I am a Victim

Of the 21st Century.

As I was returning home from running some errands for my dad and picking up a few groceries I found myself driving through my apartment complex and complaining - to myself - that I wasn't getting a good parking spot and would have to carry "all this stuff" (all this stuff being Munchkin in her car seat, the walker I had brought with me, the diaper bag, and a couple bags of groceries).

It occurred to me that I am quite spoiled and very much a kid of this generation. All about the instant gratification and "ease" of living. If I can't research, send, buy, pay... on the internet I don't like to do it quite so much - and am an expert procrastinator because of it. If I can do it from home I will. If I have to go out, I don't want to take care of whatever that thing may be.

Unless, of course, its instant gratification that I am after - then I'll go get it wherever it may be in town. That "have to have" item.

Its truely pathetic.

Also - being a kid of this generation - I am very visually stimulated. Don't get me wrong, I LOOOVE reading. I LOVE researching things as well - I'm always doing that in some way. But otherwise - if its an advertisement - I'll rate it based on how well it did at catching my eye and telling me what its about just by the visual part of it. If its one of the numerous forwards that make it into my inbox every day - I will NOT sit and read it unless it consists mainly of pictures. Even in my research I do much better with the pictures accompanying the words to ensure that I properly understand something - I can also recall things much quicker and much better if I have a picture of it in my head.

Yes, I have a "photographic" memory. If its a book - I'll be able to quote something for you by "seeing" the page in my head (of course that assumes the book was actually interesting enough for me to want to remember it).

Yep, I am a Visually stimulated, Procrastinating, Internet living, Instant Gratification Needing Child of this Age.

This Week the Trend

Following the trend of my post yesterday...

Shortly after writing that I went out, helped my awesome father and through a crazy bit of circumstances I wound up spending 6 hours at the hospital with Kenny's mom and Aunt, she was having some heart problems and was getting a bunch of tests done to assess what the problem was.

I finally made my way home and step in the door around 9ish shortly followed by my mom coming to the door to return somethings that I had left at their house the other night we were there. It was quite an eventful and fun day, all in all. Of course I didn't end up getting the things I had needed to get done, but it was a great day.

I was able to spend some time with my dad, help him out and hopefully bless him a little, that's all I really hope to accomplish in my times at the office with him - I love to lighten peoples moods and spirits if it is at all possible. In the same manner I spent the rest of the day with another couple of wonderful ladies, sharing my baby with them and hopefully brightening their day as we sat at the hospital for quite awhile.

Several hours after I left they were finally able to leave with a diagnosis and some plan for medications, which, of course, was really great to hear.

So much for figuring out that balance thing, huh? haha! Ah well, I still love being able to do these things for people. I don't regret them, and usually if I really can't I will say "no." Oh, yes, I'll probably end up feel bad about it for a little while, but I will still know that it was better for me to not.

Okay, gotta wrap this up for now. But before I do I must mention that I have watched about 8 Stargate episodes today. ...oh yes, I am a very bad bad bad girl for spending so much time with the tv today. I have thoroughly enjoyed it and have gotten things done in the meantime, but why am I trying to justify myself to the cyber world? Hmm, maybe its because I feel a teeny bit bad about it. ...maybe not. We'll see!

Learning Balance

You know those times when you really want to help someone? You really love going out of your way to be of assistance? And yet, at the very same time you would much rather sit at home and not go out and do anything? Well, that is how I am feeling today.

My awesome Father has owned his own business for as long as I can remember. I have always loved helping him out - even when I wasn't much of a help and more of a problem. :) A few years back I started actually working for him full-time. It was great and I loved it, I love the work, I love the people I get to deal with... most of the time, heehee.

All the while being pregnant I had a lot of anxiety about what would happen after the baby came. The business was really important to me and I didn't want to leave it. I had it all worked out that I would Take a few weeks to a month off then come back part time 2-3 days a week consistently and have my little sister come and help watch the baby those days while I worked.

...Little did I know that it would look much different than that for me. It took me 2 months to go back to start doing just little things here and there. Now I have a hard time going in twice a week. I am so consumed with being a mommy to Munchkin that I hate going to work and taking away my time with her. I cannot believe how this has changed me.

I love work, I love helping people make a living for their families and I love helping out with my own. But I also SO much more love being a mommy and apart of Munchkins life. I hate sharing her, as I have mentioned many times before.

It is a bit different now, the work that I do for my Dad. I do it more for my Dad's sake than my own. You see, he's working all on his own right now. Not enough money to hire somebody on even part time. He's in quite a bit of financial trouble from paying bills for his business to paying bills at home. I hate to see this happening so I want to help him. All at the same time, though, I just want to stay at home with my baby.

I guess its a lesson in Self Sacrifice that I have a hard time with. I am usually happy that I have done something after it is done, but not always. Especially when Munchkin has suffered from it in someway - not gotten as much time with mommy as she is used to, or not getting to eat as much as she needs - it really frustrates me when those things happen. Maybe that is just something I need to figure out and work around as well.

I also feel the need to be at home when Kenny gets home from work. We spent almost the first year and a half hardly ever being at home at the same times as the other. He worked retail and I worked 2 jobs - one retail and the other for my Dad. So now, with him being the sole provider for us I feel its my gift to him to be home when he gets back from working for us. I feel so sad when I am not, as does he. We are quite happily in love with each other and love spending time with the other most of the time - even if its just being in the house together carrying on with our own things.

I'm still trying to learn to balance my new life out as Wife, Mommy and Daughter. We'll see how it goes. I'm trying awful hard to reach that balance, its just a lot harder than I anticipated it to be. Sometimes I wish I had a thicker skin for not feeling bad - but I am also glad that I do not, it makes me who I am.

While I am trying to figure out how to balance things, I'll finish this post off with yet another picture of my adorable child!

Sundays Ramblings

Its been another one of those days. Sweet Munchkin had me up at 6am this morning after DH and I had some much needed time together last night watching movies until VERY late. I've been up ever since.

Spent several hours just Munchkin and I hanging out while her Papa slept, it was fun. Then a nice lazy morning with Kenny. It was great, until my extreme restless self set in. It doesn't happen a ton, but when it does its usually quite inopportune.

Took awhile to get out. I really wanted to do something, Kenny didn't, it was quite a ordeal but we finally did and I had a good time just hanging out at my parents' house ate dinner and watched a movie. All of which I could have done just as easily at my house - I just wanted to be around people today for some reason. I didn't want to be around them all day or even half the day - just a couple hours would suffice, and it did.

Have I told you how much I love Stargate? Cause, I really do. I have viewed almost 9 of the 10 seasons, the original movie and am just about to hit season 10 and the 2 post series movies. I'm pretty stoked about it, to be honest with you.

Anyways. Now I am back here at home and getting ready to curl up in bed with Kenny and Munchkin, hopefully going to enjoy my sleep.

The Post That Doesn't Know What it Wants to Be

You know those days when it just seems to not know what it wants to be? Well, its been one for those.

Starting with the weather: It hasn't known if it wants to rain or shine. Started nice, then started raining - didn't know how it wanted to finish so decided to be both rain cloudy intermittently with brilliant blue sky. Then officially rained and now the sky is a gorgeous evening blue as though it had been that way all day.

Today I thoroughly enjoyed myself at a dear friends' bridal shower today. She and I grew up together starting shortly after her family moved here from Canada when we were in 3rd or 4th grade (I don't remember which). Her handsome Groom is also a wonderful childhood friend - we grew up together starting in 2nd grade. Neither of them knew of the others' existence on this earth until they were both in MY wedding. She a lovely bridesmaid and he a fantastic groomsman. There they met, and the rest is... ...almost history. heehee.

I love those two a lot and am SO excited for them. Even more awesome for me is that they are moving a few doors down from me into the very same apartment complex! Purely selfish excitement about this, but - hey, being a stay-at-home-most-of-the-time mom its nice to actually play have intelligent conversation with people your age once in awhile!

Munchkin did quite well through the whole shower today. Fell quite adorably and peacefully asleep on my shoulder for a little while. I love it when that happens and will cherish every moment that it does.


She also got her first taste of rice cereal today:

She didn't know what to do with it and just spit it back out of her mouth most of the time but got a little down. It was great.

Then Kenny went off to a bachelors party, yes for the one and the same that I grew up with and was a groomsman in our wedding. Now I am sitting at home with Munchkin writing this post and reading up on others' blogs for the day.

While reading up on blogs my heart became very heavy and, yes, there were a few tears as I read This Post from the Freemans and their little girl Kayleigh. She's had a rough time of her short life. Born weighing 1 pound even, 3 months early having several surgeries - making her the smallest baby to ever undergo open heart surgery.

Something happened in the last two weeks of her treatment that has left her seemingly brain dead. After all they have gone through, after all the improvement in her, after her loving eyes and responsive baby-ness - she is now none of those things and her odds are not looking well.

My heart weeps for them. I look at my sweet little Munchkin and try and imagine what it would be to be dealing with these situations that so many others face. I thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a beautiful healthy daughter after undergoing a "risky" pregnancy - being Type 1 diabetic a lot could have gone wrong.

Words cannot explain how becoming a parent changes you and your outlook on children and the trials of other parents. There is a smpathy, almost a comradery that develops and unspoken bond between you and other parents.

If you have the time, check out their blog, their story and pray for them. Pray that God's will be done. Pray that He is Glorified no matter what. Pray that they will continue to be lights to the world whatever the outcome. Pray that they become enveloped in love and the peace that truely surpasses all understanding.

Today had not decided what it wanted to be. It has just been. I've loved it, and I've been sad for those in such difficult times, I've enjoyed my daughter and husband, now I am enjoying silence by my self in our home.

Quick Changes

It amazes me how quickly babies change. When I form a new habit it usually lasts at least a month.

Whether that be getting up at 6am versus a previous norm of 7.

Exercising in the morning instead of in the evening (what, exercise? yes, I still attempt to do this with a 4 month old).

My almost insatiable need for chocolate or sugar cookies (its totally been sugar cookies lately, you know, the store bought ones with nifty shapes in the center - the most recent being easter themed, yuuuuum!).

- whatever it might be it usually lasts a month or longer.

With babies, though, they'll form a new habit and it will last all of 2 days up to a week, and then it will change all over again.

This week Rylee has insisted on waking me up at 5-6am every morning by kicking and whining and wanting to nurse but when I offer it to her she will get more frustrated and kick and fuss more until I have to become fully awake (instead of the barely conscious state) and attempt to wake her up enough so that she'll actually nurse. Grr.

It only frustrates me for the moment, though. After I have gotten her calmed down is okay again because I know that this won't last forever and it will, in fact, end all too soon. She will no longer be my baby, she'll be my toddler, then my preschooler, and so on and so forth.

Another thing that won't last for long - Munchkin has been teething for about a month now and it's just getting worse, unfortunately that is no indication whatsoever of when she'll cut that first tooth. Today she has taken to savagely attacking my hand and chewing/sucking on it has much as she can. It's so funny and so cute.

...In other news, my Husband and Brother are killing zombies together tonight and it is beyond amusing to listen to them.

I also have a bridal shower to go to tomorrow, I am quite excited - it's been a long time coming for this dear friend of mine, having been engaged nearly a year and a half before her wedding in a few weeks. Actually, they are two friends that I grew up with - but neither knew the other until they were both in my wedding as bridesmaid and groomsman. God totally has a sense of humor, and I love it.

Well, I am going to attempt to lay my adorable sleeping baby down while I try and finish a few
house keeping things before I join her.

New look, New Camera, More Crazy Me.

Okay, okay, okay, I'll try to stop messing around with this site much more!

I have been having way too much fun geeking out the last couple of days and creating what is in my mind a sweet looking blog. Using a funky combination of my own graphic design skills and playing off of someone elses. haha!

In other news -

I GOT A NEW CAMERA TODAY!

Oh my goodness I am SO happy! A little sad, I didn't get the Digital SLR camera I have been wanting, buuuuuut I did get the next best thing! It's a FujiFilm FinePix S2000. My camera of 5 years finally gave up the ghost 2 days ago and I've been hoping that it'll just start working again... but it hasn't and having a new baby in the house there is NO way that I was going to be okay with not having a camera for long - I'm all about capturing every moment of her infancy as I possibly can!

Kenny was so sweet and said that we could go look and see if we could find one tonight. The original idea was that I'd get a new camera for our Anniversary coming up in a month and a half, which I was totally fine with - it was my idea! But that was before my camera died on me! So we went to a few places, looked and I found one that I really liked.

Unfortunately it turned out that there were none left in the Best Buys across the country except in Alaska!? I was SO disappointed. It really looked like the best thing for our money and next best thing to the DSLR I have been wanting. My totally awesome husband haggled with those people (having been a former employee of the company totally knows how the dice rolls) and got them to take 10% of the price for us to take the floor model.

I love love LOVE it and am just SO grateful that we could even buy this on such a short notice. My husband is awesome and I SO appreciate his willingnes to accomodate my silliness and my aspirations to be a "real" (whatever that is) photographer sometime.

Anyways, I'm having a good 'ol time lately teaching myself some more design awesomeness and I hope to also be able to get those skills up and actually worth something sometime. heehee.

Okay, enough of my sensless chatter for tonight! Maybe I'll have something worth reading tomorrow!

I Should be a Hermit

Aside from the fact that I really really REALLY dislike the general attitude of the public these days,

I mean, really.

I hate when walking through a grocery store, carrying a fussy baby in one arm and trying to steer a cart in the other and NO ONE will move out of the MIDDLE of the aisle to let you through.

I hate when a person STARES at you while walking down the aisle and still does not have the courtesy to kindly move to the side.

I hate when women feel the need to gossip and state how they feel about child-rearing loudly in earshot of the lady they are talking about.

I dislike being told that because I am diabetic I am very irresponsible to have had a child and that I will leave her motherless (thank you Steel Magnolias).

I dislike the "look over" that other women will give you if they are jealous for whatever reason. Or just plain sizing themselves up to you.

Anyways, this could go on and on.

More importantly, though, is what happened today.

It was a Glorious day. It went from snow last week to being in the 80's this week. I took my new car out today to show the family and help my dad out. I had a good time, and so did Rylee.

When I was changing into some comfortable sweats and tank top I discovered...

I had been Sunburned!

Yes, its true. The one day I went out in APRIL when it was 80º out - I got Sunburned. I could avoid such tragedies if I would only become a Hermit. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. I love the outdoors too much, my fair fair fair skin says otherwise. A match we are not. But we will continue to mingle for a good long time, the out doors and I.

In prayer

The mother/author of a lovely blog that I came across a few months ago is waiting desperately for news of her adorably sweet little boy. MckMama as she has named herself in her blog and her sweet little boy Stellan are in Boston right now and Stellan is undergoing a dangerous heart surgery as he has been having a highly resistant form of SVT (supraventricular tachycardia) that the Doctors have not seen before and this type of surgery is not done in infants.

The surgery was supposed to take 3 hours and it has taken longer than this now. Many many many are in prayer for this whole very sweet family and I ask that you would be too. That our Lord and Saviour would guide the hands and minds of the Doctors performing this surgery and who are watching over Stellan.

Any mother can sympathize in one way or another. I look at my sweet little girl and cannot imagine her being so sick. I thank the Lord for my daughter and love on her as much as I can and then pray for Stellan and MckMama.

God is sovereign and all will be worked for his glory.

Of Nutrition and Such

I mentioned yesterday that I like to eat healthy, and wished that I could do so more often. This is something that I have tried to do since learning about eating right in a school book. My mother homeschooled me and I loved it and was able to learn about a lot of great things - the Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, Greek Mythology, Egyptian Mythology, Nutrition, a fantastic understanding of the English language, though I don't always follow through with that one. I do love to write, though. I really really love it.

Nutrition always stood out to me, and more so as one of my best friends growing up was a Type 1 diabetic.

For those who don't know what that is:

Type 1 diabetes is much different from Type 2, likely the kind that your aunt, uncle or grandmother has. It is Insulin Dependent diabetes - what it means is that your pancreas doesn't put out insulin anymore. Insulin breaks down carbohydrates that you eat. - So contrary to popular belief - if its "sugar free" that doesn't mean "carb free" and carbohydrates are NOT bad they are actually quite an essential for your body - they provide you with energy and are your body's preffered source for energy. Everybody breaks down those carbohydrates for their body to use with the insulin their Pancreas produces Interesting, huh?

Like I said, I love nutrition. Even more founded when I was diagnosed at 14 years old with Type 1 diabetes.

It was also about that time that I developed quite a distorted view of life and food. I became obsessed with calories and being thin - because I thought thin was better and that the thinner I was the healthier I was and the prettier I was. - Crazy, I know this now.

This would run my life for the next 4ish years. I met my husband in this unfortunate state, he is an amazing man and aside from Jesus was my best supporter through those years. Many hospitalizations a trip to the ICU and a lovely trip to the pediatric psychward I was finally on the upside of the battle I finally decided to fight. Just wanting to fight the battle out of the eating disorder was a huge step, it getting as far out of it as I have come was a long time coming.

I still continue to struggle with it, I don't know if it will ever truely be "gone." Through the pregnancy with my darling daughter I struggled with it constantly - I did my VERY best to be healthy for the sake of my baby. I'm back to my pre-baby size and weight, but my body will never ever be the same. I joke with Kenny now that if I could have my Before Rylee body back I'd never complain about it again. haha. Oh the irony of life.

So, now. Now what? Well, I am SO happy with life. I do still struggle, I do still dislike my body. But, I love my baby - and because of her I am more content than I have been in a long time. Kenny is awesome as well at letting me know I am loved. Health, true health, that is what I hope to attain for now.

By the way here are the flowers Kenny brought to me yesterday!

Health Food??!

A couple days ago my husband walked in the door and said to me

"Bethany! I am vitamin and mineral deficient! I want Vegetables! Carrots, Brocoli, Peas, Corn, Green Beans - I don't care what you have to do, shove them down my throat!"

Now, you've got to understand that my husband and I are very picky eaters - which is a bummer because we both try to be very healthy. However, he is by far the pickier eater of the two of us - AND we both have drastically different tastes in food.

So, when he walked in and said this I looked at him and said "Who ARE you and what have you done with MY husband!" It was quite shocking to say the least to hear him state this to me.

He is so serious about this that the next day as he was coming home he stopped and bought carrots, bananas, orange juice and brought me FLOWERS. I can count the number of times he has brought me flowers on one hand - so its a pretty big deal to me.

Today I did some much needed grocery shopping and followed through with his request to purchase some healthier food. I'm a bit excited about this as I have been wanting to do this for awhile, I just have serious issues with buying things and having them go bad because we don't eat them (wouldn't you?).

Poor guy is working today, it doesn't happen often that he works on a weekend - actually this is only the 2nd time it has happened. I'm really excited for him to come home so I can try out a new dinner tonight.

That is also a big deal - I'm not a creative person when it comes to food. I try to give some variety, but truth be told - I suck at it. Guess we'll have to see if I can be successful at furthering our endeavor of healthfulness and food creativity!

Sleepless Ramblings

This morning I was grumpily awoken by my daughter kicking and whining and in a totally restless sleep and there was nothing I could do to get her settled into a nice restful sleep so I could continue on with what would have been my own restful sleep.

Much to my dismay I ended up getting up at 6am and putting Rylee in her bouncer seat and taking her into the bathroom with me while I showered. I was a bit frustrated with her - Against my better judgment I was up FAR too late with my husband spending some quality time with him we don't get much of lately.

She has also taken up crying the entire time I am in the shower because she cannot see me. Its sweet, really. She loves her mother so much that she has this intense need to make sure she's there at all times and hasn't gone away from her. This has been the pattern for a good long time and continues on. While I truely love this bond that we have together - I was in no mood this morning. I had to pray and calm myself down from my sleepless frustration.

I was able to sleep for about another hour after this and getting her back to sleep and the day was much better than it probably would have been otherwise. God is amazing how he has built mothers to be able to withstand sleepless nights and crying children. Kenny was getting frustrated in his sleep and he is the reason I even got up with her is to allow him to continue to sleep on his only weekend day. He has a 6 day work week this week instead of his normal 5, and I always do my best to make it enjoyable for him.

I so appreciate how he goes to work every day to provide for us, our little family. Many women feel that it's their husbands "duty" to change the diaper, take the baby, do the dishes... after he gets home from work. However, I feel that its *my* duty to continue on with these things after he gets home from work because he's my bread winner and deserves some freetime before he goes to sleep to repeat another work day. I feel like I can bless him by making his time at home as pleasent as possible, and make it worth his while to go to work so we can have the life we have chosen.

Its quite a different role for me. I'm used to being more the sole support for us, and working two jobs and insane lots of hours. When the last two weeks before Rylee was born I had to really take it off work because I was so miserable - that was strange but I was too miserable to really care. Two weeks after her birth I began to have a major emotional break down about not working. Now I love being able to be home with our daughter and being able to teach her and watch her grow and develop.

God has been so gracious to us. He knew that I wouldn't be working once the baby came - although that was my plan. He knew that Kenny would need a job to support us that he would enjoy most of the time - and he threw that upon us. I am so grateful for all he has done. I cannot look at our lives and not see God and his Sovereign hand.

Thank You Jesus for all you have done for me.

Bethany

Mysterious Car

Well, yet again today has been quite a long day - and still not over as I am obviously still awake - it's nearly midnight on Friday night, making it Saturday morning by the time I post this.

Last night my sweet husband Kenny and my totally awesome Father-in-law seemed to have my "new-to-me" car completely up and running and all we had to do was get it Emissioned and Licensed. Of course Kenny wouldn't let me drive "have it" until I cleaned it out - I was more than happy to oblige as I prefer to have my car cleaned out.

We get going to the Emission station after having it cleaned out beautifully, Kenny is VERY pleased with our choice for a new car. It drives well and feels all around a LOT safer than my current little Geo Metro (Anyone who knows about these cars or who has driven them knows they are a piece of crap that is only worth the point A to point B and fantastic gas mileage it gets). We arrive and it passes with flying colors! We're SO happy and now we're going to get the plates and tabs and make it mine.

Orrrrrrrrrrr not.

We start to pull out of the station and its running really crappy, when just moments before it had ran perfectly and passed the test. It dies. Kenny starts it back up and we continue on again. It dies. He starts it again and we keep going. It dies. This time it dies on a bridge - going up - and it will not start at all. Worst place to die. A kind man jumps to help Kenny push it up and then a really nice gal helps to tow us up over the bridge and at least gets us off the road.

Sweet Kenny is so frustrated, this is supposed to be the car that is more reliable for me and safer for me and it dies just moments after being perfectly fine. More frustrating is that he cannot figure out why it is not working this time and His totally awesome dad leaves work early to come tow us back to his shop and commence diagnosing the problem once again.

I could not help but laugh. It's really quite comical in a sick sort of way. My new and improved car is dead on the side of the road with nothing apparently wrong with it just moments after passing the test that says "I'm okay to drive!" Seriously.

After they both worked on it for hours more they decided that its one of only a couple things now, so we're heading back to their wonderful hospitable house for yet another day of hopeful work.

It been a long day, and shaping up to be another long one tomorrow. Its quite alright, though. I honestly love it when Kenny has his silly projects to work on. It seems to make him happy, and like he's doing something important and worthwhile. I try my hardest to make sure he feels like he is important and worthwhile - so when he finds something that'll do this for him I am more than happy to accomodate!

I feel it is very important to make sure to take care of our men. They need a wifes support and love and respect. They need to know that We will follow then to the end of the earth and support them in it - and then they'll conquer the world. I love it. I love him. I love to do this for him however I am able. I love to shower him with gifts and love and praise. I love to show him my support for his silly endeavors - even if I may find them humorus and laugh - I still love his crazy escapades.

Well, in honor of tomorrow being yet another work day - I'll wrap this up and try to get some very much needed sleep.

Go with God.

Bethany

my pathetic reason for sharing pictures

Could you resist taking pictures of such an adorable child!? I certainly cannot. When I finally plugged in my camera yesterday I found out that yesterday alone I ended up with 73 pictures taken of my little girl. Yes, I am quite addicted. ...I seem to remember posting about that before?

It appears that I am also addicted to BabyLegs leggings:

I just can't stop myself from dressing my little girl in them. She's SO cute and these just assist in cuteness.

Yes, this is pretty much just an excuse to post more pictures of my little girl. Pathetic? Yes. But I'm good with that.

Starting Long

It's Tuesday and it feels like it's already been an incredibly long week.

Kenny and I bought a car last week a good one for me to drive around in with a baby. So just about every day since then has been spent doing this and that trying to get it up and running for me to drive. Then there was the endless socializing of Easter weekend, starting Friday night. Yesterday was again spent on our new-to-us-car. Aaaaand then today I spent in stores - All.Day.Long.

Rylee feels equally exhausted - she's currently passed out next to me and has been for the last hour or so. Much to my delight I have used that time to give my house some much needed TLC.

Also, its been typical Spokane spring weather - today we woke up to 3 inches of snow on the ground at our area of the town but just a few minutes north of us my parents got 8 inches. Then by 3 in the afternoon it warmed up to a toasty 60º. When I finally made it home I was welcomed by this lovely sight:

I couldn't help but laugh. It's a beautiful sight, really. I love it.

God is amazing and I thoroughly enjoy his sense of humor.

Easter Lyrics

I love this song, VERY much. I used to fall asleep to it. I thought it was fitting for the day. Merry Easter all!

The amazing grace,
Of the master – Jesus Christ
The extravagant love of God,
The intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit,
Be, with you.

May the grace of our Lord be with you,
Now and always may you stay,
Blameless till he comes.

May the love of our Lord be with you,
Now and always may you stay,
Blameless till he comes.

May our Lord,
Jesus Christ Himself
Encourage and strengthen you,
In every good thing you do and say.
God loved us,
And through His grace,
He gave a shining hope,
And encouragement that continues forever!

May the grace of our Lord be with you,
Now and always may you stay,
Blameless till he comes.

May the love of our Lord be with you,
Now and always may you stay,
Blameless till he comes.

Love mixed with faith be yours
From God the Father
And from the Master
Jesus Christ
And now unto Him
Who is able to keep you from falling
And present you faultless
Before the presence of His glory
With exceeding joy
To the only wise God, Our Saviour
Be glory and majesty
Dominion and power
Both now and forever...
Amen.

May the grace of our Lord be with you,
Now and always may you stay,
Blameless till he comes.

May the love of our Lord be with you,
Now and always may you stay,
Blameless till he comes.

Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart,
Nought be all else to me, save that Thy art.
Thou my best thought in the day and the night,
Waking or sleeping, Thou presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom, be Thou my true word,
I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord.
Be Thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight,
Be Thou my armour and be Thou my might.

Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance now and always.
Thou and Thou only Thou first in my heart,
High King of heaven my treasure Thou art.

My treasure you are

Oh high king of heaven, when battle is done,
Grant heaven's joy to me, bright heaven’s sun.
Christ of my own heart, whatever befalls,
Still be my vision, My ruler of all.

My ruler of all.

My Precious

Have I mentioned recently that I love my kid?

Really. I love her. I didn't use to have a jealousy complex. But now I do. I want to hold her always. I don't need a break nor want a break from her. She is my special gift from God, mine and Kenny's. I don't feel overwhelmed. I don't feel like my life is all consumed in a bad way. I don't feel the need to go do something without the baby. She's my baby and I don't want to miss anything in her life. I want her in my arms and with me.

My life has been nothing I had planned. I used to want NO kids EVER. NOT EVER. Did I say NEVER? Cause really, I NEVER wanted kids. I grew up as the first born of 5 children. I loved my childhood, and don't have any regrets. It was great, I just never wanted any of my own. Then I met my hubby, and my mind changed to "maybe one or two someday." Obviously that has changed to - one kid now. haha.

As far as we know, though, Rylee will be our only child. She has brought such joy and wonderment into our lives. Kenny and I constantly look at her and say something like "I'm glad we made her." "She's SO cute. No, she's SOOOOOOOO cute!" ...yeah, we're pathetic. But, really, we're totally in love with eachother and her and couldn't be much happier right now.

After first having her I thought I didn't want to have an only child and was trying to convince Kenny that we wanted another in a couple years (not soon by any means!). He is so traumatized from the whole birth experience that he'd just rather not have to deal with that again. haha!

Now, as I look at my darling little girl I cannot imagine going through all this again with her older and not being able to give her the same attention as I do now. I am now pretty certain I just want to pour myself into her only. Of course, I'm always willing to let God change my mind again, as its happened so many times already. But for now, it is our intent to not plan on any more children and enjoy our Rylee as our only child.

My Preccciousssssssssss! (Gollum)

That's how I feel! I don't want to share! Haha! I know, its totally selfish, but I really don't. I don't want to miss a thing in her life. I want to be there for her every step of the way, help her grow up and make it through life as God would have for her. I want to model to her what a wife is to her husband. I love him so much and couldn't ask for a better one!

So many would give anything to have the kind of "luck" we've had with conceiving children, and so I feel terrible for those who may think that we are squandering our "gift." But, the way Kenny has seen it is - we've already got two little ones in heaven waiting for us. We are, in a way, a family of 5, and I cannot wait to meet those that never made it here to earth for me to love and dote on. Yet, had those 2 not gone to heaven, I would not have Rylee here with me now. Its all so bittersweet, and all apart of God's plan.

For now, I am content with Rylee being an only child. I don't want to miss anything and I do not feel the need to "get away." I don't need a break. She's my sunshine and brings joy to my heart and being. She makes me want to strive towards Jesus and be the best mother and wife that I can be.

Thank You, Jesus, for my precious little girl.

New Adventures

I totally love a good adventure. Whether it be going for a road trip, chasing a thunder storm, or hiking through a beautiful bear infested forest. These things have always given me a fantastic sense of accomplishment for whatever reason. Making me just so happy and content with life - and they don't even cost all that much (except for the gas, of course) !

As of the last few months I have found myself still on an adventurous path - just a whole new kind of adventure: That of Parenting.

Just today while playing with my ever smiling baby doll I found a massive explosion of puke streaming down splattering into my hair, the pillow behind me and my couch. I had to re-wash my hair just to get the stench out.

I have also teased (serious teasing, though!) that "My imagination is too big for me." - I've reached a new level of paranoial:

Having a baby to make sure is with you everywhere is something that you get used to pretty quickly. I mean, after going your whole life just taking care of yourself it's pretty awesome that you adjust so well. And yet - I find myself driving down the road going into a mini panic-attack: "OH MY GOSH! Did I leave Rylee at home!?!?" When her car seat is safe and sound in the back of my car and I can see it quite easily. - Getting the whole adrenaline rush and fast heartbeat that takes a moment or 5 to calm back down. I mean, how terrible of a parent would I be, if I had done that!?

Oh wow. Pathetic, I know, but this is what has happened to me. An already partially insane person turned into a mother has reached a whole new realm of insanity.

Oh - and I have also mentally turned into a Jr.High aged boy and laugh at Rylee when she Burps, Farts and Pukes. Although, I should not be surprised at myself about the burping as I am quite capable of out belching just about any guy...

...In other news I dressed her up in jeans, converse and an orange t-shirt tonight and everyone was mistaking her for a boy. But she totally rocked. - The Evil joys of being a mom and getting to dress the kid before she cares! I'll add a picture or two later when I get my camera set hooked up to my computer.