Humility

Tuesday I purchased a much coveted (cheap press-board) bookshelf to store some more of my crap on. To help me feel like our stuff is more organized. Cutter makes me go batty, it has to stop somewhere sometime.

Kenny had gotten home from work bright and early that day too. So, while the baby was napping my husband played some video games while I put together my brand new black bookshelf (I have a thing with my wood furniture matching).

Feeling very proud, I sat and took an inventory of all the different pieces of furniture we'd gotten that I had put together myself, or moved myself, got in the car -> out of the car -> and inside myself. I thought "I should ask Kenny if it makes him proud that his wife is such a handy person!"

Lo and Behold when I got it all together and stood it up - I had put those cheap cardboard pieces that go along the back on backward! Instead of a nice beautiful black inside to match the rest of my black shelf it was gray cardboard. In my loud exclamation Kenny looked up from his game, saw the problem, and laughed. With good reason!

I laid it back down on the floor and tried to take those mean little nails out of the cardboard without ruining it - a much harder feat than it looked. I tried and tried before asking for help because, you know, I'm prideful like that.  Finally I asked Kenny to help me (after he'd offered several times) he got the nails out without causing much damage.

Able now to start over on that last little detail I did it right. Stood it up and was happy with it. I decided I wouldn't ask Kenny if it makes him proud that his wife is so handy. He'd probably just laugh at me. Besides, it turns out I wasn't as handy as I thought I was!

An amusing dose of humility to my week. Thank you bookshelf, for getting the better of me.

Real Life

Real Life is what I enjoy blogging about. The wonderful thing about blogs is that Real Life is different for every person, for every family.

The Real Life of our family is our own story. One that surrounds Life with A rapidly changing and growing 16 month old, A husband that is on his way back to school this fall, and Life with Diabetes.

I don't write type about my daily struggles for sympathy, attention, recognition or any such thing . I write type about my daily struggles with diabetes - the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the funny and the frustrating - because it's Real Life for us, for my family, for me.

There are also other aspects I enjoy blogging about, breaking up the posts about the medical life, such as my adorable daughter and wonderful husband. The joys and frustrations of motherhood. How much I love my husband, or he loves me.

Without a functioning Pancreas the Low and High Blood Sugars happen when I try and think for my Pancreas. However, I don't know everything my body is going to do to me or why something may or may not happen - so I wind up with blood sugar swings. They can be frustrating so I write about them.

There are days (today) when I go from 286 to 54 to 48 in the matter of 45 minutes while I'm in the middle of my weekly grocery trip. Those times might require me to rip open a bag of candy and eat it while I'm walking up to the register to pay. At which point there might be a dozen people people glaring at me for doing such a thing.

There are also days where every thing that comes out of my mouth is "No Rylee" "Rylee, please don't do that." "Rylee, we don't feed the puppy sweettarts, please stop" "Rylee, don't climb on..."

Of course there are those days that are just blissfully fun, like Saturday when I got the opportunity to spend a couple hours taking my Sister-In-Laws engagement pictures.

These are all just part of our Real Life. Nothing is picture perfect, and I like that. It keeps things Real. It makes us all the individuals we are. It makes us all have our different opinions and different views of the world.

Although I like to keep things Real, Doom and Gloom isn't my style either. I prefer to see things as they are but as a glass half full in most scenarios. I love the life that God has given me and I appreciate all that it is and all that I have.

That is why I like to blog about life, what our Real Life is for our Individual Family.

Only the Child of a Diabetic!

Last night I had a nasty low blood sugar. The kind that make you want to eat everything you can get your hands on. Weak, sweaty, hungry just needing food.

It took me several tries to get my blood sugar because I was so spacey from the low. After the number finally clocked in at 48mg/dl I made my way upstairs to shovel food in.

Afterward I climbed back into bed and forgot to put my meter away. This morning as I was trying to clean up other things and only realized I left my meter down where Rylee could get it after seeing this:

Only the child of a diabetic! My 16 month old already understands how to work my meter! Ha! She'll be great at babying her mommy when she needs it. It's bittersweet that she should even 'need' to know those things. It's the hand of cards I've been dealt, though! So, we make the best of it and find amusement in the little things!

Remember When

You remember those times a child when you're so sick you just wanna lay around and do nothing all day. Then video games became the thing to do - so you might lay on the couch and play a video game while you're sick (But then your mom says if you're well enough to play a video game you can do your homework?).

Your mom finally decides your sick enough to actually go to the doctor (she's a veteran to child illnesses by now and doesn't jump at the first sneeze or cough anymore), they steal some blood and maybe a gagging throat swab. Then send you on your way and say you'll (your mom) will hear back in a couple days.

I never really cared.  I still don't really care. I don't have a good reason for not caring, I just didn't, nothing really meant anything to me other than I might have an infection for which I might need antibiotics - not a huge deal. I was begging for the swallowable pills when I was 8 because I hated the taste of normal childrens medicine.

Rylee and I went to the clinic yesterday and got 8 vials of my blood sucked out of me (those darn vampires!). Rylee thought for sure it was going to be her - she whimpered pathetically in my arm as she watched the needle go into mine.

I've gotta admit, it's been so long since I've had labs drawn that weren't pregnancy related that I am anxious to know the results.

The last time I had real labs drawn I was still living at home, still dealing with eating disorder stuff - I REALLY didn't care at that point in my life.

I'm not sure if my doctor will call me with the results either. I don't recall ever getting a call before for previous lab draws and just finding out at my next appointment. So, I'm also not sure when is an appropriate amount of time to wait before pestering. I'm thinking maybe tomorrow at the earliest, but probably a week before I give them a call.

It's not that I want "another diagnosis" but I'm really hoping that the tests come back positive for celiac. I'm not sure what else the 'problem' would be, it seems that celiac would be the easiest to deal with/diagnose. I really want to know what's wrong with me and since that's the only real test we've done to see, I don't want to have to wait months before finding out what the heck is up with my stomach problems. They really are miserable. I've taken them as something normal for the last year and almost a half. Realizing recently that it's not normal, and I think they've gotten worse, it's really bugging me (and becoming a bit embarrassing!). I just want to know what's going on. Hopefully the tests will show something at least and my Doctor will be on top of the game and let me know before I call! Ha! Thank you to those who helped encourage me towards actually getting the blood tests.\\

The waiting game - I hate it.  In the meantime I'm going to go play my Nintendo DS and go to bed, then work and hopefully I'll get to spend time with my husband this weekend.

Appointment Day

I did it. I kept my appointment. I made it on time, even though I went to the wrong clinic at first.  You'd think I have a serious phobia of doctors, it's just that I hate paying the co-pay and would much rather bless my hubby with a new video game, or sunglasses because he just lost his the other day.

Sooooo, I had an appointment this morning with my Endocrinologist (abbreviated 'Endo') . 

In all honesty when I first had to switch to her from my previous doctor a couple years back I was far from pleased.

Then through my pregnancy I started to like her a bit better, get along with her a little better. Of course, until the end when I was crazy hormonal and felt like she was just bashing all my hard work (which I can see now that she wasn't).

Finally getting along with my Endo we were able to talk about a lot of things today. Changing my pump rates up by 20%, to see if that will help with the funky blood sugar swings I've been dealing with these days.

I get to go in for fasting labs (the part where I go to vampires and willingly offer my arm so they can take umpteen vials of blood from me) where I'll also get my testing for Celiac.

When I mentioned what's been going with me on my doctor instantly said "Celiac, we'll schedule a blood test right a way" she also thinks that could be a major factor in my crazy blood sugar swings, if it does indeed come back positive. So, we'll see.

She is also sending out an appeals letter to my insurance company so :::hopefully::: they will cover the Infusion Sets I used to use and that never gave me problems like I've been having.

The bad news, which I guess I expected, is that my A1c is up to 9.1% which means my average blood sugar has been 240mg/dl over the last several months.

Of course that's something we're working towards fixing with the results of the upcoming blood tests. So, hopefully in the next couple days I'll be able to know better where to go from here!

Rage

Frustrated just doesn't quite sum it up properly.

My blood sugar has been running high all day. Nothing below a 280. I've been taking extra insulin ALL.DAY.LONG. Doubling the amount of insulin I'd normally to take for food, I was starving so wanted to eat anyways.

My sweet husband took me to my Pilates class tonight, since my car is dead. We stopped off at Arby's for a nice "date" dinner without the kiddo, who my in-laws were watching for us, because they are awesome.

I check my blood sugar after getting home and what do I find from my meter?! "HIGH BLOOD GLUCOSE" Which means it's well over 600mg/dl. This, frankly, pissed me off. I already changed my site once today - only a day after my last site. 3rd Insulin Pump site in a day!

The emotion that describes my feelings that moment: Rage. All I could see was $ signs at the thought of putting in yet another site.

After putting in a new site I continued with the normal routine of loading a new vial (cartridge) of insulin only to find that my Insulin Pump seemed to not be working! "Great. That's just what I need. A broken car to replace and a broken insulin pump." Rage.

I was about ready to break loose with a mountain of tears. I held off until I called the wonderful people at Animas they helped me figure out that my pump isn't broken! Hooray!

Here's the irony, though: The problem is with the pump tubing given to me from CVS Pharmacy - who gave me hell a couple months ago!!!

The privilege has been bestowed upon me of calling them up tomorrow and demanding a new box of sets because I've had to waste so many tonight!

I'm very pleased, blessed that my pump isn't broken. Really ticked at the high blood sugar. I don't feel crappy right now, just thirsty as can be. I know I'll feel just terrible once it starts getting back into normal range. But, again, I'm just thankful my pump isn't broken. I'm not sure I'd have been able to bounce back real well after that breaking too.

Onto a better day tomorrow!

Irritable Highs

Rylee woke up numerous times during the night to the point I finally just got up and slept with her on the couch till Kenny's alarm went didn't go off at 7:23 this morning.

I instantly felt the moody side of me head towards irritation. Shake it off, you're just tired.

We went about our morning. Breakfast, cleanup, Rylee and I had some Bible time, shower, cleanup. Rylee was ready for a nap and I get a little more done. No, I didn't check my blood sugar all morning.

"What the heck?" was the first thing in my mind when this popped up:

It seems that the new pump site I put in yesterday before church didn't last. I figured it wouldn't. It hurt so bad going in and stung for hours later. When the pain subsided and I wound up low last night I thought I'd get at least 2 days out of it. Evidently not.

It seems that there is a lot of caked blood in the cannula that I pulled out this morning. Duh, there is no insulin going in! 

Irritability often strikes me when my blood sugar is on the high side. It also takes me too long to realize when there might be a real problem. I'm trying real hard to improve this area of my life. I prefer to deal with everything and fix everyone else, then sometime later I'll get to me. At times its hard to remember that I need to be healthy to be the best I can be for my family. I know it's for the best, though, and that my Husband would appreciate it. My Husband deserves it, my baby deserves it. SO, I'm going to keep my Endo appointment tomorrow. I'm gonna ask her for the blood tests for Celiac. Aaaaaand I really really don't want to! Oh well. I'll grin and bear it and it'll be a good day! Haha!

Silly Sunny Sunday

I can't remember the last time we've had such an absolutely fantastic Sunday! It was sunny and beautiful. We went to church and then played outside All.Day.Long.

Check out this beehive!

Those darn bee's have a hive in my Mother-in-law's birdfeeder. Evidently they've been there for a couple years. I think it's pretty cool!

Kenny spent the a lot of Saturday evening and Sunday early afternoon playing around with this Go-Kart/Motorcycle contraption that is affectionately called the GoCycle 

It's ghetto and awesome.

It was a darn good day!

Conundrums

A few months ago Rylee brought home a nasty stomach bug she decided to share with me and caused us both to be laid out flat for a week. She, of course, recovered quicker than I did so it was all I could do to keep her entertained and not be running to the bathroom to puke while Kenny was at work.

When I finally decided food would be awesome  the first thing I did was make myself homemade bread. It was YUMMY.

Then I got sick again. This has got to be the stomach bug from hell! I thought.

About a week later once I was feeling a little better again and I wanted nothing to do with bread a foreboding thought entered my mind: Celiac Disease.

I've known about it for years. When I was first diagnosed with Type 1 8 years ago there were very few websites for diabetics - especially for young diabetics. I spent tons of time on www.childrenwithdiabetes.com and there were a lot of things on that site about Celiac. So I learned just because I can and I love to learn anything medical.

I knew that being Type 1 was a risk factor for Celiac as it is also a Auto-Immune disease. As soon as that thought entered my head I then started thinking about all the other things that have been "going on" with me the past year and it all just fell into place.

As research addicts do, research I did. I found not only would I need a blood test to 'confirm' I would also need a biopsy of my small intestine to really know. ...So I've been putting it off. Still putting it off.

I hate co-pays. I know that the insurance companies deserve them, it's not a huge co-pay for the amount of 'costs' they cover. Yet, I hate them, so I avoid going into the doctor all the time.

So, there has been a tiny battle going on in my brain for the last couple months: Self diagnose and cut out gluten just to see, or bite the bullet and go in to the doctor? You have to have a minimum of 6 weeks of gluten in your system for the tests to reflect accurately. ...Self diagnose and cut out gluten just to see, or bite the bullet and go in to the doctor?

This week I've gone a couple days 'gluten free' and I've definitely noticed the difference.

With the recent event of my car blowing up I'm still not entirely sure what I'm going to do. I'd like to just have the diagnosis - because it's a huge lifestyle change and I'd love to not make it if that's not what the problem is. However that is a lot of money in co-pays that we won't have because of having to buy a new car.

I'm still debating this conundrum in my head even now. Maybe I'll have an answer in a few days! ...or maybe not...

My Baby Girl

My Baby Girl

Loves diving for her pacifier

Longs to play outside

Placates Mommy's need to take pictures every waking moment

She loves playing with my ipod

She is beautiful

I hope and pray I will be able to raise her so she knows that she is beautiful and no one will be able to convince her otherwise. 

She is my Sunshine

Living to our potential

Wouldn't it figure that just as soon as we're able to start saving money, instead of spending to get ahead, everything would go awry?

I went back to work for the first time in nearly 3 weeks today. 

This payday I made the decision to buy curtains to finish off "the look" of our room (and hide my storage bins) to maintain my sanity. It was going to be the last thing I was going to buy toward that end for quite awhile. I'm sick of spending money on this darn little area. Upon bringing the curtains home it became evident that I bought them 2 feet too short.

I made my trip back to Target this morning to exchange them, in doing so I also found what looked to be the cutest tank top to wear at work because I had planned my wardrobe poorly for the newfound spring weather (AND it was 75% off!). Only to realize it was a jumpsuit tank top, not JUST a tank top! Haha!

My stomach has been having problems lately - serious frustrating problems. I've felt pretty sure for several months now that I have something along the lines of Celiac  Disease and have put off getting actually tested for it because I'm a cheapskate and don't want deal with the numerous co-pays it will take to get all the proper testing done. I have cut gluten out of my diet just to see if there is a difference and there certainly is. I resolved today that I'm going to bite the bullet and actually go to the doctor to have the testing done.

Go figure it would also happen today that my car just dies. Driving home about a mile and a half - two mils from home and it just quit on me. Not a battery thing either. The engine more or less exploded, probably due to a lack of oil because of an oil leak.

Now I'm carless and we're having to shop for a new one.

It's really inconvenient timing (as if a dead car is ever convenient!). With Kenny going back to school, we're trying to save money (especially for a new insulin pump for me with mine out of warranty), I'll be, once again, set back and continuing in my super cheapskate ways and delaying the blood tests a little longer. I'd really just love to get the Dexcom system I've talked about before and that's another huge Durable Medical Equipment co-pay, like my insulin pump.

I think God allows these things in our lives to encourage us to live up to our full potential. Taking life in stride as it comes to us. I try to do my best, and have taken the whole car-exploding-thing quite well this evening. It's "par for the course" and, well, doesn't phase me as much as it should.

Of course when I sit down and think it all out I get a little more depressed about it, knowing how much we'll have to spend to get a "new to me" car. We just paid off our credit card and I'm bummed about having to put money back on it. Tonight I feel like we have taken many steps backward and are gaining no forward motion, like we have planned on.

Again, we are being spurred on to live to our full potential. How will we handle this hurdle? How will we deal with everything that is thrown at us? I don't know! We'll take one day at a time. For now, I'm not sweating the car. It's just a thing. God knew this was going to happen. It will all work out somehow, though I have NO idea how yet!

Type 1 Diabetic 8 Years and Counting!

It's been 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. The anniversary of this came and went this year (March 22nd or 23rd, I don't remember which! Haha!) without my paying any attention to it due to moving and other insanities.

I don't 'celebrate' it or anything. I think that would be silly. However, I do reminisce. 

My Dad had been on a wonderful mission trip to India. That trip changed his life, and our families life, and it was awesome. We kids, who had been Home-Schooled until that January were attending a "Co-Op" or Private School with other Home-schooled nerds like us. Life was going awesome. I loved being nerdy with other like-minded nerds.

While my Dad was away I started needing TONS of water through the day, always hungry, peeing as much as I drank. I was 14, so it was attributed as just 'normal teenager growth.'

I remember going out with my Mom, my 4 siblings, my Mom's bff and her 4 kids to McDonalds. I ate 2 Big Macs, fries and drank a TON of Soda. I had never been able to eat that much at a sitting, but no one thought too much of it. I was pretty skinny, so again, it was attributed to normal teenager stuff.

Then I got sick. I got really sick. Puking, Serious Shakes that were vibrating the couch I was splayed out on. Drinking and Peeing equally. I felt like I couldn't get enough fluids, but I also was puking whatever I ate. I didn't get off the couch except to pee for a week.

My mom didn't think much of it. She has 5 kids. Kids get sick and a week isn't so bad for a nasty bug. Yet, I wasn't getting better. I was still just as bad and not improving. SO, the trip to the doctor was made.

The trip where they checked my mouth, my ears, listened to my stomach, my heart... ya know, all those things they do when they are just looking for a virus. Not finding much they decided to take a little finger prick and asked me to pee in a cup. I was so dehydrated at that point it took me awhile of misery sitting in that room to finally do it.

A few minutes afterward the Doctor came back in. I was laying on my mom's shoulder, exhausted and feeling as crummy as it gets. I heard him tell my mom that I had lots of sugar in my urine and my blood sugar was clocked at 344mg/dl at the time. We should go home, pack some stuff up and head straight to the hospital emergency room.

I had no idea what was wrong with me, just that I needed to go to the hospital for some reason. Mom packed some things up for me while I just slumped in a chair while Mom filled Dad in on the sketchy details. Off to the hospital we went. I laid across the backseat in the van because I was rapidly feeling worse. By the time we got there, I just didn't care. I wanted to sleep, I was exhausted, I was thirsty.

When we finally got to my room on the pediatric floor I just crawled into that bed and laid there while the nurses tried to get an IV into my severely dehydrated hand. The nurses gave my mom a backpack she started looking through. My mom showed me the cutest teddy bear that was in the backpack and asked me if I wanted it. Of course I did, I have a huge love for teddy bears even still. I cuddled with that thing all night while the nurses poked and prodded me. Come morning it was all explained to me. 

The funny thing? I took it all very well. I understood all of it. I was really really upset about missing a fairly competitive tournament I was involved in that was taking place that day.

My Mom was just awesome. She helped me figure things out. Told me that my Grandpa, her Dad, was Type 1 diabetic too. When we got home she helped work out my dinners, measuring my foods out, weighing everything, buying things 'just for me.'  She asked my opinion on what things I'd like to have for treating Low Blood Sugars. She was really concerned when I would have a high blood sugar.

The totally awesome thing? She let me spend the night at one of my best friends houses a week after I was diagnosed. She was also Type 1 Diabetic, diagnosed at 7 years old. It was a fun time getting to be with another that actually understood - she understood it all far better than I did at the time.

My poor parents were in for a roller coaster far worse just after that. I am grateful for my awesome doctors, my awesome parents and the awesome support I had through church - and my husband. My husband is my best friend and is always there for me. I love him, and I love that he can tell when I'm Low or High - even if he does sleep through the nasty Lows in the middle of the night when I smack him in the head trying to get out of bed.

It's been 8 years of learning and guessing and fun and crap. 8 years of growing up, Getting married, Becoming a Mommy. I am excited for many many more years to come!!

In which I complain of my Genetics

It's funny how genetics always catches up with me. Type 1 diabetes runs in my family on both sides, I inherited my Dad's low blood pressure - an awesome trait most of the time (excluding the lightheaded-ness that frequently accompanies it).

Then there are the dental issues. My mom has great teeth and rarely has an issue more than needing a "deep cleaning" because they don't have dental coverage. My Dad, though, his teeth are awful. Cavities and Root Canals are no strangers to my Fathers mouth. I learned from my orthodontist years ago that everyone inherits their jaws separately - so you could have your top teeth from your mom and bottom from your dad, or both from one or the other. I've been 'blessed' with teeth from both my parents.

I waited a year to get my teeth worked on because we couldn't afford it on our old dental plan provided us through Kenny's awesome job. When it came time to "re-enroll" and chose from our options of health care plans we found that there was a way better/cheaper dental plan that would cover all the costs of the work I needed. So, I've been having that stuff finally done the last few weeks.

The first time I had 2 teeth out. While uncomfortable for a week it wasn't too bad. The first day ended up being more painful because I was out all day and didn't get back home to take my Hydrocodone (Vicodin) until very late and the anesthesia had long since worn off.

Today, I only had 1 tooth taken out and, strangely enough, I'm not doing as well. My mouth has been hurting a ton more than last time. I've laid around all day - which I do not do. When I had my wisdom teeth out I took a drive test for drivers ed a couple hours afterward.

Tonight, I took another dose of the Hydrocodone, snuggled with Miss Rylee and ate some toast. Shortly afterward my blood sugar shot up from 138mg/dl to 264mg/dl and I felt like I was having a super bad low blood sugar - the sort where I feel almost like passing out. I thought at first it was because I was using test strips that were expired by a couple months, I checked them against strips that are not expired and found that - Yes, I am indeed at 264 give or take a couple digits.

Yuuuuuck. I don't like feeling so crappy, and I don't like the balancing act of diabetes and any sort of "surgery." Diabetes in a guessing game all day every day as it is. Then you throw something else at it and it's still just as much of a guessing game - with another variable.  :::sigh::: I'm so happy the extractions are all finished!

Just get over it!

Frustrated. I shouldn't be. The day was great, the weekend was pretty good all in all.

Had dinner with my family Saturday night. I was SO excited about it, I was having withdrawals as I hadn't really seen them much recently. We played Apples to Apples, my Dad and I tied for first. That game is seriously fun for laughs.

We didn't go to church yet again. I'm so sick of that. So sick of not going consistently I could cry (and would if it wouldn't wake Kenny and Rylee up, downside to living all in the same room now). I want teaching, I want fellowship, I want to be spurred on and challenged again. I want to be reading my bible constantly, as a family too. I want to pray before meals and bed with Rylee. I'm hungry for church and need to be in it, and it frustrates me every week that goes by where we do not attend any church in the area. I do not want to be the one always dragging us to church, either. I extremely dislike dragging Kenny, cause then he's grumpy and I hate when he's grumpy, like this evening. It gets me grumpy and ticked.

Tonight I'm sick of life and everything I think about is setting me off. Loads and Loads of laundry for no appreciation, My daughter is the pickiest eater and wastes so much food, I just realized Kenny wasted 1/2 his lunch from this afternoon, I hate the clutter. Oh gosh - I hate the clutter. I hate everything just stuffed and shoved somewhere. I hate having things fall down around me everytime I try and get at another thing.

I hate the dentist. Tomorrow morning I have to get another tooth pulled, and one filled.

Our dog is horrible with housebreaking, but that's the nature of Chihuahua's. Kenny is so frustrated with her it's bugging me. Then there is Rylee's nearly incessant whining. It makes me go crazy when it's stuck in the middle of a conversation or something that is already going on.

Tonight I am mad at the world. A little better. I needed to just write it all out. It's my blog, and I can vent if I want to! Now I'll go work on getting over my idiotic frustrations.

Funtimes

I had managed, thus far, to not ever need to run out of the house in the morning with my hair un-done from my shower while also not having make-up on. I am a tad bit vain and do not like to leave without my hair done. Usually I'll find time to do my make-up at red lights or before I get out of my car at my destination. My hair, though, I'm self conscious about.

This morning everything took me at least twice as long mas it should have. I realized too late that I needed to be driving already to make it to Rylee's well-child-check-up on time. So, I grabbed my purse, then puppy (in her crate) and baby in the other arm and split like a banana. Fresh out of the shower hair and makeup-less.

It took nearly 3 years of marriage and 1.5 years of motherhood, I skillfully avoided this incident, but today fate finally caught up with me. I had myself a little laugh about it as I pulled into the parking lot of our doctor's office, because I enjoy finding irony and humor in any situation.

...speaking of situations...

My pump battery died on me some time this morning. I have no idea when but far enough back to cause this lovely number to show up on my meter:

See, that darn pump is supposed to give me that "low battery" warning for a couple days. Then it will tell me "Go change this freaking battery because I won't do a damn thing until you do," and I'm a slave to my technology - so I do.

Not this morning. It just quit working. It happened after leaving in a huge makeup-less flurry that I realized there was no life in my pump at all. Upon returning home I was able replace the battery and dump 17 units of insulin back into my body and proceeded to eat nothing for the rest of the day.

Later this evening as my Mother in Law was asking me questions about how I was feeling (because we're living with them now and I get to see her every day) I ended up explaining to her that Diabetes is far from an exact science.

Most days a blood sugar like that would just totally ruin the day and I wouldn't be able to function. Today, though, it strangely enough didn't bother me one little bit. I took a nap with Rylee and life was just fine and dandy. Some days a simple 70mg/dl low blood sugar will send me over the moon with a nasty headache for the rest of the day. Other times a 38 will just be crappy in the moment and no problems for the rest of the day.

Diabetes is so far from an exact science it's not even funny. We can do the same thing every single day and every single day end up with different results, different highs and lows, different feelings - a whole different kind of day. Diabetes is a guessing game more than anything. We make it up as we go along. Diabetics end up knowing their bodies more intimately than most people ever will. We can tell you how we'll feel after just a single sip of regular soda, or what a mcdonalds cheese burger will do to our blood sugars. We know how to compensate less insulin for 1/2 an hour of exercise - while know it's possible that a low could creep up overnight as a 'side effect' of the earlier exercise.

Again, I am amazed at my body's resilience and I am so thankful for such supportive family and my ability to handle things I otherwise wouldn't. I'm thankful that my daughter even helped me out and took, such a long refreshing nap while I was helping my sugars come down from the clouds.

Now that we're back to our demented version of "Normal" - I'm off to bed.

Lows, Animas, CGMS, Dexcom, Resilience

Life has been a tad busy, a post I'll get to hopefully tomorrow.

Surprisingly my blood sugars have been doing pretty good amongst all the insanity that has been my life these days. I thought for sure they would be just awful  and I would have to do some serious fixing after things settled down. It hasn't been too bad, though.

Over the weekend (My BFF is Married!!) I had a blast, hardly ate a darn thing, enjoyed several glasses of champagne with the girls, Drank Coffee and not nearly enough water. I opted to go Insulin Pump free once I slipped on my Bridesmaid dress around 3pm and didn't put it back on until after 10pm. I hooked up a couple times to 'boost' myself, but the highest number I saw was 220 and I never went low, but rather stayed around 120-150. I was impressed/surprised/pleased.

Now, though? Sunday was great, had a minor low, nothing of note. Then Monday. Monday after waking up and having breakfast with Kenny I went back to sleep with Rylee on the couch. Lo and Behold I wake up with my blood sugar at a wonderful 38mg/dl! Oh yes.

I dislike that low of a number. I didn't realize it at first either. I felt lightheaded and was seeing fuzzy dots. Not until we got upstairs did I think to check, having thought I was just dehydrated and we'd both get lunch. I called Kenny right away (we were the only ones home that morning) and told him what was up. We talked for awhile as I shoveled food down my throat and made sure I wasn't going to pass out and need help or anything like that. After the 'All Clear' life went on as normal with that headache a person gets after a fairly bad low blood sugar. That headache that just won't go away no matter what.

In thinking about it, I am quite thankful at how incredibly resilient my body is. Many many many others would have passed out, been completely incoherent at that point. I have been much lower at a 26 before and able to keep my wits about me enough to get out of the low into 'feel really crappy the rest of the day.'

Funny thing is that when a Low Blood Sugar like these strike they totally sneak up on me. I end up feeling a million times worse after I start coming back up into more reasonable numbers, like 50-70mg/dl. At that point I start getting all shaky, sweaty, clammy... Not before.

I would just LOVE to have a CGM from Dexcom. That is something that has taken me awhile to "Get on bored" with. Much like my pump. I went into it kicking ans screaming and really just don't want to go back to shots ever again. Animas and Dexcom are supposed to be working on a Pump integrating the CGM system, which only Minimed offers at this time. It's supposed to be out at the end of this year. We'll see!

I know CGM systems are not a fix for checking blood sugars regularly. I would just like assistance in catching trends upward or down. Helping me work toward a little more fine-tuned goals. Hopefully catching those downward trending moments and preventing nasty 38's when I'm home alone with my daughter. I don't like that and they, honestly, frighten me a bit. I try not to let much frighten me, especially things that I don't have a lot of control over - I would like to have more control over this one. Soon, I really really hope, soon.

For now I am still thankful that I have the ability to be as self aware as I am and that my body is so resilient.