Musician in the Making?

What do you think of this little musician in the making?

 

She was just so tickled when I put her up on Grandma's Piano Bench and let her plink away on those ivory keys!

She couldn't help but grin, then turn back and concentrate hard on what she was doing.

 

Don't you just love how her fingers so daintily touch the keys?

 

Yes, she just loved all that piano time.

 

 My little musician in the making.  

 

Unconventional Mom

We don't live on a daily schedule. The most the schedule we have is I get up every morning, get Kenny's work clothes, Make us both Breakfast, Make Kenny's lunch, Get a shower, Get Rylee up and fed and dressed. After that - Who Knows!? After that the day is open for whatever may come. Work, hanging around the house, running countless errands - or what will soon to be - packing/moving. And, at the end of the day she does best going to be from between 9-12, depending on the rest of the day.

I let her run and play all through the house.

I don't have child locks on my cabinets.

I let her play with old-school trains (the same one I had as a child myself!) that have the paint peeling off.

We let her drink as much as she wants through the day (when I breastfed she got the boob whenever she wanted it).

I let her climb on top of the baseboard heater and attempt to then climb on the kitchen chairs. The worst that'll happen will be a little fall and possibly bumping her chin/biting her tongue. I'd be right there and she'll be okay.

We laugh and and tell her it's funny and she's "okay" when she falls down (Unless, of course, she instantly starts crying). Consequently she really doesn't mind falling down, even when it's a 'hard' fall. She picks herself back up again, sometimes wants a hug, and keeps going.

We let her watch tv, play with the tv, push buttons, change the contrast, the settings, the channels.

I let her play with my iPod Touch.

She plays with my Cell phone. She's very good about it too because we've taught her "gentle" or "careful."

I let her pacifier fall on the floor - anywhere - and almost always give it right back to her.

I don't care that her juice bottle fell on the floor in Arby's - no that single momentary contact with the floor is not going to giver her the swine flu.

We delayed Vaccinations. Let her Jaundice clear up on it's own by taking her out for drives on the sunny days through the wintery week after she was born.

Didn't give her the flu shot and especially not the swine flu shot.

Yes, I let her play with pens. She is good with them, and has learned very quickly that you can draw with them, but only on paper.

I started 'disciplining' her as soon as she started crawling and actually understanding things. She is a very big girl and understands a lot.

I let her climb up on things all the time. I'm there when she falls, she learns not to do it again because it 'hurts' her. I let her play in boxes, play with old pop bottles, and other 'garbage' that won't do her any harm.

We joke around that Rylee never "had a chance" to not like love electronics. We've got almost 4 (Kenny's building the 4th one) computers between us, for work/school/personal purposes. We only have cell phones, no home phone. 4 ipods, 2 Nintendo DS's, a Wii................. so we are just teaching her moderation.

Times change and so do children and the things they grow up with. Our daughter is growing up in the age of technology. So, we focus on teaching her moderation. She absolutely loves being outside, and I also hope to nurture that much much more with our pending move.

I don't care when she feeds a dog and gets dog drool on her hands - then puts them in her mouth. I'll wash them if I can get to her right away - but I am not going to freak out about it in the slightest.

I also don't care if she is fussing and screaming through a grocery store. I will not do *everything* I can to stop her screaming. She will get disciplined for it in the store, and will learn that it is not okay behavior.

I bring her to work with me, and I let her run around. I let her play and climb and get into things - of course she is supervised and of course she never is allowed anything that will harm her. I love that she gets to grow up in similar work that I did. I hope that she will also learn a good work ethic eventually too. All we can do is provide her the right environment and tools for her to really learn these things. That's what we hope to do.

We let her play with other random electronics. USB cables, alarm clocks,  computer mice. Oh gosh, computer mice. She loves those darn things. Especially the laser mice - she loves picking them up and shining that light onto the desk when it's plugged in. She still likes clicking it when we unplug them - but it's not as cool as when that laser is there to play with.

Yes, I give her chocolate and other sweets. We do try and keep it to a minimum - but she does get those. They are good, we enjoy them, why shouldn't she? We know that she could develop a 'sweet tooth' but by keeping them from her we're just creating a much worse monster - rather than teaching her moderation in the long run.

I get looks and stares. I can tell when other women (and friends) talk behind my back about how they "can't believe I let my daughter do ____." But I can handle it. It's how I am.

I don't mind being a dork for my daughter. Dancing around like an idiot, making stupid noises, singing and playing and walking around in a sheet because she thinks it hilarious. - Whatever it is.

It's how I am. I don't buy into the new 'trends' in parenting these days. I don't buy into the crap that says tv makes children ADHD. I don't buy into all the hand sanitizing - kids have to be exposed to germs to be able to be immune to anything in the first place. Kids that are constantly washed and not able to build those immunities are sick more often.

I don't buy into the new 'thing' that says you can't tell your children "No" because it will mentally/emotionally damage them. I was told "no," I was grounded, I was ::gasp:: spanked! I appreciate it! I am who I am today because of how my parents raised me. I have 4 younger siblings and I appreciate being raised with all them too.

My daughter loves me, hugs me, rubs me, kisses me. Begs to be held, played with, given attention. She is a sweetheart and doesn't like it when she knows she's disappointed me and tries to make up for it.

I am an Unconventional Mom. I'm proud of it!

Diaper Rash, and everything else.

Rylee has had diaper rash for a month and a half now. We've changed the brand of diaper we use (we even did cloth at one point and loved it until Rylee's butt proved too sensitive for that, which was a bummer), the type of baby wipe, slathering her butt in Desitin Paste, A&D, Cortizone 10. Yeast infection cream - per doctors orders. Letting her run free and loose as the happiest naked baby for an hour+. Gotten prescription meds. Seen the doctor for it twice. 

Still, the danged rash persists.

The final 'straw' was pulled today when I was changing her diaper, as normal, she started sobbing in pain and I came to see that she was actually bleeding in a couple spots from the sores on her butt! I called the doctor right away after slathering her more with ointments to at least relieve the pain. We got an appointment for first thing tomorrow. I want this cleared up! I want them to tell me I'm doing something very wrong, or she's got an uber sensitive butt and I need to do other things, or that she's got something else that's making her 'sick'!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm now in the process of trying to figure out where we'll store everything that we won't be bringing directly with us and won't 'need' for the next year or two. 

I applied for financial aid tonight, we'll see how that goes. I'd love to be able to take at least a year of schooling in Graphic Design and Photography. 

I still can't believe how much is going to change in the next month for us. I haven't even started sorting through ANYTHING! ...mostly I'm waiting for our tax return so we can get plastic containers to store our crap in for who knows how long. After that happens, (hopefully tomorrow!) I'll be in the full swing of the life that is moving.

For now, I gotta get off of here so I can make sure I get Rylee to her appointment on time tomorrow!

The Scoop:

Most of you know Kenny and I were looking at houses all winter when we realized it was actually a possibility for us. There were a lot of great houses, a lot of options.

Shortly before we started looking at houses we found out that Kenny's job will pay for schooling up to 9 credits a quarter/semester and he only has a little more than 2 years left for his BA in Computer Science. (Catch is we have to pay for the tuition up front then they reimburse us)

After deciding it would just be foolish not to take advantage of such a sweet perk from his job we started getting ready to send him back to school this fall. Coming to terms with the fact that a house would have to wait. We didn't want to be strapped for cash anymore than we already are. heehee.

We searched for a new place to live that would save us money for all the gas that will be spent driving out to the College (it's a good hour drive) all the time, and the potential loss of work hours, all we came up with were places that just weren't suited to living with a young toddler.

We knew both My parents and Kenny's parents would graciously open their homes to us should we need it. My parents' house is a bit full these days and about to get a little more full with the addition of a new grandbaby any time now. So, if we were to go to one or the other, it would be Kenny's parents.

At first we didn't explore that train of thought too much. We've been married near 3 years and haven't even considered moving in with parents unless we were sometime in dire need. It was honestly a bit of a pride issue for me. I like my stuff my house "mine mine mine" heehee.

Upon realization that housing is just too expensive to handle with school, baby, loss of work hours............ we explored the idea of moving in with our Parents a little more. The more we talked about it, the more we thought about it, the more we prayed about it - the more it made sense.

As Kenny and I were talking I thought we would just take over his sisters old room, it'd be a really small for the 3 of us, but I thought we could manage okay. I didn't realize he was talking about his mom's sewing room!!

The poor woman! With only one kid left at home these days she had just turned that room that was once the craft/school room completely into her craft room. She was in heaven. Happy to go down and just sit in that room just to sit, because it was her craft room.

Kenny was adamant that her craft room would be the best room for us to move into, the most 'room' for the 3 of us if we were to move in, if they were really okay with us 'coming back.'

So, we drove on out and laid our request before them. They were beyond gracious, even though Doreen would lose her beloved craft room. I couldn't believe she was actually as accepting as she was. ...I mean, I believed it, she's totally awesome like that. Yet, it's her room and she loves it. It's an amazing sacrifice for her, and I am SO grateful!

So, through the next few weeks we'll be helping get their house rearranged and moving out of our cute little apartment into a cute little room with our parents! It'll be a wonderful adventure! Allowing Kenny to go to school, and quite possibly, I might get my chance to go to school as well.

It feels so surreal. I can't believe we're actually going to do this. It's gotta be one of the craziest things we have done! It is going to be great, though. I'm excited for the next year, possibly couple years. So, here we go!

The Toddler Stage

That is the stage we are in now. You know those years they call the "terrible twos"? Well, it's a lie, just like "Morning Sickness" Is a lie. It's "All Day Sickness" and it's the "Terrible Toddlers."

Rylee hit that 'terrible two' stage all too early for me. I knew it would happen. I could see it coming. It hit in full force the last few days, though.

I attributed some of it to her probably teething again. She's only got 4 teeth and all her peers have 8+, I'm not worried about her development at all - I just figure it's high time for her to be teething again and I'm pretty sure she's got another couple trying to break through. If the last year has been any indication it could be well over a month, though, before we see any relief on the teething front.

However, there has been a major shift in her attitude. I couldn't believe it at first. We do our best to be very consistent in our discipline, so she does not get confused and knows that there is a very clear line between what is right and okay for her to do - and what is wrong and not okay.

Just a few days ago she started deliberately hitting me - in the face - she definitely knows better. She has also started that toddler thing where she looks at you before she touches/does that forbidden thing, makes sure I am watching, I tell her "No No, Rylee," and she deliberately does it anyway. Then turns and runs away to hide from punishment.

It makes me so sad to have to discipline her so often. She is growing and stretching her wings. Finding herself and pushing boundaries. So, we are letting her. All the while teaching that there are indeed consequences to her actions - the good ones as well as the bad ones.

It does stress me out, though, when she screams and screams and screams because she repeatedly does what she knows is not okay. Causing my blood sugar to skyrocket - then I become short-tempered with the short-tempered baby. I need to remind myself of this, and do my best not to stress it. She is a child and children will behave this way. It's in our nature. I just need to sit back, be patient, and take it all in stride.

My sweet sweet, always happy, very very good little baby girl was replaced by a monster today! Where did this little missy run off to?

Random thoughts

It's been a great weekend for us so far. ...you know, aside from all those negative things that felt like they just lined up to beat me in the face.

Friday we went and walked around downtown for awhile, looking at a camera shop, pricing out lenses, walked to the mall, got a pizza. Came back home (after rushing to the car because of the failure to put money in the meter), Kenny went to a poker night where he won back 3x as much as he went in with (it was a very small buy in, nothing big but still fun).

Today. ...Today was a crazy day. I've been up since 7:30 (on a Saturday!!) because of a lovely low blood sugar. I spent the morning checking out new housing.

Kenny is going back to school this fall for sure. His job will pay for his tuition up to 9 credits. It's really an amazing perk! The catch is that we have to foot the bill first off and he has to finish the classes with a 'C' or better before they will reimburse us the cost. He want to finish his Computer Science degree he started out doing a couple years ago but got sick of school and couldn't see an end in sight. Now he's ready to go back and it's a tangible thing! We're paying off our only remaining debt with our tax return, and will be able to actually handle the cost of the schooling without any student loans or anything like that.

The only really impractical things that have been stopping us have been:

- Gas and Driving. The college is an hour away and gas isn't cheap these days. We weren't sure how we were going to be able to afford that.

- Living. We weren't sure how just living was going to work out. Haha! With the added cost of gas, possible (probable) hours lost at work, and extra needs that will arise - we just didn't know how it was going to happen.

Searching around for weeks and especially today brought me to the realization that there was no real way to 'break even' and ensure we'd be able to make it month to month. We don't know how Kenny's hours will hold up - things have been up and down for the last year. Some weeks at 50 hours, other weeks at just barely 25. If he gets any less than 35 while working and going to school there'll be no real good way to make the bills.

So... after much discussion and deliberation... we made a decision. A huge decision. It's so crazy we both can't quite believe we're going to do it. Haha! It'll be great. It'll be different. And, Hopefully, if all works out we'll come out very much on top!

I'm going to leave it a mystery tonight! Just because I can!

One of those days

You know those days?

Those days where:

You realize you looked like an idiot when you went running yesterday because you wore your really nice earrings and necklace with your running outfit.

Your playing with your child then just fall over into a wall because you tripped over your pj pants that are too long for you (no matter what) because you're only 5 feet tall.

You forget to put money in the meter when you're downtown for an hour and a half - panic when you realize how dumb you are. Then thank God when there is no ticket (even though the parking ticket police have been awful all day).

Your daughter loses her shoe somewhere in wal-mart and you didn't even realize it until a nice mom points it out to you at the check stand. ...then you go looking everywhere for it (and you have no idea where you lost it. How could you be so un-observant) and still don't find it.

You didn't realize that your daughter has a huge cherry colored goose-egg on her forehead from where she hit it on the ground while throwing a fit earlier until 5 hours later.

Your land-lord suddenly changes the renters agreement that has been in place for the last 3 years - and you've relied up on it because of when you get paid during the month - now you don't know how you're going to handle it.

You get told if you lose weight you won't have to use an insulin pump any more by a random person in the grocery store. You might normally laugh but since you've been gaining weight recently it hits a sore spot.

You are trying to do the right thing and say what has been on your mind for months - and it just gets a dear friend flat out angry with you. ...but helps the other person.

You've been having stomach problems for the better part of a year and it acts up on a day that is already full of other things.

You feel guilty for missing your husband when he's out on a Poker night - and he never ever goes to things like that.

...yeah it's been one of those days. Much like this song by the ever so awesome Supertones

Ok, I believe it now too

So, A week and a half ago I started this running program called C25k. I've heard a lot of hype about this from several people I know, and since I'm trying to get healthy (and maybe stay healthy this time) I figured I'd give it a try.

I was going at it pretty skeptically. I wanted to start just getting into a routine for exercise and that's all I figured I'd accomplish with this. Nothing too monumental (though, I'll admit, I wanted to accomplish something) at all.

The program started out with a 5 minute warm up in the beginning and 5 minute cool down in the end. For 20 minutes inbetween its interval training. The 1st week it had me (I say 'it' because I downloaded a app for my itouch because I'm too lazy to actually time these intervals.) doing 90 seconds of walking with 60 seconds of jogging, and back and forth.

I didn't even realize the other day when I started Week 2 that it switched things up on me all ready and had me doing 90 second jogs with 2 minutes walks. I did notice that I was having those nasty runners side pains that I wasn't before - but I blamed it on being as unfit as I am, not the change in intervals. When I realized the change today before I started running I thought to myself "oh crap, I'm not going to be able to do this. I had issues the other day, this isn't going to work well."

Much to my surprise I handled it beyond well! I couldn't believe it. I kept thinking to myself "Wow, I'm actually being able to handle this thing just fine. That's so awesome." It made me go back and look at the previous workout to see when exactly it changed the intervals on me. Sure enough, it was the last work out, I didn't even know it!

So, here is the skeptic - a complete believer in this program all ready. I am beyond amazed at how much it has improved my cardiovascular system and ability to exert myself beyond what I am normally. I am still disappointed that I seem to still be gaining weight, but I'll just have to deal with that for now.

My next step is to eat healthier. ...well, as healthy as you can when you buy cheap food. Heehee.

I'm still amazed at how just after 2 weeks my cardio is MUCH better than I even kind of hoped for. So, I'm hoping that maybe after some more time, better eating habits, that my weight will stabilize and I'll go back to a more normal me. So, we'll keep it up. My Rylee and I. We'll gear up and get out with the jogging stroller and have some fun running together.

Beautiful?

Feeling quite down yesterday, and it kinda spilled over into today. So it was quite the extra surprise and sweet blessing when I came home from a long day of work and evening at my in-laws (who are awesome) I found I had won the "Beautiful Blogger" Award from sweet Jenny over at Just Jones!

As are the rules of winning the award, I'd like to
pass this award on! The rules are simple:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for
this award and insert a link to their blog.

2. Copy and paste the award into your blog

3. Share 7 things about yourself.

4. Pass on the award to about 10 other
bloggers who you recently discovered and
think are great! (in no particular order)

--------------------

1. I love all things color
2. My hair is grown out to its natural color for only the 2nd time since I've known my husband.
3. I love Converse, my Husband hates them.
4. I love mac's, photography, graphic design - my husband loves pc's, gaming, programming.
   
5. I feel very contentious when those dear to me are behaving idiotically.
6. I'm a lazy diabetic and end up with piles of test strips in the bottom of my purse because I can't be bothered to zip up the container I put them in.
   
7. I love hiking and being outdoors

--------------------
Facing Life as a "Born Again Diabetic"

Life as a Diabadass

My Sugar and Spice

Semi Charmed Life

Welcome to the Zoo

The Sweet Things in Life

Hagel Home

Talking Blood Glucose

Naturally Sweet

A Beautiful Diabetic

--------------------------------

Thanks so much, Jenny! You made my day!

"The Scale is Gaining Weight"

Being healthy has always been a fascination for me. Ever since I was little I loved the health and safety portion of school. I spent many hours of my extra time when not doing school work just reading over more health books of varying topics - whatever peaked my interest at the time.

It's always been a major struggle and issue in my life, though. I struggle with my weight. I like to be thin but every time I do my best to be healthy in the diabetes realm it instantly causes weight gain and that stirs up serious emotions and deep psychological issues within me.

I always do just enough to get by, enough to live and make it day to day. But when I really try, really try, I gain weight. Isn't that sad irony? Most people who really try to be healthy are hoping to lose a bit of weight in the process. Me? I'd just be happy to maintain.

Doing just enough to get by, and just live day to day is easy - but I doubt that will help me in the long run. I'm certain I'll suffer more consequences that I even realize. Doing 'just enough' will likely result in eyesight problems, neurological problems, heart problems... and many more. I don't want that - I don't want to subject my Husband and Daughter to that most of all. They don't deserve that. They deserve a healthy Wife and Mother. I should be doing my very best for them.

I try to keep my eyes on that goal, yet every time my weight starts creeping back up it looks less and less attractive. It's really eating at me these days.

With Kenny's suggestion I started this new C25K running program last week hoping that it will help me keep a positive outlook and maybe slow down whatever weight gain may ensue. No such luck, though. Not yet. I'll not be quitting anytime soon. I hate who I become when this happens. You'd think that I'd be a much happier joyful person when I'm healthy - but I get depressed and withdrawn.

Venting to Kenny tonight how much "I hate this!" he was so sweet and told me "just be healthy."
I appreciate that more than I can say. I still struggle with the damage Rylee did to my body, my little 9 pound wonder, I just wish I could reverse that and then maintain a decent weight. Not the hand of cards I was dealt, though.

My husband is sweet, and tries to point me toward letting it go and just focus on being healthy, being his wife and being a mom. Trying to focus on letting God take it all from me and blame it on the scale gaining weight.

Early Bird gets the Low.

:::Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!:::

The dang alarm goes off, Telling Kenny it's time for him to get in the shower and get ready for work.

He rolls out of bed, hops in the shower. I try and roll out of bed to get his work clothes out of the dryer for him after staying up late to make sure he even had anything to wear this morning.

::Gosh Dang-It::

My wonderful 43" pump tubing, courtesy of CVS, is wrapped completely around my body a couple times, having fallen out of my pocket in the night.

After getting untangled and out of bed I open the washer "Where are Kenny's Clothes? I know I washed them last night. ...Oh yeah, they are in the dryer." Get them out of the dryer, take those darn clothes in to him and head to the kitchen to start breakfast and his lunch.

I stood there opening and closing cabinets. "What the heck is wrong with me? Why do I feel like crap? Weak and Shaky?"

OH.

I must be low. Sure enough, 58mg/dl rang up on the meter.

I'm not usually this out of it when I'm low. That's not even a bad low, so I have to wonder if I was low much before that. A little alarming, I always wake up when I'm low in the middle of the night and I've always been proud of that.

This is the 2nd morning in a row this has happened. Yesterday I didn't realize it until I tried to get Rylee out of her crib and I could barely lift her and get her into the bathtub so I could shove some sugar down my throat. This morning she was already awake but obviously I was in no good condition to go get her out of bed. I pretended not to hear her (bad Mom!) and let Kenny get her after he was out of the shower and I was not low anymore.

Diabetes Frustrations. Off to play with my Daughter and enjoy being back to sanity!

Notebooks from the Past

I love God's sense of humor.

We took a trip to the storage unit where we have our own "personal" 4x4 square to store what we don't want in our apartment. I was cleaning out and needed things taken there so I could have some sanity back in my life, I can't deal with clutter. At. All. Anyways.

I found a box of notebooks I wrote in. I am obsessive compulsive about writing in notebooks. I have dozens and dozens of them. I haven't been the last year and a half or so, though. Life caught up with me and the time to keep a notebook like I used to just disappeared, so I turned to blogging instead?

Reading through the one I kept right before I met Kenny and it went through until just after we started dating, I can't believe how much has changed, and how funny things are.

Several months after Kenny and I met (we had kept in touch via Instant Messenger, because that was the thing to do, and emails) he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. I prayed and prayed for him, that God would bring him peace, heal his heart so he could get on with his life. Because he was a sweet boy. - I did make sure to mention in my prayers that I didn't want to be his next girlfriend (because I didn't want to be a rebound).

Well, God sure healed his heart and got him through it. He also thought it would be awful funny if I would become his next, and last, girlfriend.

The poor guy, I flat out told him "no" the first time he asked me out. Not even a "Well, I'll think about it" or "Maybe" just a "No." I explained I couldn't because #1: I didn't want to be a rebound and #2: I didn't want to go out with the first guy that asked me because I felt like that would be a recipe for disaster for myself/mind/emotions.

He was okay with it and accepted that. We went on for a couple months, chatting nightly on Instant Messenger and E-mailing daily. We hung out on Wednesday nights frequently then went to youth group together. We went to Guitar Center together (my little brother, the one who is going to have a son in a few weeks, tagging along because my Dad wouldn't let me be alone with a guy yet! haha!) and played all the guitars we thought were cool. We played with effects petals, strings, and amps.

After a hospitalization in September that year for severe DKA and then another for Anorexia in October he asked me out again. Why on EARTH would he ask out such an, obviously, screwed-up-in-the-head chick!? I have no idea, but he did and I am so happy he did!

It was a long road from there. More hospitalizations, many a serious discussion about my childish mental state of needing to be bone skinny. Lots of ups, lots of downs and lots more ups. I can't say that I am 100% eating disorder free, I'm sure I never will be, but my husband is the greatest and my God is good. I deal with life every day and both Kenny and Rylee give me such a zest to live as I wish. I am free to be me with my Sweethearts and I love every moment of that. Good and Bad.


P.S. Another funny tidbit: In my criteria for a Man in my life, He couldn't interfere with my music! ...Kenny and I just spent around 2 years on the worship team for his home church. Playing then leading and directing. Oh sweet amusement!

My Sweet, Sweet Valentines.

It's hard to resist this little lover

She's just SO sweet, and brings much joy to our lives every day.

She loves going for walks outside.

She adores her Papa.

Flashes us the cutest smiles full of dimples.

Her eyes so full of Fun, Sweet Innocent Love.

My wonderful Husband and Beautiful Daughter. The 2 best Valentines there ever were.

Recap:

Okay, I'm more of a sane person again, so I thought an update and recap would be appropriate right about now. Haha!
Starting 5 months ago I thought it would be a good idea to get some more supplies ordered on my new insurance plan through Kenny's work. I had a huge back up of my Insulin, Infusion Sets, Cartridges and Test Strips.
It had been many months since I ordered more, I figured it was about time to get going on that. I had no idea how this new insurance would work out for my prescriptions other than that it was supposed to be about $50 for 3 months of mail ordered supplies. We had only been on that insurance for 6ish months and I, at the time, was in no hurry to learn the ropes.

We confirmed that my Inset Infusion Sets were covered with my insurance plan. I spoke to my doctors office, had them call in the appropriate prescriptions to CVS. Simple enough, right? Well, I thought it was.

When I checked my order online a week later to see where it was in the process I realized that they were sending me the wrong one of 2 possible types. Figuring it was my doctors fault for calling in the wrong ones I called CVS, canceled it, asked my doctor to put through the right one.

A couple weeks later I got a letter stating that the most recent order of Infusion sets was canceled because they were not covered under my plan. ::sigh:: Oh well. I'll just call them and see what's up.

I was told that they are covered. I order them. Again a few weeks later I'm told they are not covered and the order is canceled. Repeat several more times over the course of a few months because it takes them a couple weeks to "process" each prescription then tell me it's not coming.

Then we come to January. I finally get a 4 way conference call going on and between everyone we finally figure out what exactly is covered by my insurance company, what I can order and what the exact code I need to give whoever I talk to next time I have issues.

Called my doctors office, yet again, had them send over that exact order to CVS. Who then took a full week to process the prescription, and I told them I needed it expedited because they had screwed around with me for so long. CVS also screwed up and instead of Over-nighting these Infusion Sets to me (after we informed them I need urgently) they shipped the package, not 2day, or 3day but UPS Ground. From Florida to Washington. Suffice to say, I was upset.

THEN: (Oh yes, there is more) I get a call: they sent me the wrong ones.

How could this happen? I was out of Infusion Sets. I was already back to shots for a couple days which was causing me problems. I wanted my Infusion Sets. I needed my Infusion Sets. I need to be on my Insulin Pump. Life is so much better when I'm on an insulin pump with a little munchkin to chase after. Yes, there is tubing that she could accidentally rip out, but that's not so bad compared to actually feeling good and up to taking care of her.

I sat down and cried after that call. Kenny got on the phone after he was already an hour out of town. He pulled over on the side of the road and spent an hour on the phone doing battle for me. He got them to expedite the processing and overnight the RIGHT prescriptions. I had to wait an extra day because my doctor wasn't in the office that particular day. At least I was still going to get the right prescriptions by Thursday.

....or so I thought.

Thursday came, I waited around all day for that box of prescriptions to get here, it finally came...

...they were the wrong ones. Seriously. The ones that were supposed to be the "right ones" because they sent me the "wrong ones" turned out to still be the "wrong ones."

I, once again, wound up waiting around ALL.DAY. on Friday to get that original package that took nearly 2 weeks to get here. It came and those were the right ones!

The funny thing is that when I went to put one in today I realized that the tubing is nearly as long as I am tall! I was supposed to get the 23" tubing not the 43" tubing. I'm 5 feet tall, I don't need that extra crap to get in my way or for Rylee to play with (although she is very good about leaving it alone). Oh well, I can deal with that because at least I'll get my insulin delivered to me properly.5 months of insanity. Mostly finished. I'm sure I will run into problems next time I go to order because I'll need to make sure I get the right tubing, so I'll allow myself an extra month to let them screw up. I can sleep better now. No more major breakdowns. Much better, much happier. Now back to a more normal kind of life, hopefully without all this drama!

On Tuesday....

Tuesday went like this:

Rylee and I got started with our Morning, Kenny was on his way out of town for work. I was still a bit upset because I found out Monday that my prescriptions were not in fact coming Tuesday like I was told, but on Friday instead. I had to take out my infusion set Monday night because it had gone bad and I had no more, so on to my good ol' back up plan of Lantus and Novolog injections.


I was ticked at that because I woke up on the high side of where I like to be. But I was dealing. I had called my doctors office first thing Monday morning to ask I if I could come down and get extra Infusion Sets from them so I wouldn't have to do the Shot Limbo but they never called me back so I was stuck at that point.

While I was feeding my daughter breakfast I got a call from CVS.

"Hi, is this Bethany?"
"Yes, this is her"
"Hi ma'am, We at CVS are calling to inform you that the wrong prescriptions were sent out to you and we need to send you the correct ones."

I couldn't believe it.

After hanging up with this lady I was so distraught I sat down on the floor and cried. I'd had enough. It's been five months fighting with these people and they can never get it right. Even when we get the right numbers at the pharmacy and everything they still send out the wrong prescriptions because they are too incompetent to actually listen to the needs of the customers. I was on shots now and already having a hard time of it. My doctors office wasn't calling me back. I was going to have to wait another week to get the right prescriptions, in the mean time I was going to be charged for 2 orders and I only wanted one. I felt like the world was completely against me and I just sat down and cried.

Kenny called me amidst my crying and I couldn't hide it from him. Fortunately. He took matters in to his hands and pulled over on the side of the road, while he was on his way out of town for work, and called CVS.

He spent an hour on the phone with them and got it resolved to where if my doctors office called in the prescription right away with these new numbers that CVS needed to hear they would overnight the package to me - they would even wave the processing time they force (which is between 4-10 days).

I drove right away down to my doctors office so I could skip all the not calling back drama. Turned out my doctor and her nurse were out of the office that day but would be back the next. Absolutely nothing I could do about it, so I left a note that it was urgent they called me the next morning. The nurses that were there gave me extra infusion sets so I would no longer going to need to be on shots until my own came in the mail.

The prescriptions were called in yesterday by my nurse and she even had issues with CVS. They told her over and over that I wasn't in their system! I had already explained to her how many issues I had had with that damn company that she was forceful with them too and they finally 'found me.'

My prescriptions are supposed to be here this morning.

As per my Dad and Husband I am working on a full account of all these goings on and will be sending it into many news groups and 'big' people. This kind of behavior out of a company that directly effects a persons life is completely unacceptable.

"Thank You for Calling CVS Caremark, We appreciate your business"

Dear CVS Caremark,

I don't buy that line you feed me every time I call you.

You have put me through 5 months of hell and I just found out it isn't over yet.

You see, I am a very patient person, willing to let people screw up and even screw me over because it's in my nature to instantly think "well, maybe they are new and didn't know what they were doing" "maybe they were having a bad day," and I have given you every possible allowance over the last 5 months.

When you jerked me around telling me that one life-preserving prescription for a Type 1 diabetic IS covered then turn around and say "Gotcha!!! Haha!" and it's not - I was a little irritated. Still willing to work with you. Then you did it again. And again. And again. Aaaaaaaand just for good measure, you do it again.

I have wasted more of my precious 700 cell phone minutes with you than any other person or company in my life. Calling, pleading with you guys to work with me because I am more than willing to work with you.

You see, I use an Insulin Pump, being a pharmaceutical company you should be able to derive from that that I am a Diabetic. Maybe I should clarify that I have Type 1 diabetes and don't appreciate the callous eye roll and casual approach to my actually quite serious chronic illness due to all the misinformation going around.

I pay good money to you every month to be able to live my life to the fullest with what resources are available to me. You are there to help people get the drugs that they need for whatever reason, but you are completely incapable of accomplishing that in a satisfactory manner.

After finally figuring what string of magical baby words to say and how slow I need to talk to you guys for you to understand how to help me - you finally are able to get a prescription that will work for me. After 5 months you are finally able to get me a prescription that will work - because I got a 4 way conference call between me and 3 divisions of your company and between all of us you "figured it out."

I thought that maybe my problems with you guys would be over at that point how hard is it to get a prescription that was faxed over by my doctor the same day mailed out to me?

Evidently you are incompetent in every division of your company. You tried mailing and charging me for 3 other things that I do NOT need, I did NOT order and my Doctors office did NOT fax a prescription over for. I called, yet again, and cancelled those, telling you in the nicest way I could while being infuriated not to ever order something I did not authorize again.

It took you 4 days to ship my prescription from the time the fax came through. How on earth can it take that long? How could you not have gotten the message that I NEED these? Especially after my husband called and told you to speed your process up and overnight my prescriptions for me. It's been 5 months and I'm on my last infusion set.

I am not a swearing person. My parents are great people and taught me not to use such language. I generally don't. Today I am pissed. Today I would just love to cuss you out like I have never done before. Today I found out that you did not overnight my prescriptions, you sent them via UPS Ground, from Florida to Washington. What the Hell!? I'm not getting them until Friday!!! What part of "It's been 5 months of trying to get a prescription from a company we pay good money to so you damn well better overnight those to us" didn't you understand!?

I know you don't care, but I am Pissed. Now I have to use shots for 3 days sending me into 3 days of shitty blood sugars and by the time I get my new infusion sets I'll just be starting to get the control back on shots - but it doesn't compare to the control I have on my Insulin Pump.

Thank you SO much for condemning me to 3 bad days. I have plenty of friends who were more than willing to send me a couple extras to last me until my prescriptions came but you were supposed to overnight mine, so I declined. Now it still won't matter because I'll have my own by the time any extras are sent to me by any friends.

If I didn't have to use you to get my damn prescriptions because there is NO pharmacy within 281 miles that carries these prescriptions I would never use you again for the rest of my life.

"Thank You for Calling CVS Caremark, We appreciate your business"

Bite Me.

Exercise?

My baby is 13.5 months old. It's been that long since I've been pregnant. It's been a couple months longer than that since I've had a real established exercise routine. My body is telling me about it now.

I had to adjust my Insulin Pumps Basal rates right away after giving birth to Rylee - because I had a lot of lows. I had to adjust them further with breastfeeding and the TONS of calories burned there. I've not adjusted them since, though. My health has really taken a back seat this last year as I focused on all things baby.

A year later I'm realizing how bad that was. So, picking up the pieces to be a better, healthier mom. Get my blood sugars back under my control, instead of them controlling me. Get my body back in "shape." All my baby weight was gone a couple months after Rylee was born, which I was surprised about, being as I had gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy.

I used to run and weight train a lot. I've kept my "weight training" up with all the lifting and carrying of a baby the last year, but no running. I'm going to take it back up again. I've heard a lot of good hype about this Couch to 5k training plan. I've seen several with fantastic results with their blood sugars and weight loss. I'm not looking to lose weight, just get in shape, so I'm sure I'll have to adjust and actually remember to eat during the day now. ...shouldn't be too much of a problem since I tend to be a bottomless pit anyways when I exercise.

So, my challenge to myself is to start this running program tomorrow. Doing it 3 days a week, I think it'll be a Monday, Wednesday and Saturday thing for me. That gives me 2 days I don't work to do it and one day I do - hopefully that'll help me keep my motivation. I'm excited about this, hoping that maybe this'll become a good formed habit that I can go out and do with Rylee. She loves being outside so it should be a perfect match.

We'll see how I do with the blood sugars and basal changes to my insulin I'll have to be making. It's been awhile since I've done all that so it'll be a trial at first. Totally worth it, though, I hope!

"I Love You Baby..."

"...Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much......"

The Cutest Pregnant Girl Ever.

We had a very fun photo shoot today.

Such fun subjects, My Brother, Andrea and My Nephew-To-Be!

Sweet Baby Love

Seriously one of my favorite pictures.

A really great break from the insanity this week. That baby can come anytime now, or he can wait 4 more weeks. Whatever works. We got the pre-baby pictures done finally!

Gr.

Kenny is such a Sweetheart. He had a giftcard to Best Buy and went there while I was at work today. He brought me home the Star Trek Trilogy! ...being the Trekkie I am it's not really a Trilogy, there are 6 'original' movies - and the 1st one isn't even in the Trilogy. Haha. Anyways, I'm sure you didn't want to know that, and I'm not sure I wanted to expose that secret part of my life like that either.

I can't freaking get over how completely awful the Pharmacy is treating me. Not only did they not ship out my prescriptions 2 days ago - finally shipping them today - the didn't overnight them to me like Kenny forcefully told them they needed to. They have jerked me around for 5 months now, forcing me to completely use up my back up supply of infusion sets. Forcing me to now be on my last one. AND I'm screwed for good blood sugars the next couple days.

I'm going to need to make my Infusion set last until Tuesday, when it goes bad before then I'll need to do shots for a couple days and then back to my pump - just a nasty recipe for disaster.

Grr. Bed time.

Diabetes and Teeth and... Oprah.

I was going to write about how irritated, possibly enraged, I was at Oprah's segment today on Diabetes. I went to several forums and joined in the ranting that was already in full swing. I decided not to and let the professionals keep it, and I'll continue on with what I had originally planned. Kerri did a great job, everyone should head over to her blog and check out her 2¢ on the topic.

I am so Thankful for my resilient body. I have put it through a lot of abuse over the years. Years of poor eating habits, not taking my insulin, over exercising... you know, the eating disorder type of abuse.

As I said earlier, I'm also Thankful for my Husband. He came along just in time. He helped me through the worst of it. I can rely on him SO much to be on my side for my health. He'll go to bat for me whenever I need it.

Some of my misbehavior has caught up with me in the form of my teeth. I never had a cavity until I was 16. I inherited my dad's teeth - which is not a good trait - his teeth are awful. It started when I got braces - when I got them off just in time for my wedding I had a couple cavities which I could no longer get fixed because I was then off my parents' insurance plan.

That was nearly 3 years ago. Fall of 2008 I had the most awful tooth pain I had ever experienced, only thing was that I was 6 months pregnant. I needed a root canal. Being as I was pregnant I couldn't have the normal anesthesia and had to have the dumbed down stuff that wore off after a couple minutes max. They couldn't finish it either, they stuffed a filling in there to wait until after I had baby girl, then I could come back.

Our dental plan changed after she was born. When I finally went back, with more tooth pain and that filling had fallen out - I needed another root-canal in that same tooth, one in another tooth. 2 deep cavities filled and much more done. I've had chronic gingivitis too. We couldn't pay for all that work, it was several thousand dollars and we were struggling to pay bills every month and still have money left over for other necessities.

That's left me with a constant run of tooth aches, and gum infections. Driving my blood sugars crazy all across the board. I'm battling it constantly. My awful blood sugars over the years have helped create awful cavities in my mouth, turned into root canals, turned into constant infections. Which leads to awful blood sugar control.

Infections drive blood sugars up, blood sugars up allow the infection to rage on... and so goes the circle (more information). I'll be able to get rid of the gum infections for a little while without antibiotics, but they always come back.

I've finally got an appointment with a new dentist with our new dental plan that started this new year. It's not until the 26th this month, but I'm excited to finally be able to get my teeth fixed and have it be affordable. I am excited to get off this roller-coaster of poor health and finally be on the mend, I hope. I'm sick of the constant infection and pain in my mouth, I'm sick of the constant extremes for my blood sugars - neither are good for my sanity or continued health.

I'm trying to think of this as a good warning/sign to take care of myself better and better. I want this to be the worst I have to deal with as far as "complications" go. I owe it to my sweet husband and adorable daughter.

My Husband

I Thank God so much for my Husband. He is calm when I am not.

It's amazing to me how much we make up for some part in the other. I can be calm and collected when faced with many problems at once. Especially the big ones like possibly not being able to make rent, or we made rent but our other bills are going to be a couple days late until next weeks check. - All the while he's freaking out. I may be concerned on the inside but I hold it together on the out, for him.

All these problems with getting my prescriptions are overwhelming me in a way I have never experienced before.

I can handle being told my license is being revoked because of a car-accident bill that they said I wasn't paying (which, in fact, I was. Their accounting was screwed up.). I can handle working it out with that crediting company so that neither my or my husbands license were revoked. I can handle no money in our accounts except for meager groceries and diapers. I can handle just about anything that God allows to come my way, because I know it'll all work out one way or another.

I don't like being taken advantage of, though. That's how I feel right now. I feel like the Pharmacy is playing with my health and well-being. I feel like they do not care if I end up with high blood sugars for several days because I had to go back to shots while waiting for them. - That they don't care about me is in part the truth. I'm just another name to them and that is all, it bothers me.

I just feel that as a Pharmacy it should be a priority to actually get the customers information right and to do their best to get the correct prescriptions - even help the customer figure out what exactly is covered by their insurance company. Not these people. I will never ever recommend them to anyone.

I don't do that with with many things in life. I am very willing to get anyone a 2nd, 3rd, 4th... try to get it right. I've given that with this Pharmacy and I am fed up. I had Kenny call them again this morning - they were shipping my prescriptions to the wrong address. One we haven't lived at in a year and a half. I've never ordered from them at the old address, I had different insurance then. I don't understand how they can screw something up so many times. My patience is gone.

I am so Thankful that Kenny can be "That Guy" for me, who will call over and over and make things happen. I forceful guy on the phone is much more effective than a forceful woman. I'm not forceful by nature. I can be firm, very firm, but not the forceful that "gets things done" that my husband has a gift for.

He's such a Darling, telling me it'll be okay and to let him worry about it. He told me yesterday, in the most loving voice, not to stress out about it anymore, he's stressing for me. I couldn't help but just let it go right then. He reassured me again this morning when I was getting worked up.

I'm Thankful for my Husband. He is my other half, and such a joy to me. Thanks, Honey, for being mine.

Seas are Starting to Calm

After my nearly major breakdown last night and a fairly fragile day I'm doing much better tonight. Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement.

I spent most of the day feeling on edge. I had Kenny call and go to bat for me with the Pharmacy today. I was afraid I might not be able to speak civilly or even at all because I might just cry in their ear. Maybe that would have been good and helped me. But, you see, I don't cry in front of people. I might want to cry, but I don't cry in front of anyone other than my Husband - even then it doesn't happen often.

As is my Obsessive Compulsive nature I check and checked and check and checked and... the CVS website to see the status of my prescription. It's finally 'almost' shipped and I'm finally not stressing about it any more (at least not as bad).

We went out on a date together tonight too. We contemplated seeing if we could ditch Rylee somewhere and go just the 2 of us. Deciding that it would be our Valentines dinner - we took Rylee and had a great time. She was a very good girl. Kenny and I got some fruity alcohol drinks we enjoyed over dinner and had a fun time playing 'pick up the numerous toys dropped from the table' with Rylee.

Trying to pass the time and ease my fidgety self I made a cake. It's pretty "cute," different than I've done before. Not perfect but pretty sweet anyways.

My blood sugars have even behaved fairly well today after changing that site last night. I have a feeling it's not going to last 2 more days, though, because I keep getting a "occlusion detected" warning. Seriously annoying but, I'll deal with it so long as my new infusion sets get here.

So, I'll start the obsessive checking-if-the-pharmacy-shipped-my-stuff-yet game tomorrow. I'll go to work and wonder if they screwed up again and I'll really be out of luck. Hopefully Rylee co-operates with me tomorrow, She's not been sleeping well and has been a total grump.
Kenny had the day off, He'll go back and work more tomorrow. Oh, what a week it's been. I'm excited for Friday to get here - hopefully my prescriptions will get here then too!

...my prescriptions aren't on the forefront of my mind or anything... ...it's not like I need them to be healthy and I feel like people have been jerking me around and playing with my health without my permission. (End this post already, Bee! You've gone long past rambling!) ...I digress.

Won't it stop already!?

I'm SO frustrated I could cry.

I've posted back and forth about my battles with our stupid ::insert expletive here:: insurance company. I was so fed up with them in November that I said "screw it!!!" and didn't order because they were once again telling me that they will NOT cover the Infusion Sets that I needed (after they told me they did...).

Of course that was the wrong response because I knew I was running very low on my back up supplies (down to my last box) and I'd be lucky to make them last through January - but I did.

Tonight I checked online to see what the status of the order I FINALLY got put through on Friday after a 4 way conference call with 3 different divisions of the Caremark prescription company and myself. I NEED those to ship out because, like I said, I only had one left. I found that the order had **3** different items in it! What the heck!? I only wanted my INFUSION SETS! NOTHING ELSE. I don't want to get charged $150 for crap I didn't order!!

How many people does it take to get the freaking order RIGHT!? It's been 5 months now!!!! 5 Months of dealing with stupid incompetent idiots who can't figure out something SO SIMPLE!

I'm so frustrated I could cry.

I called them and got it taken care of, or... ...I hope I did. Of course they can figure out how to screw it up again. They always do and I wouldn't put it past them. That put me over the top, though.

I've got a raging gum infection. I've needed SERIOUS dental work done since last May but we couldn't pay for it at all. Now our dental plan/coverage changed this year so all the work (root canals, crowns...) is 100% covered. I just have to wait 3 more weeks. This DANG infection is causing havoc with my Blood Sugars. I've seen above 400 mg/dl more times today than I will admit. My most recent reading was that blasted "HI." I want to curse every time I see that, except, I do my best not to.

It's not a nice friendly meter saying "HI! I'm glad you came to check in with me!" Its cruel and sadistic. "HI! Your blood sugar is somewhere over the rainbow at 600+ something, and you probably should take some insulin for that and get it back down to something I can read."

I'm so frustrated I could cry.

I used my last Infusion Set tonight. In faith that my new ones would come to me sooner than I expect.

I've had my Insulin Pump running at +50% all day and it hasn't made a dent in my blood sugars. I just want to eat normal meals! I've got it running at +80% now to see if that'll make the necessary dent I need. Combined with the changed Infusion Set. I'm sure the last one was bad. I've been using them much longer than I should just so I could stretch them out this long.

I'm so frustrated I should cry. I want to cry. I won't cry. It won't help with my blood sugars.

I'm going to go pee for the gazillionth time today and go to bed.

Worrying About What Cannot be Changed.

Being Diabetic and now a Parent I'm finding myself becoming quite Paranoid.

I know there is always a chance of my Daughter becoming Diabetic, just because it does run in the family - with my Grandfather and an Uncle (and probably more that I don't know about considering I don't know most of my family.) also being Diabetic.

Now when I think about it, my heart starts to die inside. I pray and hope that my little princess does not end up with this damn disease. I can't imagine poking her 4+ times a day to test her blood sugar. I can't imagine sticking her with needles 4+ times a day. I'm certain that if she was to be diabetic I'd get her on an Insulin Pump right away, only 1 stick every couple days. But then there would be the constant trying-to-find-a-place-on-a-kid for the pump to go without them getting into the tubing all the time.

Being Diabetic and knowing all the "Classic Symptoms" my paranoid self is constantly trying not to always wonder if she is exhibiting those symptoms. Trying to assume that when something new happens it's just a normal toddler thing and not a 'symptom.'

I feel I did very well through my pregnancy not being one of "those women" who worried constantly about everything. Wondering if something was wrong. I rarely brought up concerns to anyone and just let things be. I knew women have been having babies for centuries and there was nothing really to be too worried about.

This is a whole new world, though. With our superior technologies in diagnostics these days we're finding more and more diseases. Not that they are necessarily new - but we're actually finding them and then finding that they are more common than was originally thought. It's my belief that Cancer is not a 'new' phenomenon, but an old one that was labeled 'consumption' and people died of 'natural causes' for years and now we're realizing that Cancer happens a lot more than we knew and even know.

I worry that my princess is going to end up diabetic 'like mommy' and that's going to be her 'normal.' One that I don't want for her. It's not a life a young child should know as 'normal.'

I know it's totally stupid, pointless and silly to worry about something I cannot change. There is no diet, no exercise regimen - nothing that will effect the outcome of whether or not a person will get Type 1 Diabetes. I know I should just let go and let God be in control. It's all a person can really do, in fact. Other than maybe prepare a little more for that very very slight possibility.

So, that's what I'll do. Just continue to enjoy every single moment with my Princess and take what may come our way when whatever comes.

Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This Blog carnival was Started by MckMama. Head on over to her blog to see what her and others are Not doing this week.

While our very sweet adorable, always good daughter was Not throwing the biggest fit of her life, because she would never do something like that. Kenny and I did Not decide video tape the last 3 minutes of the 20 minute long fit. ...if she had a fit like that.



I did not pull dirty underwear out of the laundry basket for Kenny to wear when there were no clean ones because I wasn't able to do laundry the day I was puking my guts out. I always have clean laundry in case of emergencies.

I did not stay up until 5am to finish making a baby shower cake that was just going to be completely eaten in a few hours from that point anyways. That would be silly and pointless. It's just a cake.

I did not stick my daughter in the bath tub to play just to keep her occupied so I could clean the bathroom and do laundry without her in my way. I am happy to have her 'help' me with everything and enjoy teaching her all the time. I wouldn't do something so selfish.

Have a great day Not doing whatever life brings you!