Saturday, April 18, 2009

Sleepless Ramblings

This morning I was grumpily awoken by my daughter kicking and whining and in a totally restless sleep and there was nothing I could do to get her settled into a nice restful sleep so I could continue on with what would have been my own restful sleep.

Much to my dismay I ended up getting up at 6am and putting Rylee in her bouncer seat and taking her into the bathroom with me while I showered. I was a bit frustrated with her - Against my better judgment I was up FAR too late with my husband spending some quality time with him we don't get much of lately.

She has also taken up crying the entire time I am in the shower because she cannot see me. Its sweet, really. She loves her mother so much that she has this intense need to make sure she's there at all times and hasn't gone away from her. This has been the pattern for a good long time and continues on. While I truely love this bond that we have together - I was in no mood this morning. I had to pray and calm myself down from my sleepless frustration.

I was able to sleep for about another hour after this and getting her back to sleep and the day was much better than it probably would have been otherwise. God is amazing how he has built mothers to be able to withstand sleepless nights and crying children. Kenny was getting frustrated in his sleep and he is the reason I even got up with her is to allow him to continue to sleep on his only weekend day. He has a 6 day work week this week instead of his normal 5, and I always do my best to make it enjoyable for him.

I so appreciate how he goes to work every day to provide for us, our little family. Many women feel that it's their husbands "duty" to change the diaper, take the baby, do the dishes... after he gets home from work. However, I feel that its *my* duty to continue on with these things after he gets home from work because he's my bread winner and deserves some freetime before he goes to sleep to repeat another work day. I feel like I can bless him by making his time at home as pleasent as possible, and make it worth his while to go to work so we can have the life we have chosen.

Its quite a different role for me. I'm used to being more the sole support for us, and working two jobs and insane lots of hours. When the last two weeks before Rylee was born I had to really take it off work because I was so miserable - that was strange but I was too miserable to really care. Two weeks after her birth I began to have a major emotional break down about not working. Now I love being able to be home with our daughter and being able to teach her and watch her grow and develop.

God has been so gracious to us. He knew that I wouldn't be working once the baby came - although that was my plan. He knew that Kenny would need a job to support us that he would enjoy most of the time - and he threw that upon us. I am so grateful for all he has done. I cannot look at our lives and not see God and his Sovereign hand.

Thank You Jesus for all you have done for me.



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