Monday, June 1, 2009

Refined by Mamahood

I read the most fantastic quote yesterday that I think sums up my life perfectly right now - "Marriage is God's last furnace, by which we are refined by fire." (I got that from MckMama, who got it from a pastor at a wedding yesterday! Don't you just love the grape vine?).

Its not really Marriage that is causing me distress recently, its the result of my marriage - Munchkin. Heehee.

Seriously, though, poor girl is going through a growth spurt, actually getting her teeth, or just plain isn't feeling well recently. Causing her to go from a very happy charming baby to a screaming monster in .6 seconds. It wouldn't be so bad if it was more infrequent like it usually is, that is - usually a few weeks ago. Usually now is as I have just described.

This blessed new Usual is forcing me to work on my patience and temper level. Yes, my temper. Munchkin gets mad and then my temper engages as well - already we have a battle of wills starting. I'm the mom, though, so I am determined to be the winner. (I won't admit that I occasionally end up giving in. I would never do that.)

Yes, I have been on the verge of tears, and screaming tyrants of anger. Neither of which have actually over taken me... ...yet. Then a few moments later I'll be laughing and playing with her because she's suddenly happy and agreeable.

So, this is the less blissful part of motherhood veteran mom's talk about! The loving moments of laughter, the screaming moments of anger, and everything in between. I'm learning so much, and leaning on my Savior more and more.

I said in a previous post I mentioned that she is becoming more and more of a little person. She is sitting up more and more on her own, and today she was grabbing at my cell phone while I was talking to her papa on his way to a job. I stuck it to her ear and she gave it the weirdest look. Ah, the joys of being so young and innocent. Not yet corrupted be life and everything is so cool a new.

I wish we could all live that way more. Being pleased with all the little things. Entertained by the simplest of things - a leaf blowing across the grass in a funny way. Or just sitting and staring at your new child as she is the most entertaining thing in my life right now. Her sweet exploration of the small world she knows. ....even when she screams in anger can be really amusing - but I wouldn't laugh at that... or would I? I'll leave that for speculation.

For now, I will continue in my quest for understanding motherhood - which I'm thinking won't happen completely. I will delight in her sweet toothless smiles and laughes. I will work on my lame level of patience. I will love my husband. I will hope for more nights of long stretches of sleep for Munchkin. I will love the nights of sleep I get. I will love my clean house and the chances I get to clean it. I will love her sweet cuddles with me while she naps. I will enjoy how much she loves me and smiles nearly every time I look at her. I will thank my Savior for the wonderful life and lessons he has given me.


Jillian said...

You poor thing, I can not relate (YET) but I know from hearing other mommies that you are not alone!!

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