Thursday, January 14, 2010

Living Vicariously


Last night I was thinking about how I can be a better mother to Rylee, I was also contemplating and trying to back step and see what happened, what changed, what we're missing these days from our normally flowing wonderful relationship.

I was thinking about cutting out almost all tv out of our lives, except maybe a couple shows a week that we specifically love to watch. I was thinking about different things we can do together to help her grow, things I can cut out of my life that are stupid and take too much time away from us as a family. It occurred to me that social networking of Facebook is really killing my time management.

Not just that, but I think it's become quite an unhealthy outlet for me. What started out as a fun site, place to just "visit" with Friends - has become my only source of friend fellowship. I also realized its not quite that simple - being the only place for friends - it's also really cut into my marriage.

A reality I didn't see coming as I've been trying to figure where things went off course for us. There are other things, too, that we're working to change that we already identified, but this is a huge one for myself. I realized that it has taken the place of actually talking with my Husband. I can't believe that I allowed that to happen! Instead of telling my husband what is bothering me, or what I really need to say, it comes out on a stupid website, and I don't ever talk to him because "it's already out there."

I'm usually more self analytic than this! Normally I would recognize the possibility for something like that to happen, and make sure it doesn't - evidently not this time. Having realized this, I am attacking the problem.

No, I'm not swearing off all networking at all. It's part of our lives, Kenny's and Mine, so getting rid of it entirely wouldn't be all that wise. I'm just not going to be on Facebook much anymore. I'll still check in to it, but maybe only once a day. I'll just blog/write more, as I love to do, and spend more time with my wonderful Husband and adorable Daughter.

I'm going to spend my time being a better Wife, a better Mother, the better Me I know I can be. I'm going to work on my music more, again. I'm going to try and bring in some extra money for us in whatever way God provides for me. I'm going to use the God-Given skills I have, to his Glory! I can't wait to BE. I feel like I've just been going through the motions and not really living, not really BEING. So now, I will go out and BE a Mom, BE a Wife, BE Me - No longer living vicariously through other people!

2 comments:

Stacie said...

That's funny- I had a similar epiphany on Saturday! I went through and "hid" a bunch of people from my feed so I'm only following the people I really want to know about, and I've forced myself to not post status updates. I still check it more than once a day, but there's not much there, so I get of much more quickly! It's crazy how easy it is to let it take over. Probably because because we're lazy, relational beings and Facebook's an easy, connection-based site.

bethany said...

That's funny, Stacie. I'm not completely NOT updating, but I'm making sure I only get one once maybe twice a day - it's a total waste of my time that I'm not comfortable with anymore. ;) It is insane how it takes over!

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