Tired

Excuse me while I go on a quick little medical rant....

I am thankful, I really am, that I "only" have Diabetes. I am thankful that it isn't something worse. I am thankful that it isn't more expensive. I'm REALLY thankful I have insurance.

But, Dang! It IS expensive!

I hate choosing between clothes for Rylee or Myself and Insulin or Pump Sites. I hate that Kenny gets to spend his play money on games and the like - and I have to sometimes choose to spend my play money on my drugs simply because it just has to work out that way.

I appreciate that he works and provides for us and that I can get these things to keep me alive. I don't want Kenny to feel like he is punished for my stupid disease by not being able to have a few things that keep him happy. The last thing I want is for him to resent me being diabetic. I know he won't, I just don't want to even have it be an issue.

I hate that when I DO order my supplies the incompetent pharmacist can't realize that I NEED these drugs to stay alive and so does not ship them out that day AND does not call when they have a shipping/billing issue!

I hate that my pump is going to be out of warranty in a couple weeks and we don't have the money to pay 20% of the copay for a new one!

I hate that wanting to stay in better control to live a better life (and in turn save us and hospitals and insurance companies lots of money!) insurance companies don't want to pay a little out of their pockets now to ensure they won't have to pay out their butts later!

Sometimes I don't want to think about any of this so don't take care of myself too much. If I'm not paying attention to me I'm costing us less money right now. ...but it's not good for anyone.
I'm not getting any younger, my body will not continue to be as resilient as it has been in the past.

I was in the best health while I was pregnant - because my baby's life and health was on the line. If only I could keep up the endless fight against my own body. Dang it, though, I'm tired of it!

I've got major dental issues these days - which in turn cause blood sugar issues which then cause those dental issues to not get any better which can then cause my immune system to not work properly leaving me more vulnerable to colds and whatever else may be floating around this time of year.

I'm just tired of fighting against myself. Fighting against the idiots that get into health care because it's a good money maker but don't really know what their doing. Fighting against insurance companies. I'm tired.