Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A Day.

Today is my Daddy's birthday. It was a pretty great day. I took my Dad and Grandma out to coffee at Black Tie after surprising my Husband with lunch while he was at work.

We, along with everyone else, are really strapped for cash this year, so it broke my heart to not be able to expend any more money than for Dinner Rolls, a Twix candy bar and the gas for Coffee.

We've spent less money on him than every other family member so far this year. That bothers me because we like to keep things even. I know it does not at all bother my Dad. He would prefer that we didn't spend any money on him at all. I don't like that, it's a blessing for me to give him whatever he won't buy for himself. He got his wish this year, but only out of a necessity for us.

My parents also sprung for us to go see a movie at our local cheap theater with them tonight too. It was the first movie we've seen since Rylee was only a few weeks old. It was quite interesting, to say the least, having her there tonight. She was pretty good overall for not being able to get down and play. I let her play behind me in my chair and she enjoyed that for awhile. I got up and walked up and down the entrance ramp thingy. I sat back down and we shared some popcorn with her. She played in my chair a little more. She got grumpy so I, once again, walked up and down and up and down with her. Repeat that chain of events through the whole movie and you have the night until she fell asleep at long last.

We saw Julie and Julia. It was a lot longer than I expected. It's possible that I only think that because movies can't get over fast enough with a 11 month old. Cute movie, very Chick Flicky. Thereby making that 2 in a week up from probably 2 in the last 5 months. Ha! Kenny and I don't do chick flicks. We watch Star Trek, X-Files, Stargate and Family Guy. We watch Scrubs, Becker, NCIS, Batman, Ironman, Armageddon and any other action/comedy/fiction thing. Just not chick flicks.

Oh, oops. Make that 3 in 1 week. I actually elected to watch 10 things I Hate About You on my own, it wasn't rented at a birthday party or paid for for us. I love Heath Ledger, that's my only and very weak excuse for that one.

My Husband is being grumpy and weird tonight too. I don't like it and it bothers me a lot. I don't know why it is that my emotions get so tied up in his - they do, though. If he is in this upset grumpy mood and can't/won't tell me - I get mad. He doesn't really know it, but I'm mad, and end up displaying that in a passive aggressive form. Not good at all. I want to spout off all these mean things to him - but I know it will not build him up, only tear him down. I don't want to tear him down, that is the opposite of what I really want. It's hard to see past what I want in the middle of the emotion. I force myself to take a step back and see the broad scope of the situation. Only then can I calm down.

I wish I was better at expressing myself to real people. Ha. I'm good at it with my Husband. He is great and I have no problem being hyper or upset in front of him (though I am still dysfunctional and try not to cry). I have no problem telling him how I really feel about something. I have no problem speaking with emotion - whether good or bad - with him, or my family. Anyone else, though.... ....I'm sure they think I'm the most even keeled person they have ever met. Totally not true. I'm still growing and learning. Maybe one day I will be better at expressing more than my strong opinions. Maybe it's better that I am not?


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