Monday, February 1, 2010

Worrying About What Cannot be Changed.

Being Diabetic and now a Parent I'm finding myself becoming quite Paranoid.

I know there is always a chance of my Daughter becoming Diabetic, just because it does run in the family - with my Grandfather and an Uncle (and probably more that I don't know about considering I don't know most of my family.) also being Diabetic.

Now when I think about it, my heart starts to die inside. I pray and hope that my little princess does not end up with this damn disease. I can't imagine poking her 4+ times a day to test her blood sugar. I can't imagine sticking her with needles 4+ times a day. I'm certain that if she was to be diabetic I'd get her on an Insulin Pump right away, only 1 stick every couple days. But then there would be the constant trying-to-find-a-place-on-a-kid for the pump to go without them getting into the tubing all the time.

Being Diabetic and knowing all the "Classic Symptoms" my paranoid self is constantly trying not to always wonder if she is exhibiting those symptoms. Trying to assume that when something new happens it's just a normal toddler thing and not a 'symptom.'

I feel I did very well through my pregnancy not being one of "those women" who worried constantly about everything. Wondering if something was wrong. I rarely brought up concerns to anyone and just let things be. I knew women have been having babies for centuries and there was nothing really to be too worried about.

This is a whole new world, though. With our superior technologies in diagnostics these days we're finding more and more diseases. Not that they are necessarily new - but we're actually finding them and then finding that they are more common than was originally thought. It's my belief that Cancer is not a 'new' phenomenon, but an old one that was labeled 'consumption' and people died of 'natural causes' for years and now we're realizing that Cancer happens a lot more than we knew and even know.

I worry that my princess is going to end up diabetic 'like mommy' and that's going to be her 'normal.' One that I don't want for her. It's not a life a young child should know as 'normal.'

I know it's totally stupid, pointless and silly to worry about something I cannot change. There is no diet, no exercise regimen - nothing that will effect the outcome of whether or not a person will get Type 1 Diabetes. I know I should just let go and let God be in control. It's all a person can really do, in fact. Other than maybe prepare a little more for that very very slight possibility.

So, that's what I'll do. Just continue to enjoy every single moment with my Princess and take what may come our way when whatever comes.


Jessi said...

I was never paranoid until I had kids. It's like those natural instincts and worries kick in. You can't change it but it doesn't stop you from wondering what if and wondering.

I pray she doesn't have it but I also know that things are meant to be and there is always a plan.

I just wish it were easier to let go! I know all about it too

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