Thursday, December 31, 2009

6 years? Seriously?

I was going through our bedroom yesterday, trying to do some cleaning after all the Christmas/Birthday insanity. I really think I'm demented, I enjoy cleaning. Sometimes my house/areas of my house become disasters and they stay that way because I don't really know how to "start" my cleaning, but once I get going.... I can't stop.

Anyways.... I found a picture of Kenny and I when we first started dating and I was meeting his parents for the first time - back in 2004.

I think it was the next year at some point when this next picture was taken, Easter or some occasion like that. Kenny looks like a pot-smoker and I look like a weirdo wanna-be-punk kid. haha!

This next one was taken in December 2007. We'd been married 1/2 a year and life was good. I can't believe how much we've changed in all this time. I can't believe it's been as long as it has been.

It really doesn't feel like it's been 6 years we've been together!! Seriously!? How did the time go that quickly!? Really, 6 years? I remember so much of it so clearly - the time right before we started dating - I made him ask me a few times to be his girlfriend, I didn't want to be a rebound and I didn't want to "jump in" to a relationship with the first guy to ask me.

We didn't know then, at 16, where things would lead and end up. I knew, though, that if I was going into a relationship - it was going to be "serious" because I didn't want to get emotionally involved with a guy just to be dating and testing the waters. He knew that then too, because I made sure he understood that about me.

July 3rd, 2006 Kenny proposed to me - right after I got off of work at Subway (that had NO Air Conditioning, and it was the hottest summer we had in awhile.) he took me downtown and proposed under a new water feature/fountain the city just put in and finally opened up.

3 days short of a year later we got married.



2 and a 1/2 years later and a beautiful little girl - I still can't believe that it's been as long as it has been. It's been great, it's been crazy, it's been REALLY insane! Really really great, though.

Turning over a new chapter in our life. We are quite happily married, have discovered that we can make it, though barely, on just Kenny's income alone, have our one Beautiful Adorably Cute Daughter, and are actually a little unsettled in our current status.

We want a house, Having just gotten the paperwork in the mail from a mortgage company we've been working with - it turns out there are a lot more expenses to buying a house than we had anticipated - oh well. After discussion it we decided we'd rather be more financially secure than jump in over our head for a tax credit that will, in the end, not be helpful at all.

We made it through Rylee's first year, now I'd like another baby. Yes, For Real. I'd like to have Rylee have a sibling - I've wanted 2 kids, only two, but for sure 2. I've been working on Kenny a little bit and I think he'll come around to the idea soon. Heehee.

It's not going to happen (in our plans), until we're better secure financially, and probably have our own house. So, probably another year before we start "planning," if that's even a reality by then. We'll see! God is great and mighty and can do many awesome things. I'm excited to see what's going to happen this next year.

My brother is going to have a baby boy, my best friend is getting married VERY soon, AND my little Sister (in law) is getting married! It's only the beginning but this year is already awesome!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Rylee's 1st Birthday Adventure!!

Other than the day she was born, of course. That in and of itself was quite an adventure. I won't write much other than it was a very fun day. She did VERY well with all the present opening, got a little overwhelmed with so many people in our little apartment - but it was a good day.

So, now I'll just let the pictures commence!

Birthday Cake and Other things!

She really did very well with opening presents

She never did finish unwrapping it herself, the first thing she saw and pulled out was the phone. We might be in trouble.

She still loves it!

My little Christmas Elf.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's a VERY special day for a VERY special little Girl!!!!!!!!!

Oh my! It's been a busy couple of weeks!!! I've been working more again, lots of planning/gift & card making and alllll sorts of other craziness! Today is a special day, though, here's why:

One year ago today my Baby Girl graced us with her presence in the world.

As we come full circle in the year I cannot believe how quickly the time has flown by. I told myself I was going to take this year slow, that I was going to enjoy every bit of Rylee's infantile state and every new stage as she grew. That I did, but it has just gone too quickly!

Last year I was doing just about anything to no longer be pregnant from December 1st on. I was miserable, had heartburn from everything- Tums, Chocolate Milk and a Hot Pad were my best friends. Sleeping was no longer an option and I finally stopped working the first of December also.

Heartburn keeping me up all night, causing some serious reflux and trips to the bathroom to throw-up yet again. I didn't have morning sickness at all, for which I was very thankful, buuuut it came back to bite me

Because I'm Type 1 Diabetic the last 2 months I was going into the Doctor 3-4 times a week. Non-Stress-Tests (to make sure the baby is active/reactive enough and not under any stress that could be caused by a number of things) every other day. Biophysical Profiles (BPP's), to make sure the baby is practicing breathing, there is enough amniotic fluid and several other things, 2 times a week. Aaaand one "normal" appointment.

Baby Girl was measuring 9 pounds the week before she was born based on every one of the many ultrasounds I was also receiving. She felt like 9 pounds too, every time I rolled over she would just "FLOP" hard! It was so funny, yet so painful. Silly kick boxer she was - she had broken my two bottom ribs on either side as well.

Suffice it to say: I was DONE being pregnant and very disappointed my doctor was going to let me go to my due date!

Much to my joy she decided to make her very speedy arrival on December 17th, she let me know in the wee hours of the morning. I was determined to have no "false alarms" so I waited the hour of seriously painful-can't-talk-or-walk-through-these contractions before beating Kenny over the head and telling him to get in the car finally at 4am. 4:15 we made it to the hospital and the nurses didn't believe me until they hooked me up to those wonderful machines you can't move around with.

An hour later I did what I was really hoping not to - I got the epidural. The on-call doctors that came into my room thought I was being induced and told the nurses to turn down the machines that were only pumping saline. Silly Girl was ready to be born and was giving me NO break between those darn contractions. The epidural didn't really take either, it lasted a little more than an hour - which was enough. 9 hours from start till she was born screaming her little head off.

In between it all it started snowing, then kept snowing and snowing and snowing. Only to become our biggest snow fall in the history of Spokane, with 17 inches in 24 hours and 4 more just a couple hours after that putting us over 20 inches in a day and 59.7 inches for the month. It was a day to remember for sure!

Our families stuck at the Hospital until traffic was no longer at a complete stand still and had cleared up enough to even try and get home. Nurses and Doctors didn't get to rotate because no one new could come in to relieve them and they had to stay on duty, sleeping there at the hospital themselves when they got the chance.

It took more work than ever controlling my blood sugar and taking more insulin that I ever have, watching my food like crazy - but - Our Winter Baby was the best Christmas Present ever to be had, bringing in the most epic snowfall in the history of our silly little town. ,

I still cannot believe that it has been a year since I had a newborn in my arms. I cannot believe how much she is learning these days. I cannot believe how every day is a new day of adventures. Every day she grows to a new level of cute, even in the frustrating times.

I Thank my Savior so much for allowing me such a wonderful little miracle!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary...

I can't even believe how busy life becomes this time of the year. Why did I have to complicate matters more and give birth to my daughter mid December as well?

My daughter is causing me to be a crazy person these days.

She just finally figured out walking! I thought for sure she'd be walking back in September, then October then at the latest November 1st. Nope, it took until this week to figure it out. She has been holding onto furniture and running around the house that way - then would let go and take several steps before falling, standing back up and trying again - finally giving up and crawling the rest of the way.

A couple days ago well, November 25th, she finally decided that walking was quicker - so she'd take a few step, fall, stand back up, a few more, fall, stand back up.... until she was just done and would then crawl again. She is now full on Toddling around! She isn't the most stable thing yet, but she tries and it's so darn cute! She was carrying Kenny's Steel-toed work boot around the apartment tonight. Much to big for her, She rocks our world!

She's also decided to almost completely wean herself from breastfeeding. I never thought I would be upset about that, but I am. I knew before I ever got pregnant that I would want to breastfeed my kid some day. When she was born (Kenny still thinks it was hilarious) I was seriously weirded out by the whole thing. It took a couple days for her to figure the whole thing out and I ended up needing to use a nipple shield until she was 5 and a half months old before she would nurse without it. It was a serious pain, but worth it to me. She wanted to nurse alllllllll day long, as well.

So, now, the last couple weeks, she's gone almost cold turkey. Maybe it had something to do with us getting her to sleep through the night. Whatever the case, she seriously has no interest in it anymore and I'm really a bit upset about it! Ha! With how much she wanted it and would pull my shirt down for it not even a month ago it's really culture shock for me and I don't like dealing with it. It's too many emotions and too many changes and too many THINGS to deal with in the last 2.5 years!

Marrying my love, Finding out I'm pregnant, Oh wait! just kidding, I had already miscarried with our dream of Twins. Finding out I'm, yet again, pregnant a month away from what would have been the due date of the twins (Did I mention that neither of these were even supposed to happen!?). Moving 7 months pregnant is never a good thing - don't do it (I also don't recommend growing a 9 pound baby!). Going from working full time to full time mom was an enormous adjustment. The financial ups and downs. All that and More. Sometimes I just want to snap. I'm better than that, or so I think.

Also, we want to buy a house! I can't believe I didn't check into the finer details of buying a house before it was even a feasible option for us. I can't believe we are even able to do it now, for the most part. Of course the down payment is the major issue for us right now, but hopefully we'll be able to get that squared away prior to finding "the house." God will provide both for us.

My baby is almost a year old. I have tried to savor every single moment of her life thus far. She has only been "babysat" once when Kenny and I went to a much awaited concert just last month. This last year has gone by too quickly for me. I don't like it. She's changed so much. Also finally has one of those dang teeth poking through her gums! The second soon to follow! Just poking through, though, not OUT. As is her way of doing things, I anticipate that it'll be at least 2 more weeks before they actually finish their way out of hiding.

Okay, excuse me while I go continue to have my happy yet sad pity party.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Day.

Today is my Daddy's birthday. It was a pretty great day. I took my Dad and Grandma out to coffee at Black Tie after surprising my Husband with lunch while he was at work.

We, along with everyone else, are really strapped for cash this year, so it broke my heart to not be able to expend any more money than for Dinner Rolls, a Twix candy bar and the gas for Coffee.

We've spent less money on him than every other family member so far this year. That bothers me because we like to keep things even. I know it does not at all bother my Dad. He would prefer that we didn't spend any money on him at all. I don't like that, it's a blessing for me to give him whatever he won't buy for himself. He got his wish this year, but only out of a necessity for us.

My parents also sprung for us to go see a movie at our local cheap theater with them tonight too. It was the first movie we've seen since Rylee was only a few weeks old. It was quite interesting, to say the least, having her there tonight. She was pretty good overall for not being able to get down and play. I let her play behind me in my chair and she enjoyed that for awhile. I got up and walked up and down the entrance ramp thingy. I sat back down and we shared some popcorn with her. She played in my chair a little more. She got grumpy so I, once again, walked up and down and up and down with her. Repeat that chain of events through the whole movie and you have the night until she fell asleep at long last.

We saw Julie and Julia. It was a lot longer than I expected. It's possible that I only think that because movies can't get over fast enough with a 11 month old. Cute movie, very Chick Flicky. Thereby making that 2 in a week up from probably 2 in the last 5 months. Ha! Kenny and I don't do chick flicks. We watch Star Trek, X-Files, Stargate and Family Guy. We watch Scrubs, Becker, NCIS, Batman, Ironman, Armageddon and any other action/comedy/fiction thing. Just not chick flicks.

Oh, oops. Make that 3 in 1 week. I actually elected to watch 10 things I Hate About You on my own, it wasn't rented at a birthday party or paid for for us. I love Heath Ledger, that's my only and very weak excuse for that one.

My Husband is being grumpy and weird tonight too. I don't like it and it bothers me a lot. I don't know why it is that my emotions get so tied up in his - they do, though. If he is in this upset grumpy mood and can't/won't tell me - I get mad. He doesn't really know it, but I'm mad, and end up displaying that in a passive aggressive form. Not good at all. I want to spout off all these mean things to him - but I know it will not build him up, only tear him down. I don't want to tear him down, that is the opposite of what I really want. It's hard to see past what I want in the middle of the emotion. I force myself to take a step back and see the broad scope of the situation. Only then can I calm down.

I wish I was better at expressing myself to real people. Ha. I'm good at it with my Husband. He is great and I have no problem being hyper or upset in front of him (though I am still dysfunctional and try not to cry). I have no problem telling him how I really feel about something. I have no problem speaking with emotion - whether good or bad - with him, or my family. Anyone else, though.... ....I'm sure they think I'm the most even keeled person they have ever met. Totally not true. I'm still growing and learning. Maybe one day I will be better at expressing more than my strong opinions. Maybe it's better that I am not?

Friday, November 20, 2009


We're seriously considering buying a house. We're going to see it tomorrow to see if that "seals the deal" for us continuing through with getting a loan and putting an offer in on it.

Many prayers would be very very wonderful. I feel overwhelmed by this, and excited too. We just want to know if it's really the Lord leading us and what we should be doing.

Thanks! Hopefully I'll know more tomorrow night about what we're going to do!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I was RIGHT!!!

So, I have had an AWFUL time with the insurance company lately.

In SEPTEMBER I tried to order my prescriptions for the first time since switching insurances. When I was checking my prescription account at Caremark I realized that they were trying to ship all the prescriptions to me at once (which is a HUGE bill!). They didn't call me to ask what ones I wanted filled or to even let me know they were being shipped.

I just asked for my prescriptions to be transferred to the pharmacy, that was it.

Anyway, I was looking at the prescriptions they were trying to ship me and realized they were trying to ship me the wrong Infusion Sets.

Fast forward 3 weeks later I have been trying to call and figure out how to get the RIGHT ones for the last 3 weeks. I had been told that the Prescription Plan did NOT cover the infusion sets but the Insurance Plan did under Durable Medical Equipment - and back and forth I went with Representative to Representative. Being told one thing then a contradicting one.

I finally called Animas up and they were SO very helpful. Told me that they were in fact covered under DME (Durable Medical Equipment). Silly me didn't ask them to check on the prescription plan. I called BACK to Caremark (the Prescription Plan) and asked them WHY they had been in the process of shipping me Infusion Sets when they were not covered.

Evidently that was the right question AND I finally got a hold of the right person. I did make sure this time to explain everything very slowly, articulately and phrased in a very specific way so no mistake in what I was saying could be made. He told me that the proper Infusion Sets were actually covered! He apologized over and over for his Colleagues and their lack of knowledge about their profession. It was nice finally getting a competent person to talk to!

So, I was right. I knew they would be covered being as I was going to get Infusion Sets in the first place, although they were the wrong ones, there should have been no reason to deny Infusions sets made by the exact same company - just a different type!

I wish people would actually care about their jobs enough to learn about the things they are supposed to help people with! Especially in the medical world!

I'm beyond thrilled now, I would have had to meet a Deductible for the DME supplies - which would have hurt pretty bad.

Next step: Getting the right Prescription Written from my Doctor that wrote it wrong in the first place!!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Off a Cog

Some days every once in awhile I just feel like we're off a cog from everything around us.

Kenny and I were moaning and groaning tonight about how we don't have many friends these days. We really did create this problem ourselves. We are so antisocial. I didn't use to be, not one little bit. I wanted to go out somewhere anywhere if I ever had a chance. Kenny has never really been much of a social person, and I was happy to just spend all my time with him - and he with me.

It's been great. Most of our friends have since moved away, also gotten married, joined some branch of the military (moved away), or just plain have a new life with "new people." Leave it to us to create a problem that is difficult to fix, being as it takes years to build those kinds of relationships.

It's really rather ironic. We're both pretty geeky. We both love online "community" things. Kenny loves to play games with people (real friends, not some random person from Switzerland). I like to be fairly involved in "support group" and other such kinds of places. I like to read and research and "better myself" reading medical journals and all sorts of other things.

The funny thing is that even those places have been seriously lacking. All Kenny's friends have decided to do other things, or just don't even play with him for whatever reasons (Does this sound like the life of a 9 year old yet!?). And Me, well... I just plain need human interaction. I'm bad at that, though. Rylee needs it too. She needs a little buddy or two to play with as well.

We're all seriously lacking in the real world these days and have created our own problem and we're both a little frustrated with it.

Also, we have no idea what we'll be doing for Thanksgiving this year. I feel really weird about that being as how I'm usually on top of that at least a month in advance. No one has approaches us about it either, leaving it totally open-ended. We're thinking of "eloping" and completely ditching family this year and going... ....somewhere!

We'll see what happens. Just my (our) stupid sentiments of the day!

Monday, November 16, 2009

She's moving out already!

Yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed and down. That usually means I need something to do and I need to let off some steam.

While I was venting to Kenny and Giving Rylee a bath (multi-tasking even while Venting!) she was grabbing for a toy when she took a head dive right into the water. Usually she's great about getting back up when that happens - this time she flailed around quite a bit. I picked her soaking wet body up and held her close.

Poor baby was really upset about that water dunk. While Kenny and I were comforting her we were kinda laughing too. The bad parents we are found the dunk a bit humorous. That disarmed me enough that the rest of my night was pretty good.

Today I decided that I would officially give Rylee her own room. The one that I had intended on her having before she was born. The one that fell apart when she needed to be in the same room with us, in the same bed as us. The one that became a dump area. The one that got cleaned up and was going to be my office.

Yes, She has her own room now! I'm so happy! It's not completely done. There are still things I need to do to it. She also needs a dresser. So, tonight, on the eve of her 11 month birthday, she'll be spending the night in her OWN ROOM! When did my baby get big enough to move out of mine? heehee.

So, a full supply of No-Bake Cookies to fend off the low blood sugars, which made their appearance once - go figure with all the furniture moving! I completely switched out the rooms. Kenny's and My bedroom is now a partial "office" area/sleeping area and Rylee has her room. I hope to soon make it everything I had wanted it to be when she was born almost a year ago.

She's getting so big. She's even helping me vacuum!

I also have a spot for a Christmas tree in my living room now too. I'll soon be setting up all my Christmas stuff. I LOVE Christmas-y things and I like to get them up early and leave them up long after Christmas. Yes, I love this time of year!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

World Diabetes Day, 2009

Yep, Today is the day. I've gotta admit I feel really silly being all "gung-ho" about it this year. I also feel silly that I didn't know about it before. I've been very active in the diabetic online community since I was diagnosed nearly 8 years ago. Searching, reading blogs, researching everything I could find. Finding everything I could about the latest and greatest treatments... all that jazz. Yet, I never knew about this. Ha! Oh well, I'm a little late to the game.

Notice anything a little strange about this picture?

Maybe it's that it's unopened? Maybe that it looks like it was squeezed after being emptied? Or maybe both?

Yep, I pulled that can straight out of the box that way today! At first I was concerned that it had a hole in it and was leaking all over my refrigerator, which wouldn't be the first time that had happened. I then realized that I would have seen it several days ago. Upon further inspection there are absolutely no holes in it. Lost it carbonation in shipping, or never had it in the first place.

Some days I feel like that. Like I never had any carbonation, or energy, in the first place. Waking up with a high blood sugar will do that to me, or sleeping wrong or... whatever. I think we all feel that way sometimes.

My husband told me to get a refund on the box by taking that can back to the store. I don't like to do that kind of thing so I told him to do it himself if he cared enough about it.

Too bad we can't get a new start on the day "refilled" or "refueled" so to speak. Take our dead pancreas's back, or faulty lungs that cause asthma, arthritic joints for new ones - ya know, just exchange what came to us screwed up!

There are always, it probably will never end, people who are campaigning for cures for something. Be it Cancer in its many different forms, Parkinson's, or Diabetes- Type 1, 2, or Gestational. Today (because it isn't midnight yet my time!) I'd like there to be a cure for diabetes. It has certainly shaped me into who I am today, but I'd like to see no one else wind up with it, especially the little boy I ran into at pizza hut a month ago. He saw my pump and was all excited because he had the same one. He couldn't have been more than 4 years old.

That is what I'd like to see stopped.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Diabetes Ignorance

You know when your in a conversation with anyone - grocery store cashier, a new acquaintance, an old friend you haven't seen in years, the nice lady in the drug isle at Target... and then they ask you a question? Usually why you are buying ibuprofen, or related to what you are looking at right then.

I have found that while being diabetic there have been numerous conversations surrounding
diabetes while in public. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of ignorance out there.

While looking at the different kinds of blood sugar meters at Wal-mart yesterday, just to see what's new and see what new kinds of sugar free foods they are carrying now, a 30-something looking woman (who was waiting for her prescriptions?) scoffs at me and asks why I would be looking at sugar free foods, I obviously don't need them! I politely explain to her that I do in fact need them from time to time as I am Type 1 Diabetic. She then goes on to explain to me that her mom is Diabetic and she doesn't ever need any of that stuff. She just eats what she wants and takes her pills in the morning and checks her blood in the morning too, that's all I need to do, evidently.

Also, at that very same store in the soda section, I was buying a 24 pack of some very tasty Diet Pepsi (I have a love affair with the crap), and another woman (what's with women being allowed to make comments to whoever they choose!?) then tells me I shouldn't be on a diet and drink that stuff. So, once again I very courteously inform her that I am Type 1 Diabetic and do need to drink the Diet Crap or I'll end up with very high blood sugars and the nastiest sugar headache that feels a lot like a hangover. She rolls her eyes and tells me I have diabetes because I drink Diet Soda.

A dear friend of mine who recently passed away was also convinced he could cure me. He was very into miracle cures and diet potions. I tried to tell him that, no, my pancreas wouldn't "jump start" and make insulin again. I tried to let him know that my own body attacked my pancreas and it was dead - it cannot be "revived". No, he stuck to his guns.

My husband came back from work a month or two ago with a piece of paper with a ladies name and a list of medicine and dosages. I asked what those were about, he laughed and said "Those are for you!" upon inquiring more he told me that the Lady whose house he installed a security system for told him she could cure my diabetes if I took the concoction for a year. ...I threw it away after being mildly irritated and then laughing about it.

Oh, there are many many more like that. "You don't look diabetic" "Did you eat too much sugar when you were little?" "Why do you wear a pager? You're too young for one of those." Here's my favorite recent one: "Wait, you're diabetic!? Did you adopt that little angel?" "No, She's my husbands and my own." "WHY would you chose to have a baby when you're diabetic?!"
Oh, Yes, I'm very serious about that one.

So, Tomorrow is World Diabetes Day 2009, Here's to helping people be a little less ignorant!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Taking the Higher Road

I try to do that as part of my daily life. It's difficult in marriage from time to time, though... okay, a little more often than that.

When something goes wrong in our house it's almost always my "fault". Why? Because I do most of the things in our house. Kenny works for us, and I appreciate that more than I have been able to appropriately express. So, I try to do my part - staying home with our daughter, keeping the house clean, doing the grocery shopping, buying him pizza or video games. heehee.

When we're out of something - it's my "fault" (forget him actually remembering to tell me when he's low on shampoo, although I've been trying for a couple years now). When the house is trashed (which I hate, it stresses me out) it's my "fault", thereby stressing me out more. When dinner isn't ready it's my "fault". Or, when we're out of money - it's my "fault".

Most of the time I just shrug it off. I would be one grumpy individual if I didn't. Most of the time it doesn't bother me at all. Key phrase being Most of the time.

Sometimes I want to scream at him, or someone. Sometimes I want to tell him exactly what I do all the time while he is at work and sometimes I want to tell him exactly what he doesn't do or help out with EVER because I wouldn't ask him to ever. Sometimes I want to tell him that he is ungrateful and would never put up with the stuff I put up with. Sometimes.

It's pretty darn rare that I feel that way. Hardly ever. Sometimes, though, it really gets me and I get mad.

Today I realized we spent a LOT of money since he got his paycheck **2** days ago. I couldn't believe it. I have been dang good with money lately and was a bit upset to see that. I realize that a good portion of it went to bills, of course, no big deal. The rest of it on Groceries, novelties and eating out. I was irritated with myself for not keeping better tabs on our outflow the last 2 days, but I got over it.

Kenny just realized this and got upset. I can't help but think this time that it isn't my fault and I will not be solely responsible this time.

Tonight he talks to me about it as though it is my fault. Sometimes I'm okay with taking the responsiblity, but not this time. I have been dang good and conscious of money these days and while I did let this slip a little it is certainly not my fault.

Tonight I am struggling with taking the higher road. Tonight while Kenny is struggling to get to sleep I don't want to be nice. Tonight I want to lay on the guilt trip and let him know it's all his fault. the end that isn't what I want. He'll take back some stuff and feel depressed and be impossible to live with for the next week and I'll feel like crap too.

Tonight I do not want to take the higher road. Tonight I want to be a jerk. Tonight I realize I love my husband too much to do that to him. Tonight I'll snuggle and love him and pray that he'll be okay for the next week.


Rylee is learning to challenge me. She deliberately does something as soon as I walk away she was just disciplined for. She looks at me and then does something she knows not to - then stops and tries to crawl/walk away when I start coming toward her.
She is throwing things all the time. It's usually quite funny - which is becoming a problem - because I have to fight my urge to laugh and think its cute and discipline her for it. I didn't mind continually picking things up that she'd throw down while I was shopping - but now she's doing it to see how many times I'll keep picking it up for her.

She's also pulling my hair and hitting! Again, it used to be cute (okay, it still is) but she's now doing it to be mean.


Why? Just shy of 11 months my sweet little girl is start
ing these things so young. I'm sad. I hate disciplining her. I hate breaking her poor little heart when I sit her down and sternly tell her "no no!" and she looks at me like I just beat her - then cries as though I had.

It is sometimes hard to discern when she is hitting to be mean. She smacks things in excitement too. So I have to figure out if its a fit or if its excitement. I'm trying to be on top of this. If I let things slide that I shouldn't it screws up the values I'm trying to instill in her, and I have to start over again.

I have to turn my head or leave the room and laugh when she throws an all out conniption fit on the floor.

Her newest thing, when throwing a fit (because I just took the cleaning stuff that she managed to get out of the locked cabinet(!?) away) she slams her arms down on the floor - then on all fours charges across the room, head down, like a bull - slamming her ligaments all the way. - It's hilarious.

Another thing in her recent development:

Yeah, she's great, despite her need to test me.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My poor pump :(

The warranty on my Beloved Insulin pump is up this November. It's hard to believe that it's been 4 years since I got hooked up to the very thing that I swore I wouldn't ever wear.

I've had my ups and downs with it for sure. Times where I went back to MDI (Multiple Daily Injections) then back to the pump, then back to MDI.... Fact of the matter is, though, I have much better control with my Insulin Pump.

In the beginning of April 2008 I decided to go back on my pump after almost a year off it. Little did I know that at the end of that month I would find out I was expecting our little Rylee. Talk about great timing. I was able to get my awful A1c down in the 8's, then 7's then 6's for the rest of my pregnancy. Ending with the most fantastic number I have ever seen at a lovely 5.4.

My pump and I are buddies. Sleeping together, eating together, swimming together, having a baby together. The only time we are apart are the few minutes I get in the shower every day, even then it's only a couple feet. I have gone through many a pump. I'm not sure how many times I have had to have it replaced. I am not ginger with my little buddy. He understands, though, he's apart of my rough and tumble life. Which has, incidentally, gotten more rough and tumble with our munchkin around always keeping me on my toes.

I am a little distraught about the warranty going out. S
ee, when I first got it 4 years ago, it was completely paid for on the insurance plan. Since then I got married and life has changed drastically - so has our insurance - which now says we have to pay 20% of the cost after meeting our deductible. It's a little stressful to be certain. I could meet the deductible fairly easily with my prescriptions, but then there is the 20%.

I know, there are usually payment plans. Kenny and I are desperately trying to get out of debt, though and REALLY don't want to add something else. We just got rid of something, and would really not like to put one back on.

Also, I recently decided that I would really really like to get the Dexcom CGMS. Another 20% copay for that, though. Unless Animas comes out with the integrated CGMS by the time I get enough money fund raised to get my new pump. That would be fantastically unbelievable. For now, though, it looks like we'll be trying to cover the copay with our tax return and try and pay more of a debt off and help pay things for Kenny's schooling.

:::SIGH::: Decisions, Decisions! Can I just have my warranty for a little while longer? Please? I'm a little unnerved about going for a few months without one. I'm excited for a new pump, though. I'm geeky and love new gadgets! Here's to a new life-saving gadget hopefully sooner rather than later!

In other news:
My daughter is totally cute and I really like her now favorite toy:

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite.

Like right now. I talk quite often about being healthy, eating healthy, being a "good" diabetic, good blood sugars, exercising properly.........

Fact is, though, I am SO not the epitome of health.

A couple months after Rylee was born I stopped really trying to take care of myself. Things were just getting more and more busy, Rylee was a very sweet and easy infant but a needy one. So, I haven't cared much about caring.

I feel hypocritical

I've put off seeing my Endocrinologist since before my daughter was born last year. I'm certain my A1c is atrocious. I've just cared less and less, until now.

And I feel hypocritical

Why now? Oh, many reasons. Realizing I feel like crap a lot these days (but do my very best not to show it), I'd really rather not. Rylee's 1st birthday is coming up VERY soon and I want to be able to enjoy every one of her birthdays for a good long long time. It also happens to be Diabetes Awareness month, I mentioned that yesterday, and I feel it's an appropriate time to really get my butt back in gear.

I'd like to get my A1c Back in the 6-7's again. I had never been below a 7.8 before pregnancy, but man, it felt awesome to be in the 6-7%'s. I'm sure I'm in the high 10's at least.

I feel hypocritical.

While I have mostly conquered the evil world that is eating disorders, it is not completely gone, nor will it ever be, I think. Some of that does hold me back still at times. If only I had realized what I had before being pregnant. Ha! It is better this way, though. I can see that.

I have wanted for a long time to have some sort of podium to shout from. Some way to communicate with others, specifically young girls/women who struggle with diabetes, eating disorders or both. I don't have a degree. I don't have any reason for anyone to listen to me ever, I am hypocritical. Maybe, though, someday I will be able to have a podium. Maybe this is it, or this is what God has planned for me, or he has completely different ones. Only time will tell.

In the mean time, I will move forward and do my best to stop being the hypocrite that I hate so much. I will strive to be the best I can for my Husband, for my Daughter. I will get my blood sugar in my control and no longer let it continue to control me.

Here's to bringing awareness by becoming aware myself.

Monday, November 9, 2009

D-Blog Day 2009

So, November is Diabetes awareness month. Also 4 years ago a bunch of people decided that November 9th would be D-Blog day - and that's today! heehee.

I can't believe it's been nearly 8 years since I was diagnosed. I can remember it like yesterday, but being as it's a daily managed disease it's also hard to remember life without it.

The few weeks leading up to diagnosis were really quite awful. Couldn't get enough to drink at all, everything I drank comes right back out 20 minutes later. I had no energy but to lay on the couch all day. I didn't even want to play video games with my little brother, something that I used to really enjoy. I dropped over 20 pounds in 2 weeks.

Figuring it had gone on too long to be the flu my wonderful mother took me to the doctor where we waited awhile in urgent care to find anything out. Finally the doctor came back in and said I had a blood sugar of 346 (or somewhere around there) and to take me to the hospital. They would be waiting for us. We stopped off at home, grabbed a few things then to the hospital I went.

Upon arrival my blood sugar was over 400 and they had a hard time getting an IV in I was so dehydrated. I don't remember much else from that night. There was this awesome teddy bear named Rufus that I slept with that night. It has patches on it that are supposed to simulate where you give your insulin shots.

Shortly after all that I started struggling very very badly with Diabulimia. It has only recently been recognized as an eating disorder among the medical/professional community. It is a very serious condition, though. One that landed me in the hospital numerous times, one where I passed out shortly after arriving there and they were trying to force potassium down my throat and I just threw up instead. Woke up a couple days later attached to heart monitors, IV's in both arms and generally in a very awful state of being.

It is still a struggle to deal with, but nothing like it used to be. Now I like to be healthy, or at least try. I get frustrated when I spend day like yesterday in the 400's and not coming down (when I wouldn't have cared one little bit a couple years ago). I took 40 units of insulin just to bring that number down - I didn't eat till near the end of the day when I just wanted food! Of course I didn't make the healthiest of choices - Pizza and a Homemade Cinnamon Roll - keeping me in that 400 blood sugar range the rest of the night.

It's been a crazy 8 years. Being Diabetic has helped shape me into who I am. It is wearying, frustrating and downright depressing at times - but I will not let what is forever part of my life get me down for long. I love to live and not be restrained by Diabetes - as people told me I would be. I love having had a successful diabetic pregnancy, an adorable daughter, wonderful husband, a fantastic family and life.

Happy D-Blog day, Everyone!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Fort Hood

Can we all just take a moment and pray for the soldiers and their families in Fort Hood, Texas!?

I'm having a hard time grasping the reality that our own Soldiers would open fire on their Own. I almost expect if from non military, those lobbying against the military - as an act of open defiance. HOWEVER, I never expected it from people who are IN the military. On their own base. People they have trained and worked with.

I expect this kind of thing, because not much surprises me anymore (although anything like this breaks my heart/pisses me off) but I don't expect it to come in this way.

My heart is so broken for the families of the 12 who have died today. I am praying for those who are wounded and receiving medical care.

Please pray for these Men and Women and their families. Please pray for guidance for the Army, the FBI and everyone else Investigating. Pray for the medical personnel as they treat those injured.


Excuse me while I go on a quick little medical rant....

I am thankful, I really am, that I "only" have Diabetes. I am thankful that it isn't something worse. I am thankful that it isn't more expensive. I'm REALLY thankful I have insurance.

But, Dang! It IS expensive!

I hate choosing between clothes for Rylee or Myself and Insulin or Pump Sites. I hate that Kenny gets to spend his play money on games and the like - and I have to sometimes choose to spend my play money on my drugs simply because it just has to work out that way.

I appreciate that he works and provides for us and that I can get these things to keep me alive. I don't want Kenny to feel like he is punished for my stupid disease by not being able to have a few things that keep him happy. The last thing I want is for him to resent me being diabetic. I know he won't, I just don't want to even have it be an issue.

I hate that when I DO order my supplies the incompetent pharmacist can't realize that I NEED these drugs to stay alive and so does not ship them out that day AND does not call when they have a shipping/billing issue!

I hate that my pump is going to be out of warranty in a couple weeks and we don't have the money to pay 20% of the copay for a new one!

I hate that wanting to stay in better control to live a better life (and in turn save us and hospitals and insurance companies lots of money!) insurance companies don't want to pay a little out of their pockets now to ensure they won't have to pay out their butts later!

Sometimes I don't want to think about any of this so don't take care of myself too much. If I'm not paying attention to me I'm costing us less money right now. ...but it's not good for anyone.
I'm not getting any younger, my body will not continue to be as resilient as it has been in the past.

I was in the best health while I was pregnant - because my baby's life and health was on the line. If only I could keep up the endless fight against my own body. Dang it, though, I'm tired of it!

I've got major dental issues these days - which in turn cause blood sugar issues which then cause those dental issues to not get any better which can then cause my immune system to not work properly leaving me more vulnerable to colds and whatever else may be floating around this time of year.

I'm just tired of fighting against myself. Fighting against the idiots that get into health care because it's a good money maker but don't really know what their doing. Fighting against insurance companies. I'm tired.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Do I deserve this?

A phrase that has always bothered me is "I don't deserve this" or "You don't deserve this."

Really, what DO we actually deserve (or not deserve)? Who decides that and what is it based on?

We are all sinners saved by Grace. We do/think/want to do things on a daily, sometimes minute by minute basis that certainly do not merit "good things" to happen to us. Whether it be a thought or action. Thinking about how much you hate what your husband just did, or how mad you are at your child. Thinking about that friend that you really don't want to be friends with and wish you could "break it off." Cursing or wanting to curse because you just hit you elbow on the corner of the counter as you were walking by.

Maybe its just not noticing or thanking your husband when he takes out the trash without your asking him. Or realizing how GOOD your baby is being, allowing you a few minutes to clean.

Whatever it is, how often do we really "deserve" something?

I often have people often tell me that I don't "deserve to be diabetic" and deal with all that entails. Or we don't "deserve" to have some of the crap that is thrown our way. Some people we know who has sick babies, or spouses don't "deserve" to have that situation "happen to them."

I think it falls along the lines of "why do bad things happen to good people?" I feel that they aren't just arbitrary circumstances that randomly happen. I believe that God allows those things to happen to certain people because God knows they can handle it, and that whatever the outcome may be - they can point to God's glory or sovereignty.

Sometimes I am surprised at the amount of stress and things I can handle at once. It is rare that I actually think about it, though. The things that have come my way I know completely that they have helped make me who I am. I know that the issues I have had with Eating Disorders has helped make me the more outgoing confident individual I am now (although that can be a total mask at times still). I know that being Diabetic has helped me appreciate life and living it (although that also is a bit of a contradiction from my Eating disordered life!). I know that troubles and family issues growing up has made me appreciate my parents and what they have gone through for us. I know that the hurdles in Kenny's and my Marriage have only brought us closer and stronger.

So, really, who really deserves anything one way or another? I know I am quite guilty of plenty crap on a daily (sometimes hourly!) basis. Why would I deserve my husband to come home smiling and happy and willing to do anything I want? Why would we deserve to have our phone company try and screw us out of the new phone we are SUPPOSED to get after 2 years (and then spend 2 hours on the phone with them trying to get them to be honest and good about the situation)? Why would we deserve to have to make decisions between Kenny's schooling or a new Insulin Pump for me?

No reason other than we can handle it. We rely on God and his timing. We love each other and come what may! Storms come, they can be hard and fierce and long, but they do end and the calm afterward is a beautiful site!

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Rylee has been teething for what seems like forever. She'll go a few hours in between meltdowns that seem to really only attributable to teething. Sometimes its just plain grumpiness, most of the time it's teething related. We can finally see that stupid little tooth trying to poke through, but it's still not through!

She also acquired my dang cold that I was down and out with last week! I'm really bummed because it was so awful for me, I really hope it won't be as bad for her. Her poor nose is running like a faucet, right after we finally get that blasted diaper rash cleared up and the diarrhea and and and.... I'm tired!

I can't deal with Buyer's remorse and am taking back that huge ugly purse I bought the other day. I found a better one for myself for $1! I'm SO pleased with it. Even though I bought the other used I just couldn't justify the money I spent on that stupid thing. My new one is a bit smaller which is the great part about it, the first one really was just too big for my body. haha.

I've got a recent complete addiction to 3 Musketeer mint. I've loved it since it came out right around the time I got married, but the rediscovery is killing me! I'm ashamed to say I've been eating them over actual food and to the point my blood sugar is much too high. What can I say? I'm a sucker for chocolate and mint!! Every time! I should ban them from my house but... will is too weak.

I can already tell after this holiday season is over I'm going to have to do some serious butt kicking to get myself back into gear on the healthy train.

Oh, did I mention that it snowed here this morning? It seems to have been pretty spotty around town and and only got a light blanket in a couple small areas. What's crazy, though, is that we actually had snow in October. We've had record snow falls the last couple years but they didn't hit until December. Man, I LOVE winter.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Moday! This was created by the lovely a inventive MckMama as a fun way to start a week new and has spread quite widly since! Head on over to her blog and check out what everyone else did Not do this week!

My husband and I did not go out just for fun and then spontaneously bought Miss Rylee a new Carseat, thereby graduating her from her Infant Seat. My husband did not insist on installing it in the target parking lot! He also did not want to leave that massive box in the middle of the lot (WHO would think of doing such a thing!? No, he didn't get to just leave it.).

I also did not JUST buy a Baby Book to fill in for Rylee. I, being the excited pregnant mother I was, would have bought one WAY in advance!

In the span of just a couple hours I also did NOT succumb to things I said I never would! I did not try on skinny jeans just for fun then end up having to find a pair that fit perfect and actually buy them!!!

After that I did not find and concurrently buy a HUGE ugly purse - now trading two (a purse and diaper bag) for one clunky thing! My sweet Mother always carries around a fairly large purse (or two) and I always said I would never do that... Of course I still have Not done that!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sugar Free Cough Syrup

I hate being Sick.

I hate being Diabetic and Sick.

Here's a new one: I hate being Diabetic, Sick AND a Mommy!!!

Started coming on Monday night and has just gotten worse and worse with each day. Today I woke up and felt the need to puke. I hate puking, so stifled that urge down. The problem was that I felt that urge alllll morning. So, lay on the floor with pillows and blankets while Rylee played around throwing cheerios on the floor and climbing on my aching head.

Finally she decided that she'd take a nap with me so I got to lay there on the floor till after 11am, sleeping off and on.

Feeling a bit better I decided to try and shower. Rylee wasn't cooperating. I put her in the high chair and brought that into the bathroom - with a tray full of food. She wasn't having it. Screamed her stupid cute head off the entire time. Being upset about that I ignored her and decided to at least blow dry my hair. She wasn't pleased but neither was I.

Suffering from a nasty Upper Respiratory Infection, a bad case of Blood Sugars Gone Wild, and a Cranky Child has me quite cranky myself.

Kenny is so sweet, though, bringing me home some Chicken Noodle Soup and Sugar Free Cough Syrup. Then took care of Rylee for me and put her to sleep for me too! Instead of sleeping, like I should be, I am instead blogging.

I have never tried the Sugar Free Cough Syrup made especially for Diabetics (heehee) before. I never really thought the normal stuff was all that bad - but I am quite appreciative for it today! My sugars have been 300+ all day - furthering my crappy feeling body right along. Hopefully this stuff will give me some relief and not cause my sugars to run any higher at all!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This fun little thing is hosted by MckMama. Pop on over to her blog to see hers and many more!

This week I did NOT happen to see my daughter playing with my computer - she knows she's not supposed to touch - and pretended to not notice. I didn't watch as she closed the lid and the music that was on stopped and she started crying. I certainly did not laugh at my distraught daughter!

I also did NOT leave my car in gear as I was getting out of my seat while Kenny was trying to put Rylee in the back seat. It did NOT scare the crap out of me and cause my sweet husband to yell at me. No, I would never do such a stupid careless thing - and he would never yell at me for being so stupid. Not us!

We are also NOT sleeping in our living room on the couch/floor so that we can get a few hours of sleep while trying to teach our daughter to sleep in her crib for more than 2 hours at a time. I am NOT anxious about doing this at all, it's for her own good and to be a good mother I shouldn't have a problem with this, right?

I have also NOT taken up knitting to add to my list of other crafty things I love and I have NOT become obsessive about it. I don't try knitting every possible couple minutes of free time I have - leaving the dishes I need to do undone. Nope, not me!

Furthermore, I did not photograph my daughter sleeping like she broke her poor little neck! No, I'd have sat her up and figured out how her car seat would let her slump down like that right away!

Say What!?

My baby is 10 months old already!? No way! I don't believe it!

....well, actually, I kinda do believe it. Every bit of it, and I'm still loving it!

I am really glad I've taken the time to really cherish every moment of my adorable daughters babyhood.

She has recently taken to shaking her head "no" and it's SO cute! She is starting to learn cause and effect, so sometimes that "no" shaking is purposeful. Other times it's just because she's enjoying the act of it.

Still not walking but is coming ever so close. I can't wait until she does. Seriously. No, I'm not crazy. What most people are not understanding is that she still insists on being held and in my arms as much as she can be - even though she can crawl around everywhere. She's getting much more adventurous and is crawling away from me at times - but those moments are few (which I'm okay with. I do love her dependency on me.).

She still says "mama" with cute regularity. No "papa" yet. We were sitting with her a couple mornings ago trying to get her to say papa and she'd look directly at Kenny and say "mama!" It was awesome. I think she says "numnum" for food, but it's undetermined if that's purposeful yet - still cute, though!

Ever more curious about things in life, like cows!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I don't usually talk about it, it's part of my daily life. I don't feel like it's "different" most days - it's just how I live. Being Diabetic, though, does have its difficult days for me.

Being pregnant was difficult, and yet so worth it. Being a mom, and diabetic is a whole new can of worms. I worry about lows when I'm alone with her - but I usually push those worries to the back of my mind. I've never had a low that I couldn't take care of myself.

A couple mornings ago Kenny was in the shower and I was trying to get out of bed but my blood sugar had dropped so low that I wasn't sure I could pick up my crying child before getting food. - Of course she was in bed with us so I couldn't just leave her there or she'd try and follow me and get hurt. I managed to bring her to the living room - which isn't all that far - and she was happy to sit and play while I shoveled left over birthday cake into my mouth.

It was the first time that had happened to me since she was born. I hope it does not become a regular thing.

Then there are those awful high blood sugars. I feel like crap and I'm not as patient with her, especially when she's teething, as I want to be. That bothers me a lot.

Suffice to say that I try to avoid both - but both are not avoidable all the time. Just a fact of life, my daily life. We carry on, eating, playing, taking insulin and eating and playing some more, hoping for the best.


Have I mentioned TEETHING lately??? Oh.My.Gosh. Rylee has been almost nightmarish. I've been going back and forth in my thoughts the last couple days wondering if she's got an ear infection she's been so bad.

NOT sleeping at night. Fussy almost all day - except a couple preciously cute moments. She usually likes riding in the car and just babbles on and on - last couple days: Screaming her head off. She's not eating as much as usual. Wants to nurse constantly but only for a couple seconds (which is REALLY inconvenient).

Kenny and I love her adorable toothless grins and haven't been excited for her to get teeth (are we bad!?), but right now I just want SOMETHING to happen! It's been going on since she was 3 months old - not constantly, but enough. This week just takes the cake, though. Please, little teeth, won't you just pop through??? OR let me know there is something else wrong!!!! heehee.

Okay. My poor little girl, though. I just want to fix it.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Oh Sweet Winter!

It's definitely letting us know it's trying to make its grand entrance!

It's only a little into October and I feel like I might need to break out my winter jacket! YEESH! SO COLD HERE.

It's "fine" during the day this week when the sun is out and there is no wind. Just need a light hoodie. Put that wind chill factor in and OH MAN it is COLD.

THEN, that blessed sun sets and it gets even COLDER.

I make a point every year to try and make it as long as possible without wearing my winter jacket. Why? I don't know! I just like the mind over matter that it takes to get my body acclimated to the temperatures. I usually make it till sometime in December. I don't think that's gonna happen this year.

I've spent the last few days trying to find Rylee a winter jacket. A month ago when we had NO extra money there were cute ones (also when it was still 90ยบ here). Now there are none when we have a little extra.

I have also spent the last few days trying to find her some reasonably priced snow boots that are bendable/not hard-soled. You'd think they'd do that for petite babies. Rylee is a small baby, not quite walking yet but will be come time to wear those stinking boots. We get real winters here too, not a light dusting of snow that shuts Seattle down for the week.

I have a feeling this winter is gonna be crazy like last year, the winter that Rylee brought in. But it's starting MUCH earlier than it has. Maybe it won't stretch as long into what should be our Spring time? That would be awesome. Heehee.

My baby will be a year old in 2 months. I cannot believe that. I remember allllll too vividly how AWFUL I felt this time last year. Praying I didn't throw up while at work because of heart burn. Trying to work with my back that was trying to snap in 2 because of my 9 pound baby in the making. Trying to not dye from my broken ribs thanks to my sweet gymnast. Yes, that was what was happening this time last year.

This time 2 years ago I was pregnant with our twins and just finding out. We had only been married a few months. It was a crazy time in life. The last 2 years have been intense and I am in the longest stretch of "unpregnancy" as I have been in since marrying my love.

Ya know, I am just fine with that!!!

I feel like we're starting to get things a little more figured out right. Rylee is growing and learning. We're getting our debts paid off and thinking about actually getting Kenny back to school. I'm working more regularly. Yes, things, though still tumultuous, are coming along quite swimmingly.

My best friend is getting married. Gotta start working on Christmas presents, and Christmas Cards, and a "newsletter" from our humble little family. Yes, these last 2 years have been "Banner Years" for us. Much to be thankful for. Much to remember. Much to come.

I should be sleeping now. "Sleep when the baby sleeps." Yeah Right.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Puppy Love

Puppies are cute and lovable, right?? This one certainly is.

I think they are cute. Especially when it happens to be my lovely sister in law's new baby. And probably the only cousin Rylee'll ever have from them. Heehee.

Although it looks like Rylee is in total love with this adorable little thing, she was not impressed. She continued to crawl around after the other dogs, but not this one. I think she'll warm up to it next time. For today, though, she was happy being left alone.

She much preferred crawling around and looking at leaves on this blustery day.

Or squinting in the wind.

Or checking out the tree roots and following the camera around.

Yes, she really had no need for that puppy in the window face

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Two Steps Forward, Four Steps Back.

I'm getting quite frustrated with that pattern of life. I have to remember that God is in control, and try and give it up to him.

I needed prescriptions written a couple weeks ago so that when I needed them I could fill them. I did NOT give the authorization to have them filled, though! I'm SO frustrated with figuring out new insurance companies. So, I'm getting prescriptions mailed to me now that cost more than I was prepared to pay for (or even can!) AND I don't even need yet! I just wanted them on hand for when I DO need them. I hate jumping through the hoops - even when I do I seem to get screwed.

As my luck goes, it's "re-enrollment" time at Kenny's Work for health insurance. Rates are going up for prescriptions and premiums. We have a choice between 2 different insurance plans and I cannot see a clear difference between the two.

Our Car insurance company screwed us over this month as well - evidently USPS didn't deliver an important paper to them so our rates went up A LOT. I got that changed today but I'm not sure it'll go through before it is supposed to get withdrawn!

I'm so done with all this. Stupid crap. Bad timing. Stupid incompetent people.

I'm going stir crazy at home without Kenny. I like when I've got a couple minutes to myself when he plays with Rylee after getting home. I'm really excited to go into work tomorrow. Get out of the house. Have other human interaction. It'll be great. If I could only pin down this constant influx of money issues - everything would be great!!!!!

When the Cat is away the Mouse will....


Evidently! When we moved into our apartment before Rylee was born we pretty much shoved EVERYTHING we could into our second bedroom that was going to be Rylee's. I worked to get things put away as much as I could with what little energy I had. Theeeen the Baby Showers happened. That room got filled back up with ALL sorts of baby things. By the time she was born It was kinda set up. 1/2 filled with our junk from moving in and the other 1/2 with baby stuff I didn't have a place for.

My kitchen has also been a source of grief for me as well. I hate clutter and the kitchen table is always a clutter-creator it seems. The filing cabinet that sat next to the kitchen table also seemed to create clutter.

Well, I had enough of it finally! Heehee. Having moved Rylee's crib into our bedroom with us many months ago I decided she'll just stay in there with us for now, eventually she'll get that second room - if we don't move first. That second room is going to be my craft room/Kenny's computer crap room. I hate when he wants to work on a silly computer project and we have to go tearing the house apart to find whatever it is he's looking for. Now it will all be in one place.

That is still a work in progress - getting that all set up right. BUT - I got it CLEAN! The first pictures are my Kitchen table area before and after. This could only look that way after cleaning out the bedroom, though. Which was a MUCH greater feat.

This room has been the bane of my existence for nearly a year now. The first picture is awful. It's what it has been for quite awhile and I kept the door closed so I wouldn't have to look at it! heehee.

Now, There is still a bit of "clutter" stacked on top of that desk - but its organized clutter! Making SO much more sense to life and once I get a couple other storage type things those will all have a proper place as well.

I am SO pleased with it I just like to go stand in the middle of that echo-y room. Haha. Yeah, I'm retarded. My house is clean now, though!! I feel much better about my existence in life!

Monday, September 28, 2009


I always find it interesting what gets my mind going.

I was very saddened yesterday at church to find out a dear friend of mine had miscarried. They weren't trying, it was a "pill baby" the attachment for that child forms so quickly, though. I instantly felt all those emotions stirred from when that very same thing happened to me. I wish no one would have to go through that ever. Yet, I believe that it things like these that shape those of us who do into who we are based on how we respond to it.

I still miss those twins that I only saw once on an ultrasound. I still wish I had gotten a picture to "remember" them with and so Kenny could have seen them too. Kenny and I still wonder what they would have been and who they would have become. It's been 2 years now since being pregnant and miscarrying with them - and yet I still get sad about it - even though I know Rylee would not have come to be if that pregnancy had been healthy.

We wouldn't trade our second pill baby for the world. She is such a joy to us. Today she has been in just a happy go lucky mood - even went to sleep almost smiling. Laughing at the stupid things I do and wanting me to pay attention and play with her. We always wonder about our other 2, though, and cannot wait to meet them someday.

Kenny is going out of town for the next 4 days. It'll be interesting. He's not been gone that long in quite awhile. He wasn't too happy about finding out about it today. Usually he gets more advanced warning to prepare for it.

In the meantime Rylee'll be sleeping with me for the rest of the week because I don't like to go to bed alone. Heehee.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


I find it very easy to get frustrated with my daughter when I try to help her - but she "rebels" (as much as a 9month old can) against it. Then I force myself to sit back and come to the realization that she doesn't know that what I am doing will help her with whatever is already bothering her. At that point I'll have compassion and will no longer have thoughts like:

"You stupid kid! Just hold still so I can give you some medicine!"

Instead I'll feel sorry for her:

"You poor girl, I'm sorry you don't feel good and don't know that this medicine will help you feel better."

I wish my thoughts went to the more compassionate way easier than they do. I force myself to think this way, I hope that one day it'll become more habitual.


My dear sisters birthday is this Thursday. We're throwing a party for her on Saturday. She'll be ****Sixteen****!!! I cannot believe MY little sister is going to be 16. She requested I make her cake for her - specifically a fondant cake. No biggie. I decided that it'll be a white base with black geometrical shapes. Now, the cake on the other hand - when you cut into it, it'll look something like this:

I got this lovely idea from MckMama after her party the other day. I had to try it out today, though, before actually committing to it. I think it's gonna look pretty sweet and'll be a lot of fun in the somewhat irony of black and white bursting into a rainbow. ...I'm a nerd.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Of Tights, Stores, Deals and other things!

I shouldn't be up anymore tonight, but I am. Kenny and I watched Robin Hood: Men in tights tonight. It has been years since I've seen it and Kenny hadn't. I forgot how completely ridiculous that movie is. Also how completely awesome.

However it has created a need in me to watch Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I really like that movie a lot, its also been many years since I've seen that - Kenny has also not seen it before. I wonder if I can get him to watch it tomorrow with me? Probably not, he'll be "Robin Hooded" out.

We also went on a walk to the store earlier today with Rylee. It's been a long while since we made that trek. It's a bit of a walk from our apartment, and we've never gone with Rylee before today. She was such a good sport and slept a good portion of the walk.

It's probably a huge character flaw of mine but I feel SO badly when I have to tell my husband that we can't afford to buy a game he wants. Yes, he's like a little kid sometimes! No, He doesn't whine at all, just kid like in his love for video games. He's been waiting for this one for so long and we need to wait a couple more weeks to do it. We've had some rough weeks with his paychecks so we're still trying to recover from that.

Seriously, though - I often feel as though it's "my fault" he can't have a game. I'll think to myself well, if we don't buy this or if I take that thing back or.... then we can get it. I feel like we don't do much extra in life that he should be able to have whatever it is. I know he doesn't think its my fault or anything - I just feel that way. Seriously something I should get over now. I'm going to get into trouble with Rylee one of these days soon.

I like to get things for Kenny and Rylee over my own stupid wants or even needs. I'll have something in my hands that "it only costs $5, should I get it?..... noooo. I'll put it back, I can get Kenny this other thing for $10 instead!" Gosh I'm a pathetic sucker!

Although today I did some "me" stuff - I took scissors to my hair and think what I did is my best self attempt yet! Only proving to myself I should not pay for haircuts for myself! haha. Did some serious trimming back of the overgrown eyebrows. I really should keep up on those more frequently, I'm sure I'd like it better. I just played and had fun with my family today!

We left the house before we'd even eaten this morning to go to a "free stuff sale" at a local computer store. Turned out to be totally worth it, you never know at those things. Kenny picked up some stuff to plug into a few different computers for friends/family. We even got a junker keyboard for Rylee to bang on. She tries for our good working ones all the time and we'd just rather she didn't do that, ya know?

It's been a huge "hit" today, lots of love to that thing! Also - while we were out we indulged in coffee and Rylee was trying for all she was worth to get a hold of my frappuccino. Now, I share most everything with her - EXCEPT - coffee. I have no idea why she was so bent on getting it. I finished it off and gave her the cup afterward and she looooved that thing! Goofy kid.

I also totally scored this toy for her yesterday:

The toy taking up the middle of our living room is supposed to be the center of attention in this case, not the fact she's more interested in the keyboard we got her today. It retails on Amazon for $180-200 and I got it for $12!!! I wasn't sure if it was worth it before I purchased it. I had a hard time deciding but she really liked it, so I did. Now just how much it retails for makes it completely worth it in my mind, hahaha! I only really paid $4 and change for it because I had "in store credit" where I was at.

All in all a pretty great weekend so far!