Diabetes - A Silent Disease

Many times a day Diabetes can be seen by people paying attention. Seen in the form of blood sugar testing, taking insulin, replacing Insulin Pump Sites.

Yet, there is a whole different aspect of the disease that is rarely seen, and is very silent.

The every day drivel we live with.

Annoyances of taking the time to test our blood sugar, or taking the time to count carbohydrates in every bite of food so we can take insulin for it.

I think it's all annoying and tedious. I hate doing it. More than that, though, I hate when Ketones creep up for  apparent reason at all. More than High Blood Sugars they make me feel TERRIBLE.

Kenny noticed this morning that I wasn't my normal self. I sleep lightly and normally, I'll wake up at just him walking by me. Or, as he put it, it's like I can feel someone staring at me in my sleep. He could barely wake me this morning, which was okay. I've been exhausted lately working really hard helping my dad out and baking a big cake for a friend this weekend.

It took me a little over an hour to figure out that I had ketones. Nothing I could determine caused them. Gulped down lots of water and a couple hours later things are peachy again.

Stupid little diabetes related things can completely ruin a day - and it's out of my control.

Sometimes just the wrong food combination for breakfast can cause the most awful sugar headache that I can't get rid of for hours. Or a snack that doesn't agree with my blood sugars. Random ketones. Low blood sugars. All of it - can alter my day irreparably. I hate that.

It bothers me that sometimes that sugar headache makes me so grumpy I can't be a good Mommy for Rylee. She deserves a better mommy than the grumpy diabetic mommy. My husband deserves a better wife than that.

I've been making small changes here and there to better myself. It's not good enough, though. I need to be better. I need to not be so careless. It's just wearying. I do the bare minimum to get by day to day. Bare minimum isn't good enough. Time to do better.

Father's Day Fun!

Fathers Day got off to a great start - on Saturday! 

Saturday was an Annual Canoe race thing in town. My Father-in-law and Brother-in-law raced in a Canoe, 

 

While my Husband and Dad raced in a Kayak.

The excitement of the day started bright and early, figuring out how to get 2 canoes/boats/kayak - things strapped to the truck. Making sure there were life vests, whistles and oars. Getting everything ready for a day at the park after the boating festivities. 

After much rushing around we were finally ready to leave - everyone else piled in my Father-in-laws truck and I got Rylee and buckled into my car (not wanting to hassle with moving carseats around and making sure there was enough room, I decided to take my own car).

They pull out and I follow them. Suddenly the truck pulls over and I'm also getting a call on my cell phone from my Husband. I'm thinking that something must be wrong in the truck or the canoes need readjusting- not...

That we had left my husband behind at the house!!!

I felt terrible. Poor guy! 

Fast-forward and we made it to the fun, and everyone seemed to have a great time!

(Yes, she knows she's cool!)

Kenny and my Dad got 1st in their division (we'll not say that they were the only ones in their division) and My father & brother-in-law got 2nd in their division. Everyone won prizes in the raffle drawing!

Rylee tried to be as helpful as possible.

She loved watching her Papa play video games on Fathers Day (Sunday).

And I LOVE this goofy picture of her increasingly toothy smile!!

Father's Day, both days, was awesome.

Fat Lips and Summer

Summer seems to have made a brief appearance the last few days. I'm hoping it'll show up slightly more often. Saturday and Sunday felt like a heat wave tipping the thermostats at just a bit over 80º degrees. A nice, though stark, change from the 50-60º degrees with rain and wind the last month.

I had bought Rylee a really cute blow-up wading pool a month ago and on that very day it got nasty- and has stayed that way since.

So I got out that pool yesterday (Pictures of that to come later)! Determined to make some use of it through this so far drizzle-y summer.

Of course while we're out playing with the pool Rylee decided to give her self her first real genuine fat-lip. She's had minor ones in the past - but not a real good one.

Looking at it today it almost looks worse than yesterday. She's got a scrape from the right side of her nose down to her lip and Her lip is all visibly  cut up. Poor kiddo.

She's been a good sport and a real trooper. Of course that 'good sport' and 'real trooper' only pertains to the fat lip. She's still teething and still grumpy. She was in the weirdest mood today - throwing random fits for reasons I cannot explain at all. So, I assume it's because of teething. - I can't wait to be out of this part of her development. Heehee.

Defiance

My sweet sweet baby girl is growing up. Just a week shy of 18 months, finally starting to mimic a few words instead of just "Eh! Eh! Eh!"  She's incredibly smart and a problem solver. She's known how get passed the screen lock on my iPod touch for months now. She opens up the music and flips through all the albums until she finds a very specific one - then continues to flip through the songs until she finds the very specific song she wants to listen to.

Tonight my Baby displayed quite the act of open defiance. I haven't seen one quite this bad from her thus far (though a few have come close).

We had such a pleasant evening. A nice dinner followed by quite the long walk/hike (can I just say I LOVE my Mei Tai!) with the entire family, in laws and all. Upon getting back to the house I let Rylee down to run around the yard while Kenny drove his RC Truck up and down the street.

Rylee knows better than to run out in the street. I taught her this awhile back, I don't want her getting too excited one time and running out in front of a car - no matter where we are at.

So, she stands at the edge of the driveway, next to her Papa, watching his car go up and down the street. She accidentally dropped her pacifier and it went into the street. Rylee points and beseeches that we get it for her so she doesn't go into the street. We applaud her for being such a good girl, and waiting for us to get her pacifier for her.

She runs and plays. Gets in and out of her little red (soaking wet from rain) car. Runs around the yard. Stops, watches the car go back and forth and jump off the curb. Continues on her way running around and getting in and out of her little red car.

Then

She wanted to run out in the street. Staying in the yard/driveway was no longer good enough.

Rylee ran and stopped about 3 feet from the street. Turned. Looked at me. She took her pacifier out of her mouth and tossed it down - while looking at me. Upon seeing that it did not go into the street she looked back at me, then kicked it. "Darn, still not in the street" She looks back at me, and again kicks it closer to the street. Not close enough still, she kicks it finally into the street after looking at me before she does the act.

Now in the street Rylee expects us to let her get it.

As I stood there next to her informing her that it's in the street now and she cannot have it back - Kenny took his RC Truck, drove it up close, and ran over it! Then he did it again! Oh the look of horror on my daughters face, it was priceless.

Then he carefully drove his Truck over top of the coveted pacifier, hiding it from site. Rylee became distraught, trying to bend any way she could to see it so we could get it for her.

I bent down, looked at her in the eye and told her She kicked it into the street and couldn't have it back right now. I grabbed her hand and together we walked inside the house. No fit, no screaming and crying, just submission.

It always shocks me to see such defiance out of my sweet little baby girl. I don't think I would expect anything less out of her, though. She is after all, human. She is also My daughter - and Kenny's. We're both strong willed idiots. Why wouldn't our daughter be as well? I think it helps me to see little bits of insight into her mind and deeper personality. So I can prepare myself for a much longer battle than the momentary ones. So I can, hopefully, handle it with grace - having prepared myself for those moments.

I love my Daughter and I love being a Mom - Even in the Defiant moments.

Wordless Wednesday

All is not well today

Apparently we're unfit to be parents of a Dog and a Child.

Our Idiot Puppy is no closer to being potty trained than the day we brought her home - if not further from it!!

She is CONSTANTLY peeing on the floor AND my Couch! The floor I can mostly handle, it happens, I'll just carpet clean again soon - and will continue until (if) the day she is house trained. My couch, though, we Love our couch. I know, it's a silly thing to love. But we do. It was in practically new condition when we bought it. It's the ugliest green 70's couch - but it's awesome and LONG and Comfortable.

I have done everything 'in the book' to get this dumb dog housebroken. I have done everything not in the book. I have exhausted almost all ends short of sending her to some 'school' thing that I can't seem to find one in town that'll deal with housebreaking versus other trainings.

Leaving Kenny at home with the Baby and the Puppy for any length of time is almost impossible. Withing 15 minutes of me being gone he starts to lose it already because the dog is terrified of him - she pees. Rylee freaks out for whatever reason. Then we have a frazzled husband. I can't get out of the house for 2 hours a week without ending up having a bad rest of the evening because of this Freaking Dog!

I do love her, she's so stinkin cute. But she will not train. I haven't been to work in nearly a month just so I can stay home and try and get her trained as much as possible. I want to pull my hair out. Chihuahua's are among the most abandoned dog because people don't realize how hard they are to deal with at first - I will not be one of those statistics. I knew the dumb dogs are, Well, Dumb. Yet - OH MY WORD she is beyond the worst!

I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of the constant strain it's actually putting on Kenny and I.

Rylee loves the puppy. Rylee is the reason we got her in the first place. What a mistake that has turned out to be. I do not want to get rid of her, for Rylee, for me, but maybe it'd be better? I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm frustrated and tired. I'm sick of life yesterday, today, probably tomorrow too.

It's stressing me out, pissing me off, straining our relationship, and frankly - I don't like who I am these days.

Okay, I'm done Venting.

Photography!

AH!

I'm SO nervous and anxious and excited!

We just launched everything tonight for the starts of my photography "business"!

I think business is a silly thing to say about it. I just love photography with everything that is in me. Passionate just doesn't quite describe it properly.

I was getting teased the other night: We were all hovered around the kitchen table busily making Wedding Invitations for my Beautiful Sister-in-law's upcoming wedding and my Mother-in-law was wanting pictures taken. Someone suggested I go get my camera and several others quickly  chimed in "are you sure you want her to do that!? How many pictures do you want taken of you?" "She'll probably take at least 1000!" ...Okay, 1000 is an exaggeration. My Mother-in-law is still blown away by the 200 photos I took in an hour on Mothers Day. What can I say? It was a fun hour to take pictures!

This is something I've wanted for probably as long as I can remember - or at least since there was a monster created out of me after getting my first 35mm.

Well, now we'll see how this goes. Where it goes. If it goes! haha!

Brutally Honest

I'm going to be brutally honest, like it or not, ready or not - here it comes:

I'm Homesick.

Not for my parents' home. For MY home. It doesn't matter what home, just MY home. A building of MY own (or rented!) that I don't share with anyone but my Man and my Munchkin (and dog). Where I bake cookies and leave things a mess.

I know, I know - I know why we moved here. I know that if we didn't move here we'd have had to anyway because we wouldn't have been able to make Rent for the next month and we wouldn't have been able to pay for a new car and we wouldn't be able to send Kenny to school and we wouldn't be able to even buy the Growing Baby the clothes she needs and we wouldn't be able to...........................

I know that I had equal parts in the decision. NO - I am NOT regretting our decision at all. It is still the best move for us. It's still the best thing.

Written down on Paper (or "Paper") it is perfectly logical. The best thing. I know in my heart and mind that this is the best thing.

I want MY home, though. Where much like we brought Rylee to from the hospital

Where, much like Rylee enjoyed her first Christmas at 1 week old

and later her 2nd Christmas

I want my own place where Rylee gets to experience new things - with us. Just the 3 of us.

Like Playing in the Snow for the first time. 

I miss these times from her infancy:

I want to experience more of those memories - at our own place.

No, I am not unhappy here, in that sense. I love my In-Laws. They are wonderful and things are going SO well.

We met with the counselor at the college last week and realized some harsh truths about the schooling. Ones I already had in the back of my head but didn't want to face. Possibilities of Kenny going to work part time elsewhere and all sorts of other craziness I will not go into detail about at this time.

I love my husband, and I love our life together. I love that he finally wants to go back to school. I love that he has such a drive and passion for it now. I 100% support him in his endeavors to live a 'better' life than the currant one. I am glad that we have made this decision - in the long run.

In the long run a 'real' house is in the mix. In the long run a good paying job is in the mix - and one that he Wants to do. In the long run - everything will be just wonderful.

In the here and now, in the moment, I miss my own house (apartment).

I have found myself becoming upset within me when Rylee says a new word or does something new and the rest of the family hears/sees it first - and I don't. That's why I don't work at a job I can't bring her with me to - I get to experience it all. ...or, I used to. I don't want them to just stop telling me when she does something new either. It just saddens me that I'm not 'the only one' generally with her during the days any more. I relish that time we had together like that.

I am so thankful that I did take almost her first year off and simply enjoyed every bit of it. I knew that things would change - she would grow too quickly and we'd be in different situations in the future. Little did I know this would be that different situation. Thinking about it - it seems this is harder now after we had been looking and looking and looking at houses to actually buy.

I miss being just a moments drive from my family. Now I have to schedule when I can go over, because gas is just too much to jaunt here and there whenever.

Frankly, I can't believe how much harder this move has been on me than I thought it would be.

Like I said, it's still okay. It's still the best thing. It's still where the Lord wants us. It's still right.

I want instant gratification and don't want to go through the 2+ year  waiting period until my innermost desires are granted. We don't even know what will happen after Kenny graduates - or while he's in school! It's all tentative. It's all walking in faith and trusting that this really is the right thing to do.

Today/Tonight, I'm having a hard time with it. I miss MY stuff, MY place MINE MINE MINE! Heehee! I'm so selfish. Who knows? Maybe this is a lesson for me to learn not to be so selfish and be more selfless?

Whatever the case. That's how I feel - being Brutally Honest - tonight.