Life is a Beautiful thing.

When I found out I was pregnant a second time I couldn't believe it. I still remember how I was walking around wringing my hands in the air and saying "oh crap. oh crap. oh crap. this can't be happening. oh crap oh crap oh crap." - and repeat. I didn't think I could be pregnant, didn't think it was possible, I only tested to put it out of my mind as a possibility. Obviously I was wrong.

Through my pregnancy I tried SO hard to come to terms with becoming a mother. To the fact that there was a baby inside me. But no matter how hard I tried - it never came. Even when I could see her cute foot poking out of my stomach and I could see her limbs moving around inside me all day - it was SO cool. It didn't help me realize I was about to become a mother to a beautiful baby.

The day she was born I couldn't believe she was mine. I still have a hard time believing it. I'm sure you've got that impression from my previous posts. I hold this beautiful little girl in my arms and cannot believe she is mine. I am so full of love for her. I love how she smiles at me when she sees my face. I love how she smiles even bigger when I smile back at her.

She's growing so much already, I'm excited to see what God has in store for Kenny, Rylee and I.

A friend recently brought to my attention this family with a little boy named Stellen. He is very sick with a nasty heart condition that almost killed him while his mother was pregnant with him and is now sick with it now again. I've been following them very closely. What an amazing family. I have been praying for all of them very much and I am sure you will too.

As I read about this poor little boy who is a month older than my little girl I can't help but look at her and thank the Lord she is okay, and then just pray for this little boy. God is good and I know he has a plan in all this for that family.

How could I be so fortunate?

My husband is the greatest.

I really just cannot properly put into words my love and adoration for this man. We've been through a lot together the last almost 5 years. I have been far far far from perfect - and tonight he says "I'm not a very lucky person, but when God was letting me pick my luckiness I stored it all up for my wife and got the best one there is." He is SO sweet!

Yes, he can be irritating - and yes, he does it on purpose more times than not. He can be a total dork - but I love him for that! He always means well. I think the amount of times I've gotten flowers from him I could count on one hand, but thats okay. He has bought me jewelry three times - a pair of earrings and my engagement ring and my wedding ring - and I love those 3 pieces of jewelry, and was quite heartbroken last summer when I lost an earring swimming!

He's such a great dad and so sweet to his daughter! I know she's got his heart around her finger, and mine too. I'm excited to see how our lives will continue to change and be molded as our years together will roll on. As we learn about our daughter and parenting. As our love for each other grows.

He is so good to me I don't know how the Lord could have allowed me such an amazing man! He makes me want to do better in everything! I want to be the best I can for him. Taking care of my Type 1 Diabetes riddled body, staying in the best shape I can for him, taking care of our finances as best as possible, being understanding and loving to him. Allowing him the little luxuries he wants is the least I can do to this man who is so kind and loving

He puts up with my silly antics and it takes a very special person to be able to handle that!
I'm so glad God picked us for eachother - we're too weird for anyone else!



Both totally love our stupid gadgets and "need" them. We have the same stupid and VERY twisted sense of humor most people don't get and just give the weirdest looks for. We have our own perspectives on parenting and life in general. I have yet to make him change a diaper of Rylee's - and every one seems to frown upon that. But really, I don't care that he doesn't do that! If I did I'd have forced it upon him a long time ago, and I wouldn't have as happy and willing a husband to help me with other things. Diapers are so trivial to me, I appreciate it more when he holds her for a few minutes to do other things or helps me clean up in other areas.

Yes, we love eachother, there is no doubt about that! I love so much this man God has put with me forever and ever!

A Mothers Addiction

They say the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Well, I don't know if my problem is worth solving but I definitely have an addiction. Can you guess what it is?

Is it.... being in love with bright colors? Oh, probably.

Maybe its that I am guilty of being far too kind to my husband. Quite possibly that too.

Could be I love technology and gadgets more than I ought. Definitely a problem.

Its probably that I have over 30 hoodies/jackets in my possession and I was tempted to buy yet another one from Target tonight, and I'll probably go back for it.

It might be that every time I want to buy something for myself I always think about things I could buy for Kenny instead.

Yes, it very well could be any of those things and more. However tonight I believe that my addiction is taking pictures of my daughter. Yes, every chance I get there is yet another picture being snapped. Am I willing to give up this addiction? Over my dead camera I am! So, here's some of the results of my addiction:

name change

For anyone who may follow this anymore - you may notice my name has changed. I am making an attempt at spreading my design wings and creating my own blogging website - which when I am done this site will forward over to. it'll be "beemusings.com" when it is finished. No promises on when yet, th0ugh! I'm finding out that it's a lot more complicated than I thought, haha!

So, hopefully I'll be able to get this going soon!

Spring is in the Air

After it has gotten flesh bitingly cold, the days have grown short and dark, and eventually they are filled with snow for weeks on end it starts to come back around.

The days start to become long again, it starts to warm up and allows you to not have a heater on 24/7 just to keep your house bearable. And then - the sun comes out and there is a brilliant blue sky.

I love all the seasons, yes, even summer. I say I hate it because my body doesn't deal well with the heat. But I love the variety they provide, even more than that, though, I love how they represent life.

Spring is a wonderful reminder to me of New Life, and a chance to start over, to start fresh. Winter is a seemingly long and difficult time in life - yet a necessary one. Summer is enjoyment of life. Fall, just a time to relax.

Spring is coming now and I LOVE it. It makes me feel so alive and ready to just go out and DO whatever may come my way. I get excited about everything and all the potential in life.

This spring is really a new season for me. This time I've got a baby girl to take care of. Its so exciting for me to watch her grow and change every day. She's always exhibiting some new behavior, this morning she was grabbing at this silly glow seahorse toy I bought for her and she was just happy as a clam to sit and look at it while I was taking a shower. This is quite an improvement from a month ago - didn't matter what I put with her I'd have about 5 minutes before she'd be fed up and need me to hold her again.

I love so much how sweet and loving babies are. Doesn't matter how much she was crying one moment - the next she looks at me with the most loving eyes I've seen.

I wish we could be more like that, more forgiving and love unconditionally all the time. We can't always understand why people do the things they do, and yet we get so mad at them and hate them without knowing anything. It's just sad to me, and yet I'm just as guilty of it as anyone.

I think this song sums it up well:

How do you answer that?

Being a new mother I find that I anytime I see someone I haven't seen since Rylee became a tangible being they immediately ask "How do you like being a mom?"

The answer is really more of the courtesy type answer, much like when someone asks "How've you been?" you 9 times out of 10 will say "I've been good, How are you?" just to side step getting into anything "deep" and to keep the conversation moving.

But how do you really answer that? I can't say "no", cause that isn't true - I love Rylee in a way I didn't know there was to love a person. But I also can't say "Yes! It's the most amazing thing ever and its what I've always wanted to be!" as that is also untrue. Honestly I expected to be going to school right now, still living in our old apartment and maybe starting to look for a house for just The Two of Us. I did not expect to be thinking of children for another 2-4 years. I especially didn't expect to find myself thinking about diapers, clothes, 2-4-6 month shots, how I'll be schooling her.... etc.

The entire time I was pregnant no matter how much research I did, no matter how much I talked about it I could not get my mind around the fact that the growth going on coming out of my midsection would actually yield a BABY! Now I hold my precious little girl in front of the mirror and think "How is this MINE!? How could God allow me to have something SO precious!?" I still don't know. But am honored that He deems me worthy of mothering this child.

It's a huge resposibility. One I did not expect to have for years to come. I did want to be a mom at *some* point. ...just when I was ready, and not before. haha, God knows me better - had it been left up to me I may have never been "ready."

My life has changed so much so quickly over the last 2 years I'm still trying to figure out where I am at. HANG ON! What just happened!? Can we rewind that and replay it? I didn't catch all that! Maybe God will give me a bit of a breather before things go haywire again, do you think? I certaintly hope so. But I know that God is in control and whatever happens he knows I can handle - even if I don't know it.

So, I still don't know how to answer that question. Being a mom is amazing, nothing I could have imagined, not what I wanted yet but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I still don't truely understand what "being a mom" means, I don't think - I think that comes with time, so ask me again in a year or 2 and I might be able to answer that then with some war stories.

The ups aaaaaaand then the downs

Being Type 1 diabetic having good blood sugar control is VERY important to living. When I found out I was pregnant last year my control was terrible. I was just starting to try and get it back under control, but I wanted to do it at my own pace.

I guess God knew me better than that and sent a baby my way. Its amazing what one will do when another life is involved! I whipped my butt into shape right away and got it as under control as quickly as I possibly could. And I did a fantastic job! It was SO wearying and beyond frustrating at times, but my adorable little girl was so worth it.

Now, after having had such great control for so long when my blood sugars are out of control I feel SO terrible. This week pretty much took the cake for me.

After my blood sugars had been trending upwards for a couple days I messed around with my insulin pump so hopefully that'd make it work better. No dice. So I do that twice more and nothing helps - meanwhile my blood sugar is in the 400's and I just feel like crap. Finally I decide my insulin is bad and I go to the pharmacy to get some more. I put that in my insulin pump, then ate pizza for dinner (not the best idea!) after that my blood sugar is a LOVELY 595! ...turns out that part of my pump I've "fixed" three times now is STILL not working, so I did it again - this time it works. aaaaaand its shortly followed by several low blood sugars sending my body into a crazy state of "What the Heck is Going On!?!?"

A song that brings back many highschool memories sums the last few days up well for me: