body. Toddler-hood isn't treating her so well these couple of days. I hope she's feeling better in the morning. It's making it hard for me to sleep tonight, though, knowing she doesn't feel good.

With that I'm going to try and get a little rest.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

To articulate, babble, broach, chant, chat, chatter.......

Communication is something God has really laid on my heart, mind, and soul lately.

I am by no means a relationship expert or marriage genius or anything at all. I just try to understand situations I am in, and others are in as best as I can. I do like to live life vicariously, learning from others' mistakes if I can.

I cannot stress enough that communication is key to a good relationship with anyone, whether it be your Mom, Dad, Siblings, Children, Husband, Relatives, Friends.... with anyone - you have to communicate. It takes a lot of work too.

Especially in a Marriage relationship (or one potentially heading towards marriage). If you and the other person involved do not tell each other the little things in life that make you happy or sad, your wishes and dreams, your opinions, likes, dislikes, political views, religious views - whatever! You are not going to talk about those "big things" when they come around. Big things like marriage, children, and money.

Relationships of any sort (worth-while ones) must be a two way street. It has to be a "give and take" thing. HAS to be. If there isn't communication, there cannot be joy, peace and compromise.

Many wonder why there has to be compromise and the answer is really quite simple: You are two DIFFERENT people. It's a beautiful thing to be different than the person you love, if you were the same it would be just another "drone" relationship like something out of hollywood that has been done 100 times already. When you are different people you will like different things than eachother: He likes Action films, she likes soap operas. Both hate the others favorite - so you meet somewhere in the middle when you want to do something together. Like a sorta chick-flick with a lot of guy humor, or something silly like that.

If there is no compromise on both sides it is inevitable that one person in the relationship will always be "giving" into what the other person wants and that will in the end create a bitterness that will not turn into something good, and will take a long time to "fix." The other person will always get their "way" and that just emboldens them to continue on - leaving everything horridly lopsided/unbalanced and things will sooner or later come to a head and explode like Old Faithful - without fail.

This is especially important when bringing a child into the mix. Something I didn't realize when I was pregnant. I had no idea that having a baby would cut into our "talk time" SO badly! I didn't know that actual communication other than - "how was your day?" "Rylee didn't take a good nap all day" "She had 3 poopy diapers today and has diaper rash" "I got all the laundry done today!" "so, tell me about the job you worked on today-" - was going to be all that we were going to have anymore. When we started getting genuinely mad at each other over stupid things like dirty carpet I realized that the problem we had went much deeper than the dirty carpet and I agonized over it for the next couple weeks. Finally figuring it out we confronted it and moved on - because we communicated about it... ...finally. It took awhile, though, for me to realize that the lack of real talking about issues, struggles, wants and desires was really at the heart of our recent issues.

When a new baby is going to be thrown into a already rock situation it seems a lot of couples think that they'll "come together" over the baby. I've got a news flash for you! It doesn't really work that way! Babies are SO much work. You WON'T sleep. Your judgment will NOT be at it's best because of your lack of sleep and hard work through the days. You WON'T talk, especially when you realize that everything that comes out of your mouth is mean - because it's all that's in your brain from your severe sleep deprived state. Things don't just "get better" when the baby comes. How will you continue to live and act as that baby becomes a toddler? They learn behavior quite early, you know, what is it you want them to be really learning?

Communication needs to happen every day whether it be simple things like telling your love you appreciate that he goes to work every day even when he doesn't want to. Vacuuming 4x a day because it makes your love happy. Having dinner on the table when he gets home because he'll feel special. Good old fashion talking, gestures of love - that's what's really missing in so many homes today.

I love my husband and so thankful he's willing to talk to me - so long as I let him know it's what I need at the moment! Thank you, Jesus, for my Husband!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


God is teaching us contentment.

As a result of all my self-inspecting and Kenny's and my many "serious" conversations this last week I came to a turning point in my life.

Nothing huge, but just changing little things: Not being on facebook for 1/2 of my day, not letting Rylee eat wherever she wants in the house. I realized she is now at an age where she's really learning things very quickly. I decided that I wanted to cut out all the stupid things in our lives to commit to more meaningful things.

I've been teaching Rylee to color, took her to a play ground to really play for the first time today, and I've been reading to her. Lots of reading. I had this awesome bible as a small child and I wanted to give Rylee one of her own (as mine was thoroughly used and abused). Our Church had that bible and I was so happy. My Mom bought it for her and I've been reading out of it to her every day. This morning I sat down at our kitchen table while she was eating in her highchair and I decided that would be a good time to maybe read with her. I did then picked up my own bible and read the same passage for my own enrichment. I think I'll be going through the whole bible with my 1 year old, in hers and mine. Haha!

I feel so refreshed to be finally forcing myself back to this place of a love for my Savior, a love for knowledge and understanding.

Of course, that doesn't come without trials. An increase in trials, I find.

As I was going over our budget for the next month today I was nearly giddy with the realization we weren't going to be strapped for cash like usual. Not because I wanted to spend it all, I just like not being under $20 in our bank account after paying for necessities.

On Kenny's way home today from one of his many out of town trips he got a speeding ticket. It's his first "real" ticket. He got one as a teenager but he got it deferred at the time and it was never put on his record. He was, and is, so beside himself because of it. A major hit to our bank account this next month as well, so we're not really as well off as I had thought, anymore. Ha!

I knew it was bound to happen with how much driving he always does. I respect him and did my best to show him my support and respect, but he was still so upset he curled up on the couch at 7, fell asleep before 8 and is still there.

God is teaching us to be content no matter what. Whether we have extra money in our account (so I can maybe refill my prescriptions, it looks like I'll be going back to shots for a month!) or whether we have nothing in our account. Whether we have clean or dirty carpet. Whether we live in an apartment or a home of our own. Whether we like the job we're at or not. Just to be content in every situation.

Crunching numbers again tonight after that I realized that something will inevitably go unpaid for a couple days because of the timing of this ticket, and God spoke to my heart telling me to sit back and trust in him for a little while. So, that is what I'll do, what we'll do.

It feels so great to give it all to Him who loves and provides unconditionally. Being Content in every situation, my challenge.

::mean mommy::

I wasn't expecting two nice days in a row. When we woke up this morning it was rainy and foggy and gross out, So I thought we were grounded inside again. When it all burned off and the clouds almost disappeared I couldn't stay inside a moment longer!

Amidst all the running and playing the little girl fell down.

She got good and dirty! Just like little kids should in the muddy "spring."

When she started crying and asking to leave I didn't set her down on the picnic table and continue taking pictures.

I would be an awful mean and unfeeling mother to do that sort of thing!

...Well, maybe I did...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Papa and Cleaning

Rylee said "papa" for the first official time this morning. It couldn't have been a more perfect time either! The 3 of us were laying in bed and, as is the fashion of small children, she was bouncing on top of us trying to get us to play with her. She said it while we were both there and both heard it clear as day! Quite a wonderful morning for the Monday of the 3 day weekend.

I've always known I'm a fairly sick and demented individual at heart buuuuut... Gosh Dang-it! I love Cleaning! I just get "in the mode" and go crazy! It doesn't take me all that long to really do some damage either! This whole week has been very intense on the cleaning front, Extreme Vacuuming, Carpet Cleaning, Scrubbing out the oven (again), the Burners...

I cleaned out Rylee's room last night. Emptied her drawers of clothes she's grown out of and separated them out, ones to give away and ones to keep for my own mental sake. ....or another baby someday on the off chance it's a girl.

Tonight I tackled our room. I've been quite sick of how it's just been a storage room for everything I don't want in the living room/dining room or anywhere else.

All is well and peaceful when my house is clean. I can go to bed very happy tonight! ....So I will!

Spring in January!

Today was just GORGEOUS. I couldn't stand to stay inside. I really wanted to get out and take pictures of Rylee, let her get gross and messy and have fun outside on our first "spring" day. Spring in January. It was so nice, a "heat wave" at 50 degrees today. So, I took myself and camera outside while Rylee was napping during the best part of the day. I just love the colors I got with my Straight of the Camera Shots.

This is my favorite.

Stupidity doesn't win

I love 3 day weekends. So relaxing and enjoyable. Kenny's job is giving him MLK Day off this year and it's been a pretty sweet weekend thus far. Getting up for Church but not caring too much (like we normally do) about not having another day to sleep in because we still got tomorrow! Ha. We're such lazy bodies.

I'm feeling so exhausted lately. I think that I'm Iron Deficient yet again. Dang Genetics! My Mom is usually Anemic, my littlest brother was just diagnosed as such and it always comes back to bite me as well. I always have to rule out my blood sugar control first as a possible reason of being so tired - maybe I'm high or low in the middle of the night or something - but that's not been the problem.

I am horrible with pills and taking the consistently. Which I actually find quite amusing, being diabetic and needing to remember to take insulin many times throughout the day. "Back in the day" When I was on the 2-shot-a-day or 3-shot-a-day regimens I still had trouble remembering to take a dang multivitamin! I forgot more times that I will admit to with my prenatal vitamins. It's a wonder I wasn't worse off than my one incident of passing out in the hospital. I've never had my blood checked since then and I was dangerously low at that point. It wouldn't surprise me if it's never really come out of that since I do NOT eat a balanced diet with lots of proteins and other iron rich food in it.

It's just finally catching up with me. We had a good long restful vacation. Rylee is sleeping well through the night. It's just ridiculous for me to be this exhausted. Guess I really gotta keep up on those vitamins! Maybe I'll get a protein supplment that actually tastes good or something so I'll remember to take it!

Anyways. My vitamin deficient sleep deprived self needs to get off here now!

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Since coming to many realizations over the past several days I feel like there has been a huge weight lifted.

I've been doing everything I can to bring more peace into our home, to help our Togetherness as a couple.

I spent the greater part of Thursday carpet cleaning our house. The carpet had gotten so bad it was stressing me out just to sit in my own house, and Kenny was freaking out about it too. I felt like my house was just "noisy" and cluttered there were so many little stains all over the carpet - largely from Rylee spilling her bottles all over the place - she now knows how to sit them down upright!

I borrowed my Mom's Dyson and my Mother-in-law's carpet cleaner and now my carpet is nearly "new" again. Much more peace in our house just because of that alone. I don't mind a few toys on the floor anymore, it doesn't feel like clutter, just normal messes for having a baby.

Kenny and I decided that we need to go on a vacation, just the 2 of us. Maybe just getting a hotel room downtown for 1 night together. We need to have some "us" time so badly. We're planning on going on a date together sometime soon, just the two of us.

I totally didn't even realize how much having Rylee has changed our relationship. It's great, we love her to death and would do anything for her, buuuuuut.... it was "us" first, and she needs us to be "us." We've only left her once, but after that first night being together alone since she was born - I felt SO refreshed. We need that again, real badly.

It's important for married couples, no matter how newly married or married for 50 years, to be together and remember why they love each other and got married in the first place - we've been missing it so badly, time to fall back and regroup soon.

I'm not sure if it's just my own refreshed mind or what, but the entire mood of our home has been much lighter, much more full of love, and I am so thrilled. I'm sure the spiritual warfare is only to begin to attack that, now. We must prevail, though. I want to answer God's calling on my life to be a wife and mother. I want to rise to the occasion, live in the moment always. I want to be able to say yes to God when he asks us to take a step out into the unknown. I have been missing that part of my life for awhile now - that yearning to grow and grow more.

Off to bed, so I don't have to drag myself out of bed as badly as last week for Church in the morning. Heehee.

Playing around in the Kitchen! ....and with my Camera

I was really intrigued with the idea of Fondant Cakes several months ago when someone on another website did one - I thought to myself "I can do that!!!" because I'm just that Vain. So, I tried. My first attempt REALLY sucked. It was just plain nasty. I had NONE of the right tools: Rolling Pin, Mixer, proper cutting devices.... Well, I've been collecting those, acquiring most of them at Christmas thanks to my wonderful family!

So, I finally did another one, after Rylee's birthday with all my cool new tools! I'm VERY pleased with how it turned out. I hope I can do these for my own fun for people I know (or don't know!). I'm excited to make one for my Best Friend, because I'm her Maid of Honor so I get to throw her Bridal Shower - Which means I can make the cake if I want to! Muwahahaha!

Anyhow.... now to the pictures....

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fun with Colors!

I got Rylee her first set of markers yesterday. I was at a Candle Party last weekend and the Lady putting the party on gave Rylee a pen and paper to play with. I was a little irritated because that was the day Kenny and I had decided to no longer just give Rylee pens to play with (with the lid on) because we didn't want her hurting herself or drawing on things as soon as she figured out how to get the lid off.

Sooooo I decided to get her her own set of markers that were just for her. She LOVED them. Spent a good long time playing with them last night - in her highchair. I'm not quite ready for a huge mess!
Eating markers and coloring at the same time, so talented.

She already got my fridge. First day and already got my fridge.

Lots of fun for our 1 year old. Hopefully many more days of this to come!

I'm trying to spend more time actually spending time WITH my baby. She's such a smart little cookie. I found her playing with my broom I had leaned in the corner and she accidentally got that "top" off that you can hang your broom on a hook with (you know what I'm talking about?) - she was sitting on the floor very intently trying to get that top back on. When she realized I was watching she held both the broom and the hook up to me so I could fix it for her.

I'm starting to work with the little missy and her letter recognition. I don't expect much out of it at this point, but I figure it can't hurt to start now. She loves it when we read together, especially Dr.Seuss.

I think I'm liking this new chapter I'm turning over in life. Now.... to bed!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Living Vicariously

Last night I was thinking about how I can be a better mother to Rylee, I was also contemplating and trying to back step and see what happened, what changed, what we're missing these days from our normally flowing wonderful relationship.

I was thinking about cutting out almost all tv out of our lives, except maybe a couple shows a week that we specifically love to watch. I was thinking about different things we can do together to help her grow, things I can cut out of my life that are stupid and take too much time away from us as a family. It occurred to me that social networking of Facebook is really killing my time management.

Not just that, but I think it's become quite an unhealthy outlet for me. What started out as a fun site, place to just "visit" with Friends - has become my only source of friend fellowship. I also realized its not quite that simple - being the only place for friends - it's also really cut into my marriage.

A reality I didn't see coming as I've been trying to figure where things went off course for us. There are other things, too, that we're working to change that we already identified, but this is a huge one for myself. I realized that it has taken the place of actually talking with my Husband. I can't believe that I allowed that to happen! Instead of telling my husband what is bothering me, or what I really need to say, it comes out on a stupid website, and I don't ever talk to him because "it's already out there."

I'm usually more self analytic than this! Normally I would recognize the possibility for something like that to happen, and make sure it doesn't - evidently not this time. Having realized this, I am attacking the problem.

No, I'm not swearing off all networking at all. It's part of our lives, Kenny's and Mine, so getting rid of it entirely wouldn't be all that wise. I'm just not going to be on Facebook much anymore. I'll still check in to it, but maybe only once a day. I'll just blog/write more, as I love to do, and spend more time with my wonderful Husband and adorable Daughter.

I'm going to spend my time being a better Wife, a better Mother, the better Me I know I can be. I'm going to work on my music more, again. I'm going to try and bring in some extra money for us in whatever way God provides for me. I'm going to use the God-Given skills I have, to his Glory! I can't wait to BE. I feel like I've just been going through the motions and not really living, not really BEING. So now, I will go out and BE a Mom, BE a Wife, BE Me - No longer living vicariously through other people!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Better better better.

After my little meltdown last week things have been much better. Kenny and I talked. It was a good talk.

Sometimes I wonder if God allows things to happen to our family members to get us (or whoever it may be) talking. My brother's Girl-Friend was in the hospital over the weekend and finally got home yesterday. The baby is trying to make his entrance into the world a little too soon, so she's now on strict bed-rest and has been given several steroid shots to help his lungs mature faster. She's doing good, though, I think. Heehee.

The maternity wards at our local hospitals will not allow ANYONE under 18 on the floor unless they belong to the Mother AND have had the H1N1 shot 2 weeks prior. So, Rylee and I had to stay away. I think it's a stupid rule, but we must abide by the "laws" of the hospital. I think the whole "scare" surrounding H1N1 is completely blown out of proportion, but that's another post I'm not going to delve into right now.

Kenny and I both agreed that our discontentment in our current situation is a Holy Discontentment, so we're moving forward. We made a commitment to get our butts back to church every week. Fact of the matter is, if it's important to us we'll make time for it - so we're making time for Church rather than sleep again.

We're holding off on a house for now. That was a hard decision to make, but it's the right one. We're looking at cheaper places to live, possibly even moving in with parents so we can save more money to put a bigger down payment on a house, pay for all associated moving/buying costs and still be able to afford the house in the end. We weren't quite prepared for all the "hidden" costs of buying a house - so now armed with that knowledge we're going to wait and save.

This year is shaping up to be a big, and very fun one. My best friend gets married in 2 months, I've got a lot to do for her (though I'm not sure what!) as she's now living 6 hours away from where she's getting married. Ha! My lovely Sister-In-Law is getting married in a few months as well. My Little Brother is having a baby anytime from now to 2 months from now. Kenny will probably be going back to school FOR SURE in the Fall (haha, 'probably' and 'for sure' in the same sentence.).

We decided that I should pursue making cakes and photography. We're going to get me a DSLR camera in a couple months, and Kenny the parts to build him the computer he'll use for school. Hopefully between all that I'll be able to make some extra cash to make the difference in Kenny's work with school and maybe, just maybe, enough to save for a house! haha!

In other news, Rylee is just growing like a weed!

Teething like crazy. She's gotten 4 teeth the last couple weeks, and having them try to finish shoving their way out is making her miserable.

But she's a doll, and a very good baby, despite all the fits she has just learned to throw! She throws fits like my little brother used to do, those were legendary. Ha! So, we're working with her own those pretty hard.

Friday, January 8, 2010


I need a serious Attitude Adjustment.

I've been looking and acting a lot like this guy far too much lately, and it's bugging me.

My tendency to fly off the handle at Kenny and Rylee both is quite alarming.

They won't even do anything specifically wrong to me either!

Rylee may be whining - asking - for something she wants and I freak out at her because all my brain is processing is the whine. It's how she asks for things, though, and I know that. She's not doing it to be annoying on purpose - she's only a year old for crying out loud!

It's Kenny's first week back to work after our 2.5 week vacation. Every time I talk to him I insist he sounds grumpy or sad. I know I'm being totally oversensitive here. It's likely due to the fact that it's always only a matter of time before he starts to hate where he's working and I just wanted this job to last a lot longer than a year and a half. He told me the other day he needs a new job, so now I'm freaking out inadvertently at him over every little thing.

I'm so sick of the awful cycle we've fallen into. He/We come home from work, I make food I play with Rylee, I clean up after Rylee, I make/get a snack, clean up the house, clean up Rylee, give Kenny attention... all the while he usually sits at the computer. I try and talk to him but he's totally inattentive, which pisses me off - and I fly off the handle at stupid things.

Obviously my problem lies a lot deeper than the minuscule things I overreact about.

My damn blood sugar has been crazy lately. I woke up at 444mg/dl yesterday morning. I felt so sick I would have puked if there had been anything in my stomach to come up. It was all I could do to carry Rylee and get my new pump site to change that, the insulin in my pump and mass bolus insulin into my body - then hopefully shower and feel better.

It was all I could do to get her to her 12 month well child check-up - after that I finally felt better. I didn't eat hardly anything all day yesterday to get my blood sugar down - but nothing worked. 6pm rolled around and I was still sitting at 391mg/dl. I ate some dinner at that point, I just didn't care. I took over 100 units of insulin yesterday with almost no food, and still my blood sugar only came down to 191 by this morning.

Yesterday my mood was much worse than it has been lately. Poor Rylee has been teething so badly as well. She won't eat, hasn't been napping, doesn't want to play - just wants to be held, when I'm supposed to be working again.

I need a good and serious night with Kenny. I need to talk. I need things to snap back. I need to feel love and joy in our home again.

I know having Rylee wasn't in our plans yet - I guess we were pretty unprepared for how much time we wouldn't have at this point in her and our lives. I used to get my "15 minutes" a day where I would get to talk to Kenny about whatever and he would listen and respond. He used to talk to me about things with his game, emails - whatever. All of that is gone. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not having togetherness and we're just "together" in the same house.

I've become a bitter, cynical person. I am not like that. I am happy and make the best out of everything. I laugh at bad things that happen - because if I don't I turn into this person that I am now. I need a serious adjustment somehow. I was thinking that Kenny was the "problem" here, now I think it's really me. I hate who I am these days and it really needs to change, Now.

Sunday, January 3, 2010


Today? Well.... Today is our Last day of sweet sweet Vacation.

Today I woke up with a migraine. I tried to defeat it with some tea, a nice shower and some ibuprofen - to no avail.

Kenny and I finished our final season of X-Files today, my Migraine got MUCH worse, so I decided to lay down for a nap - and Rylee took one with me.

When we both woke up a couple hours later I was happy to realize my headache disappeared.

UNTIL my sweet Rylee slammed her head down right on my jaw slamming my teeth together and effectively bringing my headache right back instantly. I've got a couple teeth that are broken and need pulled as well. Many levels of pain shot through my body right then - I nearly tossed Rylee on the ground I was so mad. She was upset, sounded like I broke her heart.

Back to sleep we both went and the rest of the day has been much better.

Kenny goes back to work tomorrow.

I've failed at making cinnamon rolls 3 times in a row now.

Oh, I guess it's time for Monday to come, I don't think it could be any worse than today. I guess maybe this is preparation for life to get back to normal.