Thursday, May 21, 2009

You still have much to learn, Young Grasshopper.

I have recently realized that being a mom has brought out some nasty traits in me.

I've always known that I can be a very impatient person. Growing up I prayed over and over "for patience with my family," particularly one of my little brothers - he got on my nerves something fierce. Little did I know that I wouldn't just wake up the next morning and have patience - voila! Rather, God would teach me to have patience by allowing certain siblings to be continually difficult - to my own benefit toward becoming that patient individual I wanted to be.

God then blessed me with my Husband. He finds a lot of amusement out of pushing my buttons and seeing just.how.far.he.can.go. before I become violent back at him. It is a sport for him. Of course, we have a great relationship and I reciprocate in a fun manner as well. Yet, it takes a lot of patience for me to remain in a calm state as long as I do (and I am never required to do this in front of company either!....).

As much as I have grown in those areas, I still have a lot of growing to do.

I am now a firm believer that the very act of becoming a mother gives you more patience than you ever could have thought you would have - and yet, it is not enough at times either.

No one in our lives will ever love Munchkin as much as Kenny and I do. Even though that is 100% the truth, there are times I get so frustrated I want to scream, or run away. Not for long - 5 minutes is all I usually need (sometimes 10). Sometimes she screams and I don't know why. Sometimes she will not let me do anything for a literal 2 minutes because she must be held and played with at all times.

Sometimes, today particularly, I got frustrated thinking and feeling like I would never have a chance to do something for myself while she is in the room with me. I want to be able to have her sit and have fun while I do something else too.

Then I remind myself that it IS only a time. She is already **5** months old! When did that happen? She has changed and grown so much and I have enjoyed it. The frustration I felt today reminded me of when she was just a couple weeks old and I had a crying fit thinking I would never have a life again.

I am pleased to announce that I have quite successfully had a life and enjoy it so very much. It is a New Life, but it is still fantastic. I just had "one of those moments" where its difficult to think of anything else. I have had to sit down, close my eyes, and tell myself "she's just being a baby, I may never know why she is so upset, this will be over soon."

I still have a lot to learn, and hopefully I'll never stop learning. I am thankful that God has allowed me the small amount of patience that I do have. That allows me to not loose my mind when Munchkin screams in the car. When Kenny does his best to help me with her but ends up making it worse (poor guy!). Or when she decides to wake up at 5am.

For now, the sun is shining and I need to go enjoy it with Munchkin!

13 comments:

Jillian said...

You are not the only mom I have heard say this!! I can't wait to have my whole world turned upside down but I do know that I will have those moments too!!

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