Tuesday, March 24, 2009

How do you answer that?

Being a new mother I find that I anytime I see someone I haven't seen since Rylee became a tangible being they immediately ask "How do you like being a mom?"

The answer is really more of the courtesy type answer, much like when someone asks "How've you been?" you 9 times out of 10 will say "I've been good, How are you?" just to side step getting into anything "deep" and to keep the conversation moving.

But how do you really answer that? I can't say "no", cause that isn't true - I love Rylee in a way I didn't know there was to love a person. But I also can't say "Yes! It's the most amazing thing ever and its what I've always wanted to be!" as that is also untrue. Honestly I expected to be going to school right now, still living in our old apartment and maybe starting to look for a house for just The Two of Us. I did not expect to be thinking of children for another 2-4 years. I especially didn't expect to find myself thinking about diapers, clothes, 2-4-6 month shots, how I'll be schooling her.... etc.

The entire time I was pregnant no matter how much research I did, no matter how much I talked about it I could not get my mind around the fact that the growth going on coming out of my midsection would actually yield a BABY! Now I hold my precious little girl in front of the mirror and think "How is this MINE!? How could God allow me to have something SO precious!?" I still don't know. But am honored that He deems me worthy of mothering this child.

It's a huge resposibility. One I did not expect to have for years to come. I did want to be a mom at *some* point. ...just when I was ready, and not before. haha, God knows me better - had it been left up to me I may have never been "ready."

My life has changed so much so quickly over the last 2 years I'm still trying to figure out where I am at. HANG ON! What just happened!? Can we rewind that and replay it? I didn't catch all that! Maybe God will give me a bit of a breather before things go haywire again, do you think? I certaintly hope so. But I know that God is in control and whatever happens he knows I can handle - even if I don't know it.

So, I still don't know how to answer that question. Being a mom is amazing, nothing I could have imagined, not what I wanted yet but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I still don't truely understand what "being a mom" means, I don't think - I think that comes with time, so ask me again in a year or 2 and I might be able to answer that then with some war stories.


Post a Comment