A Day.

Today is my Daddy's birthday. It was a pretty great day. I took my Dad and Grandma out to coffee at Black Tie after surprising my Husband with lunch while he was at work.

We, along with everyone else, are really strapped for cash this year, so it broke my heart to not be able to expend any more money than for Dinner Rolls, a Twix candy bar and the gas for Coffee.

We've spent less money on him than every other family member so far this year. That bothers me because we like to keep things even. I know it does not at all bother my Dad. He would prefer that we didn't spend any money on him at all. I don't like that, it's a blessing for me to give him whatever he won't buy for himself. He got his wish this year, but only out of a necessity for us.

My parents also sprung for us to go see a movie at our local cheap theater with them tonight too. It was the first movie we've seen since Rylee was only a few weeks old. It was quite interesting, to say the least, having her there tonight. She was pretty good overall for not being able to get down and play. I let her play behind me in my chair and she enjoyed that for awhile. I got up and walked up and down the entrance ramp thingy. I sat back down and we shared some popcorn with her. She played in my chair a little more. She got grumpy so I, once again, walked up and down and up and down with her. Repeat that chain of events through the whole movie and you have the night until she fell asleep at long last.

We saw Julie and Julia. It was a lot longer than I expected. It's possible that I only think that because movies can't get over fast enough with a 11 month old. Cute movie, very Chick Flicky. Thereby making that 2 in a week up from probably 2 in the last 5 months. Ha! Kenny and I don't do chick flicks. We watch Star Trek, X-Files, Stargate and Family Guy. We watch Scrubs, Becker, NCIS, Batman, Ironman, Armageddon and any other action/comedy/fiction thing. Just not chick flicks.

Oh, oops. Make that 3 in 1 week. I actually elected to watch 10 things I Hate About You on my own, it wasn't rented at a birthday party or paid for for us. I love Heath Ledger, that's my only and very weak excuse for that one.

My Husband is being grumpy and weird tonight too. I don't like it and it bothers me a lot. I don't know why it is that my emotions get so tied up in his - they do, though. If he is in this upset grumpy mood and can't/won't tell me - I get mad. He doesn't really know it, but I'm mad, and end up displaying that in a passive aggressive form. Not good at all. I want to spout off all these mean things to him - but I know it will not build him up, only tear him down. I don't want to tear him down, that is the opposite of what I really want. It's hard to see past what I want in the middle of the emotion. I force myself to take a step back and see the broad scope of the situation. Only then can I calm down.

I wish I was better at expressing myself to real people. Ha. I'm good at it with my Husband. He is great and I have no problem being hyper or upset in front of him (though I am still dysfunctional and try not to cry). I have no problem telling him how I really feel about something. I have no problem speaking with emotion - whether good or bad - with him, or my family. Anyone else, though.... ....I'm sure they think I'm the most even keeled person they have ever met. Totally not true. I'm still growing and learning. Maybe one day I will be better at expressing more than my strong opinions. Maybe it's better that I am not?

So

We're seriously considering buying a house. We're going to see it tomorrow to see if that "seals the deal" for us continuing through with getting a loan and putting an offer in on it.

Many prayers would be very very wonderful. I feel overwhelmed by this, and excited too. We just want to know if it's really the Lord leading us and what we should be doing.

Thanks! Hopefully I'll know more tomorrow night about what we're going to do!

I was RIGHT!!!

So, I have had an AWFUL time with the insurance company lately.

In SEPTEMBER I tried to order my prescriptions for the first time since switching insurances. When I was checking my prescription account at Caremark I realized that they were trying to ship all the prescriptions to me at once (which is a HUGE bill!). They didn't call me to ask what ones I wanted filled or to even let me know they were being shipped.

I just asked for my prescriptions to be transferred to the pharmacy, that was it.

Anyway, I was looking at the prescriptions they were trying to ship me and realized they were trying to ship me the wrong Infusion Sets.

Fast forward 3 weeks later I have been trying to call and figure out how to get the RIGHT ones for the last 3 weeks. I had been told that the Prescription Plan did NOT cover the infusion sets but the Insurance Plan did under Durable Medical Equipment - and back and forth I went with Representative to Representative. Being told one thing then a contradicting one.

I finally called Animas up and they were SO very helpful. Told me that they were in fact covered under DME (Durable Medical Equipment). Silly me didn't ask them to check on the prescription plan. I called BACK to Caremark (the Prescription Plan) and asked them WHY they had been in the process of shipping me Infusion Sets when they were not covered.

Evidently that was the right question AND I finally got a hold of the right person. I did make sure this time to explain everything very slowly, articulately and phrased in a very specific way so no mistake in what I was saying could be made. He told me that the proper Infusion Sets were actually covered! He apologized over and over for his Colleagues and their lack of knowledge about their profession. It was nice finally getting a competent person to talk to!

So, I was right. I knew they would be covered being as I was going to get Infusion Sets in the first place, although they were the wrong ones, there should have been no reason to deny Infusions sets made by the exact same company - just a different type!

I wish people would actually care about their jobs enough to learn about the things they are supposed to help people with! Especially in the medical world!

I'm beyond thrilled now, I would have had to meet a Deductible for the DME supplies - which would have hurt pretty bad.

Next step: Getting the right Prescription Written from my Doctor that wrote it wrong in the first place!!!

Off a Cog

Some days every once in awhile I just feel like we're off a cog from everything around us.

Kenny and I were moaning and groaning tonight about how we don't have many friends these days. We really did create this problem ourselves. We are so antisocial. I didn't use to be, not one little bit. I wanted to go out somewhere anywhere if I ever had a chance. Kenny has never really been much of a social person, and I was happy to just spend all my time with him - and he with me.

It's been great. Most of our friends have since moved away, also gotten married, joined some branch of the military (moved away), or just plain have a new life with "new people." Leave it to us to create a problem that is difficult to fix, being as it takes years to build those kinds of relationships.

It's really rather ironic. We're both pretty geeky. We both love online "community" things. Kenny loves to play games with people (real friends, not some random person from Switzerland). I like to be fairly involved in "support group" and other such kinds of places. I like to read and research and "better myself" reading medical journals and all sorts of other things.

The funny thing is that even those places have been seriously lacking. All Kenny's friends have decided to do other things, or just don't even play with him for whatever reasons (Does this sound like the life of a 9 year old yet!?). And Me, well... I just plain need human interaction. I'm bad at that, though. Rylee needs it too. She needs a little buddy or two to play with as well.

We're all seriously lacking in the real world these days and have created our own problem and we're both a little frustrated with it.

Also, we have no idea what we'll be doing for Thanksgiving this year. I feel really weird about that being as how I'm usually on top of that at least a month in advance. No one has approaches us about it either, leaving it totally open-ended. We're thinking of "eloping" and completely ditching family this year and going... ....somewhere!

We'll see what happens. Just my (our) stupid sentiments of the day!

She's moving out already!

Yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed and down. That usually means I need something to do and I need to let off some steam.

While I was venting to Kenny and Giving Rylee a bath (multi-tasking even while Venting!) she was grabbing for a toy when she took a head dive right into the water. Usually she's great about getting back up when that happens - this time she flailed around quite a bit. I picked her soaking wet body up and held her close.

Poor baby was really upset about that water dunk. While Kenny and I were comforting her we were kinda laughing too. The bad parents we are found the dunk a bit humorous. That disarmed me enough that the rest of my night was pretty good.

Today I decided that I would officially give Rylee her own room. The one that I had intended on her having before she was born. The one that fell apart when she needed to be in the same room with us, in the same bed as us. The one that became a dump area. The one that got cleaned up and was going to be my office.

Yes, She has her own room now! I'm so happy! It's not completely done. There are still things I need to do to it. She also needs a dresser. So, tonight, on the eve of her 11 month birthday, she'll be spending the night in her OWN ROOM! When did my baby get big enough to move out of mine? heehee.

So, a full supply of No-Bake Cookies to fend off the low blood sugars, which made their appearance once - go figure with all the furniture moving! I completely switched out the rooms. Kenny's and My bedroom is now a partial "office" area/sleeping area and Rylee has her room. I hope to soon make it everything I had wanted it to be when she was born almost a year ago.

She's getting so big. She's even helping me vacuum!

I also have a spot for a Christmas tree in my living room now too. I'll soon be setting up all my Christmas stuff. I LOVE Christmas-y things and I like to get them up early and leave them up long after Christmas. Yes, I love this time of year!

World Diabetes Day, 2009

Yep, Today is the day. I've gotta admit I feel really silly being all "gung-ho" about it this year. I also feel silly that I didn't know about it before. I've been very active in the diabetic online community since I was diagnosed nearly 8 years ago. Searching, reading blogs, researching everything I could find. Finding everything I could about the latest and greatest treatments... all that jazz. Yet, I never knew about this. Ha! Oh well, I'm a little late to the game.

Notice anything a little strange about this picture?

Maybe it's that it's unopened? Maybe that it looks like it was squeezed after being emptied? Or maybe both?

Yep, I pulled that can straight out of the box that way today! At first I was concerned that it had a hole in it and was leaking all over my refrigerator, which wouldn't be the first time that had happened. I then realized that I would have seen it several days ago. Upon further inspection there are absolutely no holes in it. Lost it carbonation in shipping, or never had it in the first place.

Some days I feel like that. Like I never had any carbonation, or energy, in the first place. Waking up with a high blood sugar will do that to me, or sleeping wrong or... whatever. I think we all feel that way sometimes.

My husband told me to get a refund on the box by taking that can back to the store. I don't like to do that kind of thing so I told him to do it himself if he cared enough about it.

Too bad we can't get a new start on the day "refilled" or "refueled" so to speak. Take our dead pancreas's back, or faulty lungs that cause asthma, arthritic joints for new ones - ya know, just exchange what came to us screwed up!

There are always, it probably will never end, people who are campaigning for cures for something. Be it Cancer in its many different forms, Parkinson's, or Diabetes- Type 1, 2, or Gestational. Today (because it isn't midnight yet my time!) I'd like there to be a cure for diabetes. It has certainly shaped me into who I am today, but I'd like to see no one else wind up with it, especially the little boy I ran into at pizza hut a month ago. He saw my pump and was all excited because he had the same one. He couldn't have been more than 4 years old.

That is what I'd like to see stopped.

Diabetes Ignorance

You know when your in a conversation with anyone - grocery store cashier, a new acquaintance, an old friend you haven't seen in years, the nice lady in the drug isle at Target... and then they ask you a question? Usually why you are buying ibuprofen, or related to what you are looking at right then.

I have found that while being diabetic there have been numerous conversations surrounding
diabetes while in public. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of ignorance out there.

While looking at the different kinds of blood sugar meters at Wal-mart yesterday, just to see what's new and see what new kinds of sugar free foods they are carrying now, a 30-something looking woman (who was waiting for her prescriptions?) scoffs at me and asks why I would be looking at sugar free foods, I obviously don't need them! I politely explain to her that I do in fact need them from time to time as I am Type 1 Diabetic. She then goes on to explain to me that her mom is Diabetic and she doesn't ever need any of that stuff. She just eats what she wants and takes her pills in the morning and checks her blood in the morning too, that's all I need to do, evidently.

Also, at that very same store in the soda section, I was buying a 24 pack of some very tasty Diet Pepsi (I have a love affair with the crap), and another woman (what's with women being allowed to make comments to whoever they choose!?) then tells me I shouldn't be on a diet and drink that stuff. So, once again I very courteously inform her that I am Type 1 Diabetic and do need to drink the Diet Crap or I'll end up with very high blood sugars and the nastiest sugar headache that feels a lot like a hangover. She rolls her eyes and tells me I have diabetes because I drink Diet Soda.

A dear friend of mine who recently passed away was also convinced he could cure me. He was very into miracle cures and diet potions. I tried to tell him that, no, my pancreas wouldn't "jump start" and make insulin again. I tried to let him know that my own body attacked my pancreas and it was dead - it cannot be "revived". No, he stuck to his guns.

My husband came back from work a month or two ago with a piece of paper with a ladies name and a list of medicine and dosages. I asked what those were about, he laughed and said "Those are for you!" upon inquiring more he told me that the Lady whose house he installed a security system for told him she could cure my diabetes if I took the concoction for a year. ...I threw it away after being mildly irritated and then laughing about it.

Oh, there are many many more like that. "You don't look diabetic" "Did you eat too much sugar when you were little?" "Why do you wear a pager? You're too young for one of those." Here's my favorite recent one: "Wait, you're diabetic!? Did you adopt that little angel?" "No, She's my husbands and my own." "WHY would you chose to have a baby when you're diabetic?!"
Oh, Yes, I'm very serious about that one.

So, Tomorrow is World Diabetes Day 2009, Here's to helping people be a little less ignorant!

Taking the Higher Road

I try to do that as part of my daily life. It's difficult in marriage from time to time, though... okay, a little more often than that.

When something goes wrong in our house it's almost always my "fault". Why? Because I do most of the things in our house. Kenny works for us, and I appreciate that more than I have been able to appropriately express. So, I try to do my part - staying home with our daughter, keeping the house clean, doing the grocery shopping, buying him pizza or video games. heehee.

When we're out of something - it's my "fault" (forget him actually remembering to tell me when he's low on shampoo, although I've been trying for a couple years now). When the house is trashed (which I hate, it stresses me out) it's my "fault", thereby stressing me out more. When dinner isn't ready it's my "fault". Or, when we're out of money - it's my "fault".

Most of the time I just shrug it off. I would be one grumpy individual if I didn't. Most of the time it doesn't bother me at all. Key phrase being Most of the time.

Sometimes I want to scream at him, or someone. Sometimes I want to tell him exactly what I do all the time while he is at work and sometimes I want to tell him exactly what he doesn't do or help out with EVER because I wouldn't ask him to ever. Sometimes I want to tell him that he is ungrateful and would never put up with the stuff I put up with. Sometimes.

It's pretty darn rare that I feel that way. Hardly ever. Sometimes, though, it really gets me and I get mad.

Today I realized we spent a LOT of money since he got his paycheck **2** days ago. I couldn't believe it. I have been dang good with money lately and was a bit upset to see that. I realize that a good portion of it went to bills, of course, no big deal. The rest of it on Groceries, novelties and eating out. I was irritated with myself for not keeping better tabs on our outflow the last 2 days, but I got over it.

Kenny just realized this and got upset. I can't help but think this time that it isn't my fault and I will not be solely responsible this time.

Tonight he talks to me about it as though it is my fault. Sometimes I'm okay with taking the responsiblity, but not this time. I have been dang good and conscious of money these days and while I did let this slip a little it is certainly not my fault.

Tonight I am struggling with taking the higher road. Tonight while Kenny is struggling to get to sleep I don't want to be nice. Tonight I want to lay on the guilt trip and let him know it's all his fault. ...in the end that isn't what I want. He'll take back some stuff and feel depressed and be impossible to live with for the next week and I'll feel like crap too.

Tonight I do not want to take the higher road. Tonight I want to be a jerk. Tonight I realize I love my husband too much to do that to him. Tonight I'll snuggle and love him and pray that he'll be okay for the next week.

Development

Rylee is learning to challenge me. She deliberately does something as soon as I walk away she was just disciplined for. She looks at me and then does something she knows not to - then stops and tries to crawl/walk away when I start coming toward her.

She is throwing things all the time. It's usually quite funny - which is becoming a problem - because I have to fight my urge to laugh and think its cute and discipline her for it. I didn't mind continually picking things up that she'd throw down while I was shopping - but now she's doing it to see how many times I'll keep picking it up for her.

She's also pulling my hair and hitting! Again, it used to be cute (okay, it still is) but she's now doing it to be mean.

:::::SIGH:::::

Why? Just shy of 11 months my sweet little girl is start

ing these things so young. I'm sad. I hate disciplining her. I hate breaking her poor little heart when I sit her down and sternly tell her "no no!" and she looks at me like I just beat her - then cries as though I had.

It is sometimes hard to discern when she is hitting to be mean. She smacks things in excitement too. So I have to figure out if its a fit or if its excitement. I'm trying to be on top of this. If I let things slide that I shouldn't it screws up the values I'm trying to instill in her, and I have to start over again.

I have to turn my head or leave the room and laugh when she throws an all out conniption fit on the floor.

Her newest thing, when throwing a fit (because I just took the cleaning stuff that she managed to get out of the locked cabinet(!?) away) she slams her arms down on the floor - then on all fours charges across the room, head down, like a bull - slamming her ligaments all the way. - It's hilarious.

Another thing in her recent development:

Yeah, she's great, despite her need to test me.

My poor pump :(

The warranty on my Beloved Insulin pump is up this November. It's hard to believe that it's been 4 years since I got hooked up to the very thing that I swore I wouldn't ever wear.

I've had my ups and downs with it for sure. Times where I went back to MDI (Multiple Daily Injections) then back to the pump, then back to MDI.... Fact of the matter is, though, I have much better control with my Insulin Pump.

In the beginning of April 2008 I decided to go back on my pump after almost a year off it. Little did I know that at the end of that month I would find out I was expecting our little Rylee. Talk about great timing. I was able to get my awful A1c down in the 8's, then 7's then 6's for the rest of my pregnancy. Ending with the most fantastic number I have ever seen at a lovely 5.4.

My pump and I are buddies. Sleeping together, eating together, swimming together, having a baby together. The only time we are apart are the few minutes I get in the shower every day, even then it's only a couple feet. I have gone through many a pump. I'm not sure how many times I have had to have it replaced. I am not ginger with my little buddy. He understands, though, he's apart of my rough and tumble life. Which has, incidentally, gotten more rough and tumble with our munchkin around always keeping me on my toes.

I am a little distraught about the warranty going out. S

ee, when I first got it 4 years ago, it was completely paid for on the insurance plan. Since then I got married and life has changed drastically - so has our insurance - which now says we have to pay 20% of the cost after meeting our deductible. It's a little stressful to be certain. I could meet the deductible fairly easily with my prescriptions, but then there is the 20%.

I know, there are usually payment plans. Kenny and I are desperately trying to get out of debt, though and REALLY don't want to add something else. We just got rid of something, and would really not like to put one back on.

Also, I recently decided that I would really really like to get the Dexcom CGMS. Another 20% copay for that, though. Unless Animas comes out with the integrated CGMS by the time I get enough money fund raised to get my new pump. That would be fantastically unbelievable. For now, though, it looks like we'll be trying to cover the copay with our tax return and try and pay more of a debt off and help pay things for Kenny's schooling.

:::SIGH::: Decisions, Decisions! Can I just have my warranty for a little while longer? Please? I'm a little unnerved about going for a few months without one. I'm excited for a new pump, though. I'm geeky and love new gadgets! Here's to a new life-saving gadget hopefully sooner rather than later!

In other news:

My daughter is totally cute and I really like her now favorite toy:

Hypocritical

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite.

Like right now. I talk quite often about being healthy, eating healthy, being a "good" diabetic, good blood sugars, exercising properly.........

Fact is, though, I am SO not the epitome of health.

A couple months after Rylee was born I stopped really trying to take care of myself. Things were just getting more and more busy, Rylee was a very sweet and easy infant but a needy one. So, I haven't cared much about caring.

I feel hypocritical

I've put off seeing my Endocrinologist since before my daughter was born last year. I'm certain my A1c is atrocious. I've just cared less and less, until now.

And I feel hypocritical

Why now? Oh, many reasons. Realizing I feel like crap a lot these days (but do my very best not to show it), I'd really rather not. Rylee's 1st birthday is coming up VERY soon and I want to be able to enjoy every one of her birthdays for a good long long time. It also happens to be Diabetes Awareness month, I mentioned that yesterday, and I feel it's an appropriate time to really get my butt back in gear.

I'd like to get my A1c Back in the 6-7's again. I had never been below a 7.8 before pregnancy, but man, it felt awesome to be in the 6-7%'s. I'm sure I'm in the high 10's at least.

I feel hypocritical.

While I have mostly conquered the evil world that is eating disorders, it is not completely gone, nor will it ever be, I think. Some of that does hold me back still at times. If only I had realized what I had before being pregnant. Ha! It is better this way, though. I can see that.

I have wanted for a long time to have some sort of podium to shout from. Some way to communicate with others, specifically young girls/women who struggle with diabetes, eating disorders or both. I don't have a degree. I don't have any reason for anyone to listen to me ever, I am hypocritical. Maybe, though, someday I will be able to have a podium. Maybe this is it, or this is what God has planned for me, or he has completely different ones. Only time will tell.

In the mean time, I will move forward and do my best to stop being the hypocrite that I hate so much. I will strive to be the best I can for my Husband, for my Daughter. I will get my blood sugar in my control and no longer let it continue to control me.

Here's to bringing awareness by becoming aware myself.

D-Blog Day 2009

So, November is Diabetes awareness month. Also 4 years ago a bunch of people decided that November 9th would be D-Blog day - and that's today! heehee.

I can't believe it's been nearly 8 years since I was diagnosed. I can remember it like yesterday, but being as it's a daily managed disease it's also hard to remember life without it.

The few weeks leading up to diagnosis were really quite awful. Couldn't get enough to drink at all, everything I drank comes right back out 20 minutes later. I had no energy but to lay on the couch all day. I didn't even want to play video games with my little brother, something that I used to really enjoy. I dropped over 20 pounds in 2 weeks.

Figuring it had gone on too long to be the flu my wonderful mother took me to the doctor where we waited awhile in urgent care to find anything out. Finally the doctor came back in and said I had a blood sugar of 346 (or somewhere around there) and to take me to the hospital. They would be waiting for us. We stopped off at home, grabbed a few things then to the hospital I went.

Upon arrival my blood sugar was over 400 and they had a hard time getting an IV in I was so dehydrated. I don't remember much else from that night. There was this awesome teddy bear named Rufus that I slept with that night. It has patches on it that are supposed to simulate where you give your insulin shots.


Shortly after all that I started struggling very very badly with Diabulimia. It has only recently been recognized as an eating disorder among the medical/professional community. It is a very serious condition, though. One that landed me in the hospital numerous times, one where I passed out shortly after arriving there and they were trying to force potassium down my throat and I just threw up instead. Woke up a couple days later attached to heart monitors, IV's in both arms and generally in a very awful state of being.

It is still a struggle to deal with, but nothing like it used to be. Now I like to be healthy, or at least try. I get frustrated when I spend day like yesterday in the 400's and not coming down (when I wouldn't have cared one little bit a couple years ago). I took 40 units of insulin just to bring that number down - I didn't eat till near the end of the day when I just wanted food! Of course I didn't make the healthiest of choices - Pizza and a Homemade Cinnamon Roll - keeping me in that 400 blood sugar range the rest of the night.

It's been a crazy 8 years. Being Diabetic has helped shape me into who I am. It is wearying, frustrating and downright depressing at times - but I will not let what is forever part of my life get me down for long. I love to live and not be restrained by Diabetes - as people told me I would be. I love having had a successful diabetic pregnancy, an adorable daughter, wonderful husband, a fantastic family and life.

Happy D-Blog day, Everyone!

Fort Hood

Can we all just take a moment and pray for the soldiers and their families in Fort Hood, Texas!?

I'm having a hard time grasping the reality that our own Soldiers would open fire on their Own. I almost expect if from non military, those lobbying against the military - as an act of open defiance. HOWEVER, I never expected it from people who are IN the military. On their own base. People they have trained and worked with.

I expect this kind of thing, because not much surprises me anymore (although anything like this breaks my heart/pisses me off) but I don't expect it to come in this way.

My heart is so broken for the families of the 12 who have died today. I am praying for those who are wounded and receiving medical care.

Please pray for these Men and Women and their families. Please pray for guidance for the Army, the FBI and everyone else Investigating. Pray for the medical personnel as they treat those injured.

Tired

Excuse me while I go on a quick little medical rant....

I am thankful, I really am, that I "only" have Diabetes. I am thankful that it isn't something worse. I am thankful that it isn't more expensive. I'm REALLY thankful I have insurance.

But, Dang! It IS expensive!

I hate choosing between clothes for Rylee or Myself and Insulin or Pump Sites. I hate that Kenny gets to spend his play money on games and the like - and I have to sometimes choose to spend my play money on my drugs simply because it just has to work out that way.

I appreciate that he works and provides for us and that I can get these things to keep me alive. I don't want Kenny to feel like he is punished for my stupid disease by not being able to have a few things that keep him happy. The last thing I want is for him to resent me being diabetic. I know he won't, I just don't want to even have it be an issue.

I hate that when I DO order my supplies the incompetent pharmacist can't realize that I NEED these drugs to stay alive and so does not ship them out that day AND does not call when they have a shipping/billing issue!

I hate that my pump is going to be out of warranty in a couple weeks and we don't have the money to pay 20% of the copay for a new one!

I hate that wanting to stay in better control to live a better life (and in turn save us and hospitals and insurance companies lots of money!) insurance companies don't want to pay a little out of their pockets now to ensure they won't have to pay out their butts later!

Sometimes I don't want to think about any of this so don't take care of myself too much. If I'm not paying attention to me I'm costing us less money right now. ...but it's not good for anyone.
I'm not getting any younger, my body will not continue to be as resilient as it has been in the past.

I was in the best health while I was pregnant - because my baby's life and health was on the line. If only I could keep up the endless fight against my own body. Dang it, though, I'm tired of it!

I've got major dental issues these days - which in turn cause blood sugar issues which then cause those dental issues to not get any better which can then cause my immune system to not work properly leaving me more vulnerable to colds and whatever else may be floating around this time of year.

I'm just tired of fighting against myself. Fighting against the idiots that get into health care because it's a good money maker but don't really know what their doing. Fighting against insurance companies. I'm tired.