Shhhhh!!!

Don't tell my husband!

Heehee. No, Seriously, don't. I'm starting to get "baby fever." Crap, yes, it's happening to me.

It's probably just hormones. Maybe the severe lack of sleep that is motherhood - that's probably why women get pregnant so quickly after the birth of a baby - they are so sleep deprived they don't remember how awful those last 2 (at least!) months of pregnancy were. They don't remember that nightmare of a birth experience. They don't remember being hormonal because, lets face it, they still are.

I am not delusional, I remember allllll too well those last 4 months. The broken ribs, the incessant heartburn (that had me taking Zantac and carrying Tums around allllll day everyday.). Not to mention the constant doctor appointments - we're talking 3 a week here for the last 2 months sometimes 4-5.

I spent the last month on a day to day basis HOPING she would make an early appearance because I was so miserable. She did come 2 weeks early of her due date, but I'd have been happy even a couple weeks earlier than that. I was hospitalized one day for what they thought was early labor at 35 weeks 4 days. I was really hoping she'd come soon after that. haha.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted her to be as healthy as possible. I just wanted her out of my stomach!

Then there was the Contractions that were spiking clear the heck off the monitors (for EVERY one!) and weren't even 30 seconds apart. The nurse had me pushing every minute or two - not between contractions because there was no "in between"!

I was going for a "natural birth" without the epidural. That went out the window when the contractions gave me no break, I had the most awful back labor and we were all certain that with her estimated at 8-9 pounds I'd be in labor for a loooong time (she was 9 pounds even). Turned out I was in labor for 8 hours TOTAL. AND that epidural only kinda worked. It did enough, though, for me to at least breath and kinda all said and done.

We decided that Rylee would be our only child unless several years down the road we decide we cannot live without another. I'm still okay with that. BUT. I am now in the longest stretch of time that we've been married and I have not been pregnant. All my friends are pregnant with their first, second, third child. Everywhere I look there is yet another cute pregnant woman walking around.

I said when I was pregnant, and I stick to it now: I don't know how women like to be pregnant. Nearly all of it is miserable. And yet, it's a little hard for me to think about sometimes, though. We'll see what happens in the future and I will continue to enjoy my little Rylee in every single little thing. I just wonder if she will truly be our only child or if one day she'll be blessed with a sibling she'll get to dote on? hmmmm. For now, she gets a cousin next year!

She's also so close to walking, I love it. She pulls herself up on the couch and nearly runs along it then lets go reaching for me at the end and makes it a step before falling on her knees/stomach/face. It's cute. I don't know what I'm going to do when she finally does walk! I think it'd be cool if she walks on my birthday - it's only a little less than 2 weeks away. I think that'd be an awesome birthday present!

Anyways, random ramblings to try and talk myself out of my silly hormonal/sleep deprived baby wonderings. heehee.